any advice?

[PlebsLeague]

I am 6 wks pg and 47. Have one dd already who is 7, pg accidentally and DH is not keen to proceed. I am also not keen to have another baby as feel old and knackered, and am retraining for a second career. A baby now would put me back again and may stop me from getting a job. I have no idea what to do. Have an appt at BPAS on Tuesday to discuss it with them, but the more time passes and the more I feel nauseous, and swollen the more I wonder if I can go through with it.

Yes it makes it so much harder how the whole thing has to be shrouded in secrecy doesn't it? As if you're not allowed to grieve because it was your 'choice' no matter how far from a free choice you feel it was..

Obviously you know your Dp, does he know why you're angry with him do you think? Assuming he must have picked up that you're not happy, though maybe you're hiding it well.

I think many men see the unplanned pregnancy as a problem to be solved - 'keep it or don't'- and once the termination has taken place that's it as far as they're concerned. Do you think that's how he feels? That it's over now and he's moved on already?

I'm sorry op, it's just so bloody hard and painful, I really feel for you.

I really don't know how you get past it in a relationship, as I havent experienced that.. My anger was directed at my father primarily and it was easy to distance myself.

But I'm sure there are posters here who have had a termination while in a relationship and stayed together, hopefully someone will be able to give you some more constructive advice in that respect.

Was your relationship with your dh good before this happened?

When i tried to talk to my dh about my anger he made the comment that it was me who took the pill True enough but I felt pressure from him to do so for the sake of our family.

On seeing my utter distress after the termination he told me he regretted it and said we probably would have managed. It's cruel how much easier it is to think clearly after the event.

Long story short, we had sex once shortly after and i conceived our ds. I love our ds but having him hasn't taken away the sadness of the termination. I still wish we'd been brave enough to continue with the unplanned pg, but then i feel terrible for thinking that because of course ds wouldn't be here of we had.

What i'm trying to say is i understand the desire to be pg again but don't be fooled into thinking it would resolve your feelings. It wouldn't.

I will always remember and I will always feel sad about it.

I was told by an old lady once that souls wait in heaven until a foetus is a certain gestation and then inhabit the foetus. (May be called the quickening?!) If the foetus dies before that time the soul waits for another baby. This has always stayed with me, so I think if I did pregnant again, the same soul would come back. if I don't get pregnant again, the soul will go somewhere else. Probably complete tosh, but makes me feel a whole lot less awful about it all.

I've also head that about souls. It can bring a certain amount of comfort.

How are you feeling today? Have you spoken with dh?

I feel less livid today, I realised it wasn't going to solve anything really, it would just make life unpleasant for DD. I am also pretty old, so in reality a baby wouldn't have been ideal. I just would have loved to give it a chance.
Back to real life now I guess!
Thanks again everyone :)