Anyone had problems with pre school? I think they are trying to label my son as autistic

[roseability]

I am pretty sure my ds keyworker was suggesting my ds is on the autistic spectrum

We are confident this is not the case, as at home and at family functions he shows no signs

We had a meeting today with the deputy head of the school (who oversees the nursery) as we had some concerns about how this has been handled

Does anyone else have experience of this?

then I think an independent assessment, for your peace of mind would be the way forward.

rose im very sorry youre upset, but i think children can be very different and perceived very differently when in different settings such as nursery or school, of course you dont want there to be anything in what the nursery worker is saying, but please dont be angry with her for merely suggesting to you that there may be an issue that she has spotted.

i recently began a new job and i knew within days that another girl with whom i was training had issues. her gp was very very sceptical when she approached him.
she was diagnosed last week with dyspraxia, and that was a hell of a shock for her in her mid thirties, but she was so relieved to find out why she had always felt different.

burying your head in the sand does not work.

im sure the nursery worker had only your sons interest at heart.

I have to say, both my girls are very different in school to at home, its a sign of how clever these children are tbh

and im very sorry if anything I have said has upset you, it woulod never be my intention to upset any parent asking for advice and support.

OOO I did mean to say none of us can say your DC has or hasn't just that it may be worth investigating. And you never know if that diagnosis might suddenly become all important Doesn't mean DC has, just that it can harm things by looking into it

roseability,

I have been in exactly the same position like you. Like your experience it was handled very badly. Many people see autism=evil. I had the stupid woman telling me that my son might end up at special school infront of loads of other parents. It was sh!t.

Anyway my son saw the community paediatrian and it turned out the problem that my son had was severe glue ear. At home he could cope as there was no background noise.

It might be worth your son having a hearing test to see if there is any similar problem.
Autism affects 1 in 100 children where as 80% of pre schoolers have a bout of glue at some point.

sorry to be pedantic, but the Uk ASD rate is now 1 in 64. the USA rate is 1 in 80, I believe.

Forget about the fact that the nursery staff brought it up so tactlessly. Also forget about whatever "label" you think they may or may not have been trying to attach to him.

What you should not overlook though, is whether your ds is fulfilling his potential at pre-school, and whether he would benefit from further support.

They would not have raised concerns without having some in the first place, so find out exactly what their concerns are. If, for example, it's that he doesn't socialise well with other children, or he finds it difficult to participate in group activities. Even if it is 'just' shyness, that alone might hinder him in developing his social skills, so he might benefit from extra help here (eg some dedicated time with an adult and a small group of children in special activities/games). If the pre-school are anywhere like good enough they should provide such support.

Don't dismiss any suggestions of ways to help your ds just because you bridle at the suggestion of him needing extra help or being labelled. A label is not relevant - what's important is whether your ds is struggling.

rose, there are quite a few parents (and i can think of at least one mner_ who have actually moved their child to another setting because they disagreed with a suggestion of sn. in the case of the mner, several posters suggested (gently) she might like to seek out some more info. she moved the child.

a couple of year's later, the child has been dx with some sn, and the mner is well known and respected poster on the sn board, that many others seek out for sn advice.

sometimes the shock makes you recoil so much you can't really think straight - as well as children acting very differently in different settings. maybe leave it for a few weeks and have a think about the issues that the keyworker sees, and get a developmental paed referral if you still have concerns.

sometimes it takes parents a year or two to see things others can see in their children. there are professionals working in an sn capacity who don't see sn in their own children initially...

i'm not saying your child is on the spectrum, but as it has been flagged as a possibility, i would be taking it seriously, rather than going out to discredit either the keyworker or the nursery.

Hi Rose, is this just a keyworker acting off her own back? Surely the manager of the nursery should be talking with you in a appropriate setting, it's hardly a in the corridor kind of chat to be having, for sure. Are their ideas based on a number of peoples' observations, or just hers?

I am not burying my head in the sand and it is suggestive phrases like that which are upsetting

We are welcoming more observation and should more issues come to light or these ones persist then yes we will have some form of assessment. But no I won't jump to an assessment based on a couple of observations that have only been communicated to me in the last week.

Yes I am a bit angry at the nursery nurse. Not because of what she told me but the manner in which it was told to me and the implied diagnosis based on in her words inconsistent patterns of few behaviours. Bloody shoot me dead if I am not allowed to be angry at that!

As a nurse I would not approach a relative suggesting diagnosis on a busy hospital corridor based on a couple of symptoms. I would get struck off.

I have listened but we just want to step back and slow it down. I am entitled to do that.

Maybe GPs don't have a good grasp of autism but my source was actually a child psychiatrist.

Oh and I will get his hearing checked out. So don't dismiss me as some stupid woman in denial. If my son has any problems I will go the length of the earth to help him but I do know that this staff member is not up to scratch and neither is the nursery - and that was heard from a reliable source

I am fortunate I have contacts because of my family's professions but that does not mean I have dismissed what nursery are saying out of hand.

I just think it is too easy to jump to a conclusion and then pick data to support that hypothesis. I know my ds is not keen on said nursery worker and he prefers other satff members

So have they instigated some kind of assessment of him formally, ie with outside agencies, with or without your agreement? Or are informing you they have concerns and are starting observation themselves with a view to....?

and this imploring to please listen to them as if I would jepordise my ds in any way is upsetting

I have listened. From what I have read on here the criteria for ASD seem to be so far reaching. But surely you cannot base this assumption on the fact that a child sometimes (and she did say only sometimes) does not follow instructions and likes to play with one toy more than others

I mean there could be a hundred other explanations for these behaviours. Unless there are others which she is keeping from me which would be wrong also

I would never jump to an assessment but here it takes 18months for an assessment for ASD here, so starting now or shortly might not be a bad idea

i had DS hearing checked 3 times.

your son, your decisions, but you are seemingly determined to take anything you dont agree with the wrong way despite the best of intentions, so ill remove myself from the thread if what im saying is upsetting you.

best wishes

kangaroo I was told about these observations on Monday last week and then by tuesday she was handing me an application for assessment without adequate knowledge of what the assessment was for and how it worked

As I said as a nurse I would not dream of approaching a relative suggesting daignosis on a busy corridor based on a raised BP and a temperature for example.

I am sorry but this was handled wrongly and I am not the only one to have noted it. the deputy head was not impressed that a suggestion of ASD had been made at this stage. I have a good mind to complain to the council

Oh and if it transpires my ds has autism I would still feel angry at the way this was handled initially

That is what they are basing their suspicions on?

Vicar it was your implication that I am burying my head in the sand that I don't agree with not your best intentions

and also if it transpires my ds has autism I will love him just the same if not more. He will still be my darling wee boy. This is not some desire to deny there is anything wrong with my ds and make him perfect

My birth mother had schizophrenia for god sake. I lived with that and loved her still

Given the Dep Head was not happy, has she done any assessments on ds? Or can you ask her to. If there was more than one person saying there are concerns and could actually be more specific than he plays with one toy and sometimes don't follow instruction, then I'd be more inclined to take heed of what they're saying. Look, yes, sometimes parents are blind to what's there (my own cousin not diagnosed autistic to his 30s partially due to his parents refusal to accept was was so obvious) but god yes, she could be wrong, especially if she's just been on a course (sorry last bit was a bit snarky)

She was not happy because presumably you don't jump to that conclusion based on such limited evidence?

rose, I'm sorry, but your posts on this have been very ocntradictory.

at the beginning of the thread, you say oyu are "pretty sure the keyworker is suggesting ds is on the autistic spectrum", which doesn't even suggest that hse said he thinks he may be tbh.

by hte ned, you have her "jumping ot conclusions"

I understand your annoyance at how htis has been handled, but you seem to be more pre-occupied with running down your ds' keyworker and the nursery (she is not well regarded at the council, the nursery is known to have problems, etc) - if you knew all this, why have oyu left oyur ds there anyway?

and as for yuor "contact" at the council suggesting you do not rush into assessment - that is as unprofessional as you say the keyworker has been. this contact has not seen your ds at the nursery, and is not aware of his behaviour there (except as report third hand)

someone who has close contact with your ds raises a concern with you, and instead of listening and thinkng about it (I agree it was handled badly - we have all agreed that, but that doens't mean the message is not a valid one) you go straight over her head and complain.

I'm not sure what you want form this thread. you don't like it hen people with a vast array of experience with SN and the autistic spectrum say that it might be worth investigating.

you seem to to want validating in your assertions that your ds is in no way on the spectrum.

no one here can do that.

just as, equally, no one here can say he is.

but if you think that an assessment might be the best route, then go ahead and get him booked in. it will take many months to come about - you cannot get htese appts quickly, even privately.

Did the DepHead not communicate why she was unhappy? I'd ask for a proper meeting with the head and the nursery worker and ask:

-how much observation and since when (so more than just a week)
-who by (and ask for other people to observe to build a broader picture if it's just this one person)
-ask for specific examples beyond the two given, which on their own don't sound sufficient
-agree to meet again in 2-3 weeks

And then hopefully things will be clearer. You could in the meantime get his hearing checked (even a cold can make them deaf for a while) or get further advice.

ok

in your op you ask if anyone has any experience of this.

people have. i have.

they tell you what you perhaps dont want to hear and you dont like it, and that i understand, because its a shock and its not very nice.

so now i'll just tell you your son is absolutely fine and they have it all wrong and of course your absolutely right, and hope that makes up for making you feel all upset.

or you could stop venting your frustrations at the key worker who probably has seen hundreds of children come through the nursery and may be able to pick out children who may potentially require a bit of extra support.

or not. your call. now hiding thread as i cannot abide people who ask for advice, get it and start hurling their toys out of the pram.

its not as if anyone who has urged you to at least listen hasnt been in your shoes.

thanks kangaroo

vicar how many times have I said that I have taken aboard what was said

I have a right to be angry at the nursery worker at the way this was handled regardless of what she said or what it implies

I am not venting just expressing legitimate concerns and wanting to know more about assessments and what has been observed before I rush into anything - that I would say is sensible