Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Can a doctor find out I had an abortion?

200 replies

JulietNotRomeo · 09/12/2023 22:40

I'm 19 and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. I live with my parents who know I'm pregnant. They're very religious, anti abortion and for them, abortion is murder.

I've tried to make peace with the idea of being a mother, but I just simply can't. I do not want to have a baby now. I'm panicking with the idea, so I've booked a surgical termination for next week.

My question is: can a doctor find out I had a surgical termination during an internal ultrasound, if I had to go to the hospital the day after I had the procedure? I'm going to tell my parents I had a miscarriage and I bled the pregnancy out. My fear is that they'll want to go to the hospital and the doctors will see I had an abortion and my parents will know.

Any help is appreciated. I'm very scared of their reaction but I need to do this.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 09/12/2023 22:41

You're an adult and medical professionals should maintain confidence

Reugny · 09/12/2023 22:41

As you are an adult the doctors shouldn't discuss your healthcare with your parents at all.

thedamnseason · 09/12/2023 22:42

Drs would need to know if you had complications following a termination but your parents would not be told unless you wanted them to know.

I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you have people who can support you.

KeepThisToYourself · 09/12/2023 22:43

A doctor would know, but wouldn't tell your parents or anyone else.

Quickredfox · 09/12/2023 22:43

Can you wait until they are out or busy for the day and pretend to go to a&e for an episode of bleeding then?

TomeTome · 09/12/2023 22:43

You could message your GP and explain the situation.

Tilllly · 09/12/2023 22:45

I'm so sorry you are not getting support from your parents

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 09/12/2023 22:45

The doctors can't tell your parents without your permission. You're an adult.

googledidnthelp · 09/12/2023 22:46

You could simply decline any efforts your parents made to take you to hospital.

Sorry you've found yourself in this predicament and such a shame you won't have the support of your parents for your life's choice.

TappingTed · 09/12/2023 22:47

I would ask for help at the clinic where you have the termination. They can advise you on how to proceed and perhaps even give their colleagues a heads up if you have to pretend to seek medical advice for "a miscarriage". They will know it was a termination though, yes...but they won't tell your parents however they might inadvertently say something in front of them if they don't know the score..so please just be honest the you have the procedure.

Original poster
JulietNotRomeo · 09/12/2023 22:47

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 09/12/2023 22:45

The doctors can't tell your parents without your permission. You're an adult.

But what about if my mum is in the room at the time I'm having the ultrasound? If the doctor say something, my mum will know. That's my fear

OP posts:
beautifullittletree · 09/12/2023 22:49

Why would you be going for the ultrasound?

x2boys · 09/12/2023 22:49

Regardless of wether the Dr would know about the termination they are not alllowed to discuss, anything with your parents your an adult and your medical records are confidential.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2023 22:51

You're 19. You do not have to have your Mum there with you.

Mirrormeback · 09/12/2023 22:52

Go and have a termination

Pretend it was a miscarriage

GlitteringUnicorn · 09/12/2023 22:53

I have been that doctor in EPAC clinic

In essence you will report you have had a large bleed with clots (that's the critical bit)

They will see an empty uterus and will report complete abortion

They won't be able to tell.

Mirrormeback · 09/12/2023 22:53

It's a bit worrying that your mum is going to accompany' you everywhere

That's very controlling and a bit worrying

And as you know not normal at all

TiptoeTess · 09/12/2023 22:54

Oh OP, this sounds like such a toxic situation for you.

I want to tell you to run far away tbh but I get that’s not easy.

Do you have any friends that live an hour or two away you could pretend to visit for the day (or even do visit them) and then
would it be a possibility to text your parents from a further away hospital near said friend, either that day or the next, to say you’re bleeding and getting checked out and then by the time they get there, you meet them on your way out and say you’ve had a miscarriage?

GlitteringUnicorn · 09/12/2023 22:54

PS. When was your last scan?

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 09/12/2023 22:55

There is no way a medical professional will discuss your circumstances with your parents.

Grimchmas · 09/12/2023 22:56

So your parents know about the pregnancy but won't know about the termination, have I got that right?

Have you got a friend you can trust who you can make plans with for the day after - or even better perhaps even stay over with the night of the termination? That way you can be away from home when you "discover the miscarriage" and friend can "take you to hospital" and you don't need to tell your parents anything until after it's feasible that you would have been seen and examined by the hospital - then you tell them you had a miscarriage.

I've made that sound more complicated than it would be.

Either way - have a hug from me. Xxx

Amermaidandaman · 09/12/2023 22:56

Do you have handheld notes for your pregnancy, could you write something on a piece of paper and put it in the notes for the dr?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 09/12/2023 22:56

Your mum can't make you go to the hospital. If you did go, she wouldn't have to be in the room with you.

Sorry that your parents aren't more supportive.

beautifullittletree · 09/12/2023 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Grimchmas · 09/12/2023 22:59

beautifullittletree · 09/12/2023 22:49

Why would you be going for the ultrasound?

OP's parents know she is pregnant - if she doesn't want to tell them she's having a termination, she has to pretend she's lost the baby at some point.

I presume she is living with them and that if she feigns a miscarriage her mum will want to go with her to get checked out because, well, most mums would want to in that situation.