Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.

And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

wow its so quiet , hope everyone is all good, 1 month till my scan

Hey everyone been a bit quiet for a while now! Still no luck with ttc I'm starting to believe it will never happen :-( I really believed I would be pregnant again by my due date and that was a couple of weeks ago so bit bummed really. Af has gone missing this month am 4 days late and all bfn. Did a clearblue a couple of days ago and got a line that you could only see in certain lights!! It dried to a really thin blue line but I think it's a design fault as I've made my way through my internet cheapies and all BFN!! I have never wanted AF to turn up as much as I do now! Then I can start again! I'm starting to think I'm going a little crazy and imagining symptoms and lines!!

Anyone else struggling at the mo? Hope you're all ok, and all those like myself who have had due dates are coping well xxxxxx

Good morning ladies, I wonder if I might join you on here?

I have been on one of the other threads this past week but feel this is perhaps the right place for me now.

A very brief history - given 1:20 for downs a month ago, unable to have cvs because of placenta location, had amnio on Thursday, results on Friday positive for Downs. I'm now just over 16 weeks and we have decided to terminate.

Spent yesterday talking to people at Bpas and then at local hospital. Was absolutely certain I wanted a surgical termination and booked one, but somehow it all felt wrong at the Bpas clinic and then at the hospital afterwards the medical route suddenly felt right to both me and DH. I can't say why, just a gut feeling. However, I am still terrified of what lies ahead. I took the first lot of tablets yesterday afternoon and due to be admitted on Tuesday morning.

I am one that likes to know all the facts and details in advance, so any experience you have of the route I've chosen would be much appreciated. Even silly things like what to take into hospital with me, what to wear, what to eat on the day. And also the medical side, how much pain am I likely to be in, how long will it take? This will be my first labour, we have no children yet. I had an ectopic with surgery last year followed by an early miscarriage.

Sorry for the mammoth post, as you can see from the fact I'm up and on here at 4am, there's a lot going round in my head just at the moment.

A lot of you have already offered me enormous support while I was waiting for the results and for that I am eternally grateful.

Hello ladies xx

Hello Lilly! Theres no escape - i live over here as well!

This thread used to be very much busier than it is now, with 9 or 10 ladies posting daily at least. (myself included) It is where i gathered tons of love and support after my term, and i keep a 'weather eye' on this thread every few days to see who's around. It is also where alot of the ladies who post on the thread for 'pregnant after termination' started out. It is a little quiet at the mo, but i see that as a good thing, as it must mean ladies are coping well on the whole now.

Lilly - im very sad for you that you find yourself here, but very glad you came - if that makes sense? I know for a fact that there are various lovely ladies who watch this thread who can answer many of your questions honestly and kindly. You will find an inner strength to get through this. I promise. And the main point of this place is to show you you're not alone xxx

Also dont worry about mamoth posts. I've written some real war and peace jobs here in my time

Bluecat! Hello again xx Sorry to hear you're struggling. Dont get me started on the stress of ttc!!!! You're not alone either! Really really strange that you should be having a long cycle with no AF and BFNs cos so am i right now! Just the same. In the end (because im charting on Fertility Friend) i worked out that i ovulated 5 days later than i origonaly thought, and so my lutel phase (the bit after ov and before AF) was still within its normal time scale. However - tomorrow that theory runs out - so if i dont get AF or a BFP i'll be totally baffled. Maybe your ov day was a little later than you thought? Fingers crossed for your BFP hun xx

Every one else - hi! I wonder how you all are? Mrs Bigz, Egglet and Cinnamondog i know how you all are - you baggages! I love you to bits girls, you've been doing a fantastic job of keeping me sane this month. Thank you xx

Un mumnet like hugs and kisses to all xxx Hope your enjoying your summer.

Lily, hi there, i'm both glad and terribly sorry to see you on this thread. there IS a lot of support here and lots of people with recent losses (and lots of older losses) will be able to give you lots of advice and information.

last thing i heard on your other thread was that you were having the surgical tx, which is why i didn't share my story, but i'll share it now, and of course if you have any questions i'll be more than happy to answer them.

we found out our little girl had DS when i was 15wks, we then had a cardioscan which confirmed heart problems. she'd had a 7.4mm nuchal measurement at 13wks, which after was referred to as a cystic hygroma due to it's size, and because it ran the length of her back.

i took the tablets on monday 28th march. i found it a horrible horrible experience as i felt i was responsible at that point for ending the pregnancy - i TOOK the tablet that started the process. the next couple of days were horrendous emotionally, i was all over the place. i found myself constantly talking to my belly, apologising and trying to explain we'd done what we felt was the right decision for everyone.
i was due to go back to hospital on the wednesday (30th March). i wore just comfy clothes (tracksuit and loose top) and also took PJs with me as i wasn't sure how long we'd be there. we also took in soft drinks, and some snacks - again as we weren't sure how long we'd be in. i had to be there at 2pm. we were led through the labour ward (which was horrible, especially as my 2 boys were born there!) to a very quiet room out of the way. the first nurse who came in was lovely and the first thing she did was give me a hug. she then apologised for i might hear other women labouring (it being just off the main ward) - i thought that was nice of her. she came back a couple of times, but i didn't get given my first 'dose' of picotin until about 4pm. i was glad i had dh with me to pass the time, and talk to. initially i didn't feel anything, but around 6ish i was getting really bad cramps. i've only had natural labours before, so being induced was new to me, and it is true that it makes the pain more intense, well it did for me. around 6:30 i requested painkillers (they give you diamorphine) and that took effect about 1/2hour later. so at 7pm she came back in to check and give me another picotin, but said i was dilating nicely so didn't need it (phew!). now the morphine had kicked in i felt quite hi and dh says i was rambling quite a bit - nothing too embarrassing though.

one thing i'd been scared about was whether the baby would be born alive / breathing - but i spoke to the staff prior and they'd said that the first tablet you're given basically stops the production of progesterone, which is keeping baby alive. so the baby at your gestation (and mine, she was 17wks) would not be born alive. so about 8:30 i felt like a needed to push, and the nurse came in and said the baby was 'nearly' there. she was born at 20:54. she came out still in her bag of waters, which hadn't broken. up until that point dh hadn't been sure whether we wanted to see her, but we decided there and then that we did. the nurse broke the waters and we looked. Bit of a warning here, if you DO want to see your baby and know what the sex is, at 16wks gestation it is REALLY hard to tell still. our midwife confidently told us we had a baby boy, only for us to find out a week later (when the full amnio results came back) that she was actually a girl. that was horrible as we had to grieve all over again. she should have just said that she 'thought' it was a boy but we'd have to wait.
the MW then took our baby away, took a photo, and hand/footprints and then brought her back to us in a tiny moses basket, so we were able to spend some time alone with her. this was good for us, but not always what parents decide - it's a very personal decision.
after they took her away for the last time, that was hard :( i was still quite 'high' and was still chuffing away on the gas and air (even though i didn't need it). once they had checked the placenta had all come out ok , i just wanted to get out of there.....we left about an hour later, and i have to admit just before i got into the car i was sick (think a combo of morphine, gas & air, and emotion)!

also wanted to add that it's very normal to feel ok for a couple of days after. when i woke up the next morning, i almost felt a sense of peace. i couldn't understand why i wasn't crying all the time. but that kicked in on about the 3rd day. and from then on it just came in waves (still does but it is less and less now).

you'll also be asked about whether you want to attend a service for your baby, or arrange a private one. we attended the hospital one (which was with other parents who had lost little ones) but the actual burial was done on our own - i can answer questions about this if you would like to know.
sorry - i seem to have babbled a bit on here. i hope this has helped some, and once again i want to say how very sorry i am that you and your dh have found yourselves in this situation.
sending lots of love xxxxx

Hey misty0 I think this is the worst thing ever it's like mother nature is playing some kind of sick joke! Looking on-line it seems that it's not unusual to miss a period so I'm kinda thinking I'm out for this month! I don't chart or anything like that so I wouldn't know exactly when I ovulate I just use an app on my phone to give me a rough idea so I had kinda wondered that myself! It's hard cos sometimes I think just accept the BFN you're sounding like a desperate loon and then the other "what ifs" creep in and I think I'm not out till af pays a visit! It's horrible being in this limbo! Please keep me up-to-date on your outcome! My cycles were getting a bit out of sync though but they were getting shorter by a couple of days not longer!

lily06 Hi there I haven't been around for a while I just dip bk in every now and then. I'm sorry you're here too. I had a termination in Feb for abnormalities at 17 weeks. I remember being at home for those couple of days after you take the tablets as being really strange. I didn't feel much pain when they induced me, certainly nothing like I did when I had my son. They will offer you morphine injections though so you don't have to feel any pain, I didn't find that I needed them but it was rather quick in my case and I was home the same day, however they did warn me that i could have been in a couple of days. When he was born I'm afraid it happened really fast for me and he didn't have a very dignified entrance. I wore a nightie but didn't need to put it on till the end. They said we could take in a blanket for the baby to be wrapped up in and a teddy if we wanted. Originally I said I didn't want to do this as I couldn't face seeing the baby or knowing the sex but after some prompting from a kind older midwife I decided to. I can honestly say I'm really gad that I did and I even had a photo. I don't know what i was expecting to see but I was frightened but there really wasn't any need. You can pretty much eat what ever you can manage or feel like eating. I would recommend taking something to eat with you and especially who ever is going with you as they won't offer them anything to eat......Me and my partner had to share a cheese sandwich! Hope this helps a little bit, ask me anything you like if I've not covered it. Thinking of you xxxx

Hi to everyone else and a big congrats to mrsbigz!!! xx

Firstly, hello Lily, glad you've come over here. This bit waiting to go in is awful but just hang on to the fact that it will be over soon. Just to give a different perspective, I had to have a medical termination as I was 22 weeks but I chose to manage it differently. I very strongly did not want to see the baby or know the sex and I also did not want my partner with me. About ten percent of women choose to manage it in this very medical fashion so it is quite unusual but all my wishes and reasoning were completely accepted by the doctors and midwives. There were several reasons why I did it this way that I won't go into now but a key thing is that I don't feel any attachment to a baby until it is born (I already have a daughter), I'm very pessimistic about pregnancy so it's a self-protection mechanism. I'm just telling you because that way of handling it is also an option (but of course you won't be judged whatever you choose here). I don't regret how I managed it, but I am very aware I'm in the minority.

I had diamorphine from the start and was very out of it and not very aware, which is how I wanted it. I wasn't in much pain at all, like bad period pain rather than contractions. I wore a hospital gown but went in loose trousers and a long t-shirt that I wore to go home in. It took 6 hours from the first pessary until the delivery and the actual delivery was very quick and not very painful at all.

You will get through it though and we will try to support you as much as we can here. Post as much as you need to. Like Misty said, we've all written some whopping great posts in our time and still do sometimes. Lots of love though, I'm thinking of you.

Hi Bluecat, sorry to hear you're feeling down and that AF is messing you around. I'm ttc too and I'm not going to be pregnant for my due date (in 2 weeks) either. Also, my cycles are getting shorter too but as I started off at 45 days I don't mind too much.

I've not been posting here much, mostly as other people haven't been so there's not been much to respond to, if you know what I mean! Excuses! I always check though in case there's someone new (sadly). I also don't want to go on about ttc over here too much but that is the focus of a lot of my attention at the moment. Probably why it's not happening! I'm up and down emotionally and still seemingly suffering from quite a bit of physical ill health that my GP says is exacerbated by stress and anxiety. I struggle on though! Would really like to find a job as that would help take my mind off things and we need the cash, but there is absolutely nothing part time around.

Anyway, I'm particularly wondering how cremegg (on holiday still perhaps?), stunned, flower, knitter and blacktreaclecat are? (I know how the others on fertilityfriend are so I'm not ignoring them!) I'm bound to have forgotten someone so apologies in advance! The rest of you, come and tell us how you're doing though.

xxx

Hello EggletinaClock ttc is also running wild in my mind! I went through a phase a while back were I thought I'd had enough, binned the pee sticks and decided to let it happen when it happened! However af has gone missing and I've become obsessed again! I'm holding pee sticks up to the lights desperate for another line! I'm really sure now that it's turning me into a complete loon and the only cure will be a bfp! Sorry you're having trouble finding a job at the mo it's not good out there have a few friends in the same boat as you. All jobs they have applied for they have been told have over a 100 applicants so its impossible at the moment isn't it!

mrsbigz big congrats on the BFP!! And I hope your scan goes well tomorrow, I can only imagine how nervous you must be feeling.....Please come on and let us know how it went. Just read through your previous post and was very moved by it....Brings a lot back, but not in a bad way.......In a wow look what we've all been through and how we can keep our heads above water.

Just got home from a 4 day camping trip and as much as I love the fresh air and camping in general I always feel like I need 4 days to recover!

Hi to everyone else xxxx

Hi ladies x

Just popping in to wish MrsB all the very best and to say that you'll be just fine x

Waves at Egglet hi hun x

Waves at bluecat too i pm'd you btw, with a waffle about ttc. How are you today? Im still hovering - but pretty sure a certain Auntie will turn up today. Going on holiday early Wednesday morning its like she's WAITING for the moment i step on that plane ! Humph!

Waves and love to all xxxx

Hi Lily, just wanted to pop in to say how sorry I am to see you here. I didnt post on the other thread but read your story. I use the sister thread these days but found this thread invaluable in the days following ending my pregnancy last year. My baby girl had a very rare chromosomal abnormality and was born at 20 weeks. So, I can comment on the process of medical termination and what helped us.

In terms of pain, I didnt find it too bad. I have given birth before (I have a 3 year old DD) and it was nothing like full term labour. I found I didnt want any painkillers but you are able to take what you need e.g. diamorphine which can also help with the emotional pain as it will help you feel more detached. In terms of time, it really varies. We actually took a laptop in and some DVDs to watch though to be honest I couldnt focus on them at all. And make sure you have snacks and a book/magazines. I found that I spent most of the time talking to my DP and reading a bit. It didnt take too long.

After my little girl was born (we knew in advance it was a girl due to amnio results) we both held her. I have to say I was more prepared for the physical side of it all but the love I felt for her was overwhelming. It was heartbreaking. Anyway, we had hand/foot prints taken, photos (which we didnt think we would do beforehand but which I'm glad we have now) and got a memory box with a blanket. She was kept in a little moses basket in our room and we actually got to stay the night with her in a special family room our hospital had. The next day the midwife brought us tea and toast, we saw the hospital chaplain who did a blessing and we filled in the necessary forms for our funeral wishes. I'm very glad we had this time with our baby overnight but everyone is different. For us that was right. It was very hard to leave the next day.

We had a private cremation for her, arranged through the hospital and we have her ashes now. We will scatter them one day when the time is right.

I think one of the very difficult things is the fear you have going into the hospital. In some ways once the process begins that fear leaves a little and you just go with it. Remember it is a day in your life, a heartbreaking and terrifying day but it will pass. The grief afterwards is very hard and often comes in waves but this thread will help you. Post as much as you want in these early days and ask whatever questions you need to. Lots of love to you and your DH.

Hello to everyone else, hope you are all well.

Hi all,
Bluecat I'm obsessed with ttc at the moment. We are on clomid and I track my cm and use cbfm. I have to do hcg trigger day 14 then cyclogest from 3dpo for 7 days. So lots of extra hormones floating about.
I really convinced myself that the clomid would work quickly as we conceived on cycle 3 of it in December. But just had af from cycle 2 of it this time. We are thinking we need a bit more help so are off to the fertility clinic today. We are looking at array cgh IVF which is a technique where the chromosomes of the egg are checked before the embryo is transferred.
It is a big decision as we have an NHS cycle available to us but that would be straight ivf and I can't bear the thought of terminating an ivf pg, or indeed it happening again.
I do struggle to find where I belong on the web- the tfmr threads seem to have normally fertile ladies who get pg with their rainbow baby very quickly. Ivf threads- very few people have tfmr.
I have been struggling recently with others pgs. I'm very anxious and stressed that a colleague is pg and generally just quite down. I rang Arc last week and cried to her for an hour and a half and it did help.
Lily I'm so sorry you are going through this. After your ectopic as well. Hope the procedure is as ok as it can be. As I said I had surgical but medical is supposed to be slightly safer if you are further on. I was exactly 13 weeks which is still ok for surgical, but much later and they do prefer to do medical.
Good luck for your scan mrsb.
Hi and babydust (are we allowed that on mn?) to misty, egglet, stunned, cremegg, flower and anyone else who needs it!
Xxx

hey all, sorry have been awol for a bit. Went on hol which was great, due date kinda wandered past, nothing too drastic. (Received some lovely texts from friends/family which in a way was odd as I felt ok til I kept getting reminded - not meaning to sound ungrateful at all - it's just odd when how you feel doesn't match their expectations whether it's when they think you should be over it or when they think you should be having a bad day. am rambling. will stop.
lily so sorry to hear of your loss. hope you are ok, be kind to yourself and try not to worry, it's amazing how we cope with these things when we have to if you know what I mean.
I had an induction for my baby boy at 19wks/6days in March (in Oz tho) But thought I would write anyway as it was my first baby too, and I know that can make a difference to the labour/time it takes. I stayed in from the the time I took the tablet (early on a Tues mornin) til everything was over on Thurs. I had to take pills (Misoprostal - excuse spelling) every few hours throughout the day, I suffered sickness as my side effect. By weds I had taken 24 hrs worth and nothing had really happened except light cramps, and they said this could be due to it being my first. Anyway they then gave me the mifo something pill which is also called the 'abortion pill' and I took another few loads of updosed miso's and then on Thurs our baby boy was born (he had not developed kidneys). They said due to the high level of drugs I had taken, he would be stillborn.
I took pjs (my hubbys black ones) and snacks. I found it a pain with one top with the drip in my arm so anything easy to move around that would have been better. I took maternity towels and black pants for after too, and I'm glad I did as theirs weren't sticky backed.
In terms of pain, I was fine taking pain killers for cramps until Weds night, and then it was more intense so I had the morphine clicky thing, that you self administer, but overall I would say I only had an hour or two of severe cramps, the pushing phase wasn't too long as there's no need to wait for full dilation. I also pushed out the placenta but they told me that 1 in 3 will need to have a 10 min surgery for this to be removed.
Hope that helps in someway, over here they have a charity called teddyloveclub.org.au, I used that website and found it invaluable.

Wow, sorry for loooong ramble after so long!
I actually got all emotional reading your updates bluecat and misty as I have just done the 'test up to the light' thing 10 mins ago. I soooo want a bfp, am over it now. It helps to know we're in the same boat. Am I completely sympathise on the long cycle issue, after my 46 day marathon last month, grr! So think I'm due today/tomorrow but who knows, honestly think I am going mad as I SWEAR the (.)(.) are sore!! (saw that elsewhere and thought twas funny!) Tis prob evil AF just teasing me.

Must admit ladies, have been moonlighting on the style boards, trying to find some positives by learning some preening tips, but will try to post sooner this time!

waves to eggy and cinnamon if you're there

mrsb how did it all go? let us know xx

xxxx

hey to cherry and blacktreacle, I took my sweet time writing all that I missed your posts! blacktreacle thinking of you, sounds like a bit of a Sh*t time, and I hope your appointment goes well. I have come to the conclusion that it's a blinking miracle when people get pg (and annoying as hell when they don't seem to try for 5 mins) xx

hi ladies - only a quickie from me, will catch up again later. the scan went ok so first hurdle crossed. was all teary though sat waiting in the same room as before, and had a slight panic moment when the consultant was squinting at the screen.....ended up having a transvaginal scan and baby there, measuring 8wks (so 2 days ahead of where i think i should be) - heartbeat flickering. next step is the nuchal, and from that we're going to decide whether to go straight for cvs or wait for amnio (which i think i would prefer.....but not sure really still). first hurdle over.

Hurrah hurrah hurrah Mrsb!

Bluecat, the job market in my field is competitive enough at the best of times but it's terrible at the moment and there are very few part time jobs so the ones that come up are attracting hundreds of applicants. I don't have much faith I'll get anything in a hurry.

Blacktreacle, I can see why you feel like you're in your own category! I think termination after IVF must be particularly difficult. I take it you would be going private for the CGH IVF? It's very expensive isn't it? I keep researching it as I'm often convinced I won't conceive naturally again. It's all a bit pointless really as we have no money and our respective families are not well off so I don't know how we'd ever fund it. There is one relative that could lend us the money but I don't know how we'd even pay it back. I hope your consultation gave you hope though, I'd be interested to hear how you got on.

I really struggle too with other people's pregnancies (except people on here as I genuinely truly believe they deserve it! Just in case anyone thinks my congratulations to MrsB aren't heartfelt!) I won't go to social occasions were I know there'll be pregnant women and I find myself filling up whenever I see a heavily pregnant woman anywhere, I should have been due in a fortnight and I am really struggling with that. ARC are great and I've had a long chat to them myself on one occasion. I also have a counsellor through the NHS which does help but I am the first to admit I'm generally quite down for most of the time. Sorry I can't be much help but I'm just saying I know some of what you feel.

Cremegg, lovely to hear from you. Glad you got through your due date ok, know what you mean about a mismatch between how you feel and how others expect you to feel. It happens to me a lot where people expect me to be upset and then I'm ok and then I break down at something only tenuously connected. It's all very hard. I'm also particularly jealous of people who try once and hit the jackpot first time. My three closest friends are all in that category and have absolutely no idea what this struggle is like. I would like to say I'm merely pleased for them but I am jealous and it's not very nice!

Anyway, I'm really going on and I haven't even had a drink!

Before I go, I just want to say to Lily that I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and do come back and talk to us if we can help at all, even if it's just being a sympathetic virtual ear.

xxx

hi everyone,

Lily sorry that you find yourself here, but glad that you are. I had a surgical termination, as like you it was my first pregnancy and I didn't want to give birth in such circumstances, however I have to say that it is a decision that I regret and feel that I failed her by not giving birth to her and not giving her a proper burial and rememberence.
Thinking of you x

Bluecat you are not alone, I'm obsessed with tttc.
however now I have stopped believing it is going to happen and think each month my peroid will be due soon, then its not so much of a dissapointment when AF turns up. I wanted to be pregnant by my due date, that came and went in march, I wanted to be pregant by the anniversary of my termination, aug 28th which is nearly here and AF is due now. I didn't expect my first pregnancy to end in termination and didn't expect a year on to be facing fertility treatment, gp has refered us and had first lot of tests. Of course everything may be alright, might just be time.

To those of you with due dates coming up, hope they pass peacefully xx

Misty hope you have a great holiday and hi to everyone else, egglet,cremegg, blacktreacle, , mrsb,stunned, cherry and all out there xx

Ever such a quickie girls - i should be upstairs packing.

Lilly - all my thoughts and best vibes are going out to you today. I'm sorry i wont be around for a week now to offer you any support but all these lovely ladies will be here for you. Use their love and support, its why we're here. You wont say anything one of us hasnt already said or thought as well and we know how you're feeling

I just wanted to say too how lovely it is to hear from everyone again. More than anything i wanted to say how yes, how bloody retched ttc can be, and how i sympathise so much with all the anxiety out there. Part of the reason i'm not able to communicate here for a week is that my OH feels it would be a good idea to leave the laptop at home so i cant go on FF every day! Just forget about the whole thing for a week. Mind you ... AF turned up this morning (timming ay ?) so there wouldnt be alot of temping going on anyway this week. Fresh start again when we get home......

MUST go and get on. Hugs to all xx

Hi
Well there was good news and bad news. I had a scan and my endometriosis is back, both my ovaries are stuck again. On the positive my antral follicle count and AMH are both really good so I have a high ovarian reserve and am likely to be a good responder.
H's SA was NOT good. His count is below normal now as well as motility and morphology. The likelihood of us conceiving naturally/ with clomid isn't high despite having managed it twice.
Array cgh ICSI is £6000 at Care Nottingham where we are going. We are very lucky that I have a lot of savings and my parents would help if needed. We can afford to give it 3-4 goes. The success rates are good. In my age group (34) the success rate is 50%. But if you have array cgh so you know the embryo is chromosomal normal this adds 15%. If you have blastocyst transfer this adds 10%.
I believe that having conceived before and held onto it in spite of it being so poorly increases our chances as well. I can hold a pg ok, so unlikely to have nk cells etc.
So I start in October, short protocol. Actually quite excited as well as nervous. I think if we are lucky enough to conceive using it I will be worried but will be less of a basket case as I know v unlikely to be t21 again. I would have paid all the money I have for my baby to be ok and this is my way of doing that.
If we didn't have fertility problems anyway I wouldn't go for it though.

Hi flower, I totally empthise with the 'didn't expect' feelings. Life is pretty harsh in my opinion and as misty says ttc is awful. I really hope you get some good news soon.

Blacktreacle, I was told foetuses with T18 usually spontaneously miscarry, not keep going otherwise healthily until 22 weeks. Scraping the barrel for positivity here, maybe it means I too am good at hanging on to them though. Just got to get pregnant first. I'd estimated cgh and ivf at 8k per attempt which is ludicrously beyond us. We don't officially have fertility problems though, apart from age, so I feel we have to keep trying. I think your odds sound great and hopefully the first attempt will work. Fingers crossed for you anyway.

XXX

Thank you all for your kind words, support and most of all for sharing your stories, which I know is not always easy to do.

Yesterday wasn't too bad in the end. We went in at 9am, they gave us the tablets about 9.30am and then it was just a case of waiting and more tablets until things finally started properly about 4pm. Unfortunately the pain relief didn't quite work out as planned, but not the hospital's fault, just bad timing. Everything was over by about 5.30pm and we were back home before 9pm. I'm pleased I chose the medical rather than surgical option in the end, as I felt more in control despite the pain. We chose not to see the baby or to have any involvement from here forwards, but I'm happy with that decision as it feels right for us. I think the next step for us is an appt with the consultant in about 8 weeks to discuss the chromosone results in case there is anything else we need to know.

I feel very calm just now, though I'm sure the following days and weeks will bring all kinds of emotions. So, I think I'll stick around if that's ok with you all, and hopefully get to know you and your journeys in the process. x

Hi Lily, I'm glad you didn't find it to be as bad as you feared, I think the fear of such a (still horrendous) situation is often worse than the reality. That is the worst bit over with though and you should now concentrate on being kind to yourself and resting. You will definitely feel all sorts of different emotions as you start to process what has happened and I know a lot of us here have felt pretty despairing at times, but there are plenty of us about to listen and try to help you. I mostly felt sad, then angry, then jealous, then sad again, then furious and so on.
Lots of love to you. xxx

my t18 was term and it had a Exomphalos, i went surgical, then had a burial and the hospital chaplin doing the surv and now have a grave to go to, i was 12 weeks when over and as my boys were c sections i didnt want my first time giving birth, to my poor baby.
also my preg test was neg when i did it but i was preg , i found out month after
sorry lilly to find u here

sorry this isn't a long post, but i just wanted to pop on and see how you were doing Lily. i'm glad yesterday wasn't as bad as you had feared - the worst part is now over, and now the healing journey begins. as egglet said, you're going to feel a whole rollercoaster of emotions over the next few weeks/months, and my only advice would be to just go with them. there is no right or wrong way to deal with what we have been through....but i think you will amaze yourself at just how strong you and your dh are. remember we are always here to lend a listening ear. sending you lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello ladies. I just wanted to pop in and say hello to lily as I've been thinking of you wondering how you went on and saw off your other thread you'd moved here

I'm glad it all went ok, and that you are happy with your decision to go down the medical route, it cannot have been an easy choice. You've been so incredibly brave, I'm just so sorry it ended this way for you.

I hope when you and dh have the strength to try again you don't have to wait too long for your bfp. I'll be stalking you lurking in the distance wishing you your happy ending.

Thinking of you x

Hi ladies. Eggletina has very kindly recommended this thread to me while giving me some lovely help and advice on another thread. I hope you don't mind me posting.

I'm afraid I will be following in Lily's and others footsteps tomorrow. To cut a long story short we found out that our little girl has Turner's and we held out for a scan at sixteen weeks in the hope it would be non fatal. Unfortunately at the scan yesterday we got the worst news and have decided to end the pregnancy as she won't survive full term.

It seems so unfair as I was told I wouldn't have children 10 years ago and had an ectopic pregnancy about 5 years ago so it was a miracle that we even conceived naturally and that she made it through my blocked tubes. It makes me wonder why nature let that happen just to give us worse problems later on.

Anyway, we took the first tablet yesterday and go into the hospital at 8.30 tomorrow morning.

Lily I'm so sorry to hear that you went through this yesterday but it's sort of comforting to hear it wasn't as bad as you thought. I hope it's ok to say that.

Sorry if i have gone on for too long here.

Any advice on how to get through the hours of waiting tomorrow and the emotional days that follow would be great.

Xxxxxx