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Pregnancy choices

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Original poster

Abortion but planning TTC in next 6 months

104 replies

Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 16:12

Apologies but posting her for traffic as pregnancy choices is really quiet.
I am thinking of abortion with my current early pregnancy at 5 weeks but ttc again in 6 months.
I have a 2 yo DC and I want to finish my studies due Dec 2024 and plan a baby for Jan/Feb 2025. I am so unsure at this point on what to do if I couldn't conceive then as I am 34 and will be 35 then.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

OP posts:
HowcanIhelp123 · 28/09/2023 17:49

You can abort for whatever reason you want, it's your choice.

However things don't always go to plan. You could abort this baby and have complications which make it difficult to conceive or maintain a pregnancy again. You're only 5 weeks, you could miscarry this baby anyway. You could plan a Jan 25 baby and then get crippling morning sickness that stops you studying anyway. Also some babies arrive early! You could have a complicated pregnancy that means you're in hospital or deliver earlier than Jan 2025 so you don't finish your course in Dec 24 anyway.

I'd say chat to your tutors about what you can do if you have this baby. Can you sit some assessments early? Can you go part time towards the end? If you do decide to abort to avoid interrupting your studies finishing Dec 24, then planning for a baby to arrive a month later is ridiculous, because the pregnancy can interupt your studies just as easily as keeping this baby. Wait to ttc until you finish, planning for a Sept-Dec 2025 baby.

CareBears48 · 28/09/2023 17:54

No, personally I wouldn’t abort only to then ttc a few months later. It would be different if you didn’t want a baby, but you do.

Pause your studies, or muddle through 6 months with as much help as you can get. A few years down the line the career outcome will be the same, but you will have your child. If you go for the abortion there is no guarantee that you will conceive again.

You say you want to finish your studies then ttc, but realistically once you’ve finished your studies you will probably want to secure a job, then you’ll want to make sure you’re there long enough to get decent maternity leave, then you’ll be waiting a little longer for a promotion, or to get through a busy patch, or to move to a better company. There are always reasons to delay having children, they never come at a convenient time.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/09/2023 17:57

What are you studying? Is it online or is there work/ practice? I would be tempted to keep it only because you want another child and there's no guarantee that once you're ready you'll fall pregnant again so easily. I wonder if yours is the kind of course you could speed up if you cut back on work or if you could still study with a small baby at a slower place or if you have to be on placement like a student nurse?
I think the course can't discriminate against you but your body doesn't have to follow fair rules!

Lolloped · 28/09/2023 17:58

I deferred my studies for a year due to an earlier than planned pregnancy. If you want another baby then this is what I would think is best. Surely deferring course for a year is surely easier as your course provider will have to help you come back to studies after mat leave. I’d rather that than finding a new job while at home with a little baby.

Original poster
Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 17:59

My course is hybrid, I also work full-time with it. I have got a stable job and will get a full paid maternity leave for 6 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 18:00

The course is paid for by my employer so I am hoping that I could defer the last 6 months and then come back on it after maternity leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 18:01

I appreciate all very useful suggestions on here. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 18:05

Can I ask if anyone did have an abortion but struggled to get pregnant again?

OP posts:
SkyeBlue28 · 28/09/2023 18:05

My personal opinion is that you should continue with this pregnancy. That’s what I think I would do in your shoes.

caringcarer · 28/09/2023 18:07

CareBears48 · 28/09/2023 17:54

No, personally I wouldn’t abort only to then ttc a few months later. It would be different if you didn’t want a baby, but you do.

Pause your studies, or muddle through 6 months with as much help as you can get. A few years down the line the career outcome will be the same, but you will have your child. If you go for the abortion there is no guarantee that you will conceive again.

You say you want to finish your studies then ttc, but realistically once you’ve finished your studies you will probably want to secure a job, then you’ll want to make sure you’re there long enough to get decent maternity leave, then you’ll be waiting a little longer for a promotion, or to get through a busy patch, or to move to a better company. There are always reasons to delay having children, they never come at a convenient time.

Aborting a baby only to ttc a few months later seems very cold. Are you sure you would want another DC?

NynaeveSedaiOfTheYellowAjah · 28/09/2023 18:08

I can't imagine terminating a wanted pregnancy to try again 6 months later TBH. You can terminate for any reason you want but I can't imagine that being a comfortable or easy place to be.

scaredorganicyoghurt · 28/09/2023 18:08

Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 18:05

Can I ask if anyone did have an abortion but struggled to get pregnant again?

Yes, me. Still not managed. I'm 35.

SpamIAm · 28/09/2023 18:10

I think you have to be realistic about the choice that you're making, which is whether or not to continue with this pregnancy, and is not whether to continue this pregnancy or get pregnant in 6 months instead. There's no right choice, just what's right for you, but if you do want another child it is important to consider that that may not happen for you again.

Yellowlily8 · 28/09/2023 18:13

Abortion regret is very real and really not talked about enough.
It's all well and good people saying "sure, have an abortion if you want one", but an abortion really is no small thing.

ShadowPuppets · 28/09/2023 18:13

I had a ‘9 months too soon’ baby, I really weighed it up but I had the baby. I’m glad I did but the first year was extremely hard (for the reasons why I didn’t want to get pregnant at that point) and I wouldn’t judge anyone for aborting for that reason (not that anyone should judge for anyone aborting for any reason! Just to say I would completely understand).

What I would say is that the baby is now older, the worries in the past are past and I have him now. What clinched it for me was the knowledge that it took me nearly a year to conceive DC1 and I couldn’t risk the regret if I never got DC2 and had chosen to end the only pregnancy that could have been DC2.

If your partner is supportive, could you share the parental leave (depending on his work?) so you have 12 weeks off post birth, then you have 24 weeks where you’re both off (so hopefully you could catch up on your course as you wouldn’t have full time work to factor in), then he has 12 weeks on his own with baby? Would mean starting baby on childcare at 9 months and I don’t know what finances are like but we did SPL and it was brilliant. You’d have the time off work and be able to commit half a year to your course - so it would be course + baby rather than course + work!

Lndnmummy · 28/09/2023 18:15

I guess it comes down to this: You are pregnant NOW. Not in however months time. Do you want to have a baby NOW? This isn't really about what you might want in the future. It is about the here and now and a decision that needs to be made. Someone v close to me had a very similar situation. She found counselling at the clinic very helpful.

Tlolljs · 28/09/2023 18:15

I don’t think I would about for the sake of six months. Seems drastic.

Toastandheinz · 28/09/2023 18:16

I think if you can make peace with the fact that you may not fall pregnant again when you ttc later, and you think abortion is the right thing to do for yourself then that's completely your choice

You do need to factor in miscarriages/chemical pregnancies etc. As others have mentioned fertility is not guaranteed. You could fall pregnant straight away and then the next time it could take months/years

scaredorganicyoghurt · 28/09/2023 18:21

Yellowlily8 · 28/09/2023 18:13

Abortion regret is very real and really not talked about enough.
It's all well and good people saying "sure, have an abortion if you want one", but an abortion really is no small thing.

It really isn't talked about enough. Even on mumsnet you can get accused of having some sort of agenda if you talk about your regret. Women are damned at every single turn. I don't go on the pregnancy choices board anymore as I find it upsetting, but when I was active on there there were many of us who absolutely regretted our decisions. I don't think there is another heartbreak like it, if you regret a termination.

Original poster
Lifelyk · 28/09/2023 18:26

I appreciate people mentioned about the abortion regret as I am so unsure and on the fence and can't assess how I will feel after abortion.

OP posts:
FourLittleStars · 28/09/2023 18:29

Yes. Admittedly it was TFMR, followed by an early MC and then a MMC and another TFMR. No "rainbow baby" and have now stopped TTC for good.

I understand the want for it to be easier and the considering all options is completely sensible, but I wouldn't personally abort to TTC six months later. It can take that long for your hormones to settle and ovulation to return after a pregnancy loss.

Moonlightdust · 28/09/2023 18:31

I personally think that if you are planning on getting pregnant again so soon, you will always think about that baby ‘before’ and have regrets.

CoffeeBean5 · 28/09/2023 18:37

Apparently the probability of falling pregnant after 12 cycles is 86% for women aged 30-34 but 82% for women aged 35-39. Your hormones go a bit weird after being pregnant so you might not even conceive in 6 months and it might take you over a year. My friend's mum went peri around 36.

renthead · 28/09/2023 18:39

Sorry OP, but I'm just going to say that I think this is a really stupid idea. The timing isn't ideal, but terminating to try again in 6 months is crazy.

Babyroobs · 28/09/2023 18:40

MrsMarzetti · 28/09/2023 17:08

I truly get having an abortion because you are not in the right place to have a baby but to do it because it is 5 months to early to fit in with your studies sounds drastic.

Absolutely.