SCBU should I be there all day? Feeling guilty

[Esmeralda1988]

I had my first baby on Monday at 34+3 after my waters went at exactly 34 weeks. The birth was pretty horrific partly as I was already shattered from a 3 day hospital stay, and ended in forceps and episiotomy in theatre. I lost quite a lot of blood but just under transfusion threshold. Baby is absolutely fine and a good weight, just need to establish feeding and she can come home. I'm really thrilled with her and the mental effects of the birth have faded fast. I wanted to breastfeed but 4 days later my milk still hasn't come in, so we 'practice' when I visit her. Because of coronavirus my partner is only allowed 2 hours a day with her but I can be there all the time. Which leads me to my worry.. should I be spending all day there with her? At the moment I go for 2 hours or so in the morning by myself then home for a few hours then back with my partner once he's finished work. I feel horribly guilty not being there all day but physically I feel dreadful, I'm still bleeding heavily, I'm short of breath and generally just want to lie down and recover after any activity. I want to get myself properly well before she comes home. I thought what I was doing was fine and a good balance until the nurse there yesterday suggested I stay the full day and 'pop out to town for a break and some food'. Its all I can do to make it back down to the ground floor of the hospital at the moment! Is there anyone who's been in a similar situation who can maybe make me feel better about this? I feel like such an awful person for not being with her as much as I possibly can

I’m so pleased to her she’s home OP.

Thats wonderful. Enjoy her xx

My baby was prem (34w) and IUGR. You need to hand express a lot if you want you milk to come in - every couple of hours in the day and every three hours at night. The night ones are crucial as this is when your prolactin levels peak. Your baby really needs skin to skin time with you - babies often show signs their stress/distress levels drop when they are held skin to skin.

I had a c section but was down in NICU within 3 hours. I walked there, including down a flight of stairs 12 hours after the surgery, because there was no nurse available to take me in a wheelchair. After I got discharged I went every day at 8am after dropping my older child at preschool, then left at 4.30 to go home and put him to bed. DH would go from 7 til 9pm. The nurses told me the babies who had people spending lots of time with them went home faster.

It's absolutely exhausting I do understand - if you lost lots of blood are you on a huge iron supplement? You really do need one and wont be able to function at all til you get it.

You will realise if you spend a day in scbu that the nurses are looking after the babies medical needs but simply dont have time for a "caring" role - the expectation is that parents will be there for much of the day to do that these days. For example, the childcare ratio for a baby in a nursery will be 2 babies to one nursery nurse, whereas in a SCBU, one nurse could be looking after FOUR babies. A baby wont get a cuddle because its crying unless mum or dad are there.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby!

You’ve had a really rough time and this is so hard. I’m also so sorry for the fact this thread has been supremely unhelpful.

My DS was in NICU for weeks and we were there a lot but I would say we were the exception and worried we were there too much. We were in a completely different situation - I had an easy birth and a husband who was off work and no other children. You are clearly in a really different place, it’s hugely uncomfortable and there are covid restrictions.

It’s so hard knowing what to do with them whilst they’re there. With any new baby a lot of time is staring at them but at home you can watch TV, have a cup of tea, have a friend round, intersperse with a few bits and bobs. NICU is not like that. And with no one to chat to I can’t imagine how hard that is.

The suggestions about getting yourself medically checked are important and making it as comfortable as possible with cushions etc. And yes you do need to recover for when you get home!

If you do want to try and establish breast feeding then you’ve had some sensible advice but you could do with some proper help. There should be a NICU nurse who specialises. I was encouraged to pump 10 x in 24h with once overnight. Don’t do 2-3 hourly overnight. They should have a hospital pump you can use and ours let you borrow it to take home for a £10 deposit. I did get more milk at the cot side rather than the pumping room and used photos and swap cloths which smelled of him when away. HOWEVER with everything else going on if this isn’t working out for you then this is OK! It’s all a balance of doing what’s right for you and your family.

In terms of filling the time whilst you’re there we used to read to him. We took in classic Winnie the Pooh, he was far too young for it but it was for us! They do recognise your voice and something with a story we were interested in was better than a baby book with very few words. If you’re allowed devices you could let baby FaceTime family. If you were at home you’d watch TV or browse the internet probably. It’s not wrong to try and behave a bit normally.

I really don’t think the nurses are judging you. Possibly they want to help with the breastfeeding side.

You’ve had a really tough time, you feel crap, you’re dragging yourself in, you’ve got lots of complicated feelings. I think you’re being a hero.

Honestly, lots of families were not there all day. It’s getting the right balance for you.

Congratulations on your lovely baby!

Oh, you’re home!! Ignore my last post then! So pleased to hear this! You’ve got this, Mama!

So, so pleased you are at home, congratulations and enjoy your little one