Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.
And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

[EggletinaClock]

myangelava I?m so sorry about your aunty. That?s so very sad for you and your family. I hope you?re ok. (Sore throat aside)

stunned I?m sorry to hear about your complications but if it?s any reassurance I had both a UTI and then a uterine infection following my termination but they are both gone now after a hefty blast of antibiotics. They make you feel grimmer than ever though. Hope you?re doing as well as can be expected. Personally I wanted everyone to know what had happened as that saved me having to explain but I was 22 weeks and very visibly pregnant and everyone knew so maybe it?s different.

blacktreacle glad you?re feeling positive about the next cycle. Hope you stay that way.

bluecat come back and be miserable here if it helps.

misty I?m a bit worried about my longer term reaction too, especially as I opted out of the funeral type rituals. I wouldn?t be worried about going for counselling though it sounds to me you are coping as well as can be expected.

cheerybug thank you for your perspective from further down the road. It really does help.

cremegg sounds like you dealt with the pupil situation as well as you could. I am full of admiration that you managed to say anything. Hope your throat is better soon.

Cinnamon I?m a bit scared by your psychotic face but my god what lovely teeth you have bared! Hope your kidneys are ok and enjoy your barbeque.

I had my first counselling session this morning and my story made the counsellor cry, at least she?s human! It seems ok and she was very sympathetic but I did cry for most of the hour. I explained that I hold it together for the sake of my daughter most of the time so when I am free to cry I do.

I was working all afternoon and now I?m drinking lager and watching Gardener?s World (I hate gardening so I?m not entirely sure why I?m doing this). Also the house reeks of drains as we discovered a major leak of the kitchen sink earlier today, all the waste water had been flowing freely under the floor instead using the conventional route out of the house via a pipe. All fixed thanks to my father but the smell will be with us for a while. Anyway, the glamour of my life seems to know no bounds?

Love to you all and hope you have a good weekend.
xxx

[BlueCat83]

KnitterNotTwitter Thanks for the hugs :-) I think you're spot on with the delayed reaction, I cried once after the scan and haven't since, I wish I could cry because I need some sort of release and often a good cry sorts you out! I have no idea how you go about counselling and I think I'd probably feel quite shy and not know what to say! My friend has a counsellor for other reasons and she says that she doesn't say anything and leaves to to her which I feel would result in a rather awkward lengthy silence! Have you had this experience? Also how do you go about it/ what do you say to your GP?

EggletinaClock Thank-you and sorry for your loss, how did your first appointment go with the counsellor?

MyangelAva I'm so sorry to hear of your loss how are you coping? Thank-you for the support do you find counselling helpful? I'm trying to debate whether it might be worth giving it a go....

blacktreaclecat Sounds like you've been lucky your cat has taken so well to the new addition I too find cats such a source of comfort x

mrsbigz I think the service sounded lovely and wish we had something like that offered to us.....I tried so hard to go into my termination thinking it wasn't really a baby just a lost pregnancy and I think not allowing myself to grieve for the little boy for what he actually was and what I felt in my heart (my baby) has caused me to run into the problems I have now further down the line. I think she would have been so proud of her mummy and daddy for what you have done for her xxx

misty0 The regular cuppas sound lovely, thank-you :-)

Cherrybug I found your words very moving and think you have explained it in a lovely way. I hope your grumpy cat isn't causing you too much trouble ha ha mine is a total madam she sits and stares at you it's kinda freaky and she has affectionately inherited the name snake eyes!

cremegg Hey nice to hear from you again I hope your throat is feeling better? I had a rather awkward kid moment when my friends little girl kept telling me how she was going to change nappies for me and I need not worry about anything when the baby is born. Her mum hadn't told her yet and it was in front of a room full of people who new about the termination....I could have died it was awful!

Cinnamondog I like your dentist what a lovely guy! Gosh wish there were more of them around! I missed my dentist app in the middle of everything and she kicked me and my son off her list!! I didn't explain to be fair I just moved on to another dentist!

Hello to everyone else! I'm in the middle of exams at the moment so super stressed out and to top it all off my little boy has been having trouble at school, he's not settled and has been getting picked on :-( It never rains it pours eh? My little boy said we're an unlucky family :-(( xx

[MyangelAva]

Thank you bluecat, egglet & stunned. I talked things through in depth with my counsellor, which sort of brought my loss of aunty and ava into context and allowed me to really think about things and have a good cry. I wasn't sure about counselling to begin with but it really has helped and is helping. Egglet, I too made my counsellor cry first session and I now cry pretty much the whole hour too. Think it helps to get it all out & really think about it rather than pushing it to the back of my mind, which is what I do in order to keep going every day. Bluecat, I think your gp would be a good place to start to get a referral. The hospital that I had my termination in also had a counselling service I think.

stunned, I'm sorry you're having to deal with unsolicited emails- it must be a shock. Like Egglet I needed the jungle drums to spread my news as I was 26 weeks and had a big bump. I have had to tell a few people who didn't know but luckily I was in an ok place at that time. I did in fact bump into a very old friend in M&S and after she'd cooed over my ds (who she'd never met before) she asked me "so, when's the next one? He's so gorgeous he needs a brother or a sister". I told her that I'd lost my baby 2 weeks ago & we both burst into floods of tears by the sandwiches!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend x

[blacktreaclecat]

Hi Stunned - we found out at our nuchal scan and had surgical management 4 days later after cvs. Not many people knew I was pg which was easier. We told people who did know that it was a missed mc, only a very few people know the truth. I was off work for a while and quite a few clients asked where I was but they just said a gynae op which quickly shuts people up!
Bluecat- your GP will be able to refer you for counselling. It does help.
Any cat people any kitten tips? He is 9 weeks and having a few accidents. We found he'd weed on the bed yesterday. He does use his litter tray most of the time so I can't work out why.
Have a good weekend
Xx

[StunnedAndShocked]

Afternoon ladies
Feeling brighter today been out for a wander around local shopping centre - made a few purchases :) - hubby even helped.
Was watching CSI last night & a woman had been killed leaving her little baby Q tears from me - how daft
black - due to previous mc we had only told a few people & were going to announce after our dating scan. I don't mind some people knowing but don't feel I can cope with the fake sympathy - nice to your face then gossip behind your back - iykwim.
Do you have more than one litter tray - with our new little one we found he was so excited about playing / exploring places he forgot where he was & couldn't get to litter tray in time. So we had a couple of litter trays slowly moving the smaller one closer & closer to the perminate one. We had very few accidents this way. With the 2nd litter tray it was a smaller one & we put some 'old' litter in from the main tray so he knew it was ok to use. Plus put it on an old shower folded shower curtain.
Waves to everyone else hope you all having a good day :o - calm thoughts to those who need them
X x

[misty0]

Good morning ladies xx

How is everyone today, and are you having good weekends?

stunned - weepy about things on the telly - YES. I'm much worse than normal since my term. Text book stuff with the litter tray moving! Well done . We did that moving it every day thing - it took blooming ages - inching it through the dinning room, through the kitchen and down the hall! lol. I just dont understand why Gus feels he has to exit the tray like a rocket .... litter pinging all over the place.

blacktreacle - we had one accident like that when ours were tiny. Like you i put it down to overexcitement and being too far away from the tray. So i restiricted their roaming area by shutting the doors upstairs ect. for a few days and it didnt happen again. Touch wood!

bluecat - sorry to hear you little boy is having trouble at school. So much on your plate at the moment. I really sympathise . Would you be able to speak to his teacher and explain some of whats occuring with you at home? If a teacher knows what a child is experiencing in their home life they may (should try to) be able to look out for him and help him get through problems at school.

egglet - hello lovie. How's the smells? lol. Hope you're having a good weekend, chart's looking fab

mrsbigz - goodluck tomorrow at the hos. for your follow up. I'll be thinking of you. What time is your appt' again?

Well i'm off with mr misty and 2 of the mistylets to see Pirates OTC #4 at the cinema this afternoon. Looking forward to that ....... Jack Sparrow ...... siiiiiiigh. He he. Peed on a stick yesterday out of sheer boredom! How sad is that? Neg of course - i've a good few days b4 i can expect a pos. Female puss is being taken to the vets tomorrow to be spayed, poor thing. But cant go through another heat like that! And tomorrow eve. is my first belly dancing class! Thought i'd take up something different ....... wiggle wiggle ....

Have good one girlies, waves to all i've missed xxx

[mrsbigz]

hi lovely ladies. ds2 is napping and ds1 is allowed his 'quota' of lego batman, so thought i'd take this opportunity to catch up with you all!

firstly, thank you fo much for thinking about me and the kind words said regarding Eve's service and burial. it was both very sad, but also quite peaceful at the same time. i cried a lot during the service (dh kept squeezing my hand bless him) - i think a lot to do with the fact that i knew my baby was right there in front of me in that teeny tiny casket. they had volunteers from SANDS there (as my bereavement nurse is also - didn't realise that!) and after the service they let the parents (if they wished) hold the casket. that was nice, i gave it (her) a kiss goodbye and told her i would see her sometime soon. it also gave me comfort (although i'm not religious) but in my own way, to know that there are many of my family members waiting to greet her, my dad, my sister, grandparents...the list goes on!!
the burial the following morning was also as nice as can be expected. it's a long long time since i've been to one (most of my family have been cremated) so seeing them put her casket into the ground was difficult. but the childrens area in the graveyard was beautiful and moving. obviously very very sad as all around were the headstones of children taken from their familes too soon. but beautiful in that there were windmills turning in the wind, lots of chimes tinkling in the trees, flowers - i couldn't imagine a better place for her to be 'playing' with all of her new friends.
so - i've had an emotional few days. yesterday i decided to update our memory box - it still had references to her being a boy (Noah) but because i knew there was a picture in there of her, i've not yet felt ready to change the details (the bereavement nurse had already given us new papers with her name on). but i felt yesterday was the right day, so moved her picture into the new memory book, along with her hand and footprints. also put her scan pictures in there and we've taken a photo of her cherry tree which we'll also add. so - i'm feeling weepy and yet a little stronger. thanks again for all your support!

now for some catch-ups!

cinnamon omg - well you scared me with your jack nicholson-esque face!! so glad you are back home and feeling better. and your dentists sounds like an absolute gem - no wonder you didn't mind going to see him. if only there were more like him around - who thought more about people than the money they get!!! hope your bbq yesterday went well - the weather was nice for it! and no, i'm afraid i've not seen your aunty flo - has she arrived yet??

misty hope you're having a nice weekend!

myangelava and cremegg - hope you are both feeling ok - has the fact you are pregnant sunk in yet? i'm sure that you will find a whole new wealth of support on the sister friend regarding going forward and what to expect, but i do hope you continue to post here too - we are all so happy for you both xx you've given us all hope that good things really can happen to good people :)
myangel i'm glad the counselling went well, and once again wanted to extend my sympathies for the loss of your aunt - losing someone close to you like that is never easy. i'm sure you have lots of happy memories of her to draw on during this sad time.

bluecat i'm sorry to hear your little boy is having trouble at school with being picked on, that must be really hard :( i've not got to the stage of school yet (my eldest is only 3.5) but that's one of my fears - him being unhappy or bullied. is there someone at his school that you can speak to regarding this? i'm not sure what the 'right' way to approach it is? anyhow sending you lots of hugs and hope that it ist sorted soon xx

stunned glad you had a nice shopping trip yesterday. i've found a bit of retail therapy works wonders for me - don't know if that makes me sounds shallow - but there's a certain sense of satisfaction i get from a purchase (usually clothing related!!) i think we can all relate to crying to something on tv. i think also after a loss, there 'seems' to be a lot more related things on the tv - probably not but we're just more aware or sensitive to them. but for the record, i've cried over casualty, holby, numerous adverts, even a kids programme the other day (can't remember the name!). i think crying is a good release so let it all out xxxx

to everyone else - sorry was going to write more personals but ds2 crying (yes - i've been trying to write this for over an hour.....just keep getting distracted!!!) so will catch up with you all later xxxxxxxxxxxx

[mrsbigz]

misty - X-post there (told you it had taken me ages to write it!!!)
thanks for remembering about tomorrow....in all of what's gone on the past couple of days i'd near enough forgotten about it!!? i'm sure it will go fine but i will update you when i get back x
am v jealous you are seeing POTC 4 today - heard good things about it and will be hoping to see it ourselves at some point!

[EggletinaClock]

Good luck tomorrow mrsbigz, I hope it's as positive as possible in the circumstances. I hope updating your memory box was ultimately comforting.

misty belly dancing! You brave lady (or perhaps you're insane?!)

Hope the pregnant cohort are ok.

Hope blue and blacktreaclecat are feeling ok too.

Everything makes me cry at the moment, tv, radio, newspapers, magazines... Even the smell of drains (which is now fading, thank God).

[Cinnamondog]

Hellloooooo,

Super, duper quick but just wanted to say hi, send big hugs to those in need and big hugs to those not!

BBQ went really well, apart from my friends not turning up because of a domestic, grrrrr. Auntie Flo turned up Friday, old bag. Back still very achey but kidneys seem to have decided to play ball so hopefully after Wednesday, (last day of AB's and also as AF seems to be back on a 28 day, hopefully I'll be escorting her firmly out the door by mid week!), I'll be back in action.

Ahem.......

Back later for personals if the kids allow! If not, big catch up tomorrow, promise.

Lots of love xxxxxxxxxx

[cremegg]

hey all, hope you had good wknds?
misty what was POTC4 like?
mrsb just wanted to say i am really pleased the service all went well and hope your appt goes well today.
throat is better for resting all wknd, hows yours myangel?
glad your kidneys are better cinnamon sounds like you're on the mend. and WOW to your dentist! he must be the only dentist in the world that isnt in it for the money. i am too scared to get a new dentist here, so just went at xmas while in UK! lol!
hope your weeks get off to a good start xxx

[StunnedAndShocked]

Good morning ladies
Hope everyone is having a good Monday
I am doing ok - body doing stranger than normal things - since giving birth / D&C only really had a little spotting each day but nothing much Friday / Saturday. TMI but we both in the mood Saturday evening so we did
Last night had quite a bit of fresh blood had to change pads a couple of times.. Bit odd as this morning just spots again.. Really confused now.
Take care out there x x

[KnitterNotTwitter]

bluecat my councelling was suggested by my doctor. Basically when I went to the doctors to get my sick note for being off after my MMC she said 'so, how are you?' and I burst into tears.... She suggested going on the waiting list for councelling and I couldn't see any harm in it! I actually really enjoyed the councelling and learnt a lot about myself... It started with quite general conversation - talking about the experience of my ectopic and MMC and then went a lot wider - how that made me feel and how it rocked my view of myself etc... I also wonder if the fact that I had the councelling and got myself on a more stable footing is one of the reasons that I haven't been as badly hit by the Termination as I might have been....

In other news AF turned up over the weekend - so guess we're TTC now!

[EggletinaClock]

Hi Cinnamon hope af's gone soon and you're back in action. Glad BBQ went well and the kidneys are tentatively ok.

Cremegg glad to hear you're on the mend too.

stunned I have no idea about the bleeding but I think it's probably quite normal for it to come and go. Glad you're feeling ok though.

knitter sounds like you really benefitted from the counselling. I think mine will probably go down the route of learning more about myself as I think that's my counsellor's approach. I would like to be on a more stable footing before I'm ttc again. Fingers crossed for you with ttc too.

I have just had a friend over this morning who I hadn't seen yet. I had to tell her the sorry tale and I sat there dry eyed passing her tissues as she was really crying. I had to explain to her that I've told so many people now that I am habituated to it and no longer break down.

We have our consultant appointment tomorrow. I am very worried about what we will be told but I'll just have to get through it. I hate having to go to the maternity hospital though. I just hope I get to have a positive experience there again at some point.

2pm already! Naptime nearly over...
x

[misty0]

Hello girls - gotta be quick!

knitter - yay for AF turning up - yes, now you're ttc xxx

stunned - yay for being in the mood and DTD! lol dont worry about the bleeding too much. I remember DTD brought on a bit of fresh loss when we began again. I think it just ...... stirs things up a bit !?!? But its all got to come out in the end, so - you did nothing wrong lovie.

cremegg - POTC#4 was really good i thought. but then i could happily sit and watch Jonny Depp just read out the telephone directory!! lol

cinnamon - - nope, i wont even go to your dentist! Glad your AF will be over soon, and glad your kindeys are feeling better xxx

egglet - its the later hun, i am insane! Send me good vibes at 6.30 for my first wiggling session .....

mrsbigz - been thinking of you this morn. I messaged you on FF - wont repeat it all xxxxx

Argggghhh got to dash - Hello everyone else, Happy Monday xxxx

[Cinnamondog]

Hello ladies,

Well.....what a day I had yesterday. My poor little DS3 face planted straight onto concrete while coming back into the house from the garden last night. Lots of tears and screaming and lots of blood. A quick look was all I needed to know he needed to go to A&E. More tears and one very scared little boy, but the hospital were wonderful; triage got us straight in and we were seen in about 15 minutes. No stitches, but his top teeth went straight through his top lip, (ouch!) and he has lacerated and bruised his top gum (double ouch!). He now looks like a turtle, his top lip is massively swollen and overhanging. Poor baby. We have an appointment at the hospital with the paediatrician today too, so that'll be fun!

Apart from that, think I am on the mend. Phoned for results of wee test yesterday and apparently that is free of infection. As I have been on massive amounts of very strong AB's since, the chances of a new infection must be negligible, so am happy to assume the continuing pain in my back and side is the after effects of my midnight tumble last week, which I can cope with. Am sooooo hoping that this is a good sign, and that life can start moving on again in the cinnamon house. Crossing everything!

Apologies for lack of personals, again! It's all me, me, me! Will try another catch up after the hospital if I'm not too traumatised! Hope the appointment was okay yesterday mrsbigz and misty, how did that wiggling go? Sounds fabulous, you are very brave! Everyone else, massive hugs, hope you are doing well. Seems a few of us are hitting a brick wall at the mo', feeling a bit low. I cried for 4 hours yesterday, straight. That was even before the face plant incident! I guess it's all still part of that long healing process. Lots of love and extra hugs to anyone feeling the strain right now.

xxxxxxxx

[misty0]

This threads quiet at the mo!

Ooooh Lordy cinnamon that sounds awful! Poor little man. Give him a kiss from me Soooo glad all your infection has cleared hun.

Belly dancing was good last night, thanx. I was achey afterwards - she worked us hard! Its not 'out of breath' working hard, but to shimmy your hips at great speed (a small but intense movement) for an hour while slowly waving your arms around is really hard! Loved it though. I've ordered a fab 'coin belt' online for next week as the teacher had to lend me one. What a noisy class!

I've got my follow up appt. at the hos in a couple of hours and i'm not looking forward to it.....we get the results of the translocation tests, and possibly some more info on baby. Sex ect. Although i'm not banking on that later one. I'm not sure there IS a report on baby ..... sigh. Oh well, got to be brave.

Good luck egglet - its your appt. too today isnt it? Let us know how you get on.

Got to go girls - luv to all. Back later.

[StunnedAndShocked]

Morning ladies
cinnomondag - sounds like a naff day - hope all goes well for you today & good news re the sample - UTI not good news - I have kidney problems so know the pain they can cause. Certainly no probs from me with the me me post - we all need one of them now & then.
Rite the me bit - doing ok so far today, no tears yet. Yesterday was a bit of a long day, went to see friends in the afternoon, didn't get home until after 1915hrs - not bad for an afternoon :) We put the worlds to rites, one o the ladies lost her husband on Xmas day although slightly diff loss we knew where each other coming from
Thinking of popping not work tomorrow to drop sick note & see everyone, not been un for about 3wks since dating scan so feeling nervous even though worked there for over 8yrs & not that many people knew about baby.
Rite enough of me, need to get sorted & get dressed
Take care out there
X x

[KnitterNotTwitter]

cinnamon hugs to your little one - what a nasty scare for all of you

misty thinking of you for this afternoon FX for no translocation and 'normal' risk for future pregnancies....

stunned glad you had a lovely day yesterday - and hope that trip to work goes ok too

I've had a little cry today... was catching up with paperwork and in the middle of the pile of stuff that needed filing was the info about the termination :( Have put it in teh file next to the scan picture of the bean.... so sad...

But to cheer me up straight after that the phone rang and it was a phone call from the Repeat Miscarriage people at St Georges and I've got my first appointment for the 9th of June. At this stage it's just me that goes alone apparently - does that sound right? I'd've thought that they'd want to see DH too but maybe that comes later....

So an up and down sort of day so far today...

Hugs to you all

[misty0]

Hi again,

stunned - read you're poem and it was lovely - "sniff" . I too hope all goes well for you going into work. Hope everyone is caring and tactfull.

knitter - Cant help you sadly with what is normal for that appt. Its nice to know things are moving tho' isnt it? Thats not too long to wait.

I had good news and bad at my appt. The good, VERY good news is neither of us have the translocation gene thingy (!) so there is just the normal awful risk level for us next time ...... lol. It was 'just a random event'. Got to be grateful for small mercy's.

The sad thing is that although they spent 25 mins searching the computor base they could not come up with the autopsy report for baby. Oh god, i'm welling up now - been OK all day .... deep breath, anyway, they are calling us back in 4 weeks. To give them time to find it i presume!? The consultant was kind enough to be cross on our behalf, and sorry to drag us in for only half an apointment. OH was releved about the gene news, but very cross once we were in the car park about the report. He'd had the day off for this, and the incompetancy really annoyed him. I would have thought they should have started looking for our paper work BEFORE we actualy turned up??

I just dont have it in me to be angry though. I feel quite numb about it ...... oddly. Thats just the way i am tho' i think. I get cross about trivial stuff more often. On the way home OH said "do we really need to know the details about baby?" I didnt really answer him properly, mainly because i'm not sure about that myself. Got some thinking to do...I know what he means, it sounds harsh but he's not like that - i think he meant mentaly for us should we leave it there......Its been a struggle from the start to find anything out about the baby. I dont suspect any dark cover up or anything - thats not what i'm saying. Its just an stupid admin. thing, happens to me with stuff all the bloomin time. But I just think sometimes if you've got to keep pushing for something like this it often turns out that you wish you had left it in the end ....

Thoughts ladies ? xxxx

[flower11]

Hi misty
glad that it was good news about the translocation. I think I understand where your coming from with the rest of info. I had a surgical termination so didnt see baby or know sex and I was fine with this. When we got our report back which was over 2 months later we found out the sex that it was a girl, I was realy upset and ended up grieving all over again cause some how things felt different. We then felt it was disrespecful to not recognise her with a name and ended up coming up with Isabelle. To be honest I wish I didnt know the sex cause to me it complicates things especially in regards to future prgnancies, I know I just want a healthy baby, but if I never have a girl I'll always think of the if only's and I know if we have another girl it wont replace her, but now it makes a difference. I think its good that you have the chance to think through and decide how you want to do things.

[blacktreaclecat]

Hi all
We thought about finding out the sex. We don't know either due to surgical management but it will be on the CVS report. I don't want to know. It makes it too personal and real somehow. I've always wanted a little girl (although I would love a boy too obv) and if that baby was my little girl I would be very upset.
xx

[StunnedAndShocked]

Flower / Misty / black
when we had our CVS we were asked did we want to know sex of our baby - we said yes because we were hoping deep down all would be ok & we would have no problems.
In some ways we felt it was easier knowing that we had a little girl, before going into hospital we had decided to name her & the hospital has a book that we have put her name in.
It does re open a great big can of worms re emotions etc again, as will every hospital appointment & when we find out we are expecting, the feelings we are going to have at every scan is going to be indescribable until we have our happy healthy babies in our arms.
X x

[EggletinaClock]

Flower, Blacktreacle & misty, interesting thoughts. As some of you know, even though I had to terminate at 22 weeks I did not find out the sex of the baby or even see or name the baby. I chose not to as I would have found it too devastating and chose not to engage in that way, essentially to protect myself from what was one of my worst nightmares come true. I treat it as a lost pregnancy, a 'potential' baby rather than an actual baby. It seems this makes me unusual, but not unique as apparently quite a few people choose this way of coping. I'm not sure how I will feel about this in the long term but for the moment I feel strongly that it was the right thing for me. I could have found out the sex today but I asked them not to tell me. I also think if I get pregnant again I will not find out the sex until the baby was born, it would help me stay disconnected which I think is the only way I'd cope. It's a very personal thing though so I would go with what you think feels right for you.

Misty, I'm sorry you got messed about today but it is very good news that your genes are ok.

As for me, we had our consultant appointment today too and it turns out that the baby had Edward's Syndrome so was 'incompatible with life' as they say. We are somewhat relieved as firstly it means there is now absolutely no question about our decision to terminate (we terminated as the heart problems alone were bad enough) and also it was the outcome with the least implications for a future pregnancy. I was upset again in the hospital, especially as I had to walk past the delivery rooms to get to the consulting room. The consultant was very good though and gave us her blessing to start trying again. Anyway, this evening I'm feeling upset that such a thing could happen to us, but glad that there isn't a translocation going on. (Myangelava it seems our situations have just become that bit more similar again.)

Hope you're all ok tonight.

[mrsbigz]

hi all, been a little MIA from here, so sorry for that. had quite a lot of emotions and things to deal with over this weekend, though i have been popping on and seeing how you're doing.

Egglet - i'm pleased that your appointment went as well as expected, and can understand the 'relief' (i'm sorry i'm not sure that is the right word) to learn that your baby had edwards - in that like you said it confirmed that your decision to terminate the pregnancy was the right one. i'm sure it must have been very tough though emotionally, especially being back in the same place and having all those memories back. glad also that you got the all clear to ttc again - it seems to be quite common now there is no "wait 3 months" just a "try again when you're ready" attitude.

Misty - i'm so sorry about the f*ck-up at the hospital with your notes, but as you've said, maybe you are better off not knowing all of the details - especially as you are 'starting' to deal with it a little better day by day, it may bring up all of the raw emotions again and maybe that is not what you need? i'd glad that there was no translocation (and with you too Egglet) and that you are able to ttc with the same amount of 'risk' as any other woman!!

Knitter - i'm glad you got your appointment through - i've no expert myself but i would imagine they have no need to see your dh initially - and direct the questions and investigations more towards you. i have a few friends who have had recurrent miscarriages - one was given progesterone to take (i think after O and then in the first few weeks of pregnancy) and that worked for her. another who had lots of mcs now has to inject herself with something called clexane - and has since gone on to have 3 healthy pregnancies and is pregnant with another! so although it is horrible to have had to get to this stage, there is a lot of hope once you have this appointment that they can identify what is causing it.
also sorry about you finding the termination paperwork the other day - it's things like that which catch me unaware that i find get me the hardest!

Cinnamon - oh your poor ds3 :( that sounds very painful - poor little lad. how old is he? bless him, i hope he was very brave in the hospital and hope that he is feeling a little better today

Stunned - hope your trip into work goes okay tomorrow - will be thinking of you as it's always the first steps that are the hardest. lots of hugs.

stunned / flower / black / misty - i can SO relate to how you are feeling about whether or not to find out the sex. for those of you who don't know, we had our baby at 17wks and decided we did want to know the sex, were told it was a little boy. we called him noah and grieved for him for a whole week, until the amnio report arrived and we got a call to say that actually HE was a SHE!? that was a horrible horrible day. for many reasons. mainly because it felt that we had to start grieving all over again. that our memories of being with her were somehow 'wrong' as we were referring to her as 'noah'. that (and anyone with boys can relate to!!) she was a SHE - my god, she would have been the first little girl in DH's family - joining 2 brothers and 5 male cousins!?! not that we would have grieved any less if she was a boy.....just differently. it's only this weekend that i've felt strong enough to change all the items in her memory box (i knew there was a photo in there and hadn't been able to look at it before as again, that memory of her was her as a 'Noah'). i think actually though this weekend was the right time, what with the funeral and burial.
yesteday i had my consultant appointment. it was very straightforward really - we knew the diagnosis was regular DS with the enlarged cystic hygroma. they asked for feedback and i gave them my thoughts. then the conversation turned to ttc - all ok to try now, if when i fall pg i have to call them direct and they'll fast-track me in, give me an early scan etc, offer testing if i want it. all good. with Eve i would have been under consultant care as my ds2 was 9.5 weeks premature, so i requested if i could have this consultant next time around - which she agreed to. that will be nice, someone who understands and knows what i've been through.
oh and on a slightly different (also a little sad) note, one of my good friends, whose little girl was born around the same time as my ds2 (we met while they were in the special care) lost a little boy earlier that year at 26wks - he wasn't strong enough to survive :( anyway i spoke to her last night, and she asked how thurs/fri had gone for me and asked where Eve was buried, and it turns out that they're in the same churchyard, not far from each other. my friend was going there today to visit her baby's grave and said she would pop by and say hello to Eve too (she knew where she would be buried). i know it's a very silly thing, but just knowing that someone else is going to acknowledge her, and she has another friend there is really comforting to me at the moment.
right, this has become a mammoth post now so i will stop here!!! sending you all lots of love and i'll speak again soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx