Late term abortion - 31 weeks

[Hellokitty1986]

Trigger warning....(abortion)

Termination at 31 weeks due to extenuating circumstances (uk)?

I will start by saying my son has a genetic disorder which is spontaneous (it was not passed on through me or dad) just one of those unfortunate things. He is 8 years old and In turn, this genetic disorder has caused a cancer that has lost him the use of his legs the past few months. Previous to this he was on a drug trial which was going well and all this decline in his health has happened during the pregnancy which has been hard in itself. Regardless, he is excited to meet his brother as he has been very isolated especially recently.

I had an amnio to rule out my sons condition in this new baby (that would be unlikely considering both me and my partner) and the other few they test for in the UK (downs, trisomy, edwards and pataus). All came back negative.

Everything looked great until 28 week scan. Prominent fetal gall bladder. Asked for a termination. Said no come back in 2 weeks as may resolve. Came back for 30 week scan and it's worse...Prominent gall bladder, dilated bowel and ascites around abdomen (fluid). I am going to speak to a consultant on Tuesday but regardless of what they say this sounds awful. I am also stunned that the only test for 3 genetic disorders with the NHS amnio. I was absolutely sure that they said they test for more. I remember I did ask could I get more extensive testing privately and the dr at Manchester said no, he's never heard of that. I've since realised that's not true. I feel like such an idiot. I am seeing a consultant at another hospital next week but this screams chromosomal disorder already.

Would I be able to make a case for a termination at 31 weeks (UK) due to my sons declining condition and the fact that I cannot look after 2 sick children? I cannot cope watching another child have a bad and painful life brought into the world by me.

Will he be in pain in my stomach if he dues have these anomalies? I can't eat or sleep. I feel sick as a dog.

Please leave it now. The thread isn’t about you.

No judgement OP, just love.

I’m so sorry. No one should judge your choices. Do what’s best for you and your family.

Thankyou so much. We've just been sitting talking about this...sounds like a very successful surgery. It will be so hard to figure out if its just that alone or if it's alongside a genetic disorder. I guess that's the chance you've got to take in these situations x my son presented normally in the womb and made it to term and has one of the most severe and awful chromosomal diseases you can get. You would never have known until he came out x

Hi Op, I have no experience in what you’re going through but I just wanted to offer a kind of virtual hug or nod of respect.

From your posts I can see that you’re a warrior and you’re also ridiculously fucking sensible in the face of everything you’re going through.

It’s all disgustingly unfair and utterly shit - but trust your gut and your intuition. You know what’s best.

It is. It is not what she asked for, it is not what she needs and she has asked you to stop. Plus it is just not how it works: it is not America, you cannot “give a child up for adoption” here and hand said child into the arms of shiny-faced and keen couples. However, I don’t think the OP wants or needs a thread about Local Authority care so perhaps have a read on the adoption boards.

What a stressful situation. I feel like you need more information to help you make your decision xx

You must be feeling very stressed and worried op, it’s understandable. I know it’s hard but wait for the consultation to see what they say.

Sending love OP. What a heartbreaking situation. I hope the meeting with fetal med gives you clarity xxx

I was in your position, different abnormalities and a bit earlier but I felt so worried. I had high tech scanning (the current tech wasn’t widely available then) to check the organs more thoroughly, and a fetal echocardiogram. The main blobs on the original ultrasound disappeared over the 3 week wait to see the specialist at the other hospital though one abnormal marker remained - it ended up being fine but I knew I would have to abort if not, my eldest was going through autism diagnosis with global delays at that time aged 2 as she was so far behind

Sending love @Hellokitty1986 I want you to know that if I were in your situation, I would absolutely be contemplating the same. If the prognosis is anything other than a relatively easy fix, then I think a termination would be a pragmatic (though heartbreaking) choice for all the stakeholders. People who have not experienced a severely ill and/or disabled dependent will never understand.

Thankyou for sharing your story with me. It makes me feel not so alone. Can you tell me how they found out the specific genetic disorder? X

OP didn’t ask about adoption though. She said no to your first post.

Couldn’t read and not post, you have my every sympathy for an awful situation.

i had a TFMR in 2020. My daughter had numerous heart complications. We were told she had a slim chance of surviving birth, and that surgery would then be necessary(immediately), which had a 50/50 outcome - and she’d never have a normal life.

We had just taken full care of my two stepdaughters (I won’t go into why, but it ended in a police investigation and mum going to prison for her treatment of them), and Covid restrictions meant that I’d be doing it all alone.

We made the decision to end the pregnancy. I couldn’t bear the thought of my baby suffering, and the thought of her knowing stress and pain was awful. And we both felt that the older girls needed our full support.

Awful decision to have to make, but I still believe it was the right one. only you and your DH know what the right decision is for your family, don’t let opinion sway you - everyone’s circumstances are unique and it’s such an impossible decision to make x

I have no genuine advice but I wish you and your boys all the best, I really hope Tuesday is good news

No judgement here but a glimmer of hope. My ds2 was born at 24 weeks and presented with a echogenic bowel and malformations in utero. Long story short but he needed immediate surgeries but is now fine. Bowel surgery even on micro preemies is often successful and in terms of pain they assured me he wouldn’t be feeling anything. It was a tough year but he is now perfectly healthy and even his scars have faded. I wish you and your little ones all the best.

You poor thing OP, you have been so badly let down- horrendous the doctor told you he'd never heard of more extensive testing you could access privately?! I would raise hell and threaten to sue if they don't offer you every possible investigation now and/or a termination if necessary. You are a hero OP, you'll get through this.

OP,
I read this; "Identification of an enlarged gallbladder at antenatal US does not appear to be associated with a substantially increased risk of chromosomal aneuploidy or biliary tract malformation".

An enlarged fetal gall bladder can be a normal variant in the second and third trimester.

I know you must be panicked at the thought of bringing another little baby into a world of pain and surgery, but this probably isn't the case this time. This might resolve or will be fixable. I believe, because of your first baby, they should have done thorough genetic testing on this pregnancy early on because it would have saved you so much worry and stress.

As far as I'm concerned gallbladders are a PIA. I had mine out in 1994, 31 years ago, and I've thrived without the horrible thing.

OP, you live the life you live EVERY SINGLE DAY. You have watched and felt your sons suffering, you have probably felt pain that few of us could ever imagine.

Please, please follow your instinct based on your lived experience. You know how hard life has been and likely will continue to be. It's ok, in fact totally normal to me that you would not want it to be any harder.

You are in an impossible situation, no one else's opinion matters here, only yours.

I'm sending you nothing but compassion, love, strength and solidarity. I genuinely, genuinely wish you well.

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through OP. I hope they allow you the abortion if it's still bad news after you've seen the specialist. Maybe have someone with you to help you advocate for what you need?

Bless you, get more information if you can- ultimately do what’s best for you xx

No advice OP but just wanted to say I’m sorry you are facing this heartbreaking decision. And wishing your son all the very best, it sounds like he has a very wonderful mum looking after him

Please don’t panic yet. I get it, I promise. My dd had a rare genetic condition (she died when she was a baby), and I would not continue with a pregnancy where ai thought the baby would suffer again as she did. But, this doesn’t mean terrible, life limiting things. See what news tuesday brings. I have everything crossed for you.
As DH said to me in my subsequent pregnancy, where I was convinced excess fluid and a high NT indicated a severe problem, what if it is all ok…

As others have said I’d wait for further info first (though awful you have had to wait until this stage).

What I would say is that as you have sadly experienced it’s not always possible to tell about genetic conditions until birth. It’s also not possible to tell everything about baby when they’re in the womb, measurements can be wrong and misdiagnoses can happen. I would therefore say you have to make the decision you can most live with with the most info you can have (though completely get that any decision would be unimaginably difficult).

My heart really goes out to you OP. You sound like an incredible mum and I hope you get some answers and clarity soon.

Just wait to see what the doctor says and research like mad. Ultimately, only you know what is right for your circumstances.

You know what’s right for your unborn child. You know what’s right for your current child. You know what’s right for yourself.

Massive hug for you. Honestly, you are an amazing human being, you are so strong. You will make the right choice. I hope you have a strong support network around you at the moment. Take care of yourself ❤️