Don't want baby but too late

[Theradioandthetv]

I dont know what to do and how to do it.
Months ago I was set on not having this baby but I felt forced by midwife and DH to keep it, they kept saying it was antenatal depression and so on.
I am 37 weeks now I dont want it. I feel nothing by hate and resentment towards it.
I feel sick when it moves.
I am exhausted and sore, I cant do anything and I dont want it inside my body.
DH was supportive but now he is ignoring me because he knows it is too late for me to terminate and I am forced to have it.

Can I give it up at the hospital? I know DH will leave me but I cant have it. It already has and will ruin our marriage and I wish I could go back.

I am so hoping something goes wrong and I lose it naturally. It is all statistics and so many stillbirths I hope it is me and not some deserving and loving mum.

What are my options??? How do I give it up? Or should I just leave DH aftet the birth??

I so wish I could go back in time and have my body and my life back.

Not fair on the child knowing he was never loved and nothing but a huge mistake, I was told I wasnt going to be able to have children

I felt very much like you are feeling. I didn't want to feel it move. I dreaded having it. I knew I was suffering from antenatal depression so I set up supports. I feared I wouldn't bond with the baby. I so badly didn't want my life to change I would have rather died and contemplated how that could come about. I just wanted to run away. I went into labour 1 month early and sobbed so hard my labour stopped. I was induced and while having the baby I kept saying I didn't want this! And then the baby came. I can't tell you everything was wonderful, but the baby was. I loved her although I was also told by others I probably wouldn't bond right away. She was also colicky and hard to deal with. I attended counselling. I joined a mommy group (which really helped). I plugged away at it with this little stranger that became my everything. She is 9 months old now and she is just amazing. I could not see these feelings developing in the haze that I was in. I hope this is true for you too. All the crazy hormones can really make it difficult. hugs be kind to yourself and whatever will be, will be.

Oh OP I'm so sorry you feel like this. You are not a bad person

I'm sorry you feel like this, but you need to speak to the specialist safeguarding midwife. All hospitals have a safeguarding team and they can help and support you, ring the hospital maternity unit and ask to speak to them. It hope you manage to get the support you need, regardless of what you choose to do x

I'll have it, I'm struggling to get pregnant :(

In all seriousness though, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm sure many people have mentioned it already but have you considered adoption? I don't think having it will do anyone any good. The worst thing for a child to be is unwanted. Do you think you might feel differently after you give birth? I wouldn't keep the baby for your husband's sake. Honestly, he sounds awful and a child isn't going to make things better. A woman should have the right to her own body, not to have it controlled by a man. If you have the baby and you don't feel anything for it, I would discuss adoption with the hospital. Who cares if your husband doesn't agree or kicks off or whatever. It doesn't seem like it's a healthy relationship whatever you decide to do so just do what is best for you and what is best for the baby. There are plenty of people out there who can give it the love it deserves

Just read this thread, I hope your doing ok op. What a terrible position to be in

Hi op I'm just wondering how your doing? I felt exactly the same way you have been feeling if you need to talk il be here for you anytime ❤️ xxxxxx

Just found this post x I am so sorry you feel like this. I have three children and didn't feel like that pregnant, although once in labour I didn't want babies anymore!
You sound very down on yourself and I'm sad to read that. Makes me feel that you have issues with yourself rather than with a baby.... maybe I'm wrong but that is how I'm reading your posts.
I hope you have had all the support you needed and made the best decision for you all xx

I'm just popping in to offer a hand to hold.
OP, I felt exactly like this in my first pregnancy but I didn't tell a soul. You are so brave to open up about this, I'm so sorry life is so hard for you right now.

I hope you are Oki OP

I know this is over 2 years old but wondered if the OP is still on Mumsnet and how life is treating you two years later...?

I have many of the same feelings...at least, to an extent. I was treated in my second trimester but seems to have crept back in halfway through my third

Xx

@WishingOnAStar86 I'm not the OP but felt exactly the same as OP through my pregnancy with my now almost 4 year old. It was horrible.

I can honestly say that the bond I have with her is amazing now x

@lauryloo Thank you so much for taking the time to even respond to that.

I dont know whats wrong with me. I've always wanted to be a mum and was devastated when I miscarried before this pregnancy but for some reason, I went from worry of losing this one too, to almost wishing it would 😭 ...So awful. I don't feel like that any more but I certainly don't feel excited and I hate it 😭 ...The past 8 months have been the worst of my entire life. I just hope beyond hope that it all falls into place once he's here, its not his fault I changed into a different person 😔 xx

I had exactly the same thoughts, I wished I would lose her and couldn't even look at the screen on my 20 week scan. Have you seen your gp? I went on antidepressants in my 3rd trimester and they helped massively.

But I just wanted to say, you will get through this.

Thanks @lauryloo ...I have, yeah. Well, I'm actually under the mental health midwives bc of diagnosed antenatal depression. I see them and a psychiatrist. I was given meds at the beginning of my second trimester and they helped me out of the darkest place I've ever been in but they never helped with the fear of impending motherhood. I think I almost blocked it out to an extent bc I was semi back to normal but now I'm coming up to 35 weeks, hormones are reeking havoc with my mood again. Im either sad or angry Haha ...Everyone is pissing me off, just had enough now of not being myself, you know?

I know the instant rush of love isn't always how it is but bc of how bad things have been, I need it, iykwim? Did you suffer PND too?

I feel hopeful it will pass once raging pregnancy hormones are down. Big gamble though 😂

Xx

Hey @WishingOnAStar86 how are you doing? X

Hey @Luna2019...I'm doing good thank you! Probs better with more sleep but I think I'm in the middle of a serious sleep regression but other than that, not too bad at all. Looking at my previous msg's made me sad though, not a nice thing to read really ...You okay? Xx

@wishingonastar86 sorry to have reminded you of them..... but just think of how far you have come!

Honestly, I'm in the same place you were a few months back. Would be good to chat if I can PM?

@Luna2019 Of course!! Please do, will help however I can xx

Very hard to read this with my 8 week old lying on my chest. It's really gutting that you feel this way and I'm sorry for you. You must speak to a professional as soon as possible. Whether you want the baby or not, it doesn't deserve to be hurt in any way & neither do you. I really hope someone can help you one way or another OP xx

@WishingOnAStar86 I sent you a PM. Did you get it? X

Speak to some adoption companies or charities and get some informative information on adoption. Speak to husband a see if he wants to take baby on himself, if not adoption is your way forward and to ensure a happy adoption for your child the sooner you do it the better, child will only know adoptive parents.

I think you are suffering prenatal depression it's not as common but it is a thing.

Good luck.

Just realised this was written in 2017!! Hope it all worked out for you x

Hi, I’ve recently discovered I’m pregnant & I'm 40. My partner & I had been trying for nearly 12 months (I have a daughter from my first marriage & he doesn’t have children). We have ourselves a time frame due to my age & last month has decided to stop trying as I’m approaching 41. At that point I began to look forward to a different future, change career, we were planning holidays for us as a 3, buying a house together etc. I had a bad relationship before him so I really felt that life was on track for my daughter & I, I completely love him & he & my daughter have a great relationship. Having come to terms that we will not have a child together & our plans changed, we then discovered I was pregnant & had been for 4 weeks. I’m now 7 weeks.
I was surprised at first but now I feel devastated, that the plans we made excited me & I felt relief that we hadn’t become pregnant....but i obviously was. He is elated & excited & I just feel bereft. I wanted this but then came to terms it wasn’t going to happen but now it has I feel like lost. I want my 40s to enjoy life & not go through this again. Of course, I will have the baby & im sure when he/she is here there will be no issues with bonding but I just don’t feel happy, if anything I’m secretly hopeful for a miscarriage which kills me with guilt. I have no one that I can speak to & I can’t find anything online. It’s not depression, it’s shock & I feel as though I’m not ready again but there is absolutely no way I would consider abortion as I love my partner too much, I just don’t want this life again.