I started the abortion process and I regret it. Can a fetus survive mifepristone??

[Kiki92]

I appreciate the absurdity of asking for kindness on the internet, but please be considerate and try not to judge me too harshly for what I'm about to say. I'm struggling.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I became redundant last year due to Covid, so I've been living off of my savings. Not ideal, but manageable as a interim as I'm now back at university doing a business degree. Regardless when I found myself pregnant a couple of weeks ago I was happy, (I already have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship and the thought of expanding my family really made me happy). The revelation caused my partner to instantly leave me, however. He virtually vanished into a puff of smoke. I've not heard from him since.

Since then I've been weighing up the pros and cons, and decided that abortion was my only reasonable option. It seemed like the rational choice. I would struggle to afford another child on my own, and doing it all on my own again seems pretty overwhelming. Not only that, but my family would be very unsupportive of me being a single mum to 2 children with 2 fathers. (Not an issue in my eyes, but I can imagine their comments).

So, I collected my pills on Tuesday. I was putting off the process. I talked myself into starting it yesterday. I took the first pill (the mifepristone), and I instantly broke down and realised it was a mistake. I tried to make myself sick, but I couldn't. The regret was instant and overwhelming. My initial qualms and panics seem futile.

I spoke to a 111 gyno last night who told me not to take the second batch and to hope that the first pill doesn't work. He said there's hope and I'm praying for a miracle. All I can do is sit and wait. I feel so bloody stupid, and I'm not asking for sympathy for obvious reasons.

Has anyone else been here though????

What was missing from my last post was that I really wish you good, good luck Op and I hope everything just works out perfectly for you and your baby.

Look after yourself x

Autism isn't purely genetic- there are known environmental factors. For example, premature babies are more likely to be diagnosed with autism when they're older.

That said, there are lots of premature babies who are not autistic. There's a lot we don't know about how and why autism develops. I think it's fair to say that, if autism was diagnosed, OP may wonder if the pill contributed to it- it's human nature to attribute things to our own actions, even when there's no evidence that is the case.

Ultimately, no one can know what surprises, good and bad, wait down the road. I think parents tend to blame themselves whatever happens. No point borrowing worry.

I’m glad you got the news you wanted today

I've been following this thread & I hadn't posted before. Amazing news for you today!

Your baby is a strong little person & best of luck going forward.

My DS is on the autistic spectrum and I honestly don’t think about it or look for a cause. He is my son, he was very much wanted, and I cannot imagine him really being different than the person he is. It seems a bit like she pulled an issue out of the hat here, and it happened to be autism, which is a bit stigmatising, really!

However, that apart, I am so glad you got positive news, and I very much hope that things continue to go well. As others have said, at this stage things can go wrong naturally, and I think you should focus on the positive and take each day as it comes.

Ahh, I doubt she was a sonographer then. She didn't really introduce her title. But I definitely saw someone different than the other ladies waiting for their scheduled, normal scans, and I had to wait A LOT longer (she was 1 1/2 hour late), so perhaps she was a doctor?! I'm honestly unsure.

The autism/asperger's comment threw me off a bit too, but I was too dazed to really question it at the time. I've tried not to take much notice of that.

I read an article linking exposure to mifepristone to Moebius syndrome which frightened me a lot more, because I know someone with a child with that condition and their life is very very hard and upsetting. I know that isn't always picked up on the abnormality scans, so I'm pretty frightened. :/

@EarringsandLipstick

I'm glad she was kind OP

But did she really say this?

She said if my child ever developed a condition (e.g. autism or aspergers) would I inwardly think "Is this because of the mifepristone?"

That sounds massively unprofessional and also completely outside the scope of a sonographer. Did you see a doctor?

I feel a bit unsure about the level of medical support you have received (or not, as it appears) throughout. I would expect where I am that you'd have had much more medical supervision but I accept this could be different elsewhere.

Agree. Im also massively shocked at this. What on earth was she doing suggesting a link between autism and mifepristone? It sounds like she said some unnecessary things which have caused you undue worry (and massively overstepped the boundaries of her professional expertise/ role as a sonographer). Perhaps she didn’t understand how sure you are that you want to continue the pregnancy.

I’m so glad that she was kind and compassionate though as I’m sure you really needed that ❤️

Honestly OP , as pps have said, there are no guarantees with any pregnancy- especially in the early days, but based on what is known about how the pill works, and the empirical data there is on outcomes, there should be no reason for you to worry. ❤️❤️

Did the sonographer give you an estimate of how far along you are? 😍

Ah, OP - I'm so glad your little one is still with you. I have everything crossed for you both ❤️❤️❤️

@Kiki92

Ahh, I doubt she was a sonographer then. She didn't really introduce her title. But I definitely saw someone different than the other ladies waiting for their scheduled, normal scans, and I had to wait A LOT longer (she was 1 1/2 hour late), so perhaps she was a doctor?! I'm honestly unsure.

The autism/asperger's comment threw me off a bit too, but I was too dazed to really question it at the time. I've tried not to take much notice of that.

I read an article linking exposure to mifepristone to Moebius syndrome which frightened me a lot more, because I know someone with a child with that condition and their life is very very hard and upsetting. I know that isn't always picked up on the abnormality scans, so I'm pretty frightened. :/

I think a possible link between Moebius and misoprostol has been suggested, but I don’t think it has been linked to mifepristone?

So sorry you have been left with this worry.

That's a very good point Queen. I hadn't thought that this was possibly the termination clinic / provider which makes more sense.

Lovely news, Op. Can you be referred to a high risk obstetrician to at least have a chat with you about risks and complications for your pregnancy? 💐

Sorry OP, I cross-posted with your update.

That does sound like you were getting specialist care then, which is good. I'm sorry you are so worried & upset, of course you will be.

Hopefully your counsellor can offer support.

@EarringsandLipstick

That's a very good point Queen. I hadn't thought that this was possibly the termination clinic / provider which makes more sense.

Although it does not sound helpful or appropriate to be honest. If this is the kind of “support” that termination clinics provide I am not impressed.

There was a study done which suggests that the rate of birth defects is 4%, compared to the 2% that are seen normally in pregnancy, so it’s not a significant increase in risk.

I have to be honest though, and agree in a way with your sonographer - I have a 4 year old son, who has disabilities, and even now, 4 years later, I struggle with “did I drink too much coffee when I was pregnant?” “Was it that half a glass of champagne I had at that wedding?” so you do need to consider if you would be strong enough to handle this side of things too.

@Bizawit Would you prefer that they pretended that there was no risk to this and that it was all hearts and flowers so that women were prevented from making properly informed choices? OP and other women the world over need this information or conversations that might provoke further reflection so that they can thoroughly explore their choices and how life will work for them and their families if they turn out to have a child with a medical condition.

Your comments have seemed a bit off on this thread.

I'm 8 weeks along according to the scan. 😊

I think what frightens me the most is the thought of potentially bringing a disabled child into the world, and the strong likelihood is that it would have been my fault. It feels wrong and selfish, not only to the baby, but to my 3-year-old son who has a wonderful life currently.

I think I need to sit with it for a week and see how I feel. I know in my heart that I want to continue and hope for the best. And this little bean clearly wants to live!!!

OP I am so glad you’ve had good news today!!

I will say though that I have a child with SEN and I torture myself all the time over what I could have done differently and honestly- there’s nothing. I think mums always beat themselves up and realistically it’s pointless- it doesn’t change our children. We just raise them as best we can.

So relieved for you op and wishing you all the best xxx

That’s great news

I'm so glad you got the result you wanted! Yay little bean!

[quote QueenOfPain]@Bizawit Would you prefer that they pretended that there was no risk to this and that it was all hearts and flowers so that women were prevented from making properly informed choices? OP and other women the world over need this information or conversations that might provoke further reflection so that they can thoroughly explore their choices and how life will work for them and their families if they turn out to have a child with a medical condition.

Your comments have seemed a bit off on this thread.[/quote]
To be honest I think your comments have seemed a “bit off”. And I think your last comment about Moebius was particularly unnecessary. I think there have been several people trying to scaremonger OP about the risks of mifepristone based on no good evidence (including suggesting to OP that it was seriously dangerous to herself to stop at the first pill against medical advice ) and push her towards continuing a process she clearly regretted and was causing her immense pain.

In answer to your question, No I don’t think they should have lied to her, I think they should have told her the TRUTH, which is, the research is limited but based on the evidence we have the risk of abnormalities appears to be very low- although not zero of course.

I certainly think autism has nothing to do with it and it was completely inappropriate to make such a comment.

@Kiki92

I'm 8 weeks along according to the scan. 😊

I think what frightens me the most is the thought of potentially bringing a disabled child into the world, and the strong likelihood is that it would have been my fault. It feels wrong and selfish, not only to the baby, but to my 3-year-old son who has a wonderful life currently.

I think I need to sit with it for a week and see how I feel. I know in my heart that I want to continue and hope for the best. And this little bean clearly wants to live!!!

Awww 8 weeks 🥰🥰.

I understand how you feel, and it makes sense to give it some more thought. . But for now I’m so glad that it was good news today and hope you can have some happier rest tonight 💕💕💖

Well done for getting through today OP, I'm really pleased to hear your positive news. Take each day as it comes and I've got everything crossed for you that everything works out as you wish. Take care of yourself, and I hope to see some further happy updates on this thread if you feel able to in future x

Good news 😊

So glad to hear that @Kiki92 ill have everything crossed that the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.