Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.

And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

Hi all

Crememgg - 12 weeks? 12 weeks??? Oh well, i spose if thats what they say .... But i might be feeling like getting a second opinion on that. Although - i suppose if you've skipped this period, you may get an early next one (does that make sense) in which case there wouldnt be mcuh a doc could/would do untill you can say you've skipped two. Thinking 'aloud' there - sorry What a pain in the ttc bum! Keep us posted love.

stunned - glad to hear about your councelling booking too. At last! Crazy that it should be such a slog.

egglet - hope you're still ok in France! (I know you are ) Hope you're weathers better than ours here today. Windy, spitting with rain ... humph.

mrsB - hello lovie.

rosielee - if your reading this hello! This is where we all lurk!

blacktreaclecat - hi there xx sorry you think AF is coming i'm in the same boat i think. Temps are still up 13 days past ov., but i feel grouchy and generaly poo (!) today. Keep expecting a tell tale sign each time i go to the loo that shes about to arrive. sigh.

Very interested in what you were saying about the arc forum. Do you post there regulaly Blacktreacle? I'm sure it probably is more private than here. My problem with posting there would be that i already chat daily on Fertility Friend with a few ladies from here, and would find 3 different places too much for my little brain i think! lol. FF is my obsession at the mo, and I wouldnt want to leave here either as i gained so very much support - particulaly in the first month after my term - from this thread, that i feel i want to be here to help other ladies newly finding themselves in this situation. I know there is and always will be many many wonderfull ladies staying here to 'catch' the newbies, but I feel like i want to be giving something back too. Also i have come to be so fond of the ladies that post here

The new forum on arc is a great thing to be able to refer everyone to who needs some support. So that is brilliant news.

Anyway - rambling on here, and im sposed to be being quick!

Love to all xxx

I wanted to comment on the Arc forum. Although it's probably helpful to some people I don't like it because there are some very sad stories and distraught people who are regular users. The big difference between this thread and arc is that there is a lot more chat, humour and normal life stuff here, despite all our worries and sadness. That's why I prefer it here. However, it is totally private so there's no insensitive idiots chipping in, although that doesn't tend to happen on this thread, touch wood, just others in this area.

This is obviously just my opinion but I wanted to share it!

ATM it is very quiet over there but has only been open a week. I put a thread on to encourage people who have had a healthy baby after a trisomy to post their stories. I'm hoping to collect lots of stories like that (hopefully I will be one one day). It might bring comfort to those with recent losses to know that there is hope for next time.
Well af was hideous but start clomid again tonight so need to keep positive. Have an appt next month for an IVF consultation- looking at array cgh or aneuploidy screening. Am scared of IVF though.
Hope misty, stunned, egglet, cremegg, angelava, mrsbigz and anyone I've missed all ok and have a good weekend
Xx

Hi ladies -

Absollute stinker of a headache today and i just cant shift it

Af arrived with avengance last night. So another fresh start this month.

Blacktreacle that is a lovely idea about gathering positive stories to read on the ARC thread. I would give anything to have a story of a healthy baby after a term. for T21 + comps. If/when i do i will def. go and share the joy there. I do feel i have a positive story to share insomuch that i feel i've mentaly survived my termination. Maybe i'll take a trip over to the ARC forum and see ....

Cremegg - whats happening now? Im thinking of you, cos i know i'd be quite miffed/confused about missing a period out completely too.

Dont know about everyone else out there but here we've been washed out with rain the last 2 days. Bucketing down. Doesnt help the mood .....

Anyway - hope everyone here is well, and enjoying their weekends. I'm off to pop a few more tablets. Ment to be doing the weekly shop soon and SO cant be bothered!

xx

Waves to everyone as just a quickie from me oh errrr mrs lol :)
Been away eith preggers girlfriend this weekend, had fab time with her & her 1yr old
Going away tomorrow for a week with another girlfriend - no phone signal / internet for the whole week ekk
Downside AF is fecking on her way, pains & spotting Grr
Everything but legs crossed next month :)
Chat again on Saturday, take care out here ladies
Keep smiling
X x

have a fab time stunned [hgrin]
hows the head now misty? hope you're feeling better
waves to eggy and treacle and all others [hsmile]
day 46 here... still nowt happening.... pfff
tho v excited for hol in 5 days!! wooo (trying not to imagine in 'chick lit' style that a holiday 'miracle' could happen... ha!)

day 47, 'flo has entered the building, at last!

way hey Cremegg!!!! Finally :) i'm so glad you didn't have to wait the 12 weeks (???) i would have gone completely mad?! now you can start again with a fresh new cycle - have everything crossed for you!
stunned i guess you'll be off on your jollies by now and just wanted to say i hope you have a lovely time with your friend!
misty i'm sorry that AF found you with such a vengeance, but pleased as its another new cycle for you and cripes, they do come around quickly don't they!!?
egglet hope you're still enjoying france (well, i know that you are!) and bet you don't want to come back home!!!
gillian and myangel hope your bumps are being good - myangel i think i lurked on the sister thread and saw you had your nuchal coming up - is it tomorrow? best of luck for that
flower - how are you - hope you've had a nice time away....are you back yet or still travelling the country catching up with friends?!

afm - well ladies as my FF friends already know, i got a bfp a couple of days ago (one of the test early tests!!). yesterday AF was due (and got another + on a tesco own brand test), and today is the first day i'm late, but am at work so not had a chance to pee on anything. in a nutshell, i'm completely over the moon but also absolutely terrified!!! I may venture over to the sister thread shortly just to introduce my self, and then i think i will disappear into a large bubble until i'm about 30 weeks please!!! no in all seriousness (having had a chemical and an m/c in the past) i'm going to wait until at least 6-7 weeks before i start making any appointments. please keep your fingers crossed for me that this little bean sticks xxxx

Thank god for that Cremegg, I bet that's a relief. You see, we hate her but we need her! Back to CD1 for you and a new start and all.

It's quiet here! Hope everyone else is enjoying their holidays - I certainly am

Last but not least, huge congratulations to MrsB! You know I've got everything crossed for you and for a dull uneventful average pregnancy! I think you're very sensible to wait a couple of weeks before having to discuss it in the real world, better to get used to the idea first and you've got here and ff to go to for reassurance in the meantime!

Blacktreacle, I realised the other day I was talking about the ARC email digest they send out, not the forum. I'm not a member of the forum. I think your idea for a positive stories after loss is great though and a good balancer. I think somebody on the pregnancy after tfmr thread here said they would open their next thread with a list of babies born and I think that would be a real dose of 'hope' for us all. Anyway, I'll have a look when I'm back home and on a pc rather than a phone.

Love to you all.
X

Hi all, just wanted to say congratulations, both the cremegg on her new start and mrsbigz for her bfp.... On an EARLY test eh? I stand corrected!!! Am keeping my fingers crossed for both of you in different ways and I'm glad we've got another bfp- I'm sure there's more to come very soon! Before I forget mrsbigz, it's worth calling your hospital yourself (when youre ready) and explaining your situation for a self referral as well as your gp/ community midwives so that you get in their system quickly rather than just waiting for the gp referral- that really helped me but I suppose it depends on your hospital!

I'm off to London tonight for my nuchal scan at FMC tomorrow morning. Am really quote anxious and not really sure what I think about next steps but hoping for it all to become clear on the day! Will let you know how I get on- fingers crossed for good news. I still haven't told anyone except my parents and a close friend and am already getting a bit of a bump, (although im looking for it!)

Hi to everyone else I've not mentioned personally and hope the holidays you are on/ have coming up are nice & relaxing! Xx

thanks myangel i have to ring the beareavement nurse that dealt with my TOP with Eve when i get my bfp - and they fast-track me in through their system to the consultant BUT i was going to wait just a couple of weeks tro make sure that i AM actually pregnant.....iykwim

but as far as i know i get brought express door and fast-tracked through everything!!

Wishing you ALL the best for tomorrows appointment. at least you are seeing the prof, i've heard nothing but good things about him and the FMC..tempted to go there myself actually if i get that far! Let us know how you get on xxxx

Hi ladies xx

quicky again -sorry

MrsB - you know i'm over the moon for you already! kiss kiss!

Cremegg - hooray for AF! makes a change to say that. But i really hope its all plain sailing for you now for your cycles.

myangel - how did it all go hun? keep us posted xxx

EVERYONE else - how are things? Hope you're all keeping ok

Love and hugs xxx

Congratulations Mrs Bigz. Fingers crossed for a healthy one.
I'm really struggling. I thought I was fine doing really well. Then yesterday a work colleague told me her daughter was pg and I just freaked. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't speak. I just ran out of work, drove home crying and spent the day crying. My dad came over and gave me lots of cuddles, then H came home.
I worried myself by the strength of my reaction and grief. How do I cope with situations like this? I can't go through another day like yesterday but the pain was so intense. I've been hoping that if anyone is pg they will have the sensitivity to tell me over the phone, by email, via a friend. So I can have a cry then once I've processed the information I can react appropriately and say congratulations.
Help!

Oh blacktreaclecat, I'm sorry sweetie. I know that my emotions surprise me and come on very quickly since my termination in Jan and it can be very unsettling, especially when you're coping so well on a day to day. I can't remember if you've mentioned it but are you getting any counselling? I found that really helped although I still get my moments obviously. I'm sorry I can't be of more help but wanted to give you a special
Mumsnet hug- apparently they're all the rage! Xx

As for me, the scan went well this morning and I can't speak highly enough of the prof, centre and staff. The scan was very thorough and looked for markers of all the major trisomies but esp t18 due to my experience with Ava and t21. I'm confident in their knowledge and expertise and the prof seemed very confident that there were no prob. He advised against the need for a cvs and we agreed for now. I do feel the reassurance I felt I needed and another hurdle over. I burst into tears halfway down Harley St but then I was never going to get away without a cry today.

Interestingly the prof looked at Ava's nuchal notes and was very dismayed and angry that her t18 was not picked up at that scan as he would have raised questions at my blood results should he have seen them. I had it done with a private consultant and was given 1:119000 by him for t18 and it has really unsettled me because without his negligence I would not have had to have gone to 26 weeks without finding out.

Anyway, mrsbigz- i'm glad you have your bereavement nurse to call so you don't have to explain again to get fast tracked and I can't recommend the FMC enough. It was £180- the same as 'Mr Negligence' up north and they really seem to know their stuff if that's not a stupidly obvious thing to say. X

Huge congrats mrsb how fab!! Hope all goes well xx
Yay to myangel for the hurdle over! Sounds like the first doc was terrible, I don't get how they manage to mess such important things up! Glad you're in better hands now.
I 'm feeling a bit as it would have been the due date on the 22nd, and the gal who was pg at the same time just had her baby. Also am kinda freaked out by the idea that we could have been parents next week. Think it will be ok on the actual day as on holiday- and you just don't tend to know dates when away, but really wanted to be pg by the day and am feeling a bit peed off that it didn't happen.
V with you on the response blacktreacle, don't beat yourself up, I think it's better to let it all out hon xxx

Blacktreacle, you poor thing, that's a horrible day. I hope you're feeling better for getting it all out. I find it builds up and up until something sets me off then I have a big cry and feel calmer again. I struggle with people announcing seemingly effortless pregnancies (NB This does not apply to people on here, I feel very differently about them) and so far have only heard through third parties but such is my paranoia that I think all my friends are pregnant but can't bear to tell me! I second the counselling recommendation, I got sessions on the NHS through my GP and I think it's helped me. Love to you though, it's a horrendous thing to try to deal with. Use us here too, we'll all feel similar things and if we can't help we can at least understand.

Myangelava, I've already said how pleased I am that yesterday was a 'success'. I didn't realise your first test with Ava was a private one, my false low risk result was NHS. We went private with DD but by the time I was pregnant again it was offered on the NHS. I wouldn't trust either again though. Are you going to take any action?

Cremegg, I hope your due date passes in the best way for you to cope with it. Mine's next month and I'm going to struggle as I harboured a secret hope that I might be pregnant again by then, although my first month ttc has been a resounding fail! I hope you can enjoy your holiday though.

Struck down by AF here, still on holiday but home at the weekend. I must go and find painkillers!

xxx

blacktreacle so very sorry you had that happen lovie.

Dont be frightened. Perhaps it was something that needed to come out? Its very scary to find yourself at the mercy of your own feelings, and feel 'out of control'. I think its worse because we're such a nation of 'stiff upper lippers'! The need to be pregnant and the grieving for our losses are both such powerful and deepseated emotions - and we are haivng to cope with them both at once. No wonder it gets too much sometimes. I hope today is better for you petal.

You had your term in March didnt you? Mine was early April. Its not that long ago really. In the whole scheme of things. I have to remind myself just how recently it all was when i'm wondering why im having a wobble. You're doing fabulously black. You're back at work and working through your feelings and getting ready to begin again xxxxxxxx As Egglet says - use us as a hand to hold

myangel - so glad everything went well yesterday. What a hurdle that must have felt. Was thinking of you xx

Cremegg - good to hear you'll be on your holls for your due date. That will help it slip by xx I too would LOVE to be pregnant by mine. I'm trying not to think about it though! ha! 13th of Oct ..... that gives me 3/4 cycles. Not that i'm thinking about it. Much.

Egglet - hi hun. Hope your feeling a bit more upbeat now? Enjoy these days of your holls I like that you've decided to just start a new chart by putting Light Flow in on your FFchart even though its spotting. I was going to do just that, actualy, but as it happened my second day of spotting turned into a tsunami so it was CD1 anyway. You just want a fresh start dont you? Feels better.

Anyway - better get dressed and get on! Sun's out here to all you lovely ladies - hope you're having a good day xxx

Thank you all. Egglet, as DH and his brother are lawyers there are obviously thoughts about suing or reporting the dr or both, if we can prove that he was negligent. It has really stirred things up for me, which is not really helpful, but it has given me a bit more faith in the test, it was just the man who failed to read the blood results and instead relied on what the computer spat back at him. If indeed he fed the correct numbers into the computer. I suppose the important thing is that knowing any earlier would not have 'saved' Ava it would have just made the process different and 13 weeks earlier. Re the NHS Nuchal scan, the prof said that Edward's often gets missed on those unless the Nuchal measurement is high. The NHS tests focus on t21- Apparently the blood result values that flag up t18 are different to those with t21 and so if the Nuchal measurement is 'normal' as it often is, then Edwards will remain undiagnosed until later.

Cremegg, I've said before the the week of my due date was incredibly difficult for me and I think it will help you to be away. I will be thinking of you and I hope that it passes as easily as it can. In hindsight, I'm glad that I was not pregnant for the due date as I feel that it was a complete watershed moment. I also had quite a few mixed emotions and I know my husband felt very guilty when I got pregnant the month after and I'm glad that I didn't have those feelings around the time I shoud have been giving birth to my little girl.

Hello to everyone else and I hope that the sun is helping everyone to feel cheery today x

myangelava I can really imagine how it's stirred things up but like you say, it doesn't change anything for you now. I would be concerned that embarking on any sort of proceedings at the moment would cause you stress that you can really do without. Presumably there's a several year statute of limitations, or none at all, so if you did want to act you could wait until you've had your baby?

I have no case as such, as my consultant said that the NHS test was focused on T21 as it is by far the more common. I didn't really think that it would miss something so bad, but I didn't inquire further once I'd received the low risk letter, relief I suppose. If only I'd known then what I know now. But, again nothing can change what's happened. I suppose my biggest fear is that my experience will somehow prevent me from ever having another baby, in which case I'm going to blame myself for not going for a more comprehensive private analysis.

Not feeling very positive today!

i had my nuchal scan done today, think it was ok, baby was a wiggler so took 30 mins to do lol, also the size matched the dates from 2 weeks ago, 67.3mm long which is 13 weeks today.also i am really glad my edwards baby was picked up at the 12 week sca,n as i had a abortion on march 2nd and i got preg after my next cycle even thou i had a neg test in may. this is my story
on monday 21st feb, i went for my 12 week scan, there i found out my baby had Exomphalos, sometimes called Omphalocele, this occurs when the abdomen fails to close around the base of the umbilical cord during the early development of the baby. The size of the Exomphalos depends on the number of organs exposed. This is usually the bowel but may include the liver and other organs.The sac containing the exposed organs is usually covered in a protective membrane. The abdominal cavity is sometimes smaller in Exomphalos children due to the organs growing externally. In about 30% of cases Exomphalos occurs in conjunction with other birth defects such as chromosomes problems.
i had my bloods done that day, also told i was being refered to cambridge addenbrookes, where i had an appointment on the friday for a detailed scan and also a cvs. when i got there they had my blood results , not good,not only was my hormones very very low but the down risk was 1:25 but edwards was 1:5, but the doctor gave me odd's of 1:2 so 50/50 on having edwards. on monday my phone rang and they told me it did have edwards, and i went to hospital on tuesday 1st march to be booked in for an abortion for wed 2nd march, as i was 12 weeks 5 day i was put to sleep and 30 mins later it was all over. also as i was over 12 weeks i was able to have a funeral done by the hospital chaplin at the graveyard with all the other babys, so i have a little grave to go to with a little stone. 1 month later i had a monthly, then the next month nothing so did a test but was neg, next month still nothing so did another test , this time was pos, so went for a scan 29th june and found out i was 11 weeks and due 19th jan 2012, fingers crossed this time it will be all ok, i have 2 boys age 6 and 3

Gillian Grace Read

I'm sorry you're on a bit of a downer Egglet- hope you're feeling a bit more positive tonight/ tomorrow. You haven't done anything to ruin your chances- it'll happen. You're right about tinescales- DH is looking into possibly taking action next year- you have 3 years I think- and what exactly would be requires of me. As I've said before I think- I'm trying to see the positive (I am pleased that I saw her) and the fact that finding out at 12 rather than 26 weeks would not have changed the ultimate outcome- she still wouldn't be here now, keeping me up all night like she should.

Gillian, I'm glad things went well for you today, I am due 20th Jan!

How's everyone else getting on? X

hi everyone
Back from holiday, lake district was good and the weather was kind to us. On way back we stopped off at friends of dh, they had neglected to tell us that she was 7 months pregnant and they have 18 month old, found this very difficult. In fact when af turned up the day after hubby and me were both in tears. Stunned I havent been through the losses you have but can relate to the child sized hole there is in our lives. I want to be a family not a couple. I never realised this ttc would be so hard or emotionaly draining. Im starting to worry that we are now also facing fertility problems, I wasnt prepared for things to turn out like this. Sorry this has turned into a me post I didnt intend to say all this....

oh flower i've been wondering about you and how your holiday went. i'm so sorry that you had to face that at your friends, that must have been really difficult for you both. you would have thought that they might have mentioned it seeing as how far she is along?
sorry that put a tint on the end of your holiday away. have you thought about seeing anyone to discuss fertility / ttc? sorry, it may be none of my business, but maybe it's worth speaking to someone just to get an opinion. i know when my brother and his wife first started speaking to someone for that reason they ran lots of standard tests which can uncover all sorts of treatable fertility problems.

that said, i'm really glad to see you back on the thread (though i've not been around much lately as so busy at work at the moment ).

hello to everyone else. had a hectic day today - soft play hell this morning followed by a friends 30th this afternoon, and tomorrow we're catching up with my hubby's sister and family who've just returned from 4 years living in cyprus.

will catch up soon i promise xxxx

Flower - it sucks feeling this way doesn't it.
How long did you try the first time and now? Remind me. It is normal for it to take a year to conceive. It took us 5 months the first time (mc) and 11 months and 3 clomid cycles the second time. I have endometriosis.
We are on clomid again and looking at ivf in the new year. The ivf can be a silver lining as they can do pgs- preimplantation genetic screening to check the embryos are normal.

Hi flower, I hope that things are looking a bit brighter this morning and I'm sorry that you're feeling like that. I agree with the others, it may be a good idea to see someone to discuss fertility as that could either reassure you or highlight something that will probably be 'treatable' to help you conceive a bit quicker/ easier. You would also be 'in the system' if you later wanted to head down the IUI or IVF route. If nothing else, it may help the stress and worry and stop the worst case scenarios whizzing around in your head, which I'm sure does not help conception. Again, I hope that I'm not speaking out of turn; I have PCOS and although it's luckily not caused me any major problems ttc, I have often been convinced that it was/ would and experienced the stress, anxiety and despair associated with that. (Partly because I didn't realise that it was entirely normal for it to take a year on trying... They forget to mention that at school!)

I don't think that all this rain is helping emotions either- it's biblical up north and I've been feeling pretty down. X