Don't want baby but too late

[Theradioandthetv]

I dont know what to do and how to do it.
Months ago I was set on not having this baby but I felt forced by midwife and DH to keep it, they kept saying it was antenatal depression and so on.
I am 37 weeks now I dont want it. I feel nothing by hate and resentment towards it.
I feel sick when it moves.
I am exhausted and sore, I cant do anything and I dont want it inside my body.
DH was supportive but now he is ignoring me because he knows it is too late for me to terminate and I am forced to have it.

Can I give it up at the hospital? I know DH will leave me but I cant have it. It already has and will ruin our marriage and I wish I could go back.

I am so hoping something goes wrong and I lose it naturally. It is all statistics and so many stillbirths I hope it is me and not some deserving and loving mum.

What are my options??? How do I give it up? Or should I just leave DH aftet the birth??

I so wish I could go back in time and have my body and my life back.

Not fair on the child knowing he was never loved and nothing but a huge mistake, I was told I wasnt going to be able to have children

I felt my babies were like aliens inside me. I really struggled. I think some people's hormones don't work like they should and don't get all that glowing business every one else gets! But I ended up being a great mum and have great kids. There was no way I would do it again, though. None at all. So we fostered children. Turned out I'm good at being a mum, just not at being pregnant.

It's ok, radio, you can get through it. Get some help.

I think go back to the gp, tomorrow. Explain the hate you feel towards it. You need help asap. Your midwife was really bad for talking you into keeping it. The way I see it is it will be given to your dh and you will leave; given up for adoption or with support you might grow to love it. All of those are 'good' so don't feel bad about your feelings.

I've reported namechanged posts.
I wasn't going to respond to this thread, as I'm carrying a very much wanted baby after many years of infertility and it's a difficult subject. However OP is clearly distressed and does not need any further judgement or pressure. What a nasty vindictive post, you should be ashamed of yourself namechanged!
OP, I've not been in your shoes, and can't begin to imagine just how difficult you are finding this. It takes a great deal of courage to say what you have said. None of us know the reason you feel this way, although I suspect I'm not alone in hoping this is a mental health issue that will resolve with the correct treatment and the birth of your baby. Regardless, your feelings are valid and you are certainly not the first lady to feel this way. I agree with others that giving your husband the option of sole custody could be the way forward. I also implore you to speak to a professional about the way you feel as soon as you can, alongside talking through your options they may also agree to an early induction/c-section for the sake of both the baby and yourself.
Take care, and keep posting if it helps

Sorry I cross posted so ignore the last paragraph of my post, it's a terrible shame you haven't had more support.

You and your DH need to get some help.
I wish you well

Please make an emergency appointment with a GP and tell them exactly what you told us and that you need some help. What a scary way to feel

I don't really have any words of wisdom op but I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

Thinking of you

Please do what fish says. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Ask for an emergency appointment with the GP and explain explicitly how you are feeling. You must mention that you feel like you want to hurt the baby. Do this tomorrow first thing and do not be fobbed off with a later appointment. You and the baby need and deserve help immediately. This isn't going to go away and you need support to help guide you through it. Xx

Radio, go see your doctor tomorrow. Tell them how you're feeling, truthfully. Demand help, do not leave until they have worked out a plan to help you through this. You will never be able to forgive yourself if you hurt your baby. Doctors can and will induce a baby early if they feel that the baby's life is in danger. X

Please ring the number on the front of your notes and say what you've said here. You urgently need professional help and they will be able to help you. Your husband can't keep sticking his head in the sand; you NEED help, and urgently.

Please seek help, I know you feel helpless but they will be able to help you.

So sorry you have been forced into this pregnancy. Every woman should have the right to decide and it is very sad that you have been persuaded to keep this baby when you clearly didn't want it.

You may not necessarily have the midwife you have already seen. Are you certain the midwife you don't like is the one who is going to be with you when your son is born? My maternity unit has a team of midwives and you get whoever is on duty that day.

Right now, you need to look after yourself, have the baby and let your husband sort out the rest. He can take care of your son. The only thing you have to do is give birth. After that, you need to talk to someone about how you feel. You need to be calm and clear with them and explain the situation to them.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I had ante-natal depression and went through periods of feeling like I didn't want DD2. I found it a real struggle and it was exhausting pretending to be happy about the pregnancy, especially as I had ttc for ages to have another baby and also knew other people ttc. The only person I could tell this to was DH and there was nothing he could say to make me feel better.

However, when I had my DD I felt that rush of love that people talk about, but which actually I didn't get instantly with my DC1 (despite being v happy throughout that pregnancy). I love my DCs so much and am so glad we had DD2 as our family feels complete.

Obviously you may not feel the same way when your baby is born, but please don't feel you have to make any decisions now and just be open to the possibility.

Please go back to your GP and talk to them or talk to your midwife again.

Thank you I am trying to keep up with the questions and the advice. Thank you.

Sorry if I upset people but I do have a history of MH issues and I did use to self harm, however I am a good person and I said I am fighting very hard not to hurt the baby and I havent and I wont. It is hard though.

I went to see midwife and she arranged the doctor app months ago because I was feeling like this. GP said that I didnt need the medication as long as I did therapy and came to see him again.

I had a few months where I was better and hoped that, as people said, it would pass and I would start loving the baby.

Yet today, I couldnt walk again due to the PGP and I had no energy whatsoever and realised I am full term and still think it is (as someone said) an alien inside me.

I am not a bad person and obviously it is too late to terminate.

So I need an alternative plan to be able to cope with the next weeks.

All I can think of is giving it up for adoption or leaving DH.
If I do I have nowhere to go but that will be my issue only, fine.

Yes, I can see that antenatal depression might be to blame but with my history, postnatal depresion is a real possibility after baby is here and I feel so bad every time it moves, which is most of the time now.

Those that advised to get help, the thing is I have done that before, but all I got was an hour a week on line with someone that is not helping that much. And I am so tired.

I wish people didnt judge me and say horrible things because I am a good person that is struggling with something, but I understand that on the other hand I am pretty awful to feel these things.

I do think the baby will be better off with DH because My family are not as good as his. His mum is very caring and he has a sister with children. I love him but I dont see how I can.

I am terrified of keeping the baby inside my body any longer. I feel so bad.

I've been thinking more. If I were you I'd write it down and hand it over to the gp. I'm crap and always say I'm fine and downplay everything then leave and think I'm an idiot and get annoyed at myself having resolved nothing!

Also, some people glow during pregnancy, but a lot of people fucking hate it too! I did. The last bit is particularly shit but is usually counterbalanced by wanting the baby. Please don't feel any guilt about how you feel but do get support asap. If you really cannot face seeing the gp yet think of all your friends and cailleagues; often a less close friend or colleague could be unexpectedly perfect in a tough situation like yours.

No advice, just want to reiterate what others have said. Please contact the GP and the antenatal team and demand they listen and take you seriously.

Radio I think you need real life support and urge you to make a urgent appointment at your GP asap, you could have depression or something else and we on the internet shouldn't specutate as it could be anything.
If you get no help at the GP contact the maternity unit at the hospital or contact one of the health providers that deal in pregnancy.
Please don't be hard on your or your pregnancy it is neithers fault.
I think your wishing harm to the baby could be detrimental to you long term if the worse happens so try to push those thoughts out until you can get help.

I've just seen your latest post. I think the gp will be more helpful this time as long as you are honest with him. You have had thoughts of harming it (I know you said you wouldn't carry it out) so he/she will take that seriously and hopefully up the support. Be strong and go see the gp

I didnt mean that termination = bad person! The sentence made more sense in my head and it should have been 2 sentences

Cross posted. Writing everything down to give to medical professionals is an excellent idea. It's OK to give your baby up for adoption if that's what you are certain is right for you and your DH doesn't want to be a single parent. Does he understand that he will be going it alone and it will be you or the baby, not both? He needs to get his head out of the sand.

You need urgent help. I had antenatal depression, I hated being pregnant, felt awful. The moment I gave birth I felt different, the sense of relief to have my body back, I felt myself again. I did want the baby. The pregnancy was so awful I wished it over, prayed for a miscarriage.
For me, on giving birth, love for my baby was secondary to the bliss of the pregnancy being over.
You will feel different when the baby is born. I'm not saying that you'll want to be a mum, but the fog of hormones will shift.

Having felt amazing for the first few months, I spent a while feeling I'd made a huge mistake, I couldnt be happier now. I think becoming a mother is a huge challenge.

You aren't an awful person, but you do sound unwell, you speak of 'just' depression, like it's no big deal, but it's a very serious condition. I've found its only when I recover from an episode of depression that I realise how ill I was. At the time I don't see it.

Hi there TheRadioandtheTV. We're so sorry to hear you find yourself in this situation. It sounds dreadful for you. The very fact that you're posting, however, suggests that you're not a bad person at all, but someone who just wants to find help.
We wanted to pop by just to post a link to our Mental Health Web Guide here. Please do have a look through it. We'd obviously urge you to speak to someone else in real life about this and demand the help you need, but in the meantime there are some wonderful organisations out there you can contact who deal with women with all sorts of antenatal and perinatal illnesses all the time, as well as women who don't have those illnesses diagnosed but are still in need of and deserving of help.
We really hope you can get the help and support you need and we're sure you will manage to navigate a way through all this that is the best way for both you and the baby. Please do pop back and let us know how you're doing. Very best of luck.

Radio

I had mild antenatal depression and a lot of my thoughts were very similar to yours. I don't want to try and tell you your thoughts aren't real if you know what I mean but I Deffo think you need to get in touch with someone asap. There are dedicated perinatal mental health teams.

Oh your poor poor woman, what a terrible time you are having. I really feel for you and feel you are not being listened to properly by the people who are supposed to be there to support you. No one has the right to judge you or dismiss how you are feeling, especially not a midwife or a doctor.

I do think you need to contact the hospital urgently tomorrow and ask to speak to the duty social worker and make an urgent appointment to discuss your concerns. While it may be acceptable for your husband's family to take and rear your baby, you need help and care NOW and someone to help you tell them your wishes and make them understand.This will not go away, it can't be brushed under the carpet by people who think once your baby arrives, you will be fine.

You may well be fine, however you and your baby have rights too. Even if it means the end of your marriage, so be it. Better that than the alternative of you suffering until something bad happens to you. Please don't allow anyone else persuade you that it will all be fine, sit in that office and make them hear you.Refuse to leave and refuse to be belittled as pregnant and of no consequence because you are carrying a child. You are important too xx

OP, well done for reaching out for help before and also on here. Seriously, you are fighting something that is so difficult.

If your GP and midwife did not take this seriously enough then I think your best option is to go to the maternity unit, they won't ignore you. Writing it all down is a very good idea.

They will help you and I think you have a very strong case for early induction if that's something you would want.

I don't think trying to persuade the OP that her OH is cruel and selfish is particularly helpful.
No one on this thread can possibly tell that. It could be that he is at a total loss and has no idea how to help his wife.

theradio no judgement from me. The feelings you describe are extreme. It must be agony for you. I cannot imagine how dreadful you feel.
The pregnancy hormones may be making your MH issues much worse. I suffered from ante natal depression. I didn't have negative feelings towards the babies but I was pretty unwell.

You cannot put the baby up for adoption without the father's consent and it doesn't sound as if he would give it.
You can let him raise the baby alone.

Do you think a mother and baby placement is an option? I doubt that it is something that appeals but is it worth a try? Before you decide to split up with your OH, a sort of trial at motherhood with support?

I wish you well and hope that things get better for you soon