I think I might be pregnant. Fuck.

[Jayable]

And I'm panicking. I haven't taken a test yet because honestly I don't know what the fuck to do if I am and I'm freaking out a little.

Me and DH are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute. I know, because he's told me...multiple times... that he definitely does not want anymore DC (we already have one son).

Admittedly I've been a bit lax with contraception since our son was born (2 years ago) because frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc. So instead we have done a mix of using condoms or just tracking my cycles and using nothing if its supposed to be a "safe" time. Stupidly I didn't think it was a massive issue because to be honest we barely have sex these days.

Anyway now I'm sat here with really painful boobs, over a week late and having had a tiny bit of brown spotting 4 days ago and nothing else.

Our house is too small, we don't have the money, my husband doesn't want another child and I'm not even sure if we'll be together much longer but I still find the idea of getting rid of a hypothetical pregnancy difficult because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH.

I'm so scared to find out for sure. I don't even know why I've posted in aibu but is anyone around who's been through this or who can just talk to me!!

OP
He is a man who says one thing and does another.
I don't know how your marriage is overall, but he sounds like a fool.

There was a mismatch between you in terms of wanting another child. You did, presumably if you had the income, but he didn't.

Unless you actually lied to him about when it was 'safe' then he needs to learn his actions have consequences.

If he really didn't want another child, why did he have sex based on a 'safe period'. No sensible adult who doesn't want another child does that!

You're clearly not happy in your marriage - is he?

How do you know how he will react until you tell him.
When you're ready.
Congratulations

Exactly 🙌🏽

I'm confused why @mumsnet needs to check this user, just because you don't agree with the person doesn't mean they need to be reported. Sounds like you are stalking them and making up things along the way.

Think what you like I don't care, I posted for support because I feel like I have no one to talk to in real life about this and I'm scared and confused. I didn't know for sure until I took that test this morning, I suspected yes as I said in my OP. I don't need your approval to post, feel free to scroll on if you wish.

OP was also ignorant - they both were. I am sure they know what causes pregnancy by now, they both chose to roll the dice on that one. It is frustrating to read on this forum time and time again 'oh shit I'm pregnant'. Worst part is OP knew he didn't want another baby and risked it anyway. Would you want to bring a child into this mess?

Lots of good advice already but honestly take a deep breath and take time to look at all your options.

for example, you mention childcare costs. All children over 9 months will be eligible for 15 free hours from next September (2024) and 30 free hours from September (2025). If you’re pregnant now then you will be able to access this for both of your children and that helps at least a little.

That being said, finances don’t have to be the reason you make your decision, any reason you ultimately have is valid. Just make sure it’s your choice and you’re not making it to appease your husband.

It is frustrating to read on this forum time and time again 'oh shit I'm pregnant'

No one is forcing you to open and read it and post on it. Scroll past it if its so frustrating.

dont Worry about nursery fees. Don’t worry about what your husband thinks either.
these things always fall into place. How many people have unplanned pregnancies keep the baby and have a happy life..loads (myself included).
I had a termination 7 years ago and whilst it was the right decision at the time, looking back over the years we would have been absolutely fine to have had the baby and apart from maybe a year of hard work adjusting to it and juggling some stuff around, ultimately our situation would have ended up being no different to how it is now.
now I’m left in this life knowing that I had a baby and never got to see who they were and watch them develop over the years. They could have been someone so special but I took that away so that I didn’t have to put up with a year or 2 of hassle in my life.
if you do deserve to terminate make sure it’s absolutely what YOU want x

If YOU want another child, keep the baby. Don't get rid of it just to appease the oaf.

Worst part is OP knew he didn't want another baby and risked it anyway. Would you want to bring a child into this mess?

What? He is definite he doesn't want another baby so he ought to be taking responsibility for not getting OP pregnant. He's the worst one in the scenario. If he definitely doesn't want another child, he needs to wear a rubber every time or get the snip, not roll the dice.

I don't have anything against terminating a pregnancy if it's not the right time or circumstances, but you do sound like you would like a 2nd child. Also, would you like a sibling for your DS - that is also something to consider.

If someone is intentionally making personal attacks against other users, all of whom happen to be women sharing positive pregnancy test results, that’s against talk guidelines.

No but it is my thread and I'm just confused why someone who hates threads like these so much and thinks they are attention seeking blah blah would feel the need to comment at all.

I didn't see any personal attacks on this thread, I wouldn't have worded it out like they did but it definitely wasn't against guidelines

You don’t think it’s problematic to call a woman who’s just found she’s pregnant, and is looking for advice on a women’s forum for mums, “attention seeking”?

I had a surprise pregnancy just recently ( unfortunately I lost the baby at 12 weeks just a couple of weeks ago ) I thought hubby was going to be upset since between us we have 5 children ( 2 mine , 1 together and 2 step sons , 2 adults and independent) but he was surprisingly supportive . My first reaction was shit shit shit just like you I have a carer and childcare for 2 under 3s is always an issue . Just like you not on the breadline by a mile but if I’m to spend £1000 extra a month then that’s one less holiday a year for the older kids and my main concern was always not taking away from the other children’s quality of life . Turns out after the panic stoped we managed to realise we could adjust and not affect the older kids life’s to much comfort wise ( obviously not totally as a new sibling is always a massive life change ) .
Give yourself time before you make a decision and please do not listen to people here criticising you getting pregnant . It happens . Hugs

Unfortunately MN is not always the most supportive of places. People's posts will always be met with criticism by people who either delight in having a go, or their lives are so perfect that they have done everything absolutely perfectly from the minute they were born.
Some of the comments I got when I posted on here when I got pregnant. To someone I barely knew in lockdown. "Good grief!" Etc. Really upset me at the time but my toddler is my world now and his brother (to the same Dad) is due in a few months.
You have to ignore comments that get your back up and if you can't sometimes it's best to take a break from the Internet. Raging hormones don't help.

Don't project any guilt you feel over your abortion onto anyone else in order to possibly influence their decision.And your advice to not worry about anything is also misplaced, people's circumstances absolutely do have to be taken into consideration when making important decisions

No, nursery fees won't "just fall into place".
I think if you've never struggled financially, you won't know how tough it is. Extra money isn't magically found.

They're already tied together; they already have a child together.

Frankly, one more really won't make much of a difference in that regard.

But it's not a problem when people insult other like referring them as "losers" pregnancy and "twats"..Goodbye enjoy your pregnancy

Ok so reality and practicalities of the situation.

• Marriage may not last much longer
• You currently have a 2yo.
• Assuming about 5 weeks pregnant you have 8 months till the birth if you decide to progress with the pregnancy.
• So your 2yo would be eligible for or close to eligible for 30 hrs funded nursery term time.

Do you currently work?
Do your believe your DH would be reasonable with Child maintenance payments?
Do you want to or would you be willing to be a single parent to 2 children?
Do you currently own your house? Is there any equity in it if you do?

You need to do a bit of an assessment on what being a single parent would look like for you, where would you live, what does entitledto.com say about UC/childcare/housing element and would you be able to cover costs with that, could you return to work or would you need to be a SAHM......

All of that will feed any decisions you make about continuing the pregnancy and ultimately about continuing the marriage because if you do decide you want to have this baby then that may be the end of your marriage whether you like it or not.