Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.

And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

Loved California. It was amazing. It did me a lot of good to get away and I feel a lot stronger now. More positive. Also my due date was while we were away and it was fine- a happy day, no tears or anything.
I have done 2 injections so far- I think it is normally 2 weeks of injections so a while to go yet. First scan on Friday to see how many follicles etc.
Fingers crossed.
My af this time was hideous I had a day off work it was so painful. So if the ivf doesn't work I am going to have another laparoscopy with excision of endometriosis.
Love to all xx

Afternoon ladies,

Apologies for my prolonged absence from MN. I think I needed a break for while, to pretend none of this even happened. We've been away for a few days though and I think that has helped come to terms with it all and I feel ready to talk about it again and hopefully move forward.

Endogirl how are you doing? I've been thinking about you and hoping you were ok. Thank you for asking after me too.

Can I ask a question? How long after a termination should you expect not to see a postive pregnancy test? I have done a few tests with the supermarket cheapie type and it went from a strong line down to a faint line. Used a clear blue digi this afternoon though and got a Pregnant 1-2 which really surprised me. We've been pretty careful using contraception since the termination, so wondering whether this is still hormones from before. Anyone?

Lily x

Hi . it's sooooo lovely to hear from you. I can understand giving MN a break for a bit. It can regularly reduce me to tears reading about people going through all these terrible situations and remembering how we all felt when we were going through the same things. I'm really glad you've been away and feel a bit better about everything. Sometimes it's good to talk but equally it's good to ignore things sometimes too :)

With regards to your hormones, I think that if you've had a period since the term then your levels will be back to normal. They told me that my cycle wouldn't start again until the pregnancy hormones were back to non pregnant levels. I would probably go and see your GP on Monday just to check everything out.

Hi to and . I hope your cycles are all going ok and that the cramps have calmed down and weren't anything ominous.

How are the injections going ? Did you have your first scan yesterday? Was it all ok?

Lots of love to everyone else.

xxxxxxx

Sorry I did a < instead of a * to try and make it bold!! Too much X-Factor excitement tonight!!

Quick update as I'm on my phone so typing is very slow. Saw consultant this pm, very surprised about pos test, had blood hcg done and will get results tomorrow, he's inclined to think it's a new pregnancy which both scares and excites me. I'm of the opinion it's still hormones from before though. Eeek

Having read up a bit, I'm now concerned the +ve is due to retained products. I've not had a scan since so have no way of knowing. Would this mean an erpc under general anaesthetic?

Hi lily06..just to reply on the retained product possibility. I have been lurking here for a while but never posted however I do remember you from earlier posts. I also had retained product but this was not picked up until nearly 3 weeks after my tfmr on 19 Aug. This was because I was still bleeding, it was making me feel unwell and getting me down physically and emotionally. I went to my GP who confirmed my cervix was still open and said there probably was retained product. I was scanned later that day, after my GP visit, at the hospital which confirmed this altho luckily it was only a small amount of membrane. After being examined again by the Gynae Ward in my hos they decided that I may need an op to remove. I totally refused because of the small amount involved (and because I did not want any intervention with my womb and fertility!) and said I would wait as the GP had also prescribed antibiotics which would remove the risk of infection. Anyway 2 weeks later I passed the remaining membrane, which was upsetting at the time, but helped me move on loads as I felt so much better from the antibiotics and the post birth bleeding was now an official period. Two weeks later I was scanned again at my 6 week consultant app and they confirmed everything was back to normal ...phew! I am now on a hormone which will force me another period in 2 weeks and then accordingly to the consultant..I will be back to normal periods etc and can try again if we like. HOpe that all makes sense.
It never occurred to me, or was it suggested, that I should have preg tests to bring them back to negative as it were...I have just listend to my body and waited..hard as it is... :(
I wish you all the best...we hope to try again maybe in a month or so...keep us posted xx

Hi shalo2

Thankyou for posting and sorry to hear you've had a difficult time of it. My tfmr was on 9th aug. I've not felt unwell at all and had a light period about a month ago or so. The hospital is ringing me tomorrow if hcg present so I can have a scan done. I thought I was coping quite well with all this but today has just brought it all back again.

Hi lily06
I would like to think you have no retained product if you have felt well and a had a period.

Good luck with the blood results...I hope the outcome is what you want :)...and a scan would certainly put your mind to rest and perhaps that is what you need to double check things. I will be thinking about you.
I have been feeling good about things for the last 3 week.

I think we do cope but those moments still creep up on us...but we have to be kind to ourselves at those times Xx

Hi again lily06
I found your threads and I too was 1:20 risk for DS which is why we decided to tfmr.
I also meant to say thank you for your msg..I am new to posting and have felt unsure for a while as I sometimes feel like there is so much to say but because everyone is also going thru the same do they really want to hear it.

Waffling now! Good luck for tom Xx

Sorry just re-read and it's not clear but it was confirmed by amnio that our baby had DS after our initial screening 1:20 risk.

Hi lily. I'm so glad you went to see someone. To be honest when I had the retained products I was still bleeding and then had shocking stomach cramps so I'm hoping all will be well you given you haven't had any symptoms. I can understand why it's bringing everything back but try and stay calm and be positive if you can. Will you have to go back to the same place for your scan?

Oh and if it does turn out that you do have to have an ERPC, then it is nothing at all like previous procedures. You'll be put to sleep and then be a little sore for a few days afterwards. But I'm sure it won't come to that.

Let us know how you get on tomorrow. I'll be crossing my fingers for you and holding the excitement in until you get a positive result

Hi shalo. I'm so sorry that you've been through such a tough time but glad that you're feeling a little bit better now. Please do post whatever is on your mind. I've moaned and waffled a lot on here and everyone is really helpful.

xxxxxxxx

Thanks for the support Endogirl and Shalo2, I really appreciate it.

Shalo2 feel free to vent on here all you like, we've all done it, and the fact that we're all going through the same is exactly why you should use this place to say what you need to - it's the only place you know people really understand what you're dealing with. My situation was exactly like yours, 1:20 confirmed by amnio. No-one told me to take a test either, it was only reading on MN that made me think that it would help me to understand how my body was recovering etc. I wish I'd done one every week now just so I could be sure there wasn't a negative inbetween.

Endogirl thanks for the reassurance about an erpc, at least it doesn't sound as bad as I feared. I've been under general before when I had my ectopic, so at least I'm not worried about that part.

I gave up waiting for the hopsital to ring and called them just now. Results are back and it's obviously confirmed postive test as they're waiting to speak to consultant about next step. I guess only a scan or another test (going up or going down) will tell me any more.

Now the shock has worn off a bit, I think I'd be over the moon if it was a new pregnancy, but terrifed too. Apart from anything, I've not been taking any vits, I've taken painkillers, and I've been drinking. It really would be sods law when we've been pretty careful using contraception and every other time ttc has taken months and months. I think my gut feeling though is that I'm not pg again and this is just all from before.

Sorry, I've written tons and just waffled on again x

hey ladies,

have been reading and keeping up with you all, just not posted recently as been busy coping with stuff going on with me at the moment - bit selfish i know, but because my termination was back in march (god it feels like a lifetime ago) and i'm "kind of" okay most of the time, i sometimes find posting here brings back too many of the raw early feelings if that makes sense.
however i do think of you all often, especially Lily and Endo.

Lily - i would be very surprised if the positive test was from your previous pregnancy, which you lost early August (is that right?). i look forward to hearing what your consultant says, as i'm very inclined to offer you a very cautious congratulations!!! i know you're worried about not having taken vits, and been not quite so averse to drinking, but hey - you can start/stop right away and i'm sure that it wouldn't have a detrimental effect on a new pregnancy......can't see that you're downing a bottle of vodka a day!!!

Endo, glad to hear you are doing ok, and Blacktreacle - your time away sounds fantastic, and i'm so glad to hear that your due day passed by ok.

Shalo, i'm sorry that you find yourself on this thread, but as you've already seen this is a wonderful support group for people going through the same situation as we've all been in.

Misty, Flower, Bluecat, Egglet, Cremegg - how are all you ladies doing? xxxxx

Hi ladies, can I join the thread? We sadly lost our second son at 21 weeks gestation on Monday and he was born on Tuesday. Some of you kindly posted on my thread further down the board. Things are quite raw just now but reading all your posts here helps to see that it will get a bit easier as time goes on.

purcellfan, just wanted to say i'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son :( this is a wonderful thread and you will get a lot of support from the ladies on here - it is sometimes very therapeutic to be in a place where everyone 'understands' what you are going through. i've done my fair amount of waffling on, screaming and shouting (through words!) in my time on here. and although i know it is often said but it does get better with time. there will be many many down days, but you will start experiencing more and more up days too. my termination was 7 months ago, and while i'm 'ok' pretty much most of the time, sometimes i'll have a major wobble which comes out of nowhere.
I hope that your healing process is peaceful and please vent here whenever you want to xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks, MrsBigz, going a bit crazy here with the waiting (again) - somehow the waiting is always the hardest bit. No news from the hospital so did another test myself and exactly the same. Spoke to the hospital this morning but they haven't managed to catch the consultant, though I did manage to find out that although postive, the hcg level was very low, and only just registering, which I think confirms my gut feeling that this is just left over hormones. Have to wait until tomorrow now to hear back from them about what happens next.

Welcome to the thread Purcelfan, sorry you find yourself here, but be assured there are lots of lovely ladies on this thread who will support you in every way they can. I've just read your story on the other thread and really feel for you. I hope you are as ok as you can be right now.

x

Thanks and cautious congratulations to Lily06. We don't yet know what was wrong with ds2 (they suspect rare genetic thing that didn't show up on initial cvs but waiting for fetal blood sample and pm results which will take a while) so not sure how I feel about subsequent children atm, but it's good to read that several of the ladies here are pg again.

We had a weird evening/morning as having told the community midwife I was fine and just needed some space I realised I hadn't had any anti-D (as am o-negative and is a risk of the rhesus thing) so I had to call them back. Now waiting to hear if the communtiy mw or the bereavement mw (who I'd prefer to see) are coming and when so can't really go out. Ds1 is like a limpet at the moment and it was a huge struggle to get him to go to toddler singing with dh so I can do stuff. I want to go to work tomorrow (work Mon and Fri normally) but need to type some stuff up first. People keep telling me not to go but it feels right to do something normal. Also my mum is leaving today so it will our first evening on our own tonight. Somehow we need to wear out ds1 so he crashes early! Sorry for the rant

Have been reading the beginning of the thread and catching up with your stories. Can particularly relate to all the stuff re people to tell/not tell and dealing with their reactions etc., finding it a bit of a minefield...

How are you doing today Purcellfan? The first week or so I think is the hardest. If you feel like going back to work then do, sometimes the distraction is good. I had one day off then went straight back - though its my own business so a little different I know. I did find that keeping busy and being out the house really helped though. If you go back and its too much you can always take some time off then if you need it - don't feel like once you're back that's it, sometimes you don't need the time off straight away but need it more later. Did the mw turn up with your anti-D?

I spoke to the hospital again today and have to go back monday for repeat bloods. I was told that my hcg was 10, so the consultant thinks I'm right about it just being left over from before. Anything under 5 is considered not pg, and they usually only consider 25+ as positive confirmation as pg as far as I know. I'm sad tonight though, as hearing the results today made me realise how much I do want to be pg again, and the false hope feels hard to deal with. I was in two minds about ttc again just yet but I think once I get a -ve test again we will start.

Hope everyone else is ok x

Hi ladies xx

So sorry im awol at the mo, and i cant do personals today - but want to say that i'm still reading, and send sincere hugs to those who need them, and a big hello to those who know me, and hugs and hello's to those who are new.

Today was my due date and it has been difficult and miserable. I will be very glad when tomorrow comes and it is behind me. I'm in my 2ww at the mo but dont feel very hopeful. sigh.

Love to all anyway xxxx

Sorry to hear that Lily, you must be disappointed. It's such an emotional rollercoaster with this stuff isn't it.

Yes the nice bereavement mw turned up while ds1 was having his nap so that was as good as it gets. Glad to hear others went back to work quickly, I'm similar to you Lily as although I do two days a week in schools it's extracurricular stuff and I'm basically self employed. So no sick pay anyway even if I didn't go and I'd have to find a dep which is a pain. It's going ok so far though, once I'd got used to all the bumps on the tube, and it's great to have a distraction.

Hello Misty0, I hope today is a better day for you.

Just popping in to say hello to all old and new. It's been a while since I've posted on this thread as I've been fairly preoccupied of late what with late pregnancy and various disasters (we are currently homeless due to a housefire - not what you need with a due date fast approaching!).

I may end up posting here again towards the end of the month - it will be the one year anniversary of the birth/death of our baby girl Leila on 28th October and I know I'm going to find it difficult. Memories of that day are still painful and I still often wish so much she could have been here.

Purcelfan - I'm glad to see that you've found your way here and and that you are getting support. Early days for you I know. I found this thread a huge source of help in those early days on the emotional rollercoaster and hope you do too. Lots of love to you. Welcome to Shalo2 also - say anything you like here. I think the wonderful thing about this thread is that people just know what you are going through and that helps. Unless you've been in this situation it's impossible to imagine the unique grief and loss that it brings.

Lily - sorry you're in this bit of a limbo with the PG testing. But I suppose that perhaps going through this and now feeling that you want to TTC has been helpful in that you can feel more ready IYSWIM. Very best of luck anyway.

Misty - sorry your due date has been difficult. It is but I hope now you can move forward a little. Good luck for the 2WW and here's hoping you get a BFP this month.

Often wonder how Flower is doing - if you're lurking - hi and hope you're ok.

And hi everyone else - this thread was so busy for a long while and I know it's been quieter of late. A good thing I hope in that people are feeling a little stronger. But hello and love to anyone lurking.

Lily I'm so sorry to hear that the levels weren't normal. It seems so unfair for nature to let you get your hopes up again for possibly no reason. I'm still hopeful for you though. What will they do next? Monitor your hcg levels to see if they're increasing or do a scan? I'm so sorry you're in limbo land yet again. Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend to distract you?

Purcel Welcome to the thread. I'm sorry you are going through all of this but I'm glad you've found us. Everyone on here is so helpful so I hope we can all make it a little bit easier for you. I used to count all the bumps when I went out so I sympathise with you on your tube commute. I still notice them now but am not quite as obsessed so I can assure you that it does get easier.

Big hugs to mrsbigz. Lovely to hear from you. I'm not brave enough to look on the "ttc etc" thread yet so I'm not sure what you have been going through recently. I hope everything is ok and that your pregnancy is going alright.

And also massive hugs to misty. I'm so sorry that you were so down on your due date. How are you feeling now? I really need to learn these acronyms as I have no idea what 2ww is but I'm crossing my fingers you get a positive result this month.

Cherry I can't believe you are homeless and near you due date. Will everything be fixed before your baby arrives? It must be so stressful for you and also with Leila's anniversary approaching. I hope you're finding some time to take care of yourself in all of this.

How are the injections and scan's going Treacle? I hope it's not too invasive and you're holding up ok.

I've welcomed AF for the second time since Cora. Finding it all quite upsetting again. Not really helped by us moving in this week with MIL for 9 months! My space to cry and freak out feels like it doesn't exist anymore which I'm finding quite stressful. But I finally found a counsellor after 2 months of trying various routes! Had my first session yesterday. Didn't feel great afterwards but it feels good to at least get started!

Sorry I've written an essay!!!

Lots of love to everyone else.

xxxxxxxx

Hi all,
Lily that must have been really hard, getting your hopes up and down, what a rollercoaster.
Misty hugs to you on your due date. Hopefully now you can start to move forward.
Endo hope you are ok.
Well had egg collection today. I did the stimming injections for 10 days. It was a deep sedation procedure. I was really worried that it would hurt but I couldn't tell the difference between that and GA. The only difference is with the sedation you can still maintain your own airway so don't need to be intubated.
We got 21 eggs and 19 were mature. H's sample was normal after last time was low count! We have had ICSI so any vibes for fertilisation, cell division and normal chromosomes appreciated.
Fingers crossed we will get some embryos. On day 3 Monday, they will be biopsied and array cgh testing done which checks the chromosomes. Hopefully we will then be able to have a blastocyst transfer on Wednesday.
Just put all this down so if anyone like us has fertility problems as well as a chromosomal loss they know techniques are available.
Feeling very bloated and achy. There is a slight risk of ovarian hyperstimulation. Any vibes for that staying away and fertilisation, cell division and normal chromosomes greatly appreciated.
Yesterday I was very emotional (nervous) and spent the afternoon in tears about my angel. My mum has bought me an angel charm for my pandora bracelet. She took it on hol to give me on my due date but I was ok so she didn't want to upset me. She didn't want me to think she'd forgotten. Really touched.
Love to all xxx

Blacktreaclecat glad to hear your procedures went well, will be keeping everything crossed for you. What a lovely thing for you mum to do, especially being sensitive to you about your due date.

Endogirl I guess AF is a good sign as it means your cycles are returning to normal, but its hard to feel positive about these things. It must be difficult not having your own space right now, are there any times when you can be on your own there? Glad you found a counsellor, really hope it helps. Were you referred by your GP or did you just look for someone yourself?

Cherrybug have you somewhere to stay while your house is repaired/rebuilt? What a nightmare for you.

Purcellfan how are you doing today? Glad the mw turned up with your anti-d. I know what you mean about no sick pay, certainly makes you more inclined to go straight back to work! I'm glad its going ok though, I certainly wanted the distraction in the first week or two.

Misty0 Sorry you have been finding it hard, I think the due date is the one date that sticks in everyones mind. I haven't got there yet, but on a positive note, it seems other people say that they feel better afterwards and more able to move forwards, I really hope you are feeling like that too.

I'm due back with the consultant on Monday afternoon, and have to go in first thing monday morning for a repeat hcg just to check that it is indeed dropping. As an aside, I've always wondered what level of hcg home pg tests can measure, and clearblue digi has been reading pg 1-2 for me and my hcg level is/was only 10 - I think their reported figure is 25. Thank you for all your kind words again this past week, it has felt like being back on the rollercoaster again. But as Cherrybug said, as least I now know that I do want to start ttc again so that is a positive to come out of this.