Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.

And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

Good grief misty, I only get one day of positive opk!! I have to say that I'm the same- testing far too early & then getting grumpy and cursing my 'infertile' body... until my positive "smiley face" arrives (bang on time for me) and then it's all ok with the world! :)

Xx

hey all, thanks for kind messages :)
I had follow up blood test yday and hcg is below 5 now so defo off the January bus so to speak! Doing ok, as I think eggy said better early than later if it has to happen.
Midwife yesterday tried to suggest not testing early next time, and ok i get that testing before af is due is a risk, but i was over a week late at this point, pretty sure most people would have tested by then!? and i was thinking in a way it was good to use that conception indicator that didnt increase in 'weeks' as that prepared me for what might happen, plus theres no way that this is a normal af and so you'd know anyway?!
so on with the next month i guess!
misty both mine and DHs family are from northants :)
had a fun outing yesterday, went to a market (one of those that could be the selling the contents of many 'Nan' houses, with random jewels etc. My friend is trying to get her DP to propose (they have a DS, they're mid 30s so its pretty much gonna happen soon i reckon!) and knows that she'd like an antique emerald if poss, so we had a grand time searching through the jewels. had no luck but i took a business card and gave it to her DP (i had heard him mentionning cash convertors so felt it was necessary!) hehehe, poor guy!
lol to all the opk testing, i literally dont think i could do it as it would sooo spiral!
xx

cremegg - soo sorry to hear your news, do agree with egg better early although not it isn't easy to understand / accept it has happened at any stage. Are we meant to wait even longer to test - a couple of days after af due is long enough for me.... I couldn't cope waiting longer
Not much planned here today as it is a traditional bank holiday Monday here in brume - wet...
I love looking at rings / necklaces etc - could spend all day looking :)
Might re enhance my natural highlights (cover the grey) this afternoon as it takes about two hours to do, then a friend is popping round for a natter / put world rites as we ladies do.
Take care out there in what ever you do
X x

Hi everyone xxx

myangel - it seems that i'm quite lucky (or maybe not - for pin-pointing ov) that i have 3 days of positive OPK's. I'm not sure how common it is to have one day/two/three ect. With every one using different sticks, different ideas of whats positive and what isnt, drinking different amounts of fluid and peeing at different times of day it would be impossible to tell whats average probably! Interesting though ay?

stunned - yep - chucking it down here too. We're close to Banbury in Ox. I too am s'posed to be putting some highlights in today. Got lots of dark browns and goldbrowns in my hair and fancy some realy light little streaks on top and in fringe! Still a teenager at heart when it comes to messing with my hair colour.

cremegg - You're doing well petal. i dont understand the point in the midwife's suggestion myself. re. testing early. An early positive test cant do any harm. In fact, knowing early could be a good thing as its such an important time for development for baby that it could stop you potentially doing something risky? Bungee jumping/getting really pissed ...... whatever?? lol

With some preg. tests boasting "I can tell you if you're pregnant before he's even rolled off!" OF COURSE its tempting to be sneaking into the bathroom with one before/just after AF is due and having a quick peek. We're all the same xxxxx

I'm feeling happy with myself because i got my bum down to the pool at 7.30 this morn and did my 40 lengths! Trying to stick to 3 times a week come hell or bank holidays....REALY want to get rid of these love handles!

to all the other lovely ladies. Hope you're all having a drier Bank Holl than we are here. Enjoy xxxx

cremegg I think it doesn't make any difference when you test, you're either pregnant or you're not and you either stay pregnant or you don't! I hope you're feeling ok though and hopefully as it was so early your cycle won't be disrupted.

Hello to everyone else. Rainy and miserable here too. Oops, must go, seems naptime is over early today...

hi ladies!! sorry been MIA - have been down to my brothers for the night last night, which was lovely - had a couple of glasses of wine, a lovely BBQ (though we ate it inside!), the kids behaved themselves and went to bed quite nicely so it was lovely to have a good catch up with my little bro and his wife!
only slight prob was (back on the subject again!) i got a +opk yesterday so we had to do the ole 'very quite BD'ing' as didn't want to miss out on possible fertility!! and to top it off, we were sleeping on their brand new sofabed....never before slept on by anyway (ie matress still in its plastic covering....nearly wanted to tell them to keep it on LOL). anyway we did manage it though we pretty much ended up on the floor as too squeaky (sorry, TMI!)
back home at lunchtime.....another Northants girl here!!! well, i am currently, originally from st albans (which is where i was last night!)

Cremegg - i'm sorry to hear the results of the blood test - you sound quite positive about it all (though i'm sure you've had your moments). :( was thinking about you yesterday even though i didn't manage to post on here.

i also agree that it is better earlier than later (although preferably not at all!) - i remember when we had a similar thing happen to us, i did take comfort from the fact that i could still fall pg.....i know that may not help you right now, but it helped me lots.

misty - you are one determined woman - down to the pool 3x a week - i raise my hat off to you. you're certainly more focussed that i am in that respect....and i would love to lose my love handles too (rather than disguise them in loosly fitting clothes!!!)

stunned, a natter with a good friends sounds like a perfect way to spend this dismal bank holiday!! hope you have a nice afternoon!

sorry this is not long - have to go and unpack and put a wash on and think about what to get for dinner, and prepare for work tomorrow - but i will be back on later. think i'm O'ing today (will confirm!) so will have to make sure DH doesn't wear himself out DIYing!!

lots of love and happy thoughts xxx

Hi all
Sorry cremegg. You sound very brave. Hope next month is your month.
I use a clearblue fertility monitor and it is very good. I seem to have 3 days of LH surge. Didn't ov until day 18 this month which makes af due on the day I see Take That. Typical!
Had a lovely weekend -,Michelin star tasting menu on Friday then 2 nights staying with friends.
Looking forward to seeing my pussycats now.
Xx

Well, everyone sounds like they have had a lovely, if not wet (it's been biblical here!) weekend. cremegg, you sound very positive, I'm pleased and I'm thinking of you. As Egglet said, hopefully you'll be back on track cycle wise v soon.

mrsbigz- silent bd'ing eh? Hope it brings you luck! misty, it is interesting and there's prob all sorts of scientific implications. I too use the clear blue fertility monitor blacktreaclecat, which used to give me one high and then 2 peaks. (However I did find out that the monitor is programmed to give you your second peak followed by lows and so I started to give up testing after my surge was detected (the first peak), which saved me loads of sticks! forgive me, you prob know this but thought it may of use if not!) an added bonus with the monitor is that I would try to read the sticks myself and then second guess the machine.... It's the best bit about ttc!

Well done misty for going swimming on a 'day off!', I am back at the gym tomorrow after 2 weeks of a sore throat & staving off a cold, whilst all the while giving in to my chocolate & carb cravings- not a good combination! Wish me luck!

Lovely to meet you today Egglet and hope everyone else is ok xxx

Oh, also wanted to say (cremegg) that I thought they only frowned upon you using 'early' tests when you were testing before AF is due. It sounds as though she was being a bit harsh x

Oh yes I can tell from the sticks what is happening without the monitor now!
When properly ttc I have to stop using the sticks at peak as I take hcg trigger shot which would give false positive. Also have to wait to do preg test until 17 dpo as well.

Ah, I see blacktreaclecat- so I've not saved you any money at all! :) and fingers crossed for this month- Take That eh? That's got to be a lucky sign! X

Lovely to meet you too myangelava, hope to see you again soon.

So let's see if all this silent sex is somehow more productive, mrsbigz. We may all be making impromptu family visits to try it out!

blacktreacle the tasting menu sounds wonderful. We've treated ourselves to dinner at a couple of Michelin starred places in the past, they were very fine meals.

Good effort on the swimming misty, make sure you don't end up with bloke's shoulders!

I visited a friend this afternoon who has a cat and I forgot to take an antihistamine before I went. I now have a totally blocked nose and dreadfully itchy eyes, it's awful!

Love to you all. xxx

Hello girls xxxx

Wrote a good big post last night and MN bloody lost it! So i swore and slammed the lap top shut and made everybody jump, ... but didnt kick it this time.

Anyway - this is what i said last night ......

Could someone who who fancies a bit of typing tell me how the fertility monitors work please. i know its a bit pathetic of me to get to this stage without a clue about them - but there it is! lol.

myangel - good luck back at the gym xx

blacktreacle - the tasting does sound scrummy! What a lovely weekend.

kat - laughed at your family visit coment. I just pictured us all turning up at our respective relatives' heading for the spare rooms saying "Dont mind us ....you wont hear a thing", lol.

mrsbigz - on the floor ay? Oooooh naughty!

cremegg,stunned,flower (are you ok lovie?)bluecat and all

To all who think i'm wonderfully willpowered - this is the thing....

My OH is not only muscly, tanned and gorgeous (IMO) but he is also 10 years younger than me Now this has its drawbacks .... i feel under permanent pressure to try and look good. Its bloody exhausting sometimes - but i can say that i look better now than i did 5/6 years ago. My ex was older than me, and i never felt much inclination to try too hard with myself back then.

For the 13 weeks i was preg this year i piled on the weight. Last month i was left babyless, and felt like a failiure. To top it off i felt fat and wobbly too. Darling OH was and always is wonderful saying he loves me as i am, with/without extra curves and cant wait to get me swelling again (!) - but my massive insecurity just wants me to get slimmer now - in case i never fall pg again Hense the frantic swmming, dieting and belly dancing (not all at once, my jingly bits would rust)

Well - thats the mess in my head. Thank you for reading. Have a good one girls xxxxx

kat - sorry to hear about your itchy eyes. That must be awful poor you xxxxx does it happen with all fur, or just cats?

Hi misty, I think you're brilliant. I too put on far too much weight in the weeks of worry before Ava's diagnosis and the first weeks of grief after her termination. Mainly because I didn't care. I was 26 weeks when I had Ava and strangely I'd not put much on befo all went wrong. I too then looked at myself horribly and embarked on diet/ exercise, only it's all gone a bit wrong since Easter- holidays and chocolate- not a good combo! Anyway, back on it!

Re the Clearblue fertility monitor- you basically pee on sticks (10 per cycle but as I got 'clever' with it/ my cycle you can reduce this to 4-5) and feed them into the monitor every morning from CD 9-19 depending on your cycle. It uses this info to learn your cycle and tell you whether you have low, high or peak fertility that day. It does this by monitoring your changing levels of oestrogen and LH, because oestrogen rises steadily, and then falls during your cycle, prompting your body's LH surge. You get high fertility as soon as the monitor detects rising oestrogen levels and peak when you get your LH surge. You then ovulate the day of your first or second peak day and have a 24 hour 'high fertility' after that. Therefore, you have a day or more warning of your LH surge and more chances to BD! (Sperm can survive for up to 5 days or so). Remember though you test every morning so chances are your LH surge first started the afternoon/ eve before you get a peak reading so you do need to BD on all high and peak days! The month i conceived DS i had a string of 5 highs before the 2 peaks and automatic high after it- DH thought it was xmas but i was knackered! I was determined and DTD twice a day! :) It is a bit pricey but Amazon has them for £55 ish and the sticks are £12 for a box of 20..... this is a lot cheaper than the shops (£100 & £20 respectively). I bought it when ttc by DS 3 years ago and used it again this time round, it's good and you can learn your cycle for natural contraception too I suppose.

Right, I'm off to go and apply to be a Clearblue sales rep!

DS is still asleep (he's definitely 2 going on 14!) so going to wrestle with the idea of waking him up! It seems so unnatural to wake a toddler! Hope you all have a nice day xx

hi just skim reading this at work but wanted to put in my ha'penny on the CBFM (fertility monitor)

i used it while i was ttc ds2 and although it does work very well in giving you your highs/peaks , i think by that point i already knew 'roughly' when i O'd, so I was quite good at looking at other fertility signs. I can?t even remember now whether I was still using it when I conceived ds2? I actually gave mine on to a friend of mine who had just started ttc. The other thing I remember about it is that it takes a few cycles to get in tune with your body ? so like MyAngel said ? initially it can be quite expensive (especially for me being a late O-er!!)
to be honest, I find that my own knowledge of my cycles plus using OPKs works equally well for me and (major point for me at least) is MUCH less expensive (god, I buy cheapy internet OPKs ? 100 for about £8 ? that?s how stingy I am LOL)
anyhow, just my opinion BUT I can completely understand how they work and can be really useful in the old ttc journey!
Right, back to my spreadsheets now - booooooo

£8 for 100 that's amazing! Completely agree that if you know your cycle it is an expensive 'hobby' and complete waste of money- after a couple of cycles yo can do it yourself really! I say this as my cycle seems to have changed a lot since I had my DS and again since I had Ava x

hey all, am tired out from school trip (joy! 30 yr 8s to a wetland centre!) so just a quickie!
am v impressed by your efforts misty! You are inspiring me to find a dance class to get my butt too, so thank you. I missed yoga as got back late, tho prob not a bad thing as this 'AF' is still going strong so the couch is far more appealing!
loving the silent bding mrsb!
and yep i defo agree that the midwife is cuckoo if she thinks i would wait over a week after af is due to test, so with you eggy it doesnt change the facts, and i wanna know whats happening with my own body!
anyway, off now to mark some books, boo!
xxx

Thank you so much for all that info myangel, (and for saying i'm brilliant You are too ) We ALL are xxxx

That little machine sounds like something i wish i'd already got - but probably dont need now. God i'd love to be feeding my pee sticks into an actual piece of technology - instead of squinting at my stick in different lights for half an hour and getting moody with everyone, lol. Like mrsbigz (Charting Guru to the Stars) says - once you've battled through a couple of cycles manualy checking your signs, you do get a feel for you own bodys patern. So sadly i cant justify that purchase. But your pitch was great angel - definately a future sales job there for you i think

mrsbigz - BDing - like i said on FF - last night was a bit of an effort on my part too, lol. We've done it 9 times in the last 13 days, (last 5 daily) - and after a lateish night (like you) + swimming and wiggling - i could easily have not bothered. Bit of a break now me thinks ....

cremegg - Bless you. You're doing so well. Lordy i hated going on school trips. It was ALWAYS the child sat next to me who threw up without warning on the coach! Maybe it was my conversation ?? Last trip was to Warwick Castle and while gathring the class a lad mentioned he felt a bit iffey and had been sick at home the night before!! Yes! and his mother had still sent him to school. Anyway i'm ashamed to say i made sure i didnt sit with him on the coach. And the one i WAS with was sick over my handbag instead. Thats karma isnt it?......

Coffe break over ladies - back to the hoovering xxxxx

Hello all, (smiles weakly).....

Okay, needy cinnamon here needing some bolstering. As you know, am ttc in earnest right now but didn't think I was that 'bothered' by it all. Just happily getting on with it and hopeful, but not desperate for a bfp straight away. Silly, silly girl.......

OH told me last night he was a bit concerned about his tackle, (sorry, tmi I know but integral to the story), felt a tad sore and was worried he was getting a uti, (he's never had one ever, but my kidney infection has really panicked him and now he's petrified I'll get it back), so could we not do the necessary last night as he didn't want to pass on any nasties. Complete over reaction on my part. Didn't shout and vent at him but just felt the bottom drop out of my world. Last month was a nightmare not being able to ttc because of being ill, cried so many times. Felt like that was happening all over again, especially as I'm coming up to my most fertile 3-4 days. Lots of catastrophising, (that's it for this month too then, it's never going to happen, the world hates me, etc, etc). Couldn't sleep, ended up coming downstairs to cry until about 3am. Back upstaiirs and sleep, but DS3 woke at 5am so 2 hours sleep. Managed an hour or so more about 8am when he dropped off but given the previous night when all 3 kids woke us through the night, (DS 1 & 2 coughing and turning on all the lights in the house to go to the loo, DS3 nightmares), I've had about 7 hours sleep in 48 hours.

Feel so low and miserable. It's not just the desperate need to be feeling like I am doing something toward ttc, (if we try and we don't then that's a different matter, but not even being able to try is heart breaking), it's that my whole life is on hold till we are successful or not. Haven't been able get a regular job because of DS3's autism and childcare issues; this will be resolved when he goes to school in Sept but being preg or not effects whether I start applying for jobs, etc. It may be the exhaustion, it may be the last few months catching up with me, but I feel right back to square one, that life is so unfair and I should be happily planning for an amazing September with my new baby, my little man starting school, the older boys happy and settled. Instead I feel hollow and empty and sad.

Hasn't got uti by the way, obviously we have been taking SWI a little too literally......men, such lightweights......

Sorry it's all me, me, me. Just needed to get that off my chest; only you ladies understand the crazies that catch us out every once in a while. RL people thing I'm insane, maybe I am!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Cinnamon, Cinnamon ? if you can?t come on here for a good ?me? post and let out your inner demons, where else can you come??

Firstly ? I TOTALLY get where you are coming from with the life on hold thing. I had a very similar scenario this very weekend. Until now I?d thought (convinced myself) that I too was happy just ?knowing? that I am actively TTC?..doing my part to get back on the road that I was so unfairly pushed off a couple of months ago ? and I thought I was fine, BUT when I got my +opk on Saturday dh had done an almost 12 hour shift at work, got home about 9pm and really wasn?t in the mood for bd. And I too catastrophied (I love that phrase) and actually panicked I think ? that there was going to be a day, really important one at that, where we didn?t bd, and that this would mean our chances were less, and I almost got to the point where I was about to ?plead? with dh?.thankfully he must have seen a look in my eyes and we did, but if we?d not ? how could I be cross with him or disappointed?..but I would have been. Then again being at my brothers on Sunday. God ? this is the couple who have nearly 4 years of unexplained infertility / 1x failed IVF cycle. How DARE I be disappointed that we can?t bd when we?re staying at theirs for the night??but yet again we did ? because I HAVE to be pregnant again soon.

Sorry ? I?m going off on a tangent now with my own dilemmas, and reading it back to myself it doesn?t even make sense but I don?t have the time to change it ? work calling etc. I just wanted you to know that you are totally NOT alone in feeling that way. Most days I surprise myself with how ?normal? and ?ok? I feel ? almost like it didn?t happen to me. My mum put it quite ?aptly? the other day (she was referring to the loss of my dad, and also her own experience of losing a baby) ? in that over time those memories are stored in a locked box in your head and you become more and more in control of when to open the box and let the memories out ? and have the emotional side. This is an unlocking the box month for her as it would be my dad?s birthday on Friday, so she will open her ?virtual? box and access the more poignant memories. I can understand that kind of, although for all of us it is far too early (I think) to have that ?control? of our emotions?..i think I am but I still get surprised by random things. Last week at work it was someone (I don?t really know them) having their last day before going on maternity leave?..left work almost in tears as it really knocked me for six.

I AM really glad that your DH hasn?t got a UTI, and it was really kind and thoughtful of him to think of you like that ? just remember (although I find it really hard to ?calm down? around fertile time) that bd every other day is totally recommended by lots of people (health profs and other in the know bods) ? as demonstrated in the SMEP (sperm meets egg plan) ? worth a google if you?ve not seen that before.

I know MN?ers don?t really do hugs (never understood why) so I?m sending you instead a big box of choccies, and some beautiful virtual flowers to cheer you up. I?m not sure whether I?ll be ANY help whatsoever, but please know that we?re all here for you and no matter how you?re feeling, I?m sure there?ll be at least one of us that have felt that way too

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I DO HUGS!!

Oh my God i'm so with you on the serene on top/frantic underneath thing. cinnamon - all i can say is love i would be the same. Agonising over that lost night. Like mrsbigz i swing between 'happy to be ttc' and I WANT TO BE PREGNANT NOW!!!!!!! Mr Cinnamon was thinking of you when he wanted to be carefull. But thats no consollation i know. Again as mrsB says every other day is fine, fine, fine. Better, some say, than everyday.

Can sympathise on the job hunting thing too. Me, egglet + mrs have been saying the same exact thing over on FF 2 days ago. Work vs staying home when ttc. I try not to go on about ttc too much here as i could bore for England on the subject, and have an outlet on FF, but i can tell you your not alone on the slightly insane feelings. I've just left a rant on FF 2 seconds b4 reading your post! Amazing how the mood can change so quickly when you realise you've fued up your bloody temps again, and they're meaningless anyway! Aaaaaarrrrggggghhhh! (mrsbigz take note, lol) xx

What will you do tonight cinnamon? Will you have the energy? xxxxx

Evening ladies
Took me ages to read the posts today :) which is nice
I have used a cbfm - it was great as got to know my cycle but unless you can find the sticks on offer somewhere it costs a fortune. Used to get hubby to check progress each morning so if there was a smiley face his luck was in... Having saud that he wasn't always in the mood & that used to upset me loads as used to think he didn't fancy me etc.
Saw bit of daytime telly today & a couple from doctors are going through IVF - had to turn over :(
I get the ov test sticks from ebay quite cheap so my cbfm is in the cupboard gathering dustvalthough I have looked at getting sticks to check my cycle after AF shows her face in the next week or so I hope.
Not done much today been & got my hair cut - wanted a trim but she cut iff more than expected - oh well it will grow again I hope..
Went back to skimming world tonight & found I have lost 1lb which I am pleased about - although that could be the hair cut. Only put-on about 5lb since I found out I was expecting to 14wks 5d which I was pleased about.
Sending out great big hugs to everyone - group hug ((((((((((( everyone)))))))))
X x

Hello again,

Ladies, you cheered me up and by heck the millionaires shortbread is cracking mrsbigz!

It's good to know I'm not completely losing it, though not good to know that you are going through similar ups and downs. Guess we sometimes expect a bit too much from ourselves. misty, yes we will be; OH has come home bedraggled and knackered after a very long day going site to site but with a certain twinkle in his eye and a request to 'make up for lost time'. Easy tiger, at least wait till the kids are in bed!!!!! How rude!

I am genuinely a lot happier, still anxious but have given myself a good, hard kick up the ar*e and am determined to BLOODY SMILE! Plus OH has just nipped to the shops for some chocolate, hurrah!

Thank you, thank you, thank you again you smashing people xxxxxxxxxxxx

And MN be damned!! xxxxxx

Oh, stunned, you made me giggle a lot re: hair cut and lost weight hee hee! You are all so good losing weight & exercising, putting me to shame xxxxxxxx