Late term abortion - 31 weeks

[Hellokitty1986]

Trigger warning....(abortion)

Termination at 31 weeks due to extenuating circumstances (uk)?

I will start by saying my son has a genetic disorder which is spontaneous (it was not passed on through me or dad) just one of those unfortunate things. He is 8 years old and In turn, this genetic disorder has caused a cancer that has lost him the use of his legs the past few months. Previous to this he was on a drug trial which was going well and all this decline in his health has happened during the pregnancy which has been hard in itself. Regardless, he is excited to meet his brother as he has been very isolated especially recently.

I had an amnio to rule out my sons condition in this new baby (that would be unlikely considering both me and my partner) and the other few they test for in the UK (downs, trisomy, edwards and pataus). All came back negative.

Everything looked great until 28 week scan. Prominent fetal gall bladder. Asked for a termination. Said no come back in 2 weeks as may resolve. Came back for 30 week scan and it's worse...Prominent gall bladder, dilated bowel and ascites around abdomen (fluid). I am going to speak to a consultant on Tuesday but regardless of what they say this sounds awful. I am also stunned that the only test for 3 genetic disorders with the NHS amnio. I was absolutely sure that they said they test for more. I remember I did ask could I get more extensive testing privately and the dr at Manchester said no, he's never heard of that. I've since realised that's not true. I feel like such an idiot. I am seeing a consultant at another hospital next week but this screams chromosomal disorder already.

Would I be able to make a case for a termination at 31 weeks (UK) due to my sons declining condition and the fact that I cannot look after 2 sick children? I cannot cope watching another child have a bad and painful life brought into the world by me.

Will he be in pain in my stomach if he dues have these anomalies? I can't eat or sleep. I feel sick as a dog.

You may believe this, but it is not the legal reality of the country you live in (UK). Late term abortion is legal. This legal reality is informed by public sentiment, prevailing ethical and moral viewpoints, and medical expertise (because that is what informs laws being made or changed).

OP is entitled to believe that late term abortion may be the most appropriate option in her scenario. In real life, if she pursues this she would receive practical and expert advice and options based on HER life, not yours. It is not for you to tell her she is wrong.

All my love OP. I am so sorry your beautiful son is so unwell and I hope you get answers as quickly as possible regarding your pregnancy. Xx

Because the OP wasn’t asking for people’s opinions on what she should do. She didn’t say “what are people’s thoughts on potentially aborting my baby?”. The title wasn’t “late term abortions - whats everyone’s thoughts?”. She posted her situation and asked if there would be grounds for a termination.

If it makes you uncomfortable, fine. But you know what you should do? Read it and move on. No one compelled you or others who disagree with the OP to comment. I read threads daily that I think are ridiculous, or wrong, but I don’t comment on them because it’s totally unnecessary.

If you want a place to express your opinion on terminations and gestation, start your own thread. This just isn’t the place to do it.

I'm almost certain your kids don't have disabilities as severe as my sons, or you would never risk subjecting anyone else to that type of existence. Every day is pain to a greater or lesser extent.

I am not sure you would be able to make a case for termination if a corrective operation is a possibility. I know you are reacting to this very strongly because of your experience with your son but that’s unlikely to be grounds unless further testing throws up further evidence of very serious issues. Which is not the case yet. I do hope things improve for you op

My heart goes out to you and every other mum who has faced similar. You are all so brave.

It sounds like you need more information for sure. Are you so anxious about potentially having another child that you’ve taken this info and blown it up into something much bigger than it is? How terrifying to potentially make this huge decision when that anxiety is clouding things so much.

Wishing you all the best OP.

This has relaxed me a bit until Tues. Thankyou so much for your response. I appreciate. X

I couldn’t read and run. No judgement here, my very sick baby died in utero, some of the anomalies showed on the scan, some didn’t. I didn’t have to make that decision, but I was very careful with testing when I had my last baby. Until people are in this position, they cannot make any assertions as to what they would do. Neither is right or wrong, but you have to get some proper advice on Tuesday and then make a very informed decision, whatever that may be. You are a warrior, you will do what is best for both of your boys. I send you love x

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m wishing you the very best for Tuesday and beyond. Xx

What's best for you and what works but when we were in that position never would we have not had our 2nd who we were told would also have disabilities. It turned out 2 operations corrected him and he is a fine and happy 4 year old now sadly his older brother can't ever be fixed but hey we plod along. And our last pregnancy we were told twin one was fine twin 2 had problems and wasn't growing etc. 7months of worrying after this at every scan and hey ended up with 2 normal healthy girls turns out the wee one was more squashed than anything and all sorted itself after birth over a few days. For us it wouldn't have mattered out sons and daughters who we adore and carry on for despite sleepless nights and endless hospitals for our first. He is happy, pain free,hardwork and well loved for as long as possible

I had an abnormality on a scan that simply was not there when he was born... at all. So please wait and don't spiral. Baby in question is now a pre-teen, normal.

It's a unique micro duplication. As far as we are aware only my two boys and dh has it in the world. Dh parents might have it but ten years on they refused to test or refuse to belive us? Idk we are trying to get them to reconsider getting tested.

It's tiny 25kb so wouldn't show up in a harmony test - found out via micro array. I was offered a cvs micro array at 8 weeks with my next child on the nhs.

Nhs only offered to do genetic screening after our third son was investigated for special needs.

We was originally told it was random bad luck. Ds1 hasn't inherited so he is fine. Ds2 has a language disorder and dyspraxia, ds3 has severe needs Asd and language disorder. The gene is related to asd and language. Ds3 was non verbal at 7. Amazingly he talks now but only because of his amazing school. We found out when expecting our fourth child.

I keep thinking I could have done with this Information before we had a third child. But we didn't and I'm not sure what I would have done differently. If I'm honest - maybe pdg ivf idk. The reality is we has 4 kids and three have ehcps and I had no idea they would have such level of need when I got pregnant with my 4th.

It's been hard and isolating in unimaginable ways. Ds3 was such hard work. Such high needs I spent up till he was 8 just stopping him from killing himself jumping out of moving cars or running into the road etc. Strangling his baby sister.

He will never live independently but he is happy. I adore him. Ask me a year before he was born could I have taken him on? No way. Did I cope? Nope. But I had zero choice as I was blindsided by tsunami that hit and immediately drowned us. I didnt drown because where was my choice.

I do think when people say "your so amazing and strong I could never do what you do" where was my choice? I had no choice.

I also dont buy into God chooses special parents to raise disabled kids. It bs. He chooses people who can't and don't cope and cling on with their finger tips too.

It's different as he is here now and I adore him but it kills me when he asks if he will get married and be a dad. I will be worrying about him on my death bed. I'm also very proud of him and he makes me happy too. It's not been easy to get here.

Me heart absolutely bleeds for you I am so sorry. Hoping and wishing for better news at your next hospital visit. I will be thinking of you xxx

Massive hugs OP.

Just wanted to share some hope until Tues that my baby had a double bubble + excess fluid indicating duodenal astresia picked up by sonographer. It was over s holidsy period so 2 weeks until i saw consultant. I spent hours crying and researching the implications - only for everything to be fine at consultant appointment. I had seen it myself on the originsl scan...

Now a lively 10 months old.

Really hope all works out 4 u and u don't have 2 make difficult decisions.

Those people can start their own thread to share their views. Nobody with a shred of empathy returns repeatedly to a thread when their comments are not welcome to a person under an extreme level of stress. Nobody who is pro-choice makes any of the statements this poster has made either. An anti-choice poster with zero empathy? How unusual.......

OP I'm sorry this is so stressful and it must be so hard to try and hang on whilst you wait to hear what all of this means. I am thinking of you.

I too had a CVS. It was 13 years ago now so I appreciate things change, it was done through the NHS at St George’s Hospital in London who had a good reputation. I had an amazing team and the senior midwife said they would test all chromosomes because I had some markers. I was initially given results for the first three main ones as you’ve mentioned (negative) and I pushed, mentioning the senior midwife had told me all would be tested and they retested all. I was told back then they test the main three and if it comes back positive then they check the rest, it’s not done as a matter of course. Thankfully I was clear on everything.

So sorry to hear what you are going through , my heart goes out goes out to you. Can the amino test be sent for a full array to test for further conditions. I had to pay extra , but this is what I had done. I had amino which tested for main conditions, and then it was sent for a full array x

Oh please just let go of your own projections and beliefs. You have no idea what the OP is going through and she has already answered your suggestions that are so ridiculous in the context.

Some of the posts on here are written by complete fools that will never have any clue what you have been through - no. a. clue.

You’ve soldiered through a tragedy for your child with a strength & toll most of us can’t even imagine.

Cross each bridge as you come to it. Insist on expert opinions soon and explain your anxieties. A Mother in your position should not be left in this state of suspense. You need support through information, a plan, answers and that can only be given by an expert.

I will pray for your son for what that may be worth & your baby. I think you are a Mother and a woman on a whole other level to all of us.

I hope it is good news. If it wasn't, I would absolutely be having a termination in your position. Women who are posting on here about soldiering on in adversity probably have not the slightest idea of what your life is like. I had neurodiverse children - very high functioning ones - and that was difficult enough but their issues sound like nothing compared to your son's needs.🌻

This is so sad, I’m so sorry OP.

Life is incredibly cruel to you.

I’ve no words but I just want to offer some love. ❤️

this is awful for you. However I could not have an abortion at 30 plus weeks. My son was born 46 yrears ago at 29 weeks. He was not a foetus he was a baby. IMO it's far too late.
also looking at the print out you have posted I am not sure that he has an unresolvable disability. you need much more information and counselling.

so only those with approved opinions can share them?

I have a disabled and dependent brother so I completely understand your apprehension about continuting with the pregnancy, not just for you but the your current pregnancy. To bring a child into the world already having some knowledge how they might have a difficult time must be torture for you.

There are some incredibly supportive posts on hear from strong women who have found themselves in the same situation, these are the only people you need to listen too.

I hope you find a way through this difficult time, with as much peace of mind as is possible. XXXX

Op I’m so so sorry to hear about what you have been going through.

We have family experience and I’m sure someone was already suggested this but call the charity ARC. antenatal results and choices. They are very knowledgable about tests and options and can provide neutral emotional support.

Second, you can try asking to be referred to a tertiary specialist in the NHS from the North West and can ask to be seen at King’s College in London, in the clinic of Prof Kypros Nicoliades if you look him up. If they won’t agree to do this you can contact the patient organisation in the NHS - PALS to see if they can advise.

If going private is an option you can call the Fetal Medicine Centre in Harley Street https://fetalmedicine.com which is his private clinic.

I completely understand and totally agree with you and I’m so sorry you are going through this. Different situation I know but I have a disabled child and I did the amnio with my younger two. There was no doubt in my mind that I would terminate if anything showed up. I also have a friend that is a foster carer. She has fostered a child with disabilities for 16 years. When she was a baby they tried for years to find her an adoptive family but no one, not one person showed any interest.