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My husband doesn’t want a baby and I’m pregnant

108 replies

Mazz1986 · 19/03/2022 10:22

I have one son, always wanted another
But after the years going by and my husband saying , we can’t afford it, we’re in the middle of moving or renovating , let’s pay our mortgage off first etc.
there was always a reason not too.
I stopped talking about it completely and tried to move on,
All my friends starting their family’s, it was a little sad but I was still so happy for them and still never mentioned it.
One morning I needed the morning after pill, I needed to drive to get it so called him to let him know, I asked should I get it, he said it’s up to me.
I took it and then was pegging washing out and had a text that my friend who had been trying for ages had another miscarriage, I was a little upset for her and was trying to send messages of support.
My husband came over to me and asked if I was ok, I said yes.
Then he said that he had been thinking about things and that we are in the perfect place to have another baby, and he would like to start trying ,
It was out of the blue..
so no more protection, folic acid , ovulation tests the whole Sha bang
I asked him a couple of months ago if he still felt the same because I thought he was avoiding sex because I was ovulating. But he said definitely not that he loves me and he was just tired.
My friend told me at Christmas that she was finally pregnant and 4 months along , I told her and the rest of my friends we were trying .
I found out I was pregnant, I told my two closes friends, I’d planned to tell my husband when he came home from work, so I went out and brought a little baby vest, and put it on the bed with the two test on it.
I showed my husband and he looked angry,
I asked him if he was happy and he said it is what it is!
I asked him for a hug, had a cold hug and then went down stairs to finish packing for a weekend holiday.
He said he felt too old being 36 to do it again, that I’m not being realistic that it’s going to be easy,
That our life’s are not far off perfect,
Bottom line he didn’t want it.
He said he didn’t think it would happen naturally and he said all those things to make me happy at the time.
I’m devastated
(I’m 35, he’s 37. Mortgage free, plenty of room, no financial problems whatsoever, he had problems in his 20s that said would effect fertility)
I’ve / we’ve agreed to have an abortion pill Monday
I don’t know what to say to him, we’re away on holiday with our son and I’ve told him not to mention it at all.
I don’t know what to say to him when I get home.

OP posts:
coffeeiwish · 22/03/2022 09:09

It still sounds like he's a mess. I would demand at least a trip to the GP and some counselling. In no way is he in a fit state to make any demands about the pregnancy, I wouldn't entertain his opinions on it at all at the moment.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/03/2022 09:39

@coffeeiwish

It still sounds like he's a mess. I would demand at least a trip to the GP and some counselling. In no way is he in a fit state to make any demands about the pregnancy, I wouldn't entertain his opinions on it at all at the moment.
This sounds like the best reaction and plan right now. He’s all over the place. I think the worse outcome right now would be to build walls between you.
Mischance · 22/03/2022 14:39

This is progress - give it time. Hope it all goes well for you. Sounds as though he realises he messed up. Look to the future.

Mazz1986 · 23/03/2022 20:05

Thank you for all your replies,
He said he assumed after all the time trying, having 3 operations on his man bits , and being told that there was a low chance of conceiving naturally it wouldn’t happen,
We are home and he said that he would be happy to have another child and just came to terms that we wouldn’t have another - now the bombshell , I didn’t know but he brought tickets to go to NY for my birthday and Iceland in a few weeks!
He said his reaction was more shock and has apologised
He broke down and came home from work this morning and said he feels awful.
He said he’s happy and has asked what he can do to put things right.
I said I forgive him for acting the way he did.
And there’s no way that he could go through with me having the pill.
I had a blood clot on my lung two weeks ago and he said that he was still worried about the complications.
I’ve realised he has very bad anxiety and worries about everything.
I really shouldn’t have been so harsh..

Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 24/03/2022 15:59

That is an extremely positive update, Mazz, and I'm delighted for you. I think now is the time to say:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
May all go smoothly.
GlitterballFlowers

coffeeiwish · 24/03/2022 16:26

That's great congratulations!!! Thanks

Please don't rule out him getting some support from the GP for the anxiety though

Ourlady · 24/03/2022 18:39

How wonderful. Congratulations

tcjotm · 24/03/2022 22:47

That’s very positive. Good to hear.

I’m a bit worried about you flying in a few weeks if you had a recent blood clot in your lungs. Make sure you see your GP for advice first.

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