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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Don't want baby but too late

125 replies

Theradioandthetv · 18/01/2017 21:50

I dont know what to do and how to do it.
Months ago I was set on not having this baby but I felt forced by midwife and DH to keep it, they kept saying it was antenatal depression and so on.
I am 37 weeks now I dont want it. I feel nothing by hate and resentment towards it.
I feel sick when it moves.
I am exhausted and sore, I cant do anything and I dont want it inside my body.
DH was supportive but now he is ignoring me because he knows it is too late for me to terminate and I am forced to have it.

Can I give it up at the hospital? I know DH will leave me but I cant have it. It already has and will ruin our marriage and I wish I could go back.

I am so hoping something goes wrong and I lose it naturally. It is all statistics and so many stillbirths I hope it is me and not some deserving and loving mum.

What are my options??? How do I give it up? Or should I just leave DH aftet the birth??

I so wish I could go back in time and have my body and my life back.

Not fair on the child knowing he was never loved and nothing but a huge mistake, I was told I wasnt going to be able to have children

OP posts:

wobblywonderwoman · 18/01/2017 22:21

I think some of the comments on here are very harsh.

Could you try talking to someone else.. Maybe ring the hospital or your gp for support. You really need some good people around you. You also don't know how your feelings will be once baby arrives but most importantly you need to keep safe and well.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2017 22:22

namechangedjustforthis. Walk away from the thread. You are not helping yourself and more importantly you are not helping the OP. I am sorry for your losses, very sorry, but this thread is not about you.

AveEldon · 18/01/2017 22:23

Please ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health midwife - there should be one on the hospital team and they should be able to talk through things with you and help you make a plan

lauryloo · 18/01/2017 22:23

Op you mentioned prenatal depression -are you absolutely sure this isn't the case?

The way you are talking is how I felt when pregnant with my dd. It was consuming and I resented her.

Sending you lots of love x

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2017 22:24

namechanged I have just read you last, utterly vile, post.

Go
Now

This is NOT your thread.

Cartright · 18/01/2017 22:24

namechangedjustforthis are you trolling and trying to incite the OP to hurt herself and her child? Because that is how you are coming across.

waitingimpatient · 18/01/2017 22:25

namechanged this thread is obviously upsetting for you and Iam sorry for what you have gone through. Your comments are not going to help OP and will just cause further distress. Please hide the thread for yours and OPs sake

runningLou · 18/01/2017 22:26

OP please ignore the unhelpful comments - you are saying some things that sound really disturbing and some pp have reacted to them but ignore the reaction and focus on this: a strong urge/desire to harm yourself or others is a sign of severe mental health issues. Please go and see a GP or midwife as soon as you can and explain how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable with your midwife who you feel pressured you into keeping the baby then call the community team and request to see someone else, urgently. Explain why.
You need support, not criticism. I really hope you can get help with this.

Dinnerout1 · 18/01/2017 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

middlings · 18/01/2017 22:27

namechanged I've reported your posts.

All the very best to you OP

Purpleprickles · 18/01/2017 22:27

Never reported anyone before but namechanged you are my first.

OP my only advice is seek help now for your sake and the baby's. I'm so sorry you feel this way, I have had mild pnd and have had times of feeling utterly desperate. Is there another midwife on your team you could talk too as your initial one doesn't sound supportive.

namechangedjustforthis · 18/01/2017 22:27

Inciting to hurt her child? She's just said she has to fight not to punch herself in the belly. Where on earth do you get from me being horrified by that, and her wishing he would die to mean I'm inviting her to hurt her child?

BluePheasant · 18/01/2017 22:29

You need to get help now. You need to go to the hospital and tell them exactly how you feel. If you can't do that you phone your midwife or the emergency maternity number. Or go to your GP. Just tell someone. Please, please get help.

Original poster

Theradioandthetv · 18/01/2017 22:29

Oh sorry lots of messages so reading them all. Thank you.

I understand some people saying I am awful and why become pregnant. I was told I couldnt and only found out when I went for a scan for my ovaries that I was told werent and wouldnt work.
I have other uterine issues so was told not to "get hopes up"so I never really thought it would work.

Then I started feeling I didnt want it and spoke to midwife and DH and was told it was just antenatal depression and I would love the baby.

I agree I need support and they gave me online therapy and I have been doing it weekly and put a lot of effort.

But I still feel nothing but (sorry to upset people) hate towards it (sorry cant say she/ he).

And I am tired and sore and lonely and I had a bad upbringing and my mother is pressuring me to have a lot more influence that I want her to and I know the baby will be better off without me and I will better off too.

My DH is a good man I swear, but he thinks I am just depressed and he doesnt know what to do.

It is very hard to explain it but I feel that there is a thing inside me that moves and makes me tired and sore and I dont feel love or sympathy for it.

And I thank everyone for their help here.

I cant see how to cope with 3 to 5 more weeks of this and I dont feel the support they gave me was enough.

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2017 22:29

Radio. If your DH was that wonderful, he would be terrified right now & doing everything to help you, he's not, he's selfishly ignoring you because he has got what he wants.

You need support. Don't worry who is or isn't excited by the baby, confide in the person you TRUST to be there for you.

My fertility issues would not come into it. I'd want to be there for you, my friend, your feelings towards your pregnancy don't affect whether I can become/stay pregnant or not. Yes stupid people being insensitive hurts, but something like this, it's just not an issue. I'd want to be there for you, I wouldntbwant you to not tell me because of my issues.

waitingimpatient · 18/01/2017 22:30

Please go to the hospital, there will be doctors and midwives who can help you

tygr · 18/01/2017 22:31

You don't sound well OP. There are options that could result in you not raising the child but right now, this moment, that's not the problem. The urges to harm yourself and your baby are signs that your thinking is skewed. I really second the pps who have suggested you get urgent mental health assessment/support.

If you are struggling with the urges now, please ring the out of hours GP and ask for help.

SleepFreeZone · 18/01/2017 22:32

Op please don't hurt your baby. They are entirely innocent in this situation and totally vulnerable. You can absolutely walk away as long as the baby is safe. You have a few more weeks left, if you don't want to have a natural labour you can push for a CS and use your mental health as the reason.

picklemepopcorn · 18/01/2017 22:32

Hi radio.
I tried hard to conceive ds2, but from the moment I realised I was PG I felt rubbish. Depressed, miserable, sick as a dog. Didn't think I could survive it. Didn't want him, really. Didn't feel like I wanted him, at least. But my head knew that I had planned and tried for him.

Fortunately, the hormones all shifted around and I got better. He's my pride and joy.

Don't give up on yourself and your baby just yet- you really are poorly, hormones all over the place, probably short on sleep, and feeling trapped with the baby. But that will pass, and when you are a bit better you can decide what you and DH want to do. Stay with DH and baby, leave DH and baby, even allow baby to be adopted.

Hang in there, you are nearly through it.

waitingimpatient · 18/01/2017 22:33

And yes, if you have friends please talk to them, regardless of their fertility issues they will, I'm sure be happy to help you. I have had many rounds of IVF and hand on heart if a friend of mine was going through this I would not judge or criticise due to my own circumstamces. Ask for help and I'm sure your friends will talk to you and support you

lauryloo · 18/01/2017 22:34

Op I really do see so much of my antenatal depression in the things you are posting

Please do as others have suggested and call a midwife and tell her how you are feeling. They really can help you deal with everything

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2017 22:35

Cross posted with you.

Tell your mother to back right off or you will go 'no contact' with her. You don't need that crap from her.

Tell your DH exactly how bad you feel and tell him he needs to take this seriously and help you to find people to help

You are not 'awful' you are ill. You wouldnt try to fight cancer alone, this is no different.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 18/01/2017 22:36

Make an appointment with your gp first thing and tell them exactly how you are feeling. You need to speak to someone as a matter of urgency.

These feelings you are having could well be depression and may get worse after baby arrives.

As suggested above you should probably change your midwife. You feel she backed you into a corner so you can never really recover from that, you may find it easier to talk to someone else about your feelings.

Failing the gp could you get to your local maternity hospital/ward and ask them for help.

They will have dealt with women feeling this way before.

There is support out there, you just have to ask for it.

runningLou · 18/01/2017 22:36

If you don't feel you got enough support, you absolutely have the right to ask for more. No woman should be left to cope with these feelings alone. It must be frightening. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the negative feelings you are channeling towards the baby were actually coming from fear.
Please go and see a doctor or midwife ASAP. Get the support you need to make it through the next 3-5 weeks and just take things a day at a time. Don't make any life-changing decisions while you are so vulnerable.

EvieSparkles0x · 18/01/2017 22:37

OP please call the EPAU or triage and get immediate help, I don't know if posting this thread has stressed you or tipped you over the edge but your posts are incredibly concerning and you genuine professional support right now :(

Please check your maternity notes you will have all the relevant numbers written in there.

I don't know if you have the ability to have some perspective right now, but you need to think about, if you are suffering from AND, how different you would feel if you were not depressed and could bond with baby.

We need to clarify something though. You have gone through 37 weeks of pregnancy, told both your midwife and your GP that you do not want the baby, the midwife even mentioned ADs yet you still haven't received any medical support? And what do you mean when you say your midwife convinced you to keep the baby?

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