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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Male midwife!

114 replies

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:30

Can I ask if anyone has ever been cared for by or had their baby delivered by a male midwife?

I am 36 weeks pregnant. Today we had our first appointment at the lovely birth centre we hope to use for the delivery and I was rather gobsmacked surprised to have my consultation with a male midwife

He was very nice and professional, I have absolutely no doubts about his abilities but I just don't know what to make of it. I've never heard of a man doing this job. And I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I know there are several midwives working there so you don't know who you're going to get on the day but do you think I can ask not to have him?

He's also very young which makes it seem ever more weird. I just don't like the idea of a young boy looking up my bum I suppose - I'm no Sam Taylor-Wood

What do you think?

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lolajane2009 · 29/04/2011 09:30

tbh when I'm labour I am sure I won't care if he is an alien with three heads as long as he can do the job. But that is pretty much the case now.

VivaLeBeaver · 29/04/2011 10:09

But if you have a female mw. How will you know if they have kids. Childless colleagues of mine fib if asked.

I have a child but wouldn't presume to know what a woman is going through. Its different for everyone.

cjdamoo · 29/04/2011 10:13

My 3rd child was delivered by a male midwife called Dave who looked like Ricky Gervais. It was my best experiance by far. Seriously If I could have had him again for no 4 and upcoming no 5 I would.

bowlingball · 29/04/2011 20:11

I much prefer male doctors - think they generally have a better bedside manner than female doctors and seem to take more time to get to know you, I think therefore, that I would prefer a male midwife - given the option.

G1nger · 29/04/2011 20:36

My only concerns would be that a man would have (does have) larger hands... and also I'd prefer, I think, to be sewn up down there by a woman who I'd imagine might be more sympathetic towards doing a perfect job. But I'll take what I can get, really. I just want a good midwife, whatever their gender.

bringmesunshine2009 · 29/04/2011 20:51

I don't give a hoot about a male midwife, but DH would be up in arms and the LAST thing I want to worry about in labour is DH's stupid prejudices. I had a male midwife fo a sweep with DS1 (DH was putting money in meter at the time haha) A 6ft very hefty Iranian chap. He did want can only be described as an aggressive sweep that hurt more than the birth BUT it started my labour and didn't need medical induction following his efforts so good on him!

Odille · 29/04/2011 21:01

Whatever's right for you has to be the way to go. If you feel uncomfortable with any person or any attitude during childbirth then it's perfectly reasonable to request a change of personnel. If for you that means no male midwives, well why do you feel you have to explain or justify your decision? For others there may be an issue with someone treating them in a patronising way or not explaining things properly or any number of other reasons that perhaps aren't as important to you. You are clearly expecting to form a temporary bond with your midwife and so it's important that you click with the right person. Hopefully you'll get what you want.

Personally I wouldn't dismiss a male midwife on principle, but I'm quite good at dissociating when I'm being a patient. I have had a couple of surgical situations where I know males have been in the theatre - in fact for all I know there were no females - and could have done literally anything while I was under general anaesthesia and would have no idea. I also had a situation where a male Dr was accompanied by a female asst for a day procedure. I was awake and the female assistant made such a fuss about how I shouldn't feel embarrassed etc - when I wasn't anyway - that she made it into an issue. The male appeared, got on with the job and left. I'd have preferred it if the female hadn't been there as she made such a song and dance about it!

debka · 29/04/2011 21:02

I had a male midwife, he was brilliant, I'd ask for him again.

Odille · 29/04/2011 21:15

(To be clear, these situations were all with knickers off)

Secondtimelucky · 29/04/2011 21:17

I don't think for me it would be about gender, it would be about feeling comfortable with the person. At DD's birth, the first midwife was, I felt, insensitive and unfeeling. The first part of my labour left me feeling quite traumatised and invalidated. By contrast, the registrar who delivered DD by forceps was respectful and compassionate. People are often surprised that I say that the forceps bit of the labour was fine (if a bit hard on the old pelvic floor). The midwife was female, the registrar male.

This time round, I'm having a doula so that I know that there will be someone there I feel comfortable with. If I end up in hospital (planning a homebirth) I will also be a lot more vocal if I feel that the midwife in unsupportive. For me, that would be way more important than gender.

That said, some women do actively struggle with having a man present, and I think male midwives are used to dealing with this without taking it personally.

HipHopOpotomus · 29/04/2011 23:39

There were several male midwives at the birth centre where I had DD and where I hope up have this baby. Didn't deliver DD but one of them was the number one breast feeding councillor there which made me :)

I have no problem with it at all - once I got over the initial raised eyebrow and realised they are just professionals, doing a great job caring for women and babies.

imawigglyworm · 29/04/2011 23:48

Have had a scan through the other replies but not read them all.
but I had a male midwife with DS1 and he was great. He seems more caring and gentle (examining me etc) than the female midwives that I had prior to the shift change and later pregnancies/ deliveries. I wasnt really bothered when I was asked and neither was DH. At the end of the day he was just there to do his job and nothing more and I would happily have another male midwife (if I was going to have more DC). He was brilliant.

flamegirl77 · 30/04/2011 06:51

My MIL speaks very highly of the male midwife she had 30 years ago!

MarathonMama · 30/04/2011 14:51

My first baby was delivered by a young (good looking, but don't tell DH I said that) male midwife. When he walked in the room for the first time I was shocked but he was wonderful, much better than the senior female midwife who came to help at the end.

He was so chilled, very considerate, had a great sense of humour and I'm sure he's the reason I had such a relaxed and active labour. He even stayed for 2 hours after his shift had ended to see me to the end.

I was convinced I was going to have an epidural but I didn't because he gave me so much confidence.

In the throws of labour I really didn't care that he was male but if you'd asked me beforehand if I'd be happy with a male midwife I would have said no. I'd love to have him again with DC2.

I suppose it depends on the person though.

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