Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.

And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

hey all, back from my hols and was LOVELY to meet you Flower - thank you for coming out to where I was rather than having me wandering aimlessly around Exmouth (which is what would have undoubtedly happened!!)
got back home yesterday and have just this afternoon finished the last of the washing! had a bbq today, kids playing with water, dh cooking, would have been fab if the heat had not been quite so hot!? i must be getting old, i can't deal with the heat as well as i used to!
stunned, when i first had my scan and knew there was problems i did visit baby centre (same screen name!!!) but like you i didn't find them quite as responsive as here, nor quite as caring......suffice to say i am here and not there!!!!
will catch up properly with everyone soon, it seems this is going to be the week where everyone's BD'ing / O'ing so i hope i get to join in too soon (not join in WITH you guys, you understand - just get my smiley faced second line that gives me the green light!!
right, off to prepare for work tomorrow - BOOOO!!

speak to you all soon xxxxxxxxx

Lol, MrsB, to joining in! Theres alot of us here + partners - we'd need a big old bed, ha ha. Glad you're back and that you had a good time away, and that you got to meet flower.

stunned - Well done going to the gym. I've got to go extra early tomorow morn. cos iv got to get back to take my mum for a docs appt. Getting earlier and earlier!

i have my alarm set for 5am to take my temps. We get up at 6.15 and im usualy awake b4 then (body clock y'know? - not cos i want to be ) and so a 5am alarm means im truly 'fresh from deep sleep' for my temp, but can than have a hours doze. Buggered it up this morn tho; cos i forgot to set the alarm last night (over enthusiastic bed time - we had the house to ourselves ) and didnt temp till nearly 7am.

Been SO bloomin hot hasnt it? Im sure we'd cope better if we went into these temperatures a bit more gradualy. But one min its cold - then this! What a lovely still summer night it is out there tho. Still a little bit of light over the fields and smells all grassey. I love it.

Still getting strong pos OPKs. So still BDing conscientiously .

Night ladies xxx

hello ladies, thought i would just pop in and say hi as i recognise a few names.

I just wanted to say a very warm big thank you for the support you gave me a couple of months ago. It was a very difficult time and i really appreciate the messages you posted.

DH and I are doing ok, him a little better than me I must admit. i still have my moments but we are getting there - probably not helped by getting in with the recent bunfight threads on terminations. Not really ready for starting for another dc but thats ok for us.

the biggest thing is we still havent told anyone, mainly because my sister is still struggling with ttc and she told me this week she had noticed i hadnt been on MN much - i confessed i had changed my nn, and got into the terminations threads and we ended up amically disagreeing on the subject. It still breaks my heart to see them going through what they are and although logically I know she would understand I cant actually find the words to tell her.

But every day is a new day and we move forwards. Thank you, I cant tell you how much this topic was a support to us. I am starting to gush now so I will stop.

Hi learning love! Welcome xxxx

I've only got 10 seconds as i've been messing about on my charting website for half an hour, and need to get my bottom in gear now, but i wanted to say i remember you, and i'll sit later and post properly.

I've said this lots - but the kettle's always on here for a cupper and chat (or moan, or cry, or just ramble on ... like i do, lol)

xx

Afternoon ladies
Hiya misty how you doing?
Waves to everyone else :o
Not too much happening here - just back from 90min gym session - legs are now telling me noo more lol
Although when I got there the air con wasn't working - I sniffed & thought noo can't cope with the sweaty smell - knew it wasn't me as I hadn't long showered :)
Managed to do the full session as they had put some fans out & it wasn't too bad but my t-shirt was rather wet when I left - sorry TMI I know.
Where is everyone else hiding- been bit quiet here
Still pop on the baby centre boards & answer some posts when I feel like it.. Sometime there is a reply but often no one bothers. I use the name lizziedrippin on there. Used to use them loads a few years ago under another name & made some really good friends & still keep in touch with them but think times changed now & they have moved on as I have. Plus they changed the format which I don't like as much :(
Still keeping up with cbfm - pee in a cup (plastic - not best china ) each morning to dip my stick
Not sure re the temping still - see if nothing in a couple of cycles BUT hubby who normally has a boil in the bag hot bath has gone onto showers - says it saves time but I think it is in a bid to help save his swimmers :)
Right better dash as have fat fighters soon & need to get dressed - just showered after the gym - no cos haven't got dressed yet today honest :)
Take care out there
X x

Hello all. Hope you're enjoying the weather.

Hi learningtofly, nice to see you. To be honest it sounds like you're coping as well as any of us do. Just keep away from these 'debates'. They are not debates, just one group saying 'I'm right because...' and the other group saying 'You're wrong and here's why...' but nobody is ever going to change anybody's mind and it just descends into a tedious and predictable, yet highly emotive slanging match. I hate it when it creeps over here because there is a group of people here who are motivated, by experience not opinion, to support others who are in desperate situations and try to do so, but often the thread starter is scared off by these fcking idiots. Anyway, you're obviously very welcome here if it helps. As misty says, there's plenty of room for rambling. (Also I hope your name comes from the Pink Floyd song! The Might Floyd are one of my guilty music pleasures.)

Stunned your exercise regime sounds both worthy and unpleasant. Hope the showers make a difference - poor little boiled swimmers.

Not much to report here. Feeling ok this week, great having a husband back, I would be the worst ever single parent! Getting organised for our holidays (and obsessing over my charts too.)

xxx

Oh and I don't post on babycentre as most of the threads seem to be written entirely in textspeak and I can't cope. Yes. Yes I am a massive snob!

Nah you not a snob egg as I have ignore a few messages as they were text & my head hurt trying to understand them.
Even on Facebook I have blocked a few of the baby centre ladies as found they were a tad too chavy / cheap / crude for my liking.. So guess that is me down as a snob as well then :)
x x

Evening lovlies xx

stunned that does sound like a full on attack on the waistline! Good for you i only managed 26 of my usual 40 lengths yesterday. Dont know why. I go three mornings a week and swim 40 and feel fine. But just got achey and breathless yesterday so got out early. I think around now, plus when im due on, i feel a bit lethargic.

I used to poodle around the baby and ttc threads b4 and during this last pg. It was fine then - but when i read the preggy ones now i just feel ..... not unkind thoughts at all, but ..... like saying to almost every single poster "Stop moaning - enjoy your pregnancy - be glad your babys healthy and that you're pregnant at all!" I dont think that would go down too well 99% of the time! Lol.

Oh yeah - and the debate groups! Holly hell - i stay well away from those. Like learning has said you can agree to disagree, but it doesnt always happen, Things can get nasty.

Seaking of which learning - i'm sad to hear that you havnt told your sister yet. But i can totally understand how/why you havnt. When it does come out she'll say "WHY didnt you tell me??!!" I bet. Telling people/not telling people is a tricky one and i think each of us here has had problems because of both sides of the coin. We were saying recently that when the world and his wife knows about whats happened, your constantly worrying it will be mentioned, struggling to cope when it is mentioned or upset that it ISNT being mentioned. When no one knows you have to go through every day pretending nothings wrong when all you really want to do is hide away that day and cry, avoididng upsetting situations, or just see no one but your OH. No easy path. But we can give you a virtual hand to hold through it here

ps: the only song i know with 'learning to fly' in it is Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. (had to google it to find out who sang it tho )

As for me - i'm STILL getting pos OPKs and no temp rise. Promised myself id stay chilled this month ..... ha ha. Started having very upsetting thoughts down the isle with all the baby stuff in it in Tesco earlier (was down there for tampons) and started looking at all the lovely cot blankets and little pram toys and things. Sigh. Just had to fold all my thoughts up and cram them to the back of my mind - where i keep alot of stuff - cos i could feel the bottom lip going! Doesnt happen often these days, but it can still catch me out.

Anyway - hope all you ladies are getting by ok out there.

hey everyone, sorry been a little quiet since i got back, after i got all the washing done i was straight back into work mode

learningtofly hello, i remember you and glad you came back and found us on here. i just wanted to say that i can completely empathise with the situation with your sister. my brother and his wife have been ttc their first baby for nearly 4 years now. when i fell pg last sept (which i went on to mc at 8 weeks) i spent the whole time worrying about how to tell them that i was pg. so when i fell pg very soon after with Eve, i rang them when i was about 5wks gone, because i knew they were just about to start their ivf treatment, and at 12wks (when i would have been announcing) they would have been finding out whether their treatment worked or not. well, their ivf did not work (they are due to have their 2nd round of ivf in august) and of course, all of our problems were detected at our 12 wk scan. i was up for nights on end deliberating what to tell them, trying to put myself in their shoes. how could i end my pg (no matter how bleak the outlook for my baby) when they were trying desperately for a baby. in the end i bit the bullet and told them the truth, and i couldn't believe how understanding they were about it. sorry i know that's a bit of a longwinded story, but i just wanted to say that you might be surprised at your sisters reaction, and i know from my own point of view that it helped me to have everything out in the open. my brother also has said to me since, that it also put their problems into perspective to a degree, for he could not imagine having to be in the situation that i found myself in (just as i can't imagine being in his situation).

hello to everyone else. not much to report here, except i had a +opk today (on cd17 which is early for me) so all systems go in our household!!

will catch up tomorrow - i'm working from home as i have ds1's preschool sports day to attend in the afternoon....am expecting sack races, egg and spoon races etc - should be fun!

lots of love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ahhh the nn does come from the Tom Petty song cause, well, it was the only nn i could come up with at the time (and nothing to do with my not so secret crush on him!!!) and kinda of how I felt at the time, learning to fly but didnt know how i was going to do that (a bit deep even for me!!).

I kind of roll on from week to week, 2 weeks ago I had to go for an appointment with my consultant to help him complete the Severe Incident Forms for the nhs trust and the drug company and that was really really tough. Tbh I was a right mardy bottom with him - not helped by being kept waiting for an hour with an overexcited 21 month old. Seeing it all in black and white was almost like going through it all again - I didnt even know the name of the gynae consultant.

I did get a bit overly involved (stupidly) on some of the recent threads in AIBU and DH told me in no uncertain terms to step away from MN as it started to really affect me and made me doubt myself. I have to learn that I dont have to justify anything to anyone else.

I think I will tell my sister one day - we have always been really close and its horrible keeping something from her but like Captain Jack Sparrow I am just waiting for that opportune moment.

Don't get me wrong! People can be as chavvy, cheap and crude as they like. I just cannot abide text speak!

I can understand why you've not told your sister, ltf but I think it would be ok. What happened to you is one of life's grim realities. Sounds like the appointment was difficult and not handled particularly sensitively either, but it's done with now.

Tom Petty makes me feel less ashamed of my 70's Prog Rock love but he surely is a bit of a crush of shame?! I have several of them, some of which even I don't understand!

Think we all need to be different to make the world go & if we were all the same it would be awfully boring. We all know there are some people we find ourselves drawn towards & others we feel the need to hide from. It doesn't mater what someone looks like, it is what is inside that counts. Online sometimes it is good because you can't see a picture & thus don't pre judge the person. Making a chat with them often easier.
I hold both my hands up as sometimes I am guilty of judging a book (person) by it's cover (appearance) when I know I shouldn't as we all have personal choice about the way we look / dress / act / speak.
Personally I have found there are people who like to wind others up, just in their nature, no matter what has happened. There are the woe is me, it always happens to them. The list goes on. We are all in control of our lives to a certain extent & we should have all learnt by now how to play nicely (get on / live with) with others.
There are times when a spanner is thrown into the works and we have a wobble in life. My last one was 3rd May when found Amelia wasn't well on the scan. It has taken me a while to get back to some sort of normality if we ever will. To Joe blogs public no one knows this, as I don't know what has happened to them either.
We all show are emotions / grief / reactions to day to day life differently. I tend to hide / keep things in, only sharing with close friends. Others I know share with the world & it's wife.
We have a choice in if we react to others or just ignore them & walk away from them. Not always easy to do as we get wound up but we know what we should do.
Right now that is off my chest :)
Good morning ladies, how are we all doing on this wonderful Wednesday. Weather looks ok ish outside. Nothing much planned today, got a friend coming over for a natter later. Have couple of choices this afternoon to either see friends or go to gym again after my disappointment yesterday at fat club - put 2lb on, not sure how as had been good ish & been to gym three times n last week. Will try to be even better this week.
Take care out there
X x

Hey
just checking in... planning a quiet month this cycle so not much excitement from me at the moment!
got my blood tests done on friday - 7 vials of blood!! Took them three attempts - one in each arm and one in the back of my hand before they filled them - I have tricky, slippery, collapsing veins!
Next it'll be a scan late July then results early August....

I am going to have a vitamin free month this week - fed up of popping the pregnancy vits each morning. Then next month/cycle i'm going to top up my selenium, magnesium and Co Enzyme c10 which someone suggested on another board. Then the next cycle after that - when we'll be back on the shagwagon again I'll go back on the evening primrose oil, pregnancy vits and Wild Yam...

I'm going to keep the temping going as that is interesting and I want to get in the habit... Mind you DS is in a funny mood since Glastonbury and I ended up sleeping in his room last night. He kept saying that he wanted to talk to me and that he wasn't tired. In the end we went to sleep at 10pm..... early for me and late for him! Fingers crossed we don't have a repeat tonight.

Glastonbury festival was great - saw lots of cool things and DS and DH enjoyed themselves too.

Hello everyone, sorry I've been a bit AWOL but have been feeling really tired and really sick & to top it off I keep getting this sore throat that I can't get rid of! As a result I've been having a sleep instead of posting, during my DS's lunchtime sleep... Speaking of which, I've got an hour left so can't make this too long! I have, as always, been reading though!

Stunned- keep going! The 2lbs can be almost anything and I'm sure you'll get some really positive results soon if you keep going as you are! Scales can be misleading so don't give up! Also wanted to say that I used the cbfm when ttc my DS (now 2) and for this pregnancy. When ttc DS I also temped for 3 months and it always gave me the same results as the monitor, which was reassuring. I too used to set an alarm to take my temp at the same time every day and at weekends would just go back to sleep- I think that if you take it at diff time it can skew results. I also found Amazon to be the cheapest for the sticks, and i think I only used 4 sticks in the last cycle!

Knitter- 7 vials of blood! I feel faint thinking about it! Glad you had a lovely time at Glastonbury- when do you get the results?

Bluecat- lovely to hear from you again. I really struggled around my due date and tried to organise a million and one things to keep me busy, which was just exhausting. It was actually the hardest week since we lost Ava, 3 months earlier, but I did feel much better as soon as it had passed. For one, I didn't feel as though I should have been pregnant and it did provide me with some sort of closure. I hope that you also get some relief from it's passing and that your son has a lovely party to celebrate something positive. I also had 2 friends who were pregnant 'with me' and due the week before I was. I cried when I heard that they had been born, but when I saw them it was such a relief and I didn't actually feel anything negative at all. I guess that they were boys and they weren't Ava.... if that's not a stupid thing to say. Anyway, I just wanted to identify with your post.

Egglet- thanks again for checking up on me!

Hello to everyone else, misty, ltf, mrsbigz et al and speak again soon! I better jump into bed quick before I miss my window! X

well scan was today, and i have found out my due date is 19th jan so that makes me 11 weeks tomorrow and have to go back to do the triple test as it was too early

Hi everyone, and learningtofly nice to hear from you.

I read some of those threads and was going to post but didnt cause I wasn't up for the fight. Sadly until people walk in our shoes or are faced with terrible decisions they just dont seem to be able to understand.

Knitter glad you had a good time at glastonbury

I had positve opk yesterday and today cd14+15 with both the tesco and cheapies! so have been busy have also been busy cleaning the house as my parents arrive tomorrow.

Hiya girls xx

Just a quickie -

Stunned - muscle weighs more than fat! If you're dieting AND working out it could be that some of your weight loss is being masked by the fact that you are putting on muscle xxx

Knitter - hi love. Glad you got your bloods sorted out and that you got to enjoy the festival.

flower - yay for th pos POK Boo for having to clean the house! lol

learning - i lurk on AIBU alot, but hardly ever post. Its a great read, but the regulars there scare me to death. I do too much lol'ing and for their liking, , and I imagine if i said anything at all controversial i'd be ripped to shreds! I did jump in once when a daft cow, er, woman began a thread about being devestated that her baby was due at xmas and she'd have to organise 2 lots of parties ect. and asked how to get her head round it. Lots of ladies jumped in with the enevitable and absolutely correct sugestion that to 'get her head round it' she should begin by thinking instead how lucky she is that she and the baby are in perfect health. She was indignant about this, and rude to the ladies who posted with their personal stories of loss .... and so in i jumped, all hot and flustered! lol. Had to come away in the end as my heart rate was up and OH wanted me to watch the telly with him and i was all cross just not worth getting all het up.

Anyway - this was sposed to be a quick one! Hi Egglet, myangel, and everyone

Still dont think iv ov'd - thinking it mite be tororrow FX xxx

hey all, hope all good :)
knitter am same with veins, DH was holding hot flannels on them in march for the drip, comedy, and i always bruise! when do you get results?
flower yay to ov ;)
myangel hope you feel better soon, that sore throats been hanging for a while hasn't it?!
misty hope you're having a good week :D

am on CD 36 (after early mc) and fed up, bfns all round, loads of ewcm, wtf!? Also close friend in UK announced shes pg and that 12 week scan was fine, heartbeat etc... wondered if she thought this was where mine went wrong (to give detail) anyway stifled urge to say 'good luck (and that Indy's heart beat had been strong at 20 weeks!)' and just did the usuals (fb gives such a good opportunity for a 'mask') thankfully she didnt manage (she had tried!) to upload scan pics and send to us (group of 5 ladies) Shes due in jan, as this recent mc would have been, so I replied and deleted the message... harsh but all in the name of survival.

Also, spent sat at a ball seated next to lass (DHs work mate's wife, met her once when we were about 19weeks wishing our bumps would get bigger!) who is due on exactly same day Indy wouldve been. Her hubby swapped seats with me when they arrived (when i was in loo!) and told me i could sit and chat to his wife while he sat with my DH, my reaction was a friendly but miffed thankyou (think he realised and thankfully moved when the food arrived!) Awkward!

So if any kind ladies would send the red witch over on the next longhaul flight, I'd rather get her over with than this teasing!! lol!

xxx

Ah cremegg, hope this cycle's over soon and you can move on with a new one. I know exactly what you mean about people announcing pregnancies at 12 weeks on the assumption that everything is thus ok from then on in. I had been waiting until my 20 week scan (as I'm a massive pessimist) to be fully open about being pregnant, but as I looked so pregnant by that point I couldn't hide it from people I physically saw. I think you did very well to deal with the message on Facebook. I have stopped using facebook entirely (I was never a big user) but when I was waiting between my scan and the termination I found the asinine comments and status updates really upsetting. A real reminded of regardless of my being trapped in an utter nightmare, everybody else I knew was just wittering about what sandwich to have or some comedy news story. I logged out and have never logged back in. I know it's different if you're abroad though.

Flower, that sounds like a textbook cycle. Fingers crossed for you.

Knitter, glad you enjoyed Glastonbury. The blood tests sound like a bit of an ordeal, hope they are useful.

Stunned, what others have said about weight. I have found my dress size shrinks but I don't lose weight if I start doing a lot of exercise. Which is pertinent to me just now as I can no longer fit my usual size and I am quite upset about it. I'll hope to do some long walks on holiday next week but there's all that cheese and wine to be consumed too!

Misty, I think you should go and hug everyone ranting and raving on AIBU. I rarely look at those threads but when I do my response is usually 'Yes. Yes you are being unreasonable. Also you may be quite mad.' Perhaps I should go and post that after Misty's hugged them?

Myangelava, keep resting and hope your throat's better soon. I bet it's that horrible pregnancy rubbish immune system at work. Or not, you know what I mean!

Love to everyone else. xxx

YEAH Egglet! I like it! Double team the AIBU! You and i - we can them, then cuss them and then run! lol.

cremegg - i feel for you. CD36? Do you have long cycles normaly? I'd be very twitterpated by now too. Keep testing tho. Do you have any witchy symptoms? I know alot of pre preg symptoms and AF symptoms are very similar, but i know a pre AF cramp when i feel one. Also the tearfull/grumpiness is a clear sign of AF with me. Although as i say i'd be tearful and grumpy with the not knowing too! Poor love. Its bloody torture sometimes isnt it? I mean its not much to ask to know wether or not your own bodys pegnant In the 2WW my OH often asks "Well ..... do you THINK you are??" as if to say "how come you dont know? cant you bloody tell??? lol He has a point. Why cant we tell?

for the face book incident. Them getting through the 12 week scan is fantastic for them - but of course it doesnt suddenly for some reason make it easy for you to hear about it!? i dont blame you at all for not wanting those scan pics in your face. Thats beyond the call of duty to have to look at scan pics. I had the SAME bloomin scan pic shown to me about 5 times by different (unknowing and well meaning) family members at a do recently. The first time was bad enough. But by the end i was baring my teeth at the 'show'er' rather than smilling!

Egglet - long message for you on FF my love xx

My temps have finaly risen and i have laid an egg! Hoorah! What an ordeal this ttc is! I'm happier now anyway

Anyway, MUST get off my bee hind now and get on. Love and waves to you all ladies xxxx

Facebook & pregnancies are really one of those things that gets under my skin, even when I try to be happy for my 'friends'. I have 2 people who have scan pictures as their profile pictures- there is no getting away from it as long as you log in- and people twittering on about 12/ 20 week scans and how they couldn't get a proper view and have to go back and what an inconvenience it all is and moaning they couldn't find out the sex and........ Grrrrrrr........

Cremegg- hope the witch makes the flight- it's really frustrating waiting to get on with things. And yes, the throat thing is my 'weakness' and has been hanging around since Jan- leaves me alone for a week or so and then back. Think it is my rubbish immune system at the moment, although it's not much better when I'm not pregnant Egglet! Flower- good luck with your 'cleaning' eherm....... And misty- I just love that feeling of discovering that your body is doing what it's supposed to! Especially on a chart- hooray!

As for me, still feeling sick and shattered but getting a bit nervous about the scan tomorrow morning. As a result, I've cleared out the garage and had a loft tidy up, to try and divert my energies elsewhere. As a result am not feeling or looking too clever and my 'lunch break' is nearly over! Off to see friends this afternoon so may need to dig out the bronzer! X

Ps I'm glad your scan went well gillianread

Myangelava, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, I can imagine how nerve-wracking it is. Let me know how you get on. x

Just a quickie to wish all the best to you myangel today for your scan im sure all will be fine. Thinking of you.

xx