Can I get an abortion without my parents finding out

[Hamsters99]

Hi I’m 16 and don’t want a fking baby but I’ve done 2 pregnancy tests and both were positives

I didn’t even want to have s-x and I didn’t have a contraception pill so I just hoped to not get pregnant but here I am I took the tests because I missed my period and remember I had s-x like 5 weeks ago

could someone explain the steps how to get a confidential abortion please I’m reading about BPAS, MSI, Brook and other places but I don’t understand what to do like which one should I contact

I’m not telling my parents *[post edited by MNHQ to remove graphic description]

I live in Cambridge if anyone could recommend something here thankyou so much

I have a dd your age. I absolutely would help any of her friends going through this and would not tell their parents.
do you think any of your friends’ mums would be willing to help? I hope they’d ask me in similar circumstances to you rather than go through lit alone.

@Hamsters99 when you go to the clinic, where will your parents think you are?

What I'm really saying is if you are planning on skipping school to go to the clinic, you best leave 'child absent info' with the school just so they don't alert your parents that you aren't at school.
(Im assuming school hasn't stopped for summer yet)

I couldn’t pass without commenting.
I note your comment about consent, but that he’s your friend.

I think deep down you know a friend would not do this to you.
I wanted to check and see if you’d heard of The Elms in Cambridge, which is a SARC. It’s somewhere you can go and they’ll give you advice so you aren’t alone, and they’ll collect evidence for you and store it. They are not the police, but if you changed your mind in the future and would like to file a report, then the evidence they’ve taken can be used to support your case. They can’t give you a termination, but they will be able to advise you and support you so you’re not alone.

FWIW if you were my daughter, I’d hope you could come to me & talk, and I’d support you. But I appreciate you know the relationship better than any of us x

Because she’s a panicking teenager, don’t be an odious twat

Hi, I’ve recently had a termination with BPAS, I’m in South Cambs - they will send you the kit to your home address.

The sooner you act the better. It will be completely confidential. Cc
I am so sorry for what you are going through.
This is definitely not a friend, he raped you and deserves to be punished.
Do you have any friends that you can confide in? Or a teacher?

I’m so sorry for your situation and I hope you’re okay and getting the support you need.

I just wanted to say as a mum of two daughters if it were either of them I would want them to tell me so I could support them. I’d hate to think of them going through something like this on their own. I know everybody’s relationships and circumstances are different and in your case it might not be appropriate to tell your mum / dad, but in case it could be perhaps it’s worth thinking about.

I truly hope you are ok.

It won’t be problem as I just finished my GCSEs so I’m not in school and my parents don’t care where I am

Thank you The elms seems like a good place because I want to talk to someone in real life for advice, I’m nervous about any kindof medical examination but I’ll think about going there

Hey he is my friend I’ll explain what happend (sorry if its TMI). we were both slightly drunk and high lying in his bed and he was going on about wanting to teach me stuff, it started with kissing and went down hill from there, I agreed to some things because I kind of like him but not everything and I wanted him to use a condom but he didn’t have one so yeah.

No I don’t have any one to confide to I don’t like being at home or talking to my parents. I just finished secondary school but I wasn’t to close with any of my teachers anyway. , and I can’t talk to my friends they’re all men and they’ll make fun of me I want better friends to be honest

Op you sound very vulnerable.
How old was this 'friend'.
Are you sure your aren't being groomed?

Hes 19 I have older friends and we mostly get along fine but sometimes not I don’t know I’m not the best at friendships

My love a friend would not have sex with you when you didn’t consent, even if you were agreeing to other things.
being high or drunk is not an excuse for him to have sex with you when you didn’t want to.

Have you got a place at college?

I have a place at sixth form to do A Levels (or try to anyway) why?

I expect {mention:Peclet}is@Pecletis hoping that you have something positive to look forward.

One of the things you have said is that you find friendships difficult. My daughter decided that she wanted a fresh start after school.

She decided to go to a 6th form college where she knew few people and made lots of new friends. It all worked out very well.

Even if a lot of students that you know are going to the same 6th form as you, there will also be lots of new students and some of those will be looking for friends.

Some people don't find anyone they click with at school but find their tribe later on.

PS as most of us who have replied have either been through similar experiences to you or are mums of teenage or older daughters, we are acutely aware of how girls and young women can be groomed by older men.

19 is only 3 years older and when you're middle aged, 3 years is nothing but at your age it is a big difference.

I really hope that you are able to make some friends your own age and some female friends as well as male ones.

So would you say it’s not ok for a 16 year old and 19 year old to be friends? I met him at a table tennis club

Yes I’m hoping to make friends at sixth form who got more in common with me than the guys I hangout with (I wasnt trying to only have male friends it just happened)

How did you get on with ringing the clinic today @Hamsters99?

I wouldn't say it's wrong but I would be a little wary. You've already had him pressurise you into having sex when you weren't really ready.

Of course, some boys and men are like that even without an age gap but I think it is a bit more likely when the boy or young man is older than the girl.

I do think it's nice that you met him at a table tennis club. Starting a friendship with a shared interest is really positive.

There's also nothing wrong with having male friends. When I was younger, I got on better with boys than girls because I found them more straightforward and less complicated than girls. A lot of women find that they end up with more male friends than female friends because their interests/hobbies are more stereotypically male ones.

But if you see those boys and men just as good friends and you don't want any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with them, just be careful that that's what they want too and try not to get into situations where they can push your boundaries.

I really hope that last paragraph doesn't sound in any way judgemental or victim blaming. It's absolutely not intended to be but typing is trickier than talking in person.

Hey I wasn’t sure whether to call BPAS or MSI and I didnt want to make the wrong choice so I called a youth advice centre Centre33… they got me an appointment to talk to a youth worker tomorrow who will talk me through it and help me make the phone calls or do the referal for me. They also offered me a weekly check-in with a youth worker which I’m glad about cause I feel alone with this.

That's excellent news. Well done for making the phone call and I'm really glad that you're going to have someone to support you through this.

@Hamsters99You probably won't need us now that you've contacted the youth centre but if you ever need a bit of online support then do come back to this thread and there will be someone listening to you on the other side of a screen.