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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Male midwife!

114 replies

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:30

Can I ask if anyone has ever been cared for by or had their baby delivered by a male midwife?

I am 36 weeks pregnant. Today we had our first appointment at the lovely birth centre we hope to use for the delivery and I was rather gobsmacked surprised to have my consultation with a male midwife

He was very nice and professional, I have absolutely no doubts about his abilities but I just don't know what to make of it. I've never heard of a man doing this job. And I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I know there are several midwives working there so you don't know who you're going to get on the day but do you think I can ask not to have him?

He's also very young which makes it seem ever more weird. I just don't like the idea of a young boy looking up my bum I suppose - I'm no Sam Taylor-Wood

What do you think?

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treedelivery · 09/01/2010 17:33

You can ask not to have him. I worked with 2, and they were often taken off a labour at the lady's request. They were always totally cool with it too.

I always felt it was a shame as they never had cats bum face at work, like the rest of us females did sometimes but I can't speak for your chap so won't try to influence you

Totally fine, he will be used to it, or getting used to it and expecting it if he is new. Happy Birthing!!

sneezyweasel · 09/01/2010 17:34

Wouldn't bother me at all. My DD3 was delivered by C section by a male obstetrician who would have seen me be catheterised, then seen (and chopped up!) my innards.

You are entitled to ask not to have him but if he's otherwise kind, caring and competent you could give him a go - after all you might end up with a complete witch of a female midwife!

I wonder why we are hesitant to accept male midwives but most obstetric consultants are male and we don't bat an eyelid at them?

Mamazon · 09/01/2010 17:36

if you went to the garage to get your exhaust fixed would it bother you if a woman stood there in her overalls?

If he looks up your bum though then yes you have reason to be concerned!

MarineIguana · 09/01/2010 17:36

I would also feel weird, but thinking about it, there are plenty of young male doctors whose job is to look up your bum - and you'd quite likely have your fanjo rummaged in by one of them during a typical birth anyway. We're just not used to midwives being male and also the name midwife makes it seem odd.

There are plenty of midwives who haven't had babies themselves, so this man is just as qualified as them.

If he seems good, I would try to be open-minded and accepting if you get him for the birth. Is it your first baby? Most midwives I've met have been fantastic but I've also encountered a couple of really unpleasant, unsympathetic ones and I'd rather have a nice male one than them.

expatinscotland · 09/01/2010 17:37

Depends on the person, IME.

DS was delivered via ventouse by a male consultant who was wonderful!

One of those people who just puts you at ease immediately and makes you feel cared for competently.

Wee man had the cord wrapped round his neck and I needed stitched afterwards.

He'd just come from performing a CS.

Nothing he hadn't done before or since!

CuppaTeaJanice · 09/01/2010 17:37

I didn't have a male midwife but there was a male paediatrician (sp?) in the room when I gave birth.

I'm sure he'd be concentrating on delivering your baby safely and not ogling your ladybits, after all he sees them every day in all shapes and sizes, but if you really feel uncomfortable then of course you can request a different midwife. They are probably used to it.

Portofino · 09/01/2010 17:37

When you are actually in labour you won't care - honestly - as long as they are professional and do their job well.

Original poster

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:40

Mamazon When I go to the garage to get my exhaust fixed, I usually keep my kit on and refrain from my flashing my fanjo at them!

OP posts:

treedelivery · 09/01/2010 17:41

The obstetricians see and peer and consider far more in the births and suturing they do, normal deliveries actually require a lot less 'looking at'. In so much as the head crowns and rotates and delivers and midwives catch. Shame to dispel any lingering myths we are clever but there it is.

Not sure how much comfort that is.......?

I can also promise you that he/she/they will not gove a) a flying hoot about your pubes b) a flying hoot about what individualities your privates may express through their shape or c) if you poo or not.

Honest - progress, decent, head, notes, breathing, heart rate, woman coping, partner coping, baby coping, perineum coping, gloves on, gloves off, my back ok?, syntometrine handy?, emergency buzzer where?, on and on it goes. Far too much to think about.

But totally do ask if it is outside your coping zone.

yama · 09/01/2010 17:41

I have a friend whose first baby was delivered by a male midwife. It was almost 30 years ago. She said he was great.

The male nurse (John) who saw me through my elective section was wonderful. I will always remember how much he helped me and how emotional he was when dd was born.

lostinwales · 09/01/2010 17:42

I had a male Dr looking up my fanjo every 30 mins in my last labour with a head torch!!!! And he had to have a regular rummage, wasn't at all phased by that point at all. (did have to hold off him telling me bad news though as I'd had so much gas and air I was laughing at EVERYTHING, particularly a head emerging from between my thighs with a glowing torch fixed to it's forehead)

Mamazon · 09/01/2010 17:43

ultimately its your decision but i see no difference between this and getting yoru smear done by a male GP.

us girls want equality, well this is it.

we'd all be up in arms if a bloke came on moaning about a female plumber

treedelivery · 09/01/2010 17:46

Weeeeel, it's all about the labour isn't it. Someone to rub your back and sob on beg to kill you/knock you out/let you go home for 16 hours or so.

There is something comforting about the idea of that person being a temporary sister who will stroke brow and hold hands. ANd then get her sister to take over when she has to go home.

Which is why it's such a bummer when a battleaxe turns up for 10 seconds then leaves.

But won't dwel as op is in a birthing unit where hopefully staffing and approach will be univesally women centred. Hurray!

SmacOnTheLipsUnderTheMistletoe · 09/01/2010 17:47

I would probably think 'oh male midwife that's unusual' but I wouldn't ask him to leave. Like many of the other posters have already mentioned in hospital many of the staff are male. I ended up with emcs and anaesthetist and surgeon were both male - anaesthetist was at the top end right enough . TBH I couldn't see half the other people present so couldn't tell you how many men were in the room.
Midwife shouldn't be looking up your bum anyway. The male consultant who made the decision for emcs certainly had a good look at my lady parts and by then I really wasn't caring.
I think you are thinking about it too much. It won't matter.

MadameCastafiore · 09/01/2010 17:49

Bloody hell - rideculous - what if things go tits up and a male peadiatric registrar and obstetrician walks into the room to sort you and the baby out when you are both in danger??

Will it be ok then??

I would have let bloody King Kong, George Clooney and Gok Wan deliver both of mine if it meant they were out sooner and with less pain - to be honest King King could have done a better job than the sour faced old cow who delivered DS!

ChickensHaveFrozenNuggets · 09/01/2010 17:50

True, Mamazon. I didn't have a male midwife for my delivery, but I did for the follow ups (checking stitches, helping with breastfedding etc). He was lovely, and he had a marvellous reputation at the mother and baby group I subsequently attended. It was almost a badge of honour to get him, and led to a certain level of one-upmanship at the playdough table [group]

ChickensHaveFrozenNuggets · 09/01/2010 17:51

WTF is [group]?! I meant

zippy539 · 09/01/2010 17:53

I agree with everyone who draws the comparison between male consultants and male midwives - I honestly don't see the difference. Tbh I'd welcome him with both arms on the grounds that a lot of women will elect to have a female midwife attend them so he will be ALL yours during labour (rather than running off to attend four other women at the same time). That might not be an issue in your area but it is in mine.

I totally understand your worries but at the same time I feel so sorry for male widwives who are discriminated against on a daily basis in a way which we would find appalling if the genders were reversed.

Go on - give him a shot!

NorkilyChallenged · 09/01/2010 17:53

It's up to you as I do think it's important to be relaxed in birth, so as others have said, if you wouldn't feel relaxed with male mw then ask not to have him (if he's on duty when you're there).

I had a FABULOUS male midwife with me for dd1 and he really was fantastic, really good with me and dp, really attentive as baby was being monitored at that stage and previous midwife hadn't managed to correctly position the monitor on the baby's head so it required constant moving of the monitor things on my tummy every time I moved, etc. When everything got a bit panicky and quick and we thought it was going to be an emergency c-sec, he was so great with me.

He talked me through the whole pushing (I had spinal block in by then in case of c-section) and was totally perfect. I would have happily had him again for dd2.

shoulditakethisjob · 09/01/2010 17:56

My friend had a male midwife and it was fine.

I don't think I'd mind, specially if they were in a better mood than the females like treedelivery said! I had a right grouchy cow as my first m/w in labour and have vowed if I get her again I am going to ask for a new one (she blissfully left due to a shift change after about 2 hours).

And, as has already been pointed out you may well get a male in the room anyway. Of the 7 or so people in the room at DD's forceps delivery a couple were male - one of the weirdest things I remember afterwards is the paed who checked her over coming over and saying to me "she's fine" and registering that he was quite attractive! I was lying there naked with my legs in stirrups at the time and all manage of carnage going on!

Original poster

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:56

I am taking on board your comments... Bear in mind though that this is a birth centre so there are absolutely no doctors present - midwives only. I know something might go wrong and I might be transfered to the hospital and then, of course, it doesn't matter who treats you so long as baby is well - I know that!

But, assuming all is smooth, the whole reason we chose the birth centre (which is not in a hospital - completely separate location, I know some are in area of the hospital, this one isn't) was to have a midwife-led experience in a wonderful, relaxing, calm, reassuring environment.

I'm also not for one minute questioning this man's ability for the job. Just wondering about my own ability to deal with it.

I'm not being sexist - come on, we all know childbirth is not quite the same as having your boiler mended!

Loving hearing your good experiences though

OP posts:

treedelivery · 09/01/2010 18:00

Interestingly and apparently men in the only situation that can be counted as even vaugely similar [like having their willies examined and so on] prefer a woman too.

We rock. It's true.

Please don't ask me to provode a reference, all my knowledge is in a file in my brainmarked 'masters that will take 20 years' and is only accessed in an emergency.

LynetteScavo · 09/01/2010 18:01

I had a male midwife help deliver DS1.

We were asked if we were happy to have a male midwife, and TBH, at that point DH and I wouldn't have cared if they had said a blue baboon was going to be the midwife.

When DS was born, I was surrounded by DH, the male midwife, and a male consultant (who had a very good rumage around my, um, vagina, etc.)

I wouldn't really want a man giving me a sweep, but when it comes to the crunch I couldn't care less about gender.

The male midwife was the only person (apart from delivering consultant) who was actually nice to me during my stay in hospital. DH liked him so much, he wanted to name DS after him. Oh, and I even asked what it felt like when the baby came out..presuming he would actually know. At that point, I'd had an epidural, so I'm not sure why I was bothered.

I understand where you are coming from with your apprehension, though. If I had another home birth, I would want it as female orientated as possible.

SameAsYou · 09/01/2010 18:03

I have a male midwife called Hugh he was lovely. He did my induction 3 times - so his hands were way up there!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 09/01/2010 18:04

I don't mean to sound flippant but when oush came to shove (pardon the pun) I actually wouldn't have cared if a BBC film crew had walked into the room when I was in labour.

And also from my own experiences of being a birthing partner and haveing seen my best friend in the all together those bits actually cease to be those bits in childbirth as you are there for a different reason entirely than to stare at them and take notes.
To this day I still wouldn't recognise my friends nether regions in a line up and I was at the business end and I certainly won't have seen as many of them as the male midwife will have.

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