Partner now wants me to abort at 13 weeks

[mumlife18]

So anyone who hasnt read any of my previous post. I found out i was having twins at week 6.
My partner and I discussed options, so i booked an appointment at the clinic. When we got there he persuaded me not to do it.
after that visit my whole mindset has changed. I just had my 12 week scan and i fell in love with them instantly.
Today my partner has changed his mind and said
i either abort them and keep the relationship or keep them and have no support what so ever from him. (We already have a 1 yr old together)
I have rebooked for friday but i feel completely shattered😞 i just don’t know what to do.

What a twat. Hope you can work through things...without him!

I have a lot of single parents friends a couple with twins and a couple who have more than 3 children.
They love being a single parent because they don’t have to put up with crap from the father of their children.

They won’t make any bones about how hard work it is and how all decisions fall on their shoulders but the best part of being a single parent is that they are in charge of making all decisions.

I won't try to persuade you either way about the pregnancy. But I will say, regardless of your decision, dump him.

I would dump him. Relationship would be over no matter the outcome with the pregnancy. He's shown you who he is: a vile, cowardly bully who is actively pressuring you into terminating a wanted pregnancy. Not someone you want in your life.

Then decide whether or not you can and want to continue the pregnancy on your own. See what you would be entitled to for benefits and for CMS.

I think regardless of what you decide regarding the pregnancy, you need to end your relationship with him. There’s no coming back from this. He’s manipulating you to get what he wants with no regard for your well being or emotions. Get rid of him before you make any other decisions.

Surround yourself with love and positivity. Take your time in making a decision. Maybe confide in a few people you love and trust who can help you rationalise what you’re feeling. Deep down you know what you want to do, just give yourself time to come to terms with the next step of this journey. Do not let ANYONE pressure you.

Big hugs!

I had 2 under 3and Dh went back to work after a week. He worked away 3weeks in every 4 and tbh I coped fine when he wasn’t around.
It was when he was home that everything went out the window.

i didn’t have any friends or relatives around. I was in a new town and of the NCT group I was in it was the mums with loads of help from loads of family who struggled the most.

I think they just wanted and needed to be left alone to figure stuff out for themselves and spend time with their babies

Tell him he knew the financial pressure when he talked you out of it. Sounds to me his looking for a way out. Think about it. He wanted you to abort which you were doing, then he trys talking you out of it. If you went ahead he can say he never forgave you for doing it, but he talked you round so now he tells you to abort knowing you want then. He knows that if you say no he can walk making out his the injured party and if you abort you won't forgive him giving him an out. Either way his still financially responsible if you go through with the pregnancy.

OP. I a sorry your partner sounds like he might be abusive. Please don't have an abortion just because he is bullying you into it (after asking you not to have one at 6 weeks). Now you have bonded with the babies on your scan, this is so tough.

Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this? Are all of your children his and would he have to pay maintenance if you split up? Would you mother or other family/friends help you with the babies? I really think you might have options, although can see it will be very hard to have 3 young children on your own and you must be worried if you had health problems post birth last time. You might have more support with your babies than you would think and if your partner is not supportive it might be easier without him.

I am not saying don't have a termination, but don't be bullied into having one. Also as you have bonded with you babies I think having a termination of healthy babies might be really hard. I am not saying this is a good idea at all, but I suppose another option could be adoption. I assume that healthy newborn babies would find a good home easily (I know very little.about adoption but just thought maybe it could be an option if you wanted to look into it).

I am really worried by your partners behaviour though. Regardless of what happens with this pregnancy, do you still want to be with him?

I am so sorry OP:(

Your relationship is over. Now you need to think about what you want to do.
He is still financially responsible for his children anyway.

@mumlife18 I was in your position once. I had my feet in the stirrups when I realised I couldn't go through with it. We had a 2 year old together, our relationship was on the rocks and he had told me to "get rid of it".

I realised in that moment in the clinic that, if I did terminate, our relationship definitely would not survive. If I didn't, maybe the relationship would last and maybe it wouldn't. I had the baby. We were divorced by the time she was 2. She's now 18 and I can't say it's been easy but obviously, I have never regretted my choice.

Your DP sounds a bit immature. You have to decide on the basis of what you think you can manage/live with alone. Twins are hard. Being a single mum is hard. But so is living with regret, so just do what is best for you and the child you already have.

At this stage and with your current feelings I honestly believe you wouldn't get over aborting

Of course abortion is a viable option but this is not what you want. Finances will be okay, there is support available.

This relationship is completely dead anyway. And so it should be, for the sake of your daughter

I am very lucky! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have a plethora of people here all the time but I have options. I’m only alone with all three of them two days a week and it’s awful. It’s constant! I’ll be feeding one baby while the other one is crying and the eldest will tell me he needs a wee. Or one is hysterical from nap fighting, one has wriggled under the sofa and the eldest has helped himself to a bag of grated cheese and is dropping it everywhere. I don’t know how anyone does it! But at least their colic has finally gone so life is dramatically easier. Still not for the faint hearted though! Hats off to you, I’m seriously impressed.

Twins are immensely hard work.{Only witnessed it from afar, looks desperately tricky, Especially with another young child already here..Plus a big problem child..Your husband.

Only you can say what to do..your husband will bail by the sound of it.
Best of luck, hopefully you will have a lot of help?

If he didn't want any more children why didn't he USE A CONDOM.

Oh what an awful situation. I’m so sorry you are being treated this way.
Please keep them. When you have them in your arms you will thank your lucky stars you never gave in to his demands.
Have you got any other family/friends support?

Ditch him. Speaking from experience, boys like him never change. My ex was like this, and coerced me into it further along than you. Stayed by my side the entire process so I could never be alone with anyone to say this isn't what I want.

I doubt I'm the last he's talked into doing it. Nearly 12 yrs on and I still get upset. If he's also sending you nasty messages etc he's not the kinda person you want to stay around also.

Tell him to get lost and you're keeping the babies. What a horrible abusive man.

How can you stay with a man willing to break your heart like this, he’s an arse and he won’t ever change. You will cope, tell him you’re keeping your babies and he can do what he wants

Do you see ANY kind of future with this man, whatever you decide to do about your pregnancy?

Is this for real OP?
yes people do get pregnant with an iud but it is less than 1% and any one finding out a pregnancy at 6 weeks would have been referred immediately to scan and remove the iud if at all
possible especially with twins as the risk of miscarriage should the iud stay in place is huge - surely you would have been referred to hospital ?

I so want to support you OP but why oh why would at 13 weeks with an IUD have you not be referred urgently to remove the iUD ?

What kind of Man treats women like this? Let only his partner, mother of his child?!
Bin him - the man is trash and you deserve better! I’m sorry you’re going through this. You did everything right, you discussed the pros and cons early in your pregnancy- he has let you and your children down.
I can’t offer any advice on whether to continue your pregnancy- but I whole heartedly advise YOU take out the trash.

What a dreadful situation. Changing his mind must be putting you under unbearable stress. Promising to stay only if you have an abortion. His word cant be trusted. He has proved that.

This piece of shit has the financial pressure anyway.
Do what YOU want to do.
There is a legal process for dealing with that fucking cunt.

Hopefully this is a hoax thread.. Will be a relief if it is.

fetalmedicine.org/abstracts/2019/var/pdf/abstracts/2019/03681.pdf

Your daughter deserves better than to live with an abusive man. You deserve better. All of your children deserve better.

There's no truth in your belief you need him to survive. Get rid, be free, enjoy your life.