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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Male midwife!

114 replies

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:30

Can I ask if anyone has ever been cared for by or had their baby delivered by a male midwife?

I am 36 weeks pregnant. Today we had our first appointment at the lovely birth centre we hope to use for the delivery and I was rather gobsmacked surprised to have my consultation with a male midwife

He was very nice and professional, I have absolutely no doubts about his abilities but I just don't know what to make of it. I've never heard of a man doing this job. And I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I know there are several midwives working there so you don't know who you're going to get on the day but do you think I can ask not to have him?

He's also very young which makes it seem ever more weird. I just don't like the idea of a young boy looking up my bum I suppose - I'm no Sam Taylor-Wood

What do you think?

OP posts:

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starmucks · 09/01/2010 19:50

I had a male mid-wife (or should that be mid-person?)for DS2 and he was fab. Even helped with breast feeding. Graham you're a star!

DollyMessiter · 09/01/2010 19:53

I had a fabulous male midwife who took over when things got a bit worrying with DS2's birth.
He was the delivery ward sister, and was fantastic.
It didn't seem weird at all.

I didn't get asked if I minded a male midwifet as everything was happening in a bit of a rush, but he was professional, kind, encouraging and knowledgeable - everything I'd hope for any midwife, irrespective of their gender.

littleducks · 09/01/2010 19:57

I wouldnt like it, it would make me unconfortable

That said ds was delivered with the aid of a male paramedic, he did however sense i wasnt comfortable with it and so as soon as baby was born he looked after ds while female paramedic looked after me. Obv i wouldn't have refused him, as those paramedics were my saviours but in normal circumstances i would request a female midwife.

Morloth · 09/01/2010 19:57

Meh, I don't care - just catch the baby.

Missus84 · 09/01/2010 20:01

It wouldn't bother me, but I don't think anyone would criticise you for saying you don't want a male midwife there.

lucykate · 09/01/2010 20:05

male midwife wouldn't bother me, most consultants (if you get to see one when pg) are male. i actually think it would freak dh out more than me, think he'd feel a bit weird being in a room with another bloke staring intensely at his wife's fanjo.

expatinscotland · 09/01/2010 20:07

that's my experience, too, wasabi.

the male paramedic in the ambulance on the way to hospital when i was labouring with DS was superb. FAR more supportive than the cow midwife who went along!

ironlikealion · 09/01/2010 20:16

gas + air = you won't care!

scoutandjem · 09/01/2010 20:19

I has the most wonderful male midwife. The day after I gave birth (pretty tough will not go into details) I was in a quite a lot of discomfort but had to get card and pressie for him and say the biggest THANK YOU ever. Lucky anyone for habing a male midwife.

Next birth, natrual, in a pool, both female midwives were pregnant for first time = PERFECTION! S x

NanBullen · 09/01/2010 20:29

Javier at addenbrookes in Cambridge - you rock!

instead of telling me i just wasn't trying hard enough to push ( thanks female midwife but news flash - it f*ing hurts!) he was very encouraging and calming. i heart him, hope he's still there if i have another one

BusyMummyof3 · 09/01/2010 20:31

I have to say that before I had DC3 I probably would have been a bit embarrassed to have a male midwife. However, as things turned out the midwife was a lovely man who was just great. At the time, I didn't care who was delivering my baby and who was looking at my "bits". I just wanted pain relief and the baby out. He had a great sense of humour and made me laugh whilst doing the stitches and putting a catheter in after DS was born.

However, my labour was very quick and if you are in for the long haul and don't feel comfortable then I think you should ask to have someone else. The main thing is that you as relaxed as you possibly can be and I am sure he will be used to it.

IPlayBanjoOnMyFanjo · 09/01/2010 20:42

My friend had a male midwife deliver her baby. Her family were a bit about it after the event, as she is Asian so really went against their cultural norms. She has nothing but praise for him - said he was wonderful.

NorkilyChallenged · 09/01/2010 22:25

NanBullen!!!! Javi was my male midwife too.

Yes, I totally heart him.

Though I had a lovely female midwife with dc2 but would have loved to have him again. One to one care the whole time, and he never left me.

Fibilou · 10/01/2010 08:51

There is a male MW at our local DGH - apparently he is wonderful and gets lots more thankyou cards than the female ones ! Lots of ladies apparently request him. Maybe male MWs have more sympathy than women - I think we tend to be rather competitive in what pain we can bear and i rather suspect that MWs that found birth relatively easy would not be very sympathetic. As a male MW would never have given birth perhaps they are more likely to be sympathetic ?

purepurple · 10/01/2010 09:06

OP, you've never heard of a male midwife?
Just how old is this thread?
From the 1950's?

eastendmummy · 10/01/2010 09:28

I had 2 male midwives for the birth of ds and both were great. OP from the details you've included about the birth centre are you in east London? If you are and the male midwwife is a Spanish guy then he is brilliant and I'm sure will look after you wonderfully. I can understand your hesitance but when labour starts you and your dh will be there to support each other and share the experience. The midwife will want to make you feel comfortable and relaxed and I'm sure st the time you won't mind if that person is male or female. Good luck!

peasandbeans · 10/01/2010 09:29

I had a male mw for DD1 who was fantastic.
My theory is that men in typically female jobs are often great because if they weren't really motivated or adapted to that job they probably wouldn't be doing it at all.

Original poster

VanillaIce · 10/01/2010 10:32

Hi Eastendmummy Yes, that's the one! Did you give birth there yourself? He really did seem lovely, I was just a bit thrown by it at the time as it had never come up in any of my dealings with them so far. But after reading all these positive posts, I am starting to feel better about the idea so thanks everyone!

OP posts:

lovechoc · 10/01/2010 14:38

I'm always baffled when people stereotype like this. I had a male midwife deal with the postnatal side of things, and tbh I'd prefer it if he'd been the one to deliver my son.

No bitchiness with others in the team, they don't get emotionally involved and tend to just get on with the job. Very professional the one that I saw, very very good at his job and wouldn't hesisitate for him to be there next time.

Female midwives tend to be like 'oh here's another one coming in' conveyor belt style.

RollBaubleUnderTree · 10/01/2010 14:56

I can see your point OP. There is a difference between a male obstetrcian and a male midwife. A midwife is supposed to be the one that helps support you in labour emotionally and physically. They are supposed to be there for you, to rub your back, tell you how great you are doing etc. Lots of women would feel this would be better done of a lovely emphatic woman.

In reality in most hospitals this does not happen. They examine you, check you are ok and then leave all that to your birth partner and then rush in for the end bit. In this scenario is matters less who the midwife is. Also some female midwifes are not full of lovliness and empathy and a lovely male midwife who is would be a better bet.

midnightsun · 10/01/2010 16:01

I have no problem with a male I don't know being in the room when I give birth, examining my intimates etc.

My main issue with a male midwife would be that he has absolutely no idea in terms of direct experience of what I am experiencing physically and mentally during childbirth.

Traditionally midwives were just women who had successfully given birth to children themselves, going "I've done this, I know what's coming next and I'm going to help you through it." It's all natural.

But these days you are just as likely to get a female midwife who has no children or who had her own kids by c-section or whatever so there's no difference I guess with having a male midwife.

In my head I know it should be fine but at the back of my mind I'd always be going "But... how do you know?"

So I don't think the OP is being silly, it's natural to mull these things over. But most likely makes no difference on the day.

MamaLazarou · 10/01/2010 16:08

I am 38wks pg with DC1, so I can't say for definite how I would feel, but, though I wouldn't have a problem with a male midwife per se, I would also want there to be another woman/women around at the same time. Sorry to sound lentil-weavy, but I just think I'd need womens' energy around me while I'm labouring, not just DH and a male attendant.

eastendmummy · 10/01/2010 16:10

OP I had ds at the Royal where he worked at the time and recently found out that he had moved to the Birth Centre. I had to be transfered from the birth centre due to complications and found him to be very sensitive and considerate. Hope all goes well!

treedelivery · 10/01/2010 17:13

MamaLazarou - I don't think you need to worry about the lentil-weavy thing at all. I think it is a really really good point.

I think the male midwives I knew were popular because they both used really hushed voices. Really calm and soothing. They were very gentle and probably had more free flowing female energy that a fair few midwives a fair few midwives have encountered.

themildmanneredjanitor · 10/01/2010 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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