Life after abortion

[Sorry1982]

Hi I noticed a few of us on another thread were saying how much we regret our abortion. Mine has left me with crippling depression and anxiety. So thought I’d start a new thread for us to talk about our experience and maybe help each other x

Thank you for answer me.
I'm still trying to figure out, my emotions settled down a little bit cause i had to focus in my work today. My return in obstetrician is next monday, I'm trying to not think too much about that but I'm so nervous, last time I couldn't see the baby cause was too early.
The doctor told us to think about if we will proceed with a abortion or no and we didn't decide yet.
Is too much to think about, with a second baby, we may not able to send they to university or buy a house.
I'm living in Japan right now.

Sending them to University is 20 years away - the whole world can change in that time. University is becoming less and less necessary to find a good job too, and you may live somewhere else in the world at this point. I would encourage you to really read and consider the many women who made the decision to not go ahead and regretted it on this thread. We all say the same thing - the problems we thought were big issues seemed so irrelevant once it was over. The anxiety can hit you strong, the hormones don’t help. Google Perinatal anxiety. See if you identify with the symptoms … it is a real and dangerous illness.

hiya. I’ve just had an abortion two weeks ago, I think my hormones were playing tricks with me, I hated my partner couldn’t even look at him, I pushed him away and carried out the abortion on my own, I already have children and I thought I made the right decision, this week I idolise my fella he’s heartbroken at my decision but been very supportive at the same time, and I can’t help but regret what I’ve done, my best friend is pregnant and high on life about it so I no I’m gonna struggle watching her though all her milestones, I can’t look at my fella without feeling this dreaded guilt I have hes desperate for a baby, no one really to speak to about it but I feel so down about what I’ve done I’ll never forgive myself even though I thought it was the right choice at the time x

Hi @Itiswhatitis35 . So sorry you are going through this. I've always regretted the termination I had at 20, before having children. It's only since recently finding discussions on mumsnet and elsewhere of people who feel the same that I've started to feel a bit less alone. I think there is something about the shock of an unplanned pregnancy and the exhaustion caused by the hormones that stops us thinking clearly.

When I think back on mine now, it feels like I didn't really come to a proper decision, but was just swept along by panic. Then once it's over we can think clearly again, by which time it's too late.
It's very early days for you, so I imagine you are still being affected by your hormones returning to normal.

Sorry, I don't think there's anything I can say to make you feel better, other than that I hope it helps to know you are not alone, so many of us feel this way x

Thanks for you reply I’m heartbroken, last week I panicked defo when I done it I wasn’t thinking straight and I want our little baby back in my womb we had two miscarriages last year too, and my partner is just amazing I wish he hated me it would make it a lot easier. And to make it worse I’ve had to go to a & e as it hasn’t all gone and seeing everyone with there baby scans has killed me I would have been 10 weeks today I really can’t understand why I done it really can’t see a way out from it hope your ok too defo not a feeling xx

Hi, This is my first time posting on anything like this. But I feel at a little bit of a loss with my feelings right now. I’m 39 years old and have 2 grown children. I have recently started a new relationship and I fell pregnant (complete accident and precautions were taken). I made the decision not to go through with the pregnancy. I was sent the pills to take through the post with a set of instructions. This past weekend … I did it. I know it was the right decision for everyone and I don’t regret it however , I’m struggling to come to terms with what’s just happened . It just didn’t feel normal for me , but you’re made to feel like it’s a normal thing to do. Oh I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Maybe I needed to speak about it with people that have done the same thing :-)

Don't worry there are loads of us on here that feel the same. Somebody needs to look into it because so many women find the grief hard to deal with. No one talks about the mental trauma. I totally get the normal part. It feels like you've lost a real child even though at the time they say ohh it's only cells @MissNel122

When I think back on mine now, it feels like I didn't really come to a proper decision, but was just swept along by panic. Then once it's over we can think clearly again, by which time it's too late.

@netherworld Exactly my feeling. I had one at 17, my boyfriend was terrified and I just kind of went along with what he wanted. Of course, it probably was the right decision but looking back I know I would have been okay, and I've always regretted it.

@heartbroken22 thank you so much for reaching out . I completely agree that there should be a follow up consultation or something like that in terms of the mental health aspect. It was just so easy , I didn’t see anyone .. 1 phone call, a package in the post and it was done. That’s the bit I’m struggling with. I’m grieving a decision which I don’t regret. Such a strange feeling and situation to be in x

Hi I hope all is well.
I also had an abortion, at the age of 19 going for 20. Few years ago. I am still still with the father, even though he is the reason why we aborted. Yes we were young but it hurts so much. It was a surgical abortion. Was 2Months at the time, most horrible and painful experience. We planning our life together currently yet i cant but get over this. I have had breakdowns and i feel alone. Like even when we speak bout it, he feels sad or somewhat upset cause he be like. I told you from the get go if we have a child while we young we gonna abort it.. Like.. Im hurt and depressed cause i can't heal and he just acting fine and happy. The thought of wanting back your baby but there's no hope knowing it won't come back... 😭 I'm still very young but this i preventing me from doing things and being happy unless im pregnant or at least tahts what i feel! I wish not to hurt.

really sorry you are still struggling- it can be such a traumatic event for some people and a grief. it could be useful to access some specialist counselling- charities like Stillwater and Arch are both post termination counselling chartieis that can provide support even if its several years down the line. you don't have to live with this intensity of feeling. after having counselling its really help me cope with the feelings around it all.those charities if you contact them they can help x

I’m not sure if you’ll see this as it’s from 2 years ago but I feel like I just read about my life. I had an abortion 2 weeks ago due to my bad mental health in a previous pregnancy and i felt like it a quick panic I made the decision, picked up the phone and they sent me the medication. I am struggling with how to even live with myself. I look at my daughter and just think how could I have done that to a wanted baby.
have things gotten any better?

@Tysq2 ill send you a DM

i’m currently one day out from taking my second dose for a medical abortion. as i have a traditional family, i couldn’t tell my parents or siblings of my pregnancy or decision to abort. my sisters are married and currently also pregnant. we have all been diagnosed with fertility or female health issues, so their pregnancies have been long hoped for. mine was unexpected and a matter of failed contraceptives with someone i had been dating. i was told a natural pregnancy was extremely unlikely in my case, and i had been put on the pill to suppress my period due to constant iron and anemia issues. the pregnancy was an utter shock and i was 8wks when i found out, so i only had a week to choose and proceed with the termination. i spent the week feeling dissociated from the pregnancy, and more anxious that i would miss the legal cut off for a medical abortion. i was desperate to proceed as i have, but my grief over my decision set in yesterday when it actually passed. i was alone at that time and it brought a wave of sadness over me that i hadn’t anticipated. i felt my whole being sink, and i have been inconsolable since. i sobbed for most of the night and throughout today. i have always been firmly pro-choice, and i was comfortable knowing a circumstance such as mine would be grounds for a termination if it ever occurred, but i am crushed having experienced it. i hate that i didn’t call my family for support, and that i didn’t face my fear in telling them before. they won’t understand why i’m struggling without me having to explain. i never thought i could fall pregnant and am so devastated that it happened like this, i keep worrying i rushed my decision and that it might never happen for me again. i would never think it of anyone else but can’t help feeling like i’m a horrible person, and i’m terrified this feeling will stay with me.

those first few days are the worst because as you you are focused on organising the process but its only after that the emotions catch up with you. it can feel a sad choice but it doesnt mean it was the wrong choice. i think as society termination is presented to us as a straightforward thing but we dont discuss the grief because that can be seen as anti- choice. so it is going to feel like a grief and lots of what ifs- again that doesnt mean it was the wrong choice but you can still feel sad. also there will be lots of hormones leaving your body.do reach out if you need to- there a lof of us on here who have been there. there is also a charity called ARCH- that can provide post terinanation support. they have a help line if you just need to chat through things and offload. as you say it can be very isolating as its not something you can really go around telling people in real life. despite what it feels at present you will feel like you again. x

@BarbaraK1 can I ask how you are please? I had severe mental health issues in pregnancy and terminated a planned pregnancy 4 months ago, cry all the time and can’t function. Can I ask how you are now please? Did you manage to get pregnant again and did that help? I’m desperate to get pregnant again but 39, hate myself so much. Had bar hyperemesis which made mental health even worse