Can a doctor find out I had an abortion?

[JulietNotRomeo]

I'm 19 and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. I live with my parents who know I'm pregnant. They're very religious, anti abortion and for them, abortion is murder.

I've tried to make peace with the idea of being a mother, but I just simply can't. I do not want to have a baby now. I'm panicking with the idea, so I've booked a surgical termination for next week.

My question is: can a doctor find out I had a surgical termination during an internal ultrasound, if I had to go to the hospital the day after I had the procedure? I'm going to tell my parents I had a miscarriage and I bled the pregnancy out. My fear is that they'll want to go to the hospital and the doctors will see I had an abortion and my parents will know.

Any help is appreciated. I'm very scared of their reaction but I need to do this.

Thank you very much to everyone who took the time to write a response. I do appreciate the advice and support.

The last thing I want to do is to go to A&E and lie. I'll try to avoid it but I guess my parents will worry when I tell them I've been bleeding and want me to see a doctor.

I didn't tell them I was pregnant but they found out because I've been sick several times every day and I've lost weight.

I wish I had my family support and I wish I didn't have to pretend. I wish everything was different. I feel terrible for lying.

OP just so you're clear, a surgical abortion through D&C is largely the same procedure you'd also need to have after an incomplete miscarriage or if the fetus simply died in the womb. You'll then need the remains of the pregnancy removed to avoid infection. This might help in coming up with a cover story that stays as close to the truth as possible for the many reasons pp have listed - e.g. if somebody needs to pick you up after anesthesia. Best to discuss with your doctors and ask for their help.

If you need an internal scan then it would be quite understandable to expect your mother to wait outside. It is not like a blob of jelly on your tummy.

You say my last question was unnecessary - says the person who agreed with someone on here saying that OP was listing to multiple people and wasting medical time.

Please don’t go for an ultrasound. What a waste of resources.

have the abortion and then tell them you have already been to the hospital and it was a miscarriage

Op, please don't feel guilty about lying. I hardly see it as a lie.
Wishing you the very best xx

Hi OP, I’m going to assume you’re in England, if you have a termination is it that you think your mum will push for you to have a scan if you tell her you’ve had a miscarriage? If that’s the case you could tell her that the early pregnancy unit where you went to confirm the miscarriage have said that you don’t need a scan to confirm unless you have a positive pregnancy test in a few weeks or if your bleeding becomes unmanageable.
This is generally the care and advice you would receive anyway following a loss, and it keeps you from making up too big a story. I’m really sorry you’ve found yourself in this position. When you go for your procedure the staff there will be able to provide you for details of support groups as well to help you process everything.
On top of all of this - it would be a sonographer scanning you not a doctor in EPU most likely and all they will be able to see is if your uterus has recently been pregnant. If the procedure is done in a separate clinic it won’t be reporting your hospital notes anywhere.

@JulietNotRomeo don't beat yourself up about lying. Sometimes it's necessary to lie to protect yourself and sadly, it seems that you have no support if you go ahead with an abortion and therefore lying is protecting yourself. If you were my daughter I'd be so upset with myself for making you feel like you had to go through this alone, I wouldn't be upset with you. Its your choice and only you know what's best for you! If you need any advice for help pre/post abortion, you can private message me! Good luck, a lot of us here are supporting you and sending you love!

I hope it all works out for you. For what it's worth, I think you're being very mature for your age and none of this is easy for you.

Sending you strength OP. I’m sorry you don’t have the support you need from your family.

I’m sorry your parents aren’t supporting your choice.
I hope the termination goes as well as possible. Don’t feel guilty for the lie x

@JulietNotRomeo a doctor would be able to tell in the unlikely event of any complications but shouldn’t discuss with your parents if you do not give them permission to do so. It will be something your parents need never find out about. I had a termination at 19, I never told my mother (though I did have other support). I had a similar plan to say to my mother I’d had an unusually bad period or something if I needed to do anything.

The clinic said to see a doctor for a checkup some days later and I did so - she very obviously didn’t approve of my actions but it was the right decision for me and I don’t regret it.

Sending you a big hug and support.

I know someone that had one but chose the tablets that bring on bleeding that day I do not know how many weeks she was at the time. I know they did a vaginal ultrasound at the time you could ask for privacy when in with the doctor or ring beforehand explaining your worries.

You just dont bring your parents with you?! You are an adult. Go off and do your own thing. Cant see what they need to be in the room with you...

When I miscarried at 10 weeks the GP just told me to stay at home. (I insisted on going to early pregnancy and was there for hours and hours before getting a scan to see that the pregnancy was over. )

So I think it's quite unlikely that anyone will insist upon you going to hospital to check unless you become ill yourself, which is v unlikely. And you can legitimately say that you don't want to and there's no need to attend to be told what will be perfectly obvious.

Good luck - you're doing the right thing.

(Oh and do not worry for one minute about 'wasting' an ultrasound should you find yourself backed into that corner. I wonder if i wasted one checking? Gah. )

Wishing you all the very best @JulietNotRomeo
Sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of hard circumstances but you will get through this, you will make plans, things will change. In 10 years time I hope you look back and see the strength in your 19 yr old self and are proud of who you are and how you have overcome. Don’t listen to the naysayers and don’t compare yourself with other people. Most people will have no idea what it’s like but a few will. Find the few.

Don’t feel bad. Sometimes we got to do what we got to do. Lots of women have an abortion and say it was a miscarriage, me included. Im
sorry you can’t be honest with your parents as you could do with the support. I hope it works out ok for you

Dont tell them. Go through the procedure. Maybe after a few days let them know that you lost the baby and you were too scared to tell them.

Your GP cannot disclose information about your health to them. Maybe just let them know that you do not want to see a doctor. They cannot force you to.

Good luck x

You don’t take your parents in with you. I understand you may be quite close with your mother/father but there’s simply no need for them to be in the room with you. Just tell them you’d like to do it on your own.

Please have the abortion if you don't want to have a baby. I have been through similar in the past. I was in an abusive relationship and was pregnant. I was really scared of my boyfriend who was violent. I had an abortion but I told him that I had a miscarriage. There was no way for him to know the difference. I felt really guilty about the lie but I didn't have any other option. He accepted it.

Are you worried that if you tell your parents that you have had a bleed and have miscarried that they will take you to a&e/early pregnancy clinic for a scan?

The results of the scan will be the same whether it's a miscarriage or abortion. But if your parents insist on accompanying you to hospital to prove your miscarriage it could be difficult. The staff could have access to your records and be aware that you have had an abortion. If this is the case then I would strongly recommend that you get in touch with the clinic/a&e before you go attend with your parents, or ask to be seen alone when you get there. The doctors and nurses will want to help you. They will not want you to come to any harm and will do what they can to keep you safe and not divulge anything to your parents.

But..... you need some help to get away from this situation. Your parents should controlling. The hospital staff may be able to help you get away from your controlling parents if that is what you want.

I just wanted to reply on this point about parents insisting on accompanying you..
As you are 19, you are an adult. Them ‘insisting’ on accompanying you is no different than a random stranger outside insisting they’d like to be present for your scans/procedure. You simply just say I don’t want that and you would like to be alone, and the staff will say “no problem”. That’s it!

@lovelyjubbly888 yes absolutely this is the way it should be. But it sounds like OP is not in such a straightforward situation. Yes she is 19 and an adult....but it doesn't sound like her parents are accepting of that. It sounds like they are controlling/abusive. Same as having an abusive partner....there will be a price to pay later.

Absolutely agree with you though. OP should be able to.

This!! I couldn’t get scanned for almost week with my actual miscarriage.. please don’t take up an appointment if you don’t really need it. Say you lost it on termination day and you wanted to go alone. Your mum can’t do anything about it afterwards.

The same doctors and nurses who work with women who experience miscarriage also work with women who have abortions. They will be/should be very well trained/experienced in working with women in your type of situation. Please don't try to hide it from them and hope that they don't know.. tell them. They will help you.

OP I'd try to talk to the people administering the abortion, to have a note put on your records that abortion not to be discussed in presence of parents.

You'll be in my thoughts. To hell with religion, honestly, it's outrageous what it does to women. Says a fellow escapee.