Life after abortion

[Sorry1982]

Hi I noticed a few of us on another thread were saying how much we regret our abortion. Mine has left me with crippling depression and anxiety. So thought I’d start a new thread for us to talk about our experience and maybe help each other x

@BarbaraK1 I completely agree with the perinatal depression and anxiety changing the way you think. I just needed one person online of offline to tell me/hold my hand and say this will pass...give it a few weeks. The person that did that I read her personal message to me online a bit late. If it was posted in the forum I wouldn't be in this mess.

With me, as soon as I found out I just knew..like the first thing I said to myself 'this man (my husband) isn't going to support me during this pregnancy, he's going to be no help whatsoever' still I wanted this baby...then the vomiting started...I thought I could do it but I just couldn't cope as it was really bad...partner didn't understand and was selfish...he said something like oh she cares more about sleeping than playing with her children...still carried on...but I just knew deep down I wouldn't be able to carry this baby safely for 9 months...I couldn't eat or drink...I just felt like baby would die when born...and I didn't want to go through that...my illness made me bedridden...house was a mess etc etc there was no food etc etc...honestly I really feel for us women that are married yet have to do it alone...plus with pregnancy hg I don't think I would have survived...the day I took the first pill I was sat on the sofa alone and swallowed it...felt like bringing it back up...but stopped myself with tears in my eyes to say no this is what's right for you and this baby...

@OverTheRubicon
But where else can women talk that do regret there abortion ? That’s the problem. It only hit me years after mine completely what I had done . I had a choice and I made the wrong one . It’s helped me a lot talking about it on here as it was the only place I could find to do so. I am glad that lots of women don’t regret there abortions and it was the best choice for them. But that’s not always the case and there’s not much support out there.
Also the pro life people you can usually spot them . Just need a thick skin to ignore the nasty comments.

@Threebutterflies I totally agree. I think we need to here both sides and acknowledge some women are okay with their decision and some are not. My mum had an abortion like me due to being very sick like me and she carried on happy as Larry...whereas me...I'm depressed and can't forget and wish I could turn back time...same reason to terminate but different feelings post abortion. I felt like my mum should have stopped me. She can't understand why because I was ill.

@overthinkersanonnymus - I was talking to a counsellor but unfortunately as I was unaware of my condition until after the fact, I genuinely believed I needed help with the decision and was speaking to an abortion choice counsellor. I actually needed a psychiatrist to investigate why a woman plans a pregnancy, is excited to tell weeks and then completely changes her mind and is in a state of panic..

It’s good to be able to talk about it for sure.

In the interests of balance I had a termination at 20 (many years ago) and have never regretted it. It did leave me down for a bit, but there’s no question that terminating allowed me to have the life I wanted.

So I am very grateful safe abortion was available.

Same. Sometimes I forget that even had one. And I don’t regret it as regretting it doesn’t change anything. Just have to keep going and look forward.

@Threebutterflies totally agree, it's really important to have a space to talk about this.

It's also a bit like the relationship forums. If you searched marriage and ended up there, you'd assume all husbands are abusive and either narcissistic or autistic - because people who are quite happy, or bumbling along with typical ups and downs don't post. Pregnancy choices can be even harder, because of the larger troll/single issue poster factor. And statistics suggest that more women ultimately feel they made the right choice with a termination than with a husband.

However there are of course women who feel unhappy. There are also many women who felt only relief, and women like me and hopefully the poster, who have had mixed emotions but ultimately feel at peace that continuing with a pregnancy was not the right thing given our circumstances and knowledge at the time. I'm so sorry that this isn't the case for you, it must be so difficult to move on from💐

I have noticed a significant increase on this site recently in posts that focus on saying abortion should be made more difficult to access for women.

In the current political climate I would regard all posts that make this point with some suspicion

You have absolutely no way of knowing if it would have got better, or much much worse.

@BloodAndFire I haven't seen any posts saying abortion should be difficult to access. At the end of the day it's a woman's choice. But I do think nurses need to ask whether the patient is sure they want a termination. If they're unsure then give them a day or something to think about it and only give the pills if they say yes.

@BloodAndFire but atleast I wouldn't be feeling like this. I have retained tissue yet still testing negative. I have had to go to the clinic far away 3x to see what's going on. For me, not anyone else, it's been more of a hassle 'managing myself' after the termination than keeping the hg pregnancy. I've had to have antibiotics for 2 weeks. You just assume the service/procedure is really easy slam dunk and done but no it's not like that.

@BloodAndFire
Its not suspicious. I went through a phase of hating the clinic , hating the doctors, hating abortion in general. It’s part of the grieving process . I personally think very early abortion up to ten weeks should be easy and more normalised as say , the morning after pill. But you can’t say that women who regret there abortion and feel bad after can’t have there opinions to or else it’s suspicious.
I had two abortions and deeply regret mine as I made the wrong decision. Dosnt mean I’d want other women not to have an abortion. I’m grieving and a lot of my thoughts may seem irrational to women who don’t regret there’s.
People need to be more open minded and realise not everyone is a troll or something to be suspicious of, it’s just other women’s feelings. Everyone reacts differently to grief and abortion.

I had an abortion many years ago, early on but pills were not available in those days.

It was the right decision and I’ve never regretted it. I don’t consider myself to have suffered any Ill effects, mental or physical. I’m very grateful to have had that choice.

Sympathy to those with regrets, but the ability of the individual to make choices must not be removed.

My abortion was the worst thing I have ever done. It was 20 years ago and I hated myself for a very long time. I don't think access to abortion should be restricted at all but I think there should be a duty to ensure it's 100% what the woman wants, and counselling encouraged before/after.
To those who think they'll never be happy again, I felt like that and now I am genuinely very happy. It took a long time combined with therapy to get there, but it is possible, or at least it was for me.

Precisely so many different experiences on this thread alone . I didn’t have any counselling at the time but am having it now 5 years later. You just don’t k is how your going to feel after even if you do think it’s the right decision.

dont know

It's your own post and I quoted it directly above.

You said:
@heartbroken22 tbroken22
@BarbaraK1 I totally agree that it's too easy to access.

I find there to be a significant difference between those posters expressing regret about their own decisions, and those who say, as you did in the post I quoted above, that you believe abortion is too easy to access and that more obstacles should be put in the way of women trying to access abortion.

That is not about your feelings, or your grief. That is about you trying to push for changes that make things harder for all women.

@BloodAndFire
That is not about your feelings, or your grief. That is about you trying to push for changes that make things harder for all women

Urm yes it is ? That’s it’s exactly what it is ? A forum for women to talk about there feelings? Doesn't mean there right or wrong . It’s how you feel at the time. Writing it on here wouldn’t change anything anyway. I could say your trying to push your opinions on abortion and your intentions are wrong on here as well ?

@BloodAndFire you're pin pointing and not picking what I meant. Easy to access doesn't mean create obstacles for women. But why are some women forced to take the first pill in the clinic whereas others are given choice to take it at home? Like I said I wasn't asked whether I was sure. I was just told heres your pack and here you go.

@BloodAndFire I don't think that's what @Threebutterflies was saying. You need to show a bit more compassion to women who have lose their babies to termination. Yes we're allowed to regret our decision and talk about it. Have you had an abortion recently? My phone discussion was just lots of medical question but I was never asked IF I was SURE. Once you have those pills in your hands and you aren't sure. It's dangerous.

Yes, I have had pregnancies end due to both miscarriage and to termination.

I think it's fine for women to share our feelings and experiences, good or bad.

What is not OK is to campaign/advocate to make abortion more difficult to access for other women. And I am seeing an increasing number of posts on here that seem to be doing just that.

I'm sorry that you feel you made the wrong decision for yourself. But it was your decision. And making abortion even more difficult for other women is not going to change that.

@BloodAndFire you're not comprehending what's being said. You're rather insensitive. It's like me saying to you yeah it's okay for you to terminate you're pregnancies and not shed a tear over it because that's you but don't stop the rest of us feeling what we feel.

@BloodAndFire again, nobody is stopping anyone getting abortions. You can have as many abortions as you want if that's what you're comfortable with. Some of us aren't