Anyone had problems with pre school? I think they are trying to label my son as autistic

[roseability]

I am pretty sure my ds keyworker was suggesting my ds is on the autistic spectrum

We are confident this is not the case, as at home and at family functions he shows no signs

We had a meeting today with the deputy head of the school (who oversees the nursery) as we had some concerns about how this has been handled

Does anyone else have experience of this?

I have to say DD1 could read, write and do math at 3 years old and would spend 3 hours at activities given half a chance. We also thoughts she was just shy and highly intellegent (which she is).
People believe that children with ASD cannot do imaganitive play, but they can but its that its not extended play eg its never extended beyond what they see at home or copied from other children and is often repetive.

I am not sggesting my ds is not autistic because he is bright please, please believe that

Someone mentioned speech delay in their autistic son and I merely picked up on that

Okay Acanthus you have successfully reduced me to tears because I am really hurt at the tone of this thread

So what are the traits of ASD then lisa? I clearly know nothing

If you are concerned at how the nursery handled this issue and have concerns about the nursery in general then why don't you move your Ds to a different nursery.

If I had the concerns you've expressed then that is what I would do. As for dismissing the nursery concerns because your Ds isn't like that at home, I would be more considered. He may behave very differently at nursery compared to what you see at home. Of course the nursery can't diagnose anything but they have more experience with children than you do and I doubt would raise their concerns lightly.

My ds has a castle and often creates imaginative and elaborate scenarios with his knights. Not repetitive or copied.

He dresses up all the time in a non repetitive or copied way

Look if my ds is autistic it would make no difference to me or my love for him. I worry because what it would mean for him. I sense you all feel that I am being negative about ASD and that is not the case

rose, I am sorry you have had this shock.

and i am sorry oyu feel got at here.

but please listen to the nursery. they may not have handled things in the best way, but htat does not mean you should throw the baby out with the bath water.

out of your list as to why you thik your ds is not autitstic - all but one apply to my dd1, who is severely autistic.

she has a speech delay (actually, she has a language disorder - the speech she has is very advanced, btu there are huge gaps in the development, so there are also some very basic speech things she cannot do).

it can be a massive shock to hear that osmeone thinks there is osmething not "normal" about your child. I still bridle every time something unusual is mentioned ot me about dd1 - and she was dx'd 4 years ago... it is the mother instinct - my need ot defend her all the time.

please, please just listen to the nursery. don't do what you are accusing them of, and jump to the conclusion that, because your ds seems fine within the confines of his family, then he is fine. put in for the assessment- it will take months to come about, and if by then you have been proven right, then cancel.

you will not end up with your ds haivng a label he doesn't deserve - it doesn't work like that. but oyu might end up with a means to gettign your ds the support he may need.

I'm not here to judge whether or not the nursery are right - I cannot do that without knowing your DS. I just wanted to let you know that we're in a similar boat. My DS's pre-school head suggested a year ago that he had several issues that on their own are age-appropriate but together may indicate an issue (she didn't want to label but along ADD or possibly dyspraxic lines).

Since then he has 'grown out' of a number of the symptoms but still has attention issues. His pre-school are still suggesting all is not right but I (and anyone else who knows DS) just say he is a daydreamer with a vivid imagination and selective hearing (ie. when he wants to listen and follow instructions he will). Another mother at the pre-school was also told her DD showed signs of ADHD. Knowing this girl I believe that she is just bored and bright.

It is possible that these nursery workers have just 'been on a course' and specifically seek out symptoms in the children and are quick to jump to conclusions. I doubt that they would want to cause upset though. For my DS, I don't think there's anything I can do at his age anyway other than support him, provide necessary stimulation and see what happens when he starts school.

Keep an open mind, listen to what they have to say but wait until he's older and in a school environment when they have more formal tests for potential issues.

I am sure he does behave differently at nursery, that I feel would be normal. I behave differently at work than I do at home. That does not mean he is autistic

Im not saying you know nothing, but just that its not as simple as everyone believes. I truely had very little knowledge when I started out years ago, even working with ASD boys gave me no idea of how to spot it in my girls or a child that would be classed as "high functioning"
here is quite helpful info.

Im not suggesting from the information you said that he has got ASD but there are indicators which the NN was good enough to raise.

Autistic spectrum disorders isn't just autism, aspergers is in there aswell. There's traits of these that so many people have and cause no problems in their lives. You came on here for advice and this is what we are trying to do. I understand why you are being defensive but no one here's out to get at you or flame you.

I think this has been handled badly, but the intent - to convey some concerns - is good

when DS was in yr 2 and his teacher called me in to discuss that she felt he was dyslexic and had some other SEN and would recommend assessment, I felt sick. Because someone was telling me something was wrong with my child. Initially , I was horrified, worried, confused.. but ultimately really glad, it meant that things could be put in place to help him and in hindsight, things that i'd dismissed became clear indicators of a problem

what i;m saying is, IF there is something amiss, even if you've not noticed/observed or been privy to it, it's not wrong for someone else to point it out .

I think you should complain re your DSs potential issues being discussed within his and other parents earshot, but I don't think taking offence because autism/somethin on the AS spectrum has been suggested is a good way to move forward

I have an open mind but I prefer to trust my own instincts as his mother.

So can someone tell me what are warning signs then?

as the mother of a 19 year old who was dx with aspergers at age 7, i implore you to at least listen to what is being said.

my son is doing a degree and has a job, he is a fully functioning adult, and a lovely one at that. he happens to have aspergers. (among other things)

there are many many myths about ASD, and of course you are feeling defensive because he is your little boy and you love him and want the best for him.

but please listen to what is being said by some of the other mums on here and the nursery.

i wish you well.

as the mother of a 19 year old who was dx with aspergers at age 7, i implore you to at least listen to what is being said.

my son is doing a degree and has a job, he is a fully functioning adult, and a lovely one at that. he happens to have aspergers. (among other things)

there are many many myths about ASD, and of course you are feeling defensive because he is your little boy and you love him and want the best for him.

but please listen to what is being said by some of the other mums on here and the nursery.

i wish you well.

my own mum kept bringing up issues re DSs development that she thought could indicate an issue, and I brushed them aside, as i knew my son best.

bloody laptop....sorry - posted twice

I take offence it has been suggested based on a few observations and by someone untrained to make that diagnosis Lulu

here you go

www.aspennj.org/pdf/information/articles/australian-scale-for-asperger-syndrome.pdf

have a quick look here

OP, I can see why you are upset about this and it does sound as though the keyworker acted very inappropriately in the way she addressed her concerns.

On the other hand, as I think you have said yourself it was right for her to raise her concerns. You say she hasn't mentioned them before, but there has to be a first time, she was possibly waiting until she felt she had seen enough to justify approaching you. And IME early years observations are written very positively, focusing on the child's achievements, so that may be why you've not seen any written indications of concern. These are all issues/questions that you can and should discuss at a further meeting with the keyworker herself- don't dismiss her thoughts immediately. Listen to what she has to say, as pps say she does observe your child in a different setting and will obviously be more objective.

If I were you I would start by finding out a bit more about ASD, try asking on the SN board here. I'm no expert at all but I do know that it's not always obvious and some ASD children can do a lot of things that you might not expect them to, like some aspects of imaginative play.

WRT the assessment, if you're not comfortable with it at the moment you don't have to agree- you could suggest leaving it for a couple of months. OTOH, it won't do your DS any harm at all to be referred for assessment.

(Sorry for the essay!)

rose, you have got several parents here (granted, none of us know your ds ) with children from all parts of the spectrum.

Vicar's lad is very high functioing - a whizz with computers, and at uni.

lisa has 2 girls on different parts of the spectrum.

my dd1 is high functioning, but with a severe language disorder, and severe ASD. my dd2 is probably veryhigh functioning aspergers.

also need to say that is a very general guide...my son has good eye contact and always has had, always been friendly and sociable, they rarely tick all the boxes.

DS first nursery mishandled the suggestion of a referral for ASD. For the most part they also mishandled DS (and didn't tell us there was a problem until this date). As far as I was concerned there was no way and he just needed time to grow up.

six months later, a new nursery and a fab speech and language therapist I was ready to reconsider the referral another 6 months later he was diagnosed. However the concern was raised it probably is worth it being ivestigated, it'll take an age and you don't know if it wont sometime become very urgent and necessary

I can happily say that despite everything I thought I knew including PGCE special needs training I knew nothing about autism. It wasn't until I heard another mum talk extensively about her now grown up son I could recognise the similarities. (PS on the imaginative play check the video/DVD collection, DS does a great line in space rockets and button Moon.)

I know it's your going through a tough time, but alot of the posters here are only tying to offer support and are well known on the SN boards. They have been invaluable in terms of support and information even to a lurker like me.

I am going now, I am terribly upset

My wee boy shows no signs listed on that link and I think this an over zealous nursery nurse who has handled this terribly and by information that has come to us we know she has been in trouble before.

I am not in denial. I just feel the minute an autistic trait is mentioned people jump on the bandwagon.

I want much more information and evidence before I would jump to an assessment. I mean we were only told a week ago. And that was advice given from a good source

I am open minded and I will listen to the staff and monitor my ds. As I said I am happy to go to my GP or gain an independent observation at home and the nursery

exactly, what silverfrog says is very true....and she puts it more eloquently than me!

Ds saw a paed at our CDC who queried whether he had Aspergers. Ds very bright, socially very confident, eye contact, empathy, no repetitive behaviour etc. The paed was concerned because of his incredible imagination. Never occured to me that he may have Aspergers. Referred to cons paed who said imagination very developed but just within normal range.

No one can diagnose your Ds over the Internet but clearly you are upset so why don't you go to your GP and get a referral? That way you will know and can tell the nursery what to do with themselves if their concerns prove unfounded.