Anyone had problems with pre school? I think they are trying to label my son as autistic

[roseability]

I am pretty sure my ds keyworker was suggesting my ds is on the autistic spectrum

We are confident this is not the case, as at home and at family functions he shows no signs

We had a meeting today with the deputy head of the school (who oversees the nursery) as we had some concerns about how this has been handled

Does anyone else have experience of this?

If she is raising concerns, it might be an idea to listen to what she has to say. She is only doing her job, and flagging up concerns about children in your care early is generally a good and responsible thing for a nursery nurse to be doing.

However, flagging up concerns is all it should be. A nursery worker cannot (and should not attempt) to diagnose a serious, lifelong condition like an ASC.

What did the Deputy Head say?

If a key worker has concerns surely it is better they tell you than keep them to themselves? It is only a suggestion.

Sympathies. Always difficult when concerns are raised, even if you're confident all is well. How is your son? What are the nursery's concerns?

yes but there is a professional and appropiate way to do this. I am a nurse by profession so I have experience in having to convey sensitive information to people

The Deputy Head assured us that although of course children develop individually and at different rates, my ds did not have developmental delay.

She listened to our concerns and I think was concerned like ourselves how this was handled. Of course she has to defend her staff as well I appreciate this

My ds granny is a trained nursery teacher with extensive experience with children and his uncle is a GP. We are all shocked and concerned by what was suggested (and although she gave it no label it is quite clear what she was implying)

I felt that she was cherry picking examples to support a hypothesis without a wider picture of my ds. It was also done within earshot of my ds and other parents.

I'd listen to what they want to say. When we spend all of our time with our children we can't always see what's wrong as it becomes 'normal' if you know what I mean, especially if the child is an only child as there's nothing to compare them to. They may see something you can't. I'd be reluctant to say a child is autistic though, especially as they are not qualified to give this diagnosis.
I'd go ahead with an assessment. If if it doesn't pick anything up then it doesn't. If it does then he can get the support that he needs quicker. It can take years for a child to have an assessment.

Yes I want them to tell me but this is the first time in six months anything has been mentioned and nothing in his profile (although things had suspiciously been added since friday when I last looked at it).

It may only be 'a suggestion' but a very serious one. However we are fortunate to have contacts in the council where this nursery is placed and this key worker is not highly regarded although I think she is the head early years educator there

The last time I dropped ds off she turned away and wouldn't look at me, very professional. She is angry I suppose that I took it over her head but damn right I want to see someone more senior when out of the blue we are sent into turmoil about ds without any prior warning or signs in other areas of his life

Is it what she implied or how she told you that you are most upset about?

If she told you in an offhand way and in front of others, then that is totally unprofessional. I hope the DH is going to talk to her about that? But if she simply raised concerns - directly or indirectly - about your DS's development, it is hard to see what she did wrong.

The DH cannot make a pronouncement on your child's development, either. I'm sure your child is absolutely fine, but what I am saying is, that was also just her (albeit professional) opinion, same as the nursery worker

I can see why this has taken you a back a bit, though.

Rose, it does sound like it has been handled incorrectly, but maybe the nursery staff see a different side to your DS. I am only saying this because I had a similar experience in Nov. My DS has some speech delay but is now receiving support. At home he is very loving and interacts with his sibling, and is confident when we're out so we had not observed any issues, but he displays some ASD traits while in nursery, and now I think maybe we didn't pick up on any issues that may have been minor issues in the past. We have seen a paed, and have future appts but now we are fairly certain that our DS has some ASD, it just took until he was 3 for the differences with him to become apparant, when he did not make the developments his peers did. I hope you're not offended by this, I just wanted to give you our experience, and maybe say keep an open mind.

Can I just add - there was no 'warning' the first time somebody told me they thought my son might be showing signs of an ASC. They just told me. However, the nursery worker in question did tell me in a sensitive, private meeting what she thought 'might be worth exploring as a potential issue'. There was no sweeping diagnosis. Autism can't be diagnosed like that, anyhow. It took 3 years for my son to finally (rightly) be diagnosed with Asperger's.

I did listen belle but sorry I know my child better than they do. This contact we had was furious at how this has been handled and suggested we don't rush into an assessment. The nursery is known to have problems

If anything is to be done it will be an independent observational assessment by a woman recommended by our contact (at nursery and in the home). The nursery staff are not independent now.

So with no prior sharing of information I am told out of the blue about these concerns and then assessment is recommended shortly afterwards

I want to see detailed observational evidence over a period of time and in various settings before my ds is labelled as anything

Everyone thinks they know their child better than nursery staff love, but the thing is about something like Autism is that nursery is EXACTYLY where it will rear it's head and start causing problems - where it's noisy and lots of communication is required.

I was just as fuming with you with ds1's key worker when she suggested something might be a little amiss with ds1 - and actually, she was right, she had it bang on the button.

Be as angry as you like but please do not dismiss a nursery just because you don't see that side of him.

My ds has no speech delay or problems talking and his vocabulary is if anything advanced
His numeracy skills are advanced and he is starting to read a little
He is empathetic and affectionate
He loves imaginative play (dressing up etc)
He plays with other children fine but yes can be a bit shy with groups he doesn't know that well
He makes good eye contact and can engage in to and fro conversations
Yes he hates art and crafts and is more of a logical thinker but he can think in the abstract and when he does draw they are appropiate and representative

He is a shy, thoughtful wee boy who I think can seem 'different' because of this

The behaviours mentioned include occasional problems following instructions particularly in a group setting
Focusing on one area of play

He has always had a favourite area of play but we will reinforce that to support his learning. He can engage in other activities and enjoy them though e.g. baking, music, sport, reading. If the nursery aren't engaging him in these then why? It doesn't look that stimulating tbh - too much set out like a classroom. His focus on play that appeals to him may be a comfort thing and I would say pretty normal for a four year old boy

Okay yes the difficulty following instructions may indicate an area for support but there could be so many reasons why this happens (occasionally).

I am sorry this is not enough in my mind to warrant assessments and suggestions of asd. I am not in denial and my MIL would not hesitate to suggest concern to me about her grandson. In fact she did it about another grandchild who does have speech delay

I think my ds is actually very bright and a bit quiet and maybe bored. Yes he may have a few 'autistic traits' but so do many, many children. you don't rush in suggesting assessments because you have rushed to a conclusion and then 'cherry pick' expamples of behaviour to support that

what is it she said? Did she say she had concerns about something in general ect?
She should metion any concerns she has and tbh, just because you are a nurse and extended family are proffessionals doesnt mean you know it all.
I spent years working with families and children with SEN and some with ASD and still missed my DD1 who has a dx of ASD, until she was 5!!

and don't call me love coldtits, that is very patronising

I am away from this thread now it is upsetting me

Because I dared suggest that the nursery might not be up to scratch and handled this badly?

I agree with coldtits, pre-school is where any concerns may be first raised, it was certainly the case with my DS. Don't dismiss their concerns initially, maybe have some further assessments, but only a paediatrician will give a dx, and you may need a couple of appts. If your DS is going to start school this sept, like my DS, it's worth keeping an open mind and finding out if his school need to be made aware of any concerns so he can settle in and enjoy school.

I didn't say I know it all lisa but I do know how to convey sensitive and difficult information to people appropiately as a nurse. This was not done here.

I am not disputing the sharing of information. I am disputing how it was passed on and jumping to big conclusions from a few select observations

I just love how everyone assummes good eye contact and good speeck = no ASD

read my post of 20.54 it outlines my concerns

lisa that was one of the things I mentioned for god sake I metioned many examples which suggest to me my ds is not autistic

I was told by my BIL who is a GP who in turn got information from his friend who is a child psychiatrist. Sorry if I think that is a legitimate source

I am really upset now. I have had a hellish week and I love my ds so much of course I want the best for him. No need for this flaming, I was just asking for advice.

rose, my Ds has a speech delay but can read (completely self taught) and has known all his letters, phonics, numbers, counts to over 100 since 2.5 etc, but this is a sign of how his brain is 'wired' as it's not the norm for a 2.5 or now a 3.5 yr old with a speech delay. Keep an open mind, and grandparents, whatever their career, find it very difficult to consider their darling grandchildren have any extra needs, the GP's in our family struggle to understand, and DH and I both work in education and we had not picked up on any problems, as living with our DS we didn't question his behaviours as we adore him, and we both work with ASD teenagers!

yes it is a legitimate source and from the sounds of things the NN didnt maybe tell you in the best way, BUT she has a duty of care to mention concerns she has, and thats what she did, I cant see how you can have such a strong reaction to that! Dont feel like its a slight on your son, just that it sounds like a good nursery which are quick to observe areas of difficulty in children in their setting.

Rose, I don't think you've been flamed at all. It is the worst thing for someone to raise concerns about your child, you have asked for help, lots of people have said useful things to you.

Bright and bored at NURSERY? Even for mumsnet, this is a new record, surely.