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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Male midwife!

114 replies

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:30

Can I ask if anyone has ever been cared for by or had their baby delivered by a male midwife?

I am 36 weeks pregnant. Today we had our first appointment at the lovely birth centre we hope to use for the delivery and I was rather gobsmacked surprised to have my consultation with a male midwife

He was very nice and professional, I have absolutely no doubts about his abilities but I just don't know what to make of it. I've never heard of a man doing this job. And I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I know there are several midwives working there so you don't know who you're going to get on the day but do you think I can ask not to have him?

He's also very young which makes it seem ever more weird. I just don't like the idea of a young boy looking up my bum I suppose - I'm no Sam Taylor-Wood

What do you think?

OP posts:

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FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 10/01/2010 17:21

I think YABU.

He is qualified to do the job and he so will not be interested in looking up your bum.

thesteelfairy · 10/01/2010 17:27

I had a male midwife and he was the best. Unfortunately circumstances were such that he went off duty before I delivered by emergency CA. I had been in labour for hours when he told me he had to do an internal examination, I actually sobbed, I was so scared of the pain but I didn't feel a thing, he was so gentle and reassuring. I can't remember his name but he was at Queen Charlottes in London and quite frankly he is the best memory I have of ds's birth, apart from getting ds of course.

expatinscotland · 10/01/2010 17:34

'i go to female dr's for my smears etc and i wouldn't want a man with me at a time like childbirth.'

i'd take a male any day over a cow nurse.

for me, it's all about the energy i get from a person, regardless of gender.

piprabbit · 10/01/2010 17:39

My lovely community midwife, Alan, looked after me during both my pregnancies. He's lovely and I much prefered dealing with him because I found him very reassuring and practical.

He would have been around to help if I'd had a homebirth but as a high risk kind of gal I had to go into hospital where all the midwives I met were female. However he was around to support me after the birth and gave me some brilliant advice and support.

TBH had so many people rummaging around my fanjo by the time the babies arrived that I was just glad to have a familiar face around...

serialmum · 10/01/2010 20:15

I had a sweep performed by a male student midwife in 3rd pregnancy and he was gentler than any previous midwife I had. Its up to you and what you are comfortable with but I see no difference between a male midwife and a male GP or OB/GYN.
PS waters broke 20 mins after sweep but male midwife missed delivery as it happened so quickly and he was on a break!

Doodleydoo · 10/01/2010 20:18

I was induced by a male midwife - personally didn't have too much of a problem with it (although a little strange!) but my DH thought it was very odd and was very uneasy!

pinkmagic1 · 10/01/2010 20:24

I personally would not feel comfortable with a male midwife during labour. I have no objection to a man choosing this profession and wouldn't object to seeing a man for normal antenatal appointments, but would not want one to care for me during labour.
Like others have said a doctor is normally in and out the room in minutes but the relationship you build up with a midwife in labour, especially if you have a long one, is a lot more intimate. Obviously it is all down to personal choice but it would not feel right for me.

Theochris · 10/01/2010 20:47

Am very interested in people talking about having a relationship with their MW. DC no.1 delivered 8 hours after arriving to delivery suite, back to back, active labour, first 4 hours mostly just me and DP, last 4 agony 2 of pushing, no relationship there. I was very grateful for their help though.

DC2 delivered 3 hours after arrival. At my request MW only stepped in for checks and near the end where I said I think I want to push. Still encouraging and prof.

Honestly I just wouldn't have cared who it was esp near the end (prob could have marched a band through and I wouldn't have cared). I am very grateful for the care I received, very hands off which is what I requested, man or woman it just didn't matter.

chegirlsgotheartburn · 10/01/2010 20:48

I think its ok not to want a male midwife. I dont like seeing male doctors either.

I dont have any doubts about their expertise, I just dont feel comfortable.

the same way i dont like having students and loads of doctors (of either sex) around when I am in a consultation.

As long at there are lots of other people who have no preference they will be able to continue working and learning.

Its a very personal thing. Its not like having work done on your car or a wall built in your garden.

I dont think a male midwife would fancy me or ogle me or do anything innapropriate btw.

Years ago I didnt mind having smears done by male doctors but as I have got older I really dont like it.

I dont know why really. But medical situations are stressful enough without feeling even more uncomfortable.

snorkie · 10/01/2010 21:17

I had a male midwife deliver dd. I wasn't expecting it as I went into labour away from home, so wasn't where she was supposed to be born, but he was absolutely fine - it was my third birth & easily the best.

Finnibin · 10/01/2010 21:23

Firstly, I think you know that he knows, a labour ward is not the most ideal place to be 'picking up' women. And I am sure he didn't go through however many years it takes to train as a midwife, in order to ogle fanjos to his hearts desire.
It's entirely feasible that he is interested in the amazing capabilites of the female body & has a caring nature which he has decided to apply to the nurture of pregnant women.
Just like many of our partners do not look at us and other women and see only boobs & fanjo, these same kind of men decide to be midwives. (I was careful to say 'many' of our partners, as I've several exes who could see nothing but boobs!)

I think I like the idea of a male midwife (or midhusband?)- I am much more accustomed to men touching my intimate parts than a woman!
And I think like other people have said, it's more about what the person is like rather than their gender. I can think of plenty of women (doctors included) that I would be terrified of if their witchy faces turned up for my delivery!

That said, you are entitled to have who you wish during you labour and I think so long as you don't scream 'get that man out of here!' then I'm sure they'll be perfectly understanding

RollBaubleUnderTree · 10/01/2010 22:57

Midwife means 'with woman' so a male one is still called a midwife.

Motherdare · 11/01/2010 11:06

I don't think the OP has said at any stage that she thinks the midwife will be ogling her and trying to cop off during the delivery! That says more about you Finnibin than her!!

She said very clearly that she didn't doubt his professionalism or his abilities to do the job.

She just feels funny about the idea of a male midwife. I agree. I reckon most of my non-MN friends would too! It's all about feeling as relaxed and at ease as possible.

I also actually disagree with those who have "the only thing that matters is getting the baby out safely". If that were the case, we'd all have C-sections. Making birth a natural, positive, empowering experience has been the focus of a lot of people's work for a very long time now. There is a respected school of thought that believes men are not welcome in the process.

Of course anyone would rather be delivered by a nice man than a nasty woman - but telling the OP that seems a bit trite. She can hardly go and interview tham all, can she!

Maybe those of us who've had babies should just try to remember back to how we felt at 36 weeks - and I agree you feel very differently 4 weeks before the birth than 4 weeks after (but the OP doesn't know this yet ).

Morloth · 11/01/2010 11:19

I think it probably makes a difference what sort of person you are in labour as well.

I didn't/don't want anyone talking to me, or touching me, or encouraging me (this included DH, wanted him there, but he knew me well enough to let me get on with it without getting "involved"). I wanted them to leave me the hell alone and only get involved if there was something actually wrong.

If you do however feel the need for someone to be more involved then it is probably worth saying that you don't feel comfortable with a man. Whatever gets you through.

Personally for me, I couldn't stand all this female energy business and would have quite happily have given birth alone at home. In fact this is one of the reasons I am planning a homebirth so that I can spend most of my time in bed, by myself.

cory · 11/01/2010 12:17

midnightsun Sun 10-Jan-10 16:01:19

"My main issue with a male midwife would be that he has absolutely no idea in terms of direct experience of what I am experiencing physically and mentally during childbirth."

A female midwife wouldn't have this either, however often she had given birth. All she would have would be the memories of how she had felt and reacted, and that might be a totally different kettle of fish. In all health care I (or dcs) have ever received, the worst have been people extrapolating from their own (necessarily limited) experiences, the best have been the people willing to empathise with the patient and ask how they feel.

cory · 11/01/2010 12:19

sorry, patient wrong word in this context

JennaDeaks · 29/04/2011 00:34

I think anyone who refuses a midwife for any reason is a selfish b**ch.
My partner is a midwife and often comes home laughing how he was asked to leave a room, and always gets my back up. We enjoy one of the safest childbirth experiences in the world, women litterally die every hour because there are no trained birth attendants, and yet we feel it's our 'right' to pick and choose. Women going into the NHS should be grateful for what they receive, all midwives are trained to the same high standards and their gender, ethinicity or age are no grounds for discrimination.
And I'm fully aware of arguments made surrounding previous sexual abuse, in those cases it should be made explict why you'd prefer a female and I believe thats reasonable, refusing because you feel 'funny' discussing vaginas with a male is being stupid and ignorant.

babylann · 29/04/2011 00:41

You think if someone has been sexually abused that they should be forced to make that reason explicit to a bunch of strangers she's never met?

nometime · 29/04/2011 00:41

I had a male surgeon for both my CS's - first one was an EmergCS so he examined me and everything - to be honest by then I was past caring. Second was ECS and didn't even cross my mind surgeon was male.

On post labour ward there was a male midwife and he was great with first DC he took him off to the nursery to look after him whilst I had a shower and a meal. Very clued up too and noticed when DC wasn't well.

No complaints here.

Butterpiecrimearea · 29/04/2011 00:50

I would have actually preferred a male midwive. For some reason, I feel much more comfortable talking about female health issues with a man. Somehow it is less embarassing, I think because I end up thinking that maybe the woman I am talking to has that problem, and so me moaning about it seems odd somehow.

I'd rather go in, say "this hurts/is doing something odd", them have a look at/up it, and say "this is wrong with it, take some of these. Bye!" and I can skip off into the distance.

Lol, I'm a big advocate of the medical model. I'm one of those people who loves a bandage or a nice patient information leaflet. I especially love the list of side effects you get with medicines - for some reason I feel like I'm getting a proper remedy if it has really horrific side effects as a possibility. I'm odd, I know!

babylann · 29/04/2011 00:53

I encountered a number of male doctors, nurses and midwifes before and after birth (EMCS). I even got a sweep from one of them, a very big man with huge hands. I didn't think twice about whether they were male or female to be honest.

I do think people should have the right to choose, and they shouldn't be forced to state their reason. But I also think, pre-pregnancy, I perhaps may have felt differently about it, but when you're 38+ weeks pregnant you tend to lose most of your inhibitions about that kind of thing anyway. You're a huge, hairy, sweaty, sleep-deprived mess of hormones and you don't see "man" or "woman", you see medical professional who can get the damn baby out of you.

Butterpiecrimearea · 29/04/2011 00:55

I remember when my SPD started up, telling my midwife that I could barely walk, and her tilting her head and saying that pregnancy aches and pains can be hard. I didn't need coucilling, I needed physio, painkillers and a support belt!

Her "understanding" and not doing anything about it has left me with what looks to be permanent damage to my pelvis.

OrangeGloss · 29/04/2011 06:46

My male dr's amazing, I was very disappointed when I couldn't see him to look at my pelvis yesterday and saw a (female) substitute instead (who was lovely) - but I was just glad to see someone! I would be perhaps a little surprised by a male midwife because they are/seem rare, but gender wouldn't make a difference to me. But I can understand if someone is vulnerable and been abused they might not be comfortable with a particular gender, and not confident or able to say why without causing them terrible upset

H007 · 29/04/2011 08:09

As a first timer I have no issue with a male MW I would just prefer my MW to have been through labour, given birth and know what I'm going through. Given this I'd be just as uncomfortable with a male MW as a female who hadn't had children. Just my personal opinion at this point in my pg I'm sure it will change throughout!

prolificwillybreeder · 29/04/2011 08:16

It really wouldn't bother me tbh. As long as I have a professional, competent MW who can reassure me, make me feel cared for as well as being blooming good at their job, I'm happy :)

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