Can a doctor find out I had an abortion?

[JulietNotRomeo]

I'm 19 and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. I live with my parents who know I'm pregnant. They're very religious, anti abortion and for them, abortion is murder.

I've tried to make peace with the idea of being a mother, but I just simply can't. I do not want to have a baby now. I'm panicking with the idea, so I've booked a surgical termination for next week.

My question is: can a doctor find out I had a surgical termination during an internal ultrasound, if I had to go to the hospital the day after I had the procedure? I'm going to tell my parents I had a miscarriage and I bled the pregnancy out. My fear is that they'll want to go to the hospital and the doctors will see I had an abortion and my parents will know.

Any help is appreciated. I'm very scared of their reaction but I need to do this.

Why would you need to go to the hospital a day after the termination? I'm confused.

Have the termination and cancel the ultrasound appointment.

Or attend the appointment and say you had a heavy bleed a few days earlier but if your mum's in the room you'd need to tell the clinician that you don't want the person you're with to be aware you had a termination - they'd see in on your medical records maybe - you're going to have to notify them somehow, otherwise they'll assume your mum is next of kin and fully aware probably.

You could say the appointment is cancelled - appts are cancelled all the time.

@Grimchmas

Thanks - I just worked it out when someone else posters about lying to the EP unit

It didn't cross my mind that anyone would lie like that to have an ultrasound they don't need when someone else could be desperate for the care the EP unit can give

So you plan to have a termination and then you’ll later go to a scan with your mother and “discover” that you’ve had a miscarriage, is that right? I would think if you don’t have it on your records they’ll just see the pregnancy is gone but it seems quite risky. Would it be a private place you go to for the scan? If it’s NHS for both procedures won’t they have the termination on record?

Hi OP, my husband is a medical professional - he said there's no way for a sonographer or doctor to know the difference between a spontaneous miscarriage or a medical abortion via a scan (it doesn't matter if they do an internal scan either). If you claim you have had a lot of bleeding, they will tell you that you have had a miscarriage. Don't be worried if they call this a spontaneous abortion, that's just the medical term for miscarriage.

Slightly different issue, but if you’re having sedation/GA for the termination do you have someone to look after you afterwards if your parents don’t know?

At the same time if the OP has had a 'D&C' it may not be the best idea for an internal transvaginal scan for recovery reasons and soreness.

But OP is having a surgical abortion

Early pregnancy unit is exactly where women go when they've had a termination and have complications afterwards. Private termination clinics do not manage unexpectedly heavy bleeding and will refer women to the nearest NHS hospital.
I have also been that doctor in EPAU and can assure you I saw plenty of post TOP ladies.

OP just to clarify when @GlitteringUnicorn says 'complete abortion', that doesn't mean they'll know you ended the pregnancy by choice. It means no pregnancy tissue is left without any statement about why or how. Abortion is the medical term meaning any end of the pregnancy. Miscarriage is known medically as spontaneous abortion. Termination is what medics say to mean when it's done by choice.

The medics should be asking if you consent to having your mother in appointments with you my 16year old has had some medical issues recently and has always been asked if he consents to me being there ,they have always been discreet and asked him away from me

@LittleMissSunshiner an internal scan will not be painful after a D&C, especially not with a paracetamol beforehand. I myself have had an incomplete miscarriage and needed a D&C due to hemorrhaging and once you come out of sedation they perform an internal scan to check that everything has been fully removed and I required one 3 days later to investigate bleeding etc. Doctors/sonographers will be gentle if they know OP has been bleeding alot.

Just tell your parents that you aren’t giving an US as standard when you have a miscarriage. If she wants you to go to the doctor say no. Or say you’ve been but didn’t want to tell them until you knew for sure so you didn’t worry them. It’s your body, your choice but I do understand the need to lie - strict kids raise sneaky kids as the saying goes. You’ll be ok, right choice for your life right now

A doctor may be able to see it on your medical records not sure, but they 100% cannot tell your parents without your consent.

Even in the case of a surgical termination?

Very helpful post, responding to the actual question / problem statement. I hope the OP reads this x

@OhpoorMe it doesn't matter if its an abortion with medications or D&C, if OP claims she's had very heavy bleeding and passed clots, there is absolutely no way to know from a scan whether her body miscarried the pregnancy completely or a D&C removed the pregnancy. Regardless, a doctor/sonographer will not challenge the OP's version of events, for obvious reasons.

Keep it as simple and consistent as possible. So tell them you had a miscarriage and had it confirmed by the hospital after the termination. If you have to have a GA you tell them you had to have a GA due to the miscarriage.

Sounds like medics on here saying in response to your question, no, a medical professional won’t be able to see on a scan that you have had a termination.

I understand your worry your mum will expect to come into the scan with you and for many traditional / religious families it would be really strange for a daughter to refuse this from her mother.

I wish you luck and well done for taking control of your own life. It’s a hard choice but only you know what’s best for you x

I can't believe people are pontificating about an "unnecessary" ultrasound ffs. OP is 19 and going through something incredibly traumatic while under the control of parents who will make her suffer if they find out the truth. Let's not make her feel even lonelier by making priggish remarks. She's doing what she needs to do to protect herself.

OP is there anyone - a friend - you could go to for a few days so that this whole "event" - including the check-up at EPU - could happen away from your parents? If not, please be assured that the medical staff will not disclose anything in front of them. You're an adult with rights, whatever your parents may think, and you've done nothing wrong.

Oh gosh, how many weeks are you? I had a MC at 7 weeks and I went to A&E, they weren't remotely interested. I had to really push for a scan and even then, that wasn't until a good few days later.

The same might happen to you, and you might not even end up having a scan if you're convincing enough that you're pretty sure that everything has passed.

OP I'm so sorry that you're in this situation, it's probably most important that you have the termination if that's what you want and they just deals with whatever comes afterwards as it happens.

OP why can't you just tell your parents you started bleeding heavily, went to the early pregnancy unit and they told you you have miscarried? Say you couldn't tell them before as you didn't want to worry them if it was nothing.

Cancel the appointment. I'm not sure how much of your medical history they can see, but if they have access to it they will know you had a surgical termination.

I am so sorry you are struggling with this. If you take your mum to a scan and there’s no baby she is going to be upset. You live with your parents and have told them about the pregnancy. I think you should tell them that you are going to abort, because I think they will find out. Hopefully they will support you, if not you will have to go it alone. I think creating a web of subterfuge and lies never works in the long term. You seem to be close to your mum.

I can't believe people are pontificating about an "unnecessary" ultrasound ffs. OP is 19 and going through something incredibly traumatic while under the control of parents who will make her suffer if they find out the truth.

There is a huge issue at play here but lying to have an ultrasound isn't a resolution. At 19 years old OP needs to stand up to her parents and make her own adult decisions. Having a needless medical procedure isn't the right thing to do.

OP can do whatever she needs to do to keep herself safe in this situation .

The hospital can often access your medical records so they might be able to see, however they also need to follow patient confidentiality and I would hope in the case of a teenager turning up with ultra-religious parents claiming miscarriage if they did realise it wasn’t the truth they would have a word with you away from your mother.

@beautifullittletree op should do whatever she feels she has to. 19 and pregnant is terrifying and lonely.