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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

any advice?

106 replies

PlebsLeague · 08/02/2015 09:34

I am 6 wks pg and 47. Have one dd already who is 7, pg accidentally and DH is not keen to proceed. I am also not keen to have another baby as feel old and knackered, and am retraining for a second career. A baby now would put me back again and may stop me from getting a job. I have no idea what to do. Have an appt at BPAS on Tuesday to discuss it with them, but the more time passes and the more I feel nauseous, and swollen the more I wonder if I can go through with it.

OP posts:

Booboostoo · 01/03/2015 14:40

missdee read the MN T&Cs. Voicing a silly opinion that needlessly upsets others is not your fundamental human right.

Missdee2014 · 01/03/2015 14:43

Upsets others claiming their opinion is silly. Double standards?

Missdee2014 · 01/03/2015 14:45

On that note Booboostoo ive taken the time to report you also for hurting me by belittling my opinion. You're welcome.

NameChange30 · 01/03/2015 14:51

MissDee I have reported your posts. You should not be reading and posting on a thread about Pregnancy Choices. It is not appropriate to attack women for an unplanned pregnancy. You are being very unkind and making this about you. There are links to other threads debating the ethics of abortion. And if you need support with TTC or dealing with MC or any other problems you are having, you can post on the relevant boards for those topics.
In other words, go away.

notasleep · 01/03/2015 14:57

Hi op, sorry you find yourself in this position.

Just wanted to say be careful of thinking a termination will take you back to your life as it was before. In my experience this was not the case. Yes life goes on but if you are not sure about terminating you will not feel the same as you did before you fell pg.

I am pro choice btw, had a termination myself. But I went agains my gut feeling when I found I was pg, which was to keep the baby, and bowed to pressure from my parents to terminate. (Was a teen so v diff circs to you). What was your gut feeling when you found out?

As a pp says can you buy yourself another week or so to think? The clinic should have a counsellor you can speak to?

magimedi · 01/03/2015 15:01

OP, can I just say that I am very nearly 60 (my DCs are grown up) & I reckon I am pretty fit (swim 1 K 3 times a week, walk 3/4 miles several times a week) but the thought of having a 13 year old makes me tired just thinking about it. I'm in no way wishing to be gllomy but by then you will be either going through or have just gone through the menopause & that can make some (not all) women pretty drained just by itself.

Interrobang · 01/03/2015 15:06

Sorry you find yourself in this situation, OP.

I think your initial reaction was to keep, but your H was not keen. Now he has said things would be fine if you did keep it, I think you can give yourself a bit more time to think it over again. It is still very early days for you, you have time.

I am early 40s and pg, but this was a planned baby. I am old, BUT, mentally I tell myself I am not, and I can cope with another child. 47 is not that old, imo.

And I don't know if this is useful, but nature may intervene anyway, then that is decision made, and no guilt (not that I am saying you should feel guilty, hope you know what I am trying to say.).

Original poster

PlebsLeague · 01/03/2015 16:38

Still v torn. DH still extremely anti, I feel sick and shaky at the thought of termination.
Thank you everyone for your insight - interrobang if pg did fail I would feel I had done what I could but nature had taken it's course. I had my dd at 40 and it was fine - had loads of energy you will be fine

OP posts:

Interrobang · 01/03/2015 16:48

Can you cancel tomorrow and give yourself more thinking time?
Had you ever hoped for more than one child?
Do you feel 47 is vastly different to 40? Maybe a new baby will make you feel young again! Sorry, not meaning to sound flippant.
Is your DH older?

Ah thanks. Had dc1 late 30s and was fine.

NameChange30 · 01/03/2015 17:05

OP could you discuss it with anyone instead of your DH? Best friend or sister? I'm just thinking it might be helpful to stop discussing it with him, you know his opinion and now you need to make your own mind up. I'm just worried that if he keeps pressuring you, you may feel forced into doing something you regret, and you will resent him for that. He should really understand that and back off! I know this decision affects him too but he just can't force you to have an abortion if that's not what you want.

notasleep · 01/03/2015 17:36

Maybe at your appt tomorrow you could ask to speak to the counsellor first?

A counsellor told me that women who were ambivalent about having a termination tend to be the ones who feel regret afterwards and take longer to 'get over it'.

It is so hard op and a decision only you can make.

Fwiw, my sis had an unplanned dc at 45, and all was/is well but everyone is different of course.

Booboostoo · 02/03/2015 06:08

When I had my termination I felt nothing but relief, but it had very strong feelings that I did not want to continue with the pregnancy. In your case OP you sound so conflicted about it that I would worry that if you go through with it you may find it very difficult to recover emotionally afterwards. This may cause resentment towards your DH and cause the same marital problems you are trying to avoid by having the termination in the first place.

Take some more time over this if possible and talk to a councillor.

Good luck today whatever you decide.

thisisnow · 02/03/2015 09:40

Good luck Plebs

Original poster

PlebsLeague · 02/03/2015 10:23

So have been and had it done - must say I feel calm and rational for the first time in weeks, like myself again. Almost like I was never pg at all. Will update u fully when I get let out, but I do feel ok.

OP posts:

Booboostoo · 02/03/2015 11:49

I am glad you are feeling ok about it.

NameChange30 · 02/03/2015 19:47

Thanks for the update OP, glad you're feeling ok

Original poster

PlebsLeague · 02/03/2015 20:10

The nurse at the clinic was marvellous - she said 'we can't just keep popping out baby after baby, we've got lives to lead of our own', and I found her words very comforting. I was feeling really awful about it, but she kind of gave me permission to do it iyswim. I am pleased to have my life back, so I can get on with my course and hopefully my new job.
I would like to say how grateful I have been to have all your support and kindness, you really have been amazing during some very lonely times. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 02/03/2015 20:15

Oh I'm so glad to hear we have been helpful to you DH think I'm a bit mad being so addicted to MN but this is why I love it!
The nurse sounds lovely, I'm glad she made you feel better about the whole thing.
Now have a well earned and/or ! And good luck with your course and new career path.

Interrobang · 02/03/2015 20:25

(hugs)

museumum · 02/03/2015 20:52

I'm so pleased for you. How you feel now shows you made the right decision for you.

thisisnow · 03/03/2015 09:29

Glad it went well, now you can get on with the rest of your life knowing you made the right decision for you and your family, all the best

Original poster

PlebsLeague · 03/03/2015 12:33

You are all so lovely - I couldn't have done it without you

OP posts:

Original poster

PlebsLeague · 04/03/2015 08:33

I do generally feel ok, but at night when I can't get to sleep I feel really bad. I keep thinking 'ball of cells' 'new career' 'sleepless nights' and then I think of squishy baby :( I guess I'll just have to hope I will be a granny at some point soon!
I also still have the huge sore boobs and swollen tummy of being pregnant and hoping they will go soon, so I feel physically back to normal too.

OP posts:

myermay1 · 04/03/2015 14:38

I'm sorry you've had to go through this. Your emotions will play havoc with your for a while, I'm 7 wks on and mine still are, but I've just found out I have to go through whole thing again because of retained tissue so my hormones are still quite pregnant. ??.

Give yourself time, it takes a while. Everyday you will get stronger physically and hopefully emotionally, are you going to have counselling?

Original poster

PlebsLeague · 04/03/2015 14:57

How did you know that you had retained tissue Myer? God it's all so sad isn't it. I wish I this had happened 10 years ago and then I would have kept the baby or died trying to. I just didn't feel like I had it in me this time. And that the world had tried to give me an amazing gift and that I let it down. I could have counselling, I wonder what they say to help though...

OP posts:

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