Late term abortion - 31 weeks

[Hellokitty1986]

Trigger warning....(abortion)

Termination at 31 weeks due to extenuating circumstances (uk)?

I will start by saying my son has a genetic disorder which is spontaneous (it was not passed on through me or dad) just one of those unfortunate things. He is 8 years old and In turn, this genetic disorder has caused a cancer that has lost him the use of his legs the past few months. Previous to this he was on a drug trial which was going well and all this decline in his health has happened during the pregnancy which has been hard in itself. Regardless, he is excited to meet his brother as he has been very isolated especially recently.

I had an amnio to rule out my sons condition in this new baby (that would be unlikely considering both me and my partner) and the other few they test for in the UK (downs, trisomy, edwards and pataus). All came back negative.

Everything looked great until 28 week scan. Prominent fetal gall bladder. Asked for a termination. Said no come back in 2 weeks as may resolve. Came back for 30 week scan and it's worse...Prominent gall bladder, dilated bowel and ascites around abdomen (fluid). I am going to speak to a consultant on Tuesday but regardless of what they say this sounds awful. I am also stunned that the only test for 3 genetic disorders with the NHS amnio. I was absolutely sure that they said they test for more. I remember I did ask could I get more extensive testing privately and the dr at Manchester said no, he's never heard of that. I've since realised that's not true. I feel like such an idiot. I am seeing a consultant at another hospital next week but this screams chromosomal disorder already.

Would I be able to make a case for a termination at 31 weeks (UK) due to my sons declining condition and the fact that I cannot look after 2 sick children? I cannot cope watching another child have a bad and painful life brought into the world by me.

Will he be in pain in my stomach if he dues have these anomalies? I can't eat or sleep. I feel sick as a dog.

I thought I was a cow, but some posters on here…sheesh.

OP, absolutely no judgment from me if you were to terminate. If your baby does indeed have a chromosomal disorder to the magnitude you fear, I would abort too. There is no shame in it. You won’t be a pariah. Try as best you can to keep an even a keel as possible until the next visit and get more information. I feel for you - my mind would be racing to every single negative possibility too.

You’ve got a lot of support here if and when you need it.

Sending love and hugs to the OP and to the other posters who have shared their stories. It's a truly awful situation to be in. OP, I hope that Tuesday brings you good news.

I'm so sorry. I hope you get more clarity soon. Most people will completely understand you are doing the best for your family. My heart goes out to you at this most difficult time.

Hi OP, my daughter has a rare genetic condition- also spontaneous and not something DH or I would pass on to another child. Absolutely no one who hasn't lived through what we have gets it. I hope the consultant gives you the news that whatever it is, is an easy fix with an op or whatever. But as heartbreaking as it would be, I understand your thinking and would also want to terminate in the same situation. We're on the fence about having another child (our daughter is our second child as it is) but if we do, I'll be having as many scans/tests/screens as possible. My daughter's condition wasn't picked up on until she was born- I had a perfectly normal, low risk pregnancy. I too can't believe they only screen for 3 disorders. Best of luck x

How awful. I'm so sorry and my heart goes out to you. Of course you should have a termination. More legally savvy people than I will be able to advise you, but do not let them fob you off with nonsense. As for the poster who suggested adoption, I really don't think so. Do you think that people are lining up to adopt a severely disabled child? What an insensitive thing to say.

This is so heart-breaking. Find out what the doctors think about your new baby's prognosis before you make any decisions. Whilst he/she may be born with some complications, they may be easily repairable. However,it is completely understandable that you might not want to endure the surgery/ies. I would not want to be in your shoes and I hope you and your partner find peace in whichever decision you choose.

Importantly, legally, it doesn't sound like there are grounds for termination at this gestation. OP, please wait to get some more information from the FMU.

But if anyone is projecting it's you, @Sodthesystem - calling a foetus "a little fighter who deserves a chance" is projecting some sort of free will, or the ability to magically manifest good health through sheer willpower. Please reconsider the way you are framing this.

I think you have to wait for more information and stay focused in the present as much as you can.

It’s upsetting the consultant isn’t able to speak to you sooner than Tuesday, especially given your DS.

It must be so stressful going through another pregnancy. As said your DS’s condition couldn’t have been picked up anyway, private testing could also have made no difference.

Sending you hugs and peace OP

I am so sorry about what you are going through.
I am an obstetric sonographer. I would say the findings on the report are pretty non specific. Gallbladder size isn’t routinely measured and fluctuates, bowel is also pretty vague and non specific finding that is often normal and over reported. I can’t see any measurements on there which makes it all very vague.
Did you have the chromosomal array as part of the amnio? Usually takes longer to come back but more in depth.
please await an opinion from a fetal med consultant as it all pears very vague and non specific and doesn’t scream concerning to me as an outsider (apart from ascites, if they are correct).

I just wanted to reach out to say how sorry I am for what you’re going through. 💔

I understand how hard all this is for you. When I was 32 weeks I was told my lil boy had excess fluid on his brain and was lead to believe he would be born severely brain damaged.

I was seen by the fetal medicine team at St Mary's Manchester a week later and was told my local hospital was wrong. They got the measurements wrong and there was only a slim chance of brain damage but I could have an MRI in Leeds to be sure. I declined that as the wait was too long. Manchester offered us a termination even though there was only a slim chance. We never went ahead with it (no judgment if that is what you want). He arrived at 35+5 and was and still is a perfectly healthy boy.

going to adopt a very ill child. You are being ridiculous

I asked the professor at the fetal medical unit what decision he would make if the baby was his whilst we discussed the options and the prognosis.

It was the same as the one I had already decided upon.

TFMR on a very much wanted baby after multiple miscarriages and so many hospital appointments where the abnormality wasn’t confirmed until late in the pregnancy.

Sending you lots of virtual love and support for the coming week.

But this is an open forum where people will have different opinions. That is ok. As truly awful a time this is for the OP, when you start a threat like this, there will always be people who have different opinions or suggestions, sometimes as a result of their own experiences or values. These are equally valid opinions to hold. There is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting consideration of adoption. So far, the OP only knows that the scan has shown some anomalies.

Sending you love OP 💕What a horrible situation. My DC was diagnosed with a rare bowel disorder after birth (it is sometimes indicated on scans but there was no indication on our scans). Some babies need 2-3 surgeries but thankfully he only needed 1. He’s 2 now, attends nursery and lives a very normal life. I know it’s difficult not to worry but I’d wait and see what more information they’re able to give you, as it might be nothing but even if it is something it might be very manageable. I’m very sorry to hear about your DS’ poor health and I’m wishing him, and you, all the best 💐

Absolutely zero judgement from me OP. I am just so sorry for you. You had enough on your plate before all of this and you don't deserve it.

So sorry you are going through this OP

OP, my heart goes out to you. I have nothing useful to add other than agreeing with others in contacting ARC. You are the expert on you, hang on to that and the clear strength that you have. I'm so sorry.

Why is it unacceptable for some of us to feel uncomfortable with the idea of terminating a very developed baby? Genuinely, why? The OP has raised the issue on a discussion forum and people are expressing their feelings, some of which are feelings of discomfort. What is so wrong with that?

Another person here recommending that you contact ARC

https://www.arc-uk.org/

I had a TFMR when I was 25+5 weeks due to Edwards (Trisomy18). Actually, I never, ever use the term termination or abortion in relation to my son. I say we made the decision to allow him to be born early. If it's someone I'm not close with I just say he died when he was born.

It was the hardest, but also the easiest, decision I've ever made. I've never felt guilty about my decision but I was racked with guilt because my body grew him that way (iyswim).

One thing that I never thought about was that after he was born, my body knew it had had a baby, so I produced milk, I had afterpains ect.

The DD that I already had and my subsequent DCs were all told about him in an age appropriate way and now that thy are all adults they all know the full story. So my son is still celebrated and mentioned in my family, my kids say they are 1 of 4 not 1 of 3.

It was the saddest, most heartbreaking time of my life and I thought I would never feel normal again. But I did and I do. My son would have been 28 this year, there will always be a tiny piece of my heart missing but I no longer have that breath taking pain.

We called him Blu from the song Little Blue by The Beautiful South. The lyrics perfectly described how I felt about him so I've popped the link for you.

I wish you so much love - allow yourself to be surrounded by people who care for you.

c

No advice, just sending love and prayers ❤️ x

My Heart goes out to you.
My friends baby had Foetal abnormalities and she was referred to Dr Kypros Nicolaides at Kings College Hospital in London He was so kind and patient and literally went through the experience with her
Her DS was delivered at 28 ( safer out than in)as he had a few liver and bowel problems.
This was corrected with surgery although he was in NICU for 12 weeks, he came home without a feeding tube and is now a delightful 3 year old
Please seek answers to any questions even if they seem silly to you.
This is a huge situation to process
sending you love and strength

No advice but sending hope to you.