Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.

And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

Well done mrsB, i tried to do that and failed!

I went looking for the Xmas complainer as I felt it would do me good to tell them to f*ck right off but I couldn?t find the thread. Probably for the best.

Myangelava glad you got through the funeral. I?m disappointed you haven?t got a certificate ? but seriously I hope that?s perhaps another milestone of ?recovery?. Isn?t it strange how people start telling you about their losses? Anyway, I hope you have a lovely, relaxing holiday and drop me a line when you?re back and we?ll do something.

cinnamon ff sounds awfully complicated but it?s not. I just do temps and opks when I?m around that time. It?s $40 a year so about £27 (you can tell I?m skint can?t you?) it?s quite a clunking site but the charts and whatnot are good so I think it?s worth it. For me it makes me feel like I?m doing something even though I can?t control any of it. Come and join us ? we chat a lot too! (Also if we tried to do it every other day throughout the month we?d hate each other after a fortnight so it helps to focus the erm, mind.) Sympathies on the drum composition. Can there be such a thing?!

misty I hope your mood has swung again! Far from being bored I?m entertained by your insanity but things sound quite hopeful to me. You know my fingers are crossed.

knitter I empathise with your morbid thoughts. I?m not going to find it easy when I start seeing babies of the age mine should have been. I?m awful for comparing grief too and whether people ?deserve? to be pregnant. Anyway, I think I?ve friended you on ff. I?m kat + some numbers on there.

Anyway, I?m still feeling PMT madness and drinking wine to counteract it. I really must be careful I don?t slide into alcoholism? (I?ll stop drinking when I start shagging, a motto if ever there was one.)

Love to you all. x

hey all, haven't posted for a while but have been reading.

spent last week obsessed with the idea of buying a house here, even went to viewings at the weekend, but now decided it will be far easier when we get our perm visas in nov so hey ho, least it was a good distraction.

ive decided not to really track my cycle too much this month (as who knows what it will do after early mc anyway) and the midwife was pretty against the early testing thing so am trying to be good. pfff. i guess im thinking even if i get a bfp, it wont necessarily go well so whats the point.

wow that sounds a bit depressing, sorry gals!

will come back later when in better mood and do some personals!
xx

Sorry, BFN ladies. But its ok! No really .... im only either 7 or 9 days past ov, so its very early to be testing. But worth it in my opinion. I'm a big girl i can take it. lol. i'll test again on Thursday, if i havnt shown signs of af by then, because that'll be my CD28. And i go between 28 and 30 usually.

Symptoms are fluctuating. Definate but dull draggy/stabby pains nearly all the time today. Bit of dizzyness. Bit of booby pain. Sooo thirsty! And (this is an odd one) everytime i turned to my front last night i felt a vague hard sensation right down low in my womb'y bit, and it felt realy wrong to lay on it. Hurt in fact. Ooh er.... Still all the above could be dratted AF.

egglet "Stop Drinking and Start Shagging", mmm, yes, i like it. Catchy

cremegg - sigs of nesting me thinks!

mrsB - loving those meetings!

cinnomon - Joining FF - sorry i said 40 quid, egglet is right its $40. Alot less. I'm crap with money ..... sagitarius y'see

Back later i should think. Suns gone in here i see! Did the weekly shop in town earlier in blazing sunshine - skirt and shades ect. Bloody cold now with the windows open all over the house - going to get a jumper! Blasted British summer. Grrrrr

xxx

• signs

Oh misty. Bum.

Though thirsty is good too, I remember having to drink 2-3 glasses of water through the night in the first few weeks. I'm still crossing everything lovely!

Will join FF after next Wednesday me thinks, (AF's arriving then) for the 'feeling like I'm doing something' feeling. See? Still holding out that little bit of hope or I'd start straight away, I'm such a silly sod. Going to buy a thermometer today though...sigh.

It was 12.30am and 2.30am for the night time crying with DS3 last night; do not know what to do for him. He's fast asleep when he cries, but he sounds really distressed. It's also a nightmare for me and OH; lying awake waiting for him to cry. Though we have joked that at least we'll be in practise if a little one does come along! Reckon he's on a 3 month olds cycle right now, (which I have no experience of as he slept through the night from 4 weeks, getting his revenge now, grrrrr). Seem to remember this happened last year with the summer; warm nights do not suit my boy!

cremegg...... Nothing useful to say but just wanted to give you a cuddle xxx

Have had a funny one today; dreamt last night that I got in touch with a one time very good friend that I haven't spoken to in about 3-4 years after she was a naughty little pumpkin and really treated me and my best friend badly. Looked on spazbook (tm) this morning and....there was a message from her, asking for the chance to explain to me and my BF - weird!!! Now if only I can start dreaming those winning lottery numbers........

Off to start DS3's lunch. Me 'what would you like for lunch?'. DS3, without looking up or stopping his play, 'Fishfingers. Beans. Smiley Faces.' Classy boy eh?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi cinnamondog, I just wanted to comment on your use of the term "spazbook". I'm assuming you mean "spastic" and you mean it as a slur.

I don't think that sort of language does anything to help the perception that we all know exists that those of use who terminated our pregnancies for abnormalities think of our babies as lesser, imperfect beings. It may well encourage those people to attack us and other women seeking support.

If I've got the wrong end of the stick, I apologise, but I feel very protective of the women in this and the sister thread. Emotions about the use of this very term are running high on MN at the moment (see thread in site stuff).

Yes, you have got the wrong end of the stick. I have a child with special needs and also work in a special school. Where I come from the phrase mentioned is akin to 'chav' and has nothing to do with the word spastic.

Even if that is the case, I'm asking you to please take into account what others might think when they read that and what the consequences might be for all of us. I certainly have never heard "spaz" = "chav" before. This thread is not really a private space.

Not going to get into a tit for tat on this.

My ladies, it's been nice knowing you but I can't be doing with this. Have enough going on without being told I am basically a bad and thoughtless person causing others distress. You know me, and really, your good opinion is all that counts.

See you on FF, keep me updated on all those BFP's by pm. Good luck girls, lots and lots of love xxxxxx

OMG - stop it... both of you!

Cinnamon - it is a weird phrase, I don't like it and I wouldn't use it because it could be misconstrued

BUT

Ghislane - I think these sort of comments/reprimands are best done as a PM as otherwise they're forever in the thread...

Bugger - hit post before I meant to...

Right getting the thread back on topic....

I'm doing ok today - been cheered up by the sunny weather here - although I agree it is a bit changable... fingers crossed my washing will be ok...

Just had a text from a lovely friend who lives in Malaysia. She's over here on holiday and we're meeting up this afternoon whoop whoop!

Ooooh knitter - lovely for you to see your friend from Malaysia. Can you visit her house in return ? Malaysia looks a beautiful, beautiful place.

cinnamon i've PM'd you love xxxxx

In response to your comment ghislaine - i wonder if you still think you have done a good or helpful thing by posting that message to cinnamon? The words dogmatism and irreparable damage come to mind. Personaly I think if you're seriously endeavoring to change the world there must be better/more constructive/better targetted ways to acheive it than to split hairs like that. Look what you've done.

oh my goodness, i leave you all alone for a day or two and look what happens! won't go over it but i'm more than certain Cinnamon didn't mean anything by what she said, and possibly (as misty said) a subtle pm rather than targetting her in front of those who are supporting her (and whom she supports!!) was not the best way to deal with it.
cinnamon, i hope you're still there lovie!

right, well i've had one helluva day - nearly smacked one of the HR ladies at work around the face today!!! we had this internal business plan launch (top secret so can't divulge any info!!) and so we were all packed away in a building listening to the exec team tell us about future plans blah blah blah. at the first coffe break, i was chatting to a couple of colleagues and HR lady comes over (let me just point out that while she is lovely on the face of it, you would NOT tell her any secrets for fear the whole organisation would be talking about is the following day) and puts her arm on my shoulder, and says she's been on holiday, but just wanted to check on how i'm doing following my loss, how are things at work, am i getting the support i need etc etc. took me a bit by surprise actually!! i was just about to answer her when [GET THIS] someone catches her eye and she turns away from me to a friend of mine who is pg and expecting in September (2 wks after Eve was due) and pats her belly and tells her what a lovely little neat bump she has and how she is glowing!!!!!

OOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG I'm not an angry / violent person usually (Misty - please vouch for me here) but that womens insensitivity completely flabberghasted me and i had to walk away - i was shaking and until i got outside i wasn't sure if i was going to hit her or burst into tears (it was the latter!!)

so i'm sure most HR people aren't like that (and i'm not trying to generalise those in the profession) but in my honest opinion she is sh*t and shouldn't be in HR!!?!!

sorry for the me rant - felt good to get it off my chest though!! xxxx

mrsB you and me both know you are arnt an angry and violent person! Just kidding. Bless you. Cant picture you EVER angry or violent actually ..... Messaged you properly on FF earlier - just so everyone else knows im not blanking her, lol.

Well lovies, how is everyone? Dont be afraid - the dust has settled.

cinnamon is fine (stung, but fine) and is lying on a virtual chaise-longue over at FF with egglet moping her brow and mrsb feeding her grapes.

I have nothing much to report - which is a good thing. No af yet. Tired this morn. felt a bit uky earlier, but ok now. and will test tomorrow i expect. Eek. Not getting my hopes up, not getting my hopes up ...... la la la

Kat, still riding out the old witch? Not long now and it will be over hun.

to everyone, this was just a quicky cos lots to do - keeping myself busy so i dont sit around and THINK. xxx

I too, will add that I know cinnamon did not mean anything at all from what she said but hey, it gave us all the opportunity to witness a bold challenge to discriminatory language being expertly executed.

mrsb I have long suspected that some people working in HR have been placed there as a practical joke.

knitter hope you had a nice time with your friend.

misty hope you continue to have NOTHING to report.

Yes, still essentially in danger of bleeding to death here. I cannot believe how awful it is and how dreadful I feel. Right, off for a lie down and pray naptime lasts until 3pm. x

hi
just checking in, and caught up with everyone, don't really have much to say. We went to essex for the weekend for my mums birthday, we had planned a garden party but it rained, luckily it was a small gathering and we all fitted in the conservatory.
Hope everyone is having a good day xx

hello flower, glad you had a nice weekend (though shame about the rain!!) - though i'm sure it didn't matter too much when you have family around you!!

yep - i've been feeding cinnamon grapes over on ff, she's doing ok ladies you'll be pleased to know!

egglet, hope your bleeding has subsided somewhat - i remember that feeling of thinking i was going to be bled dry and left looking somewhat shrivelled......it WILL pass x

So - i'm kind of catching our Misty up in the "do i test, do i not test, have i any symptoms" scenario!! 7dpo today. too early to test i know. but can't help wishing and wishing and wishing that this will be the month. i know, only 2nd month (well first month properly ttc) so it would be a 1 in a million chance that i actually would be pg......but i can dream! trying not to think about it too much as will be setting myself up for a big fall!

cremegg - hope that you are doing ok hun, i think about you often xx

myangel, glad the funeral went ok (sorry, i know i'm a bit behind)

to everyone else - sending some middle of the (working) week vibes!!! yay to nearly being friday! xx

Morning girlies

Kat - i promise you wont bleed to death, and it will stop soon. I had pads like matresses (sorry) on my first AF after term, and had to change ever hour and a half for 4 days. Its awful, but normal sweetie

If any ladies are lurking and reading this and wondering - it seems to me that some ladies have smaller AF than normal first cycle, some have normal, but alot have quite a stonking great period that first time for some reason. Even when you know it could happen its still a shock to go through it. When mine stopped it was like someone had turned off a tap! Bizzare. No gradual less and less.

Hi there flower - bloody weather! Dont get me started Glad you all managed to have fun in spite of it tho.

MrsB - Yay for Saturday testing! Cant wait! xxxx

Like i moaned about on FF just now - i've woken up symptomless this morn! Havnt bothered testing. I feel totaly, totaly unpregnant. oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Day 28 today, no sign of AF, but i recon shes due this Sun/Mon. Just stay away Aunt Flo!!!!!

hey again!
wow, you step away for a day or two and look at the drama! i thought this was a supportive thread not a 'sit and wait for something we might be able to pick at thread'?! we've all been through our own sh*t, and in my opinion don't need anything other than kind words and support...im sure someone said earlier, 'if you have nothing nice to say...'

anyway, mildly better here, dont mean to be dramatic but did a day of supply teaching today (do 2.5 days with my own classes and then supply to top it up) had to cover the head of RE's classes who are doing a 'human sexuality' unit, cue 4 lessons of debate over contraception and abortion, and me trying not to say anything that will land me in it (boss = v catholic) grrrr!

other news...lots of ewcm this week so have been bding every other/most days... dh seems pretty determined now and was instructing me to keep legs up etc (as you know ive been a bit more 'whatever' so it was kinda cool to see him keen, spurred me on again ;)

how you doing eggy? my last 'flo (tho guess was mc really) was pretty bad, so much so that i was paranoid at overflowin' all the time! so pleasant!

mrsb cannot believe the hr woman, wtf?! what are people on?? seriously! u did well lovey :)

hope af is staying well away misty!

should prob get some dinner as it 730pm but the fire is so nice and warm :p

Hi
Cinnamon hope you are ok.
Misty - fingers crossed for no af
Cremegg - that must have been tough. I'm not Catholic but conceived through treatment with Lifefertilitycare. I found it quite difficult afterwards- very conflicted. I didn't tell them the whole truth about our angel, they think it was missed mc. Didn't want to be judged by them and want to continue their treatment.
Hi to everyone else
AFM went to see Take That last night, it was amazing. When Robbie sang angels he dedicated it to all those who had lost a loved one and asked us to hold them next to us while we sang along. My best friend and I were in floods. I thought she was crying for her grandma who died at Christmas but she said it was the thought of our baby that set her off. I was very touched, she is such a lovely friend. "I know that life won't break me".
Waiting for af and trying not to get my hopes up. 15 dpo. Will test Sat if no af. If it does appear at least I'm back on clomid next cycle.
Xxx

There's about five of you testing on Saturday!

blacktreacle I can't say I'm exactly envious that you went to see Take That but I do like Robbie and I think I'd have shed a tear too.

cremegg nice to hear from you. I'm afraid as I am evangelistic believer in SCIENCE I have no time for all that Catholic nonsense. Hope you didn't find it too offensive (as it is actually offensive to me). Anyway, keep up the good work with the bding.

I'm fine, AF has reduced dramatically, presumably as the human body only has seven pints of blood. I've had a fairly crap day for various reasons but I'm off to bed in a minute and tomorrow is another day. I see my counsellor again tomorrow so I wonder whether that will be another hour of me sobbing?

Hello to the rest of you. Hope all is well out there.
x

hi
just a quick post sorry for lack of personals. I'm another one waiting for AF, she is teasing me with back ache and tummy twinges at the moment, it seems that lots of us have ended up with similar cycles,and due at the same time.
xx

Not testing after all, started spotting, af will arrive tomorrow. Tried hard not to hope as it was first month and no clomid but still in the depths of my mind I was secretly wondering.

blacktreacle i was getting all excited for you then, cos you're furthest along your cycle i think, of those of us who have talked about it. Bum. Will you be using clomid next month? I'm glad you had a good time last night. I wouldnt class myself as a take that fan - but when i think of how many of their songs (+ Robbie's) that i like and sing along to on the radio - then praps i am!

That song Angels - a couple of years ago i read the book written by little Holly Wells' father (his daughter was one of the 2 little girls Ian Huntley murdered) all about the events that surrounded his daughters murder and the weeks/months that followed. He said in the book that that song, is 'his' song for his daughter, and it seemed to come on to the telly or radio, his or anyones within earshot everytime something significant to the case happened. I always think of that now when its mentioned. He found it very comforting.

cremegg - goodness its always the way isnt it? As soon as theres a subject you'd love to keep away from for the time being ..... Guess what you have to discuss with the kids today! Talk about trial by fire. You poor thing. So you're mid cycle then cremegg? Just trying to get a pic in my head of who's where cycle wise.

egglet - we know where you are my love! lol Thank goodness its winding down ay? Thinking of you today at your councelling. Is it helping then, d'y think? I know you wont mind me asking - you're a speak your mind sort of girl.

flower - ooooh. You too! I know this is not a ttc thread, and none of us care a hoot about ttc - who would want to ttc in fact ??? But - HOW EXCITING! Dont you disappear! Keep us informed, lol.

Knitter - where are you? Are you OK? Did you say you were going away and i've forgotten? xx

Religion - mmmmm. I'm not religious in a 'single deity worship' sense. If i had to choose a name for my beliefs id be a Pagan (wican, druid). Quite seriously. The word is used to denote not only a lack of belief in Christianity or the other main religions, but describes those who believe in the power, strength and spirit of the earth and the moon and mother nature, and, in fact, the female being. Aaaaanyway - i dont drift about in robes with a circlet of flowers on my head or anything. (although i recon it would be great fun!) And theres no way i'm into 'open' relationships! Heck! (is this a good time to admit i read tarot cards egglet?)

I'm on CD29 now. No sign of AF still ....... i'm sure shes coming tho. Did my 40 lengths this morn and really struggled through the last 10. Still got tummy cramps (i dont get period pain as a rule at all) so .... as i've decided not to test till Monday, its just a waiting game.

Love to all xxxxx Have a glass of wine, a think about the wonder of the state of womanhood and a skip round the garden on me!!!