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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Male midwife!

114 replies

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 17:30

Can I ask if anyone has ever been cared for by or had their baby delivered by a male midwife?

I am 36 weeks pregnant. Today we had our first appointment at the lovely birth centre we hope to use for the delivery and I was rather gobsmacked surprised to have my consultation with a male midwife

He was very nice and professional, I have absolutely no doubts about his abilities but I just don't know what to make of it. I've never heard of a man doing this job. And I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I know there are several midwives working there so you don't know who you're going to get on the day but do you think I can ask not to have him?

He's also very young which makes it seem ever more weird. I just don't like the idea of a young boy looking up my bum I suppose - I'm no Sam Taylor-Wood

What do you think?

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JollyPirate · 09/01/2010 18:04

Up to you ultimately - I have worked with a few male midwives and they have all been great. The one I knew best was a Dad himself and utterly wonderful with women in labour - in fact had I given birth at the hospital he worked in I'd have requested him over some of the sour faced older midwives working there.

But you have to be comfortable with it - fwiw my friend was never offended and totally understood why some women might object to him. Having a male midwife is different from a male doctor as midwives do a much more personal job rather than a doctor who is usually in and out of the room in seconds.

TubbyDuffs · 09/01/2010 18:08

My first two c-sections were done by men, and tbh until now it hadn't crossed my mind that there was anything odd about that.

I think that as long as someone knows what they are doing and you are confident in their abilities you should be happy.

backintheUK · 09/01/2010 18:08

I had a lovely exchange male midwife from the States who was also expescting his first baby ( was flying out the next day with his wife back to the US for it) He was really lovely although I was so keen for it all to be over didnt really care what he saw. although it did make me feel ever so slightly embarrassed subsequently when I though back to all the stuff I was saying ...like "you will tell me if I do a poo won't you" ( I was on my hands and knees at this point having insisited on taking all my clothes off as I felt like they were in the way!)

My dh didnt mind either think he quite liked the idea of someone else being in control in a manly way!

MumNWLondon · 09/01/2010 18:09

Firstly the midwifes who delivered DS (birth pool) couldn't see a thing as I was in the pool. They didn't do an internal check on arrival (said it wasn't necessary) - the only time someone looked at my fanjo was afterwards to check no tears - and as there were 2 midwifes could have asked for the male one.

Secondly when DD needed resusitation after birth I was naked and about 4 male doctors rushed into the room, I couldn't have cared less! Then my stitches (after DD was born) were checked afterwards by a youngish male obstetrician.

I guess if you are unhappy you could request someone else, but I would probably be ok with it.

backintheUK · 09/01/2010 18:09

Thought

Bathsheba · 09/01/2010 18:10

My friend's DP was my anaesthatist at my first section....my friend's DP has rubbed ice on my naked flesh to see if I could feel it or not....

AuntieMaggie · 09/01/2010 18:14

I haven't given birth but I see a Gynae specialist and he is male so quite regularly looks at my fanjo and stuff. I don't see that it's much different really - there have been women I have seen who I would feel uncomfortable with because of their manner more than their gender.

I would give him a go and see how you feel.

At least when he talks to you about some stuff it will be completely unbiased unlike some female midwives that some of my friends have had...

AKMD · 09/01/2010 18:17

I would love to have a male midwife but if it bothers you, ask not to have him.

ChildOfThe70s · 09/01/2010 18:17

I really don't understand why you are concerned TBH, he is a professional doing his job.

I had female midwives at both my deliveries, but the anaesthetist (sp?) at the first was male and absolutely wonderful. I had a really long labour and finally had an epidural. Almost had an emergency c-section but baby was delivered by ventouse (male doctor again) by which time there were about 10 medics in the room! I honestly didn't care by that point as long as the baby was safe.

bamboobutton · 09/01/2010 18:23

it wouldn't bother me at all!

with ds i had a male doctor rummaging around while i was labouring, shove some forceps up my fanjo, saw me have a poo, saw me catheterised, sliced my tum open and sewed me back up.

so simply having a man look at my bum holds no fear for me.

Original poster

VanillaIce · 09/01/2010 18:24

I'm not talking about the ventousing/forceping/stitching/c-sectioning part of the experience (if that happens) - of course I don't care about the gender of the person doing that! I'm only talking about the person who is with you for the 12 hours or whatever of labour (and in a birth centre, they stay with you the whole time and are definitely not running from room to room because the whole concept is one-to-one constant care) offering support and encouragement.

And of course if things go differently than planned and I end up being transfered to the hospital, of course, of course(!) I won't care how many people are involved in the final result.

But the birth centre way is to have only one person assisting throughout. I'm trying to imagine what it will be like for this person to be a man.

OP posts:

mamakoukla · 09/01/2010 18:29

Before giving birth, I had worried about this... After, I can say that the single most important thing was the safe delivery of the child. I sometimes smile at all of the things that I stressed about pre-DD! I think there are a lot of pre-conceived prejudices about traditional male/female roles and sometimes it's a pleasant surprie to find out that as long as the person is competent, then it really doesn't matter. It really wasn't that long ago that female doctors didn't exist and females didn't get awarded degrees.

SmacOnTheLipsUnderTheMistletoe · 09/01/2010 18:29

Ok I get your point but it still wouldn't bother me but it sounds very much like it would bother you so just politely decline the male mw.

ChildOfThe70s · 09/01/2010 18:30

Thanks for clarifying your situation. How does your DP/DH feel? Am presuming he will be there too! I think you both need to feel comfortable with the situation, and if you aren't then you should say so asap.

My first (long) labour happened over a weekend and I didn't see any of the midwives I'd seen during my antenatal appts. It was at an NHS hospital and they kept changing shifts every few hours, to be honest some were much better than others - so if you have the choice then I would definitely say go with what you feel most comfortable with.

butterscotch · 09/01/2010 18:33

I had a male mw from the community team visit me at home a couple of times during the first 10 days he was truely lovely wouldn't bother me!

JustAnotherManicMummy · 09/01/2010 18:43

Vanilla I can understand why you might be nervous about anything you hadn't previously thought of... but as someone who's actually given birth there really is only so much you can control and a competent midwife is all you need and if he's it then great. The fact he has a willy is really quite irrelevent.

You might want to think about the following:

There are plenty of lady midwives who haven't given birth.

When birthing it is untirely possible that no-one will even need to look up your fanjo. My midwife had a couple of feels to see how dilated I was - and I needed to know that I was getting more dilated to help keep me going.

You won't care who is with you - you'll just want someone with you who knows what you're doing. And even on a midwife led unit you might be left on your own.

There is nothing sexy about stretched lady-bits so don't worry about him being unable to concentrate on the job in hand because he is so captivated by your pubic topery.

He may help deliver your placenta. That'll put him right off you as it's not sexy at all.

He may have to stitch you up - but he'll be concentrating on doing that properly - so won't even be looking at your fanjo, just one little bit of it that looks like a RTA, not a fanjo.

HTH

cece · 09/01/2010 18:48

TBH by the time you are ready to actually give birth you won't care who has looked at your fanjo. You will just want that baby out and anyone who is willing and able to help will be welcomed ime!

uglymugly · 09/01/2010 18:55

Back in the late 1970s, when I was expecting my first, the idea of male midwives was just being considered in the profession. That was mentioned in one of the ante-natal classes, but the midwife in charge said not to worry, they wouldn't be having male midwives there because there were no men's toilets available on the labour ward! Not only did I think that was a weird comment, but I couldn't figure out why a male midwife would raise eyebrows as the consultants and most of the senior doctors were all male. (And the consultant for my first I thought was pretty weird, so chose another consultant for my second.)

I don't think that I would have at that time considered male midwives as being any different from female midwives; it really does depend on how good an individual is at their job.

Many years on, the only likelihood of my lower bits being investigated is urology/colorectal, and I wouldn't take much notice of whether the doctor/nurse is female or male. What I'd be concerned about is how good they are at the techniques of their job, and their attitude towards me. But that might just be because my undercarriage is getting on a bit.

tanmu82 · 09/01/2010 19:05

I don't think it ever crossed my mind that you could possibly get a male MW, and my first reaction to your post was one of reluctance if I were expecting.....having said that, the replies of other posters made me think and I would like to think that I'd be a little more open-minded were I faced with that situation.
Just because the MW is a woman, doesn't mean you'll "click" or that she'll even be nice.....and I def like the idea of being more likely to have the MW all to myself as other women may have rejected him....when I had DD in a MLU, it was a busy night and I hardly saw a MW for most of it, even when after the birth I was so exhausted I was afraid I would drop baby whilst I waited aaaages for MW to return......

Ultimately though giving birth is such a monumental event that you should be as comfortable as possible with all the arrangements beforehand. If you really don't like the idea, politely ask for a female instead.....

Wattinger · 09/01/2010 19:22

I had a male midwife with me during DS's birth 2 years ago, he was absolutely fantastic, he was very supportive to me and DP. Things went a bit pear shaped at the end and DS was delivered by a male Dr which was fine also!

It is important that you are comfortable with your support during the birth so if you are wooried aout having a male midwife, you should request a lady one.

Heated · 09/01/2010 19:26

In the lead up to birth my mw didn't do any really intimate procedures apart from prodding the bump. Will he look after you postnatally? You do get checked to make sure all is as it should.

Had my waters broken by the most handsome man I'd ever seen for baby no 2 Not sure whether having the most beautiful specimen of manhood looking up my foof or the G&A meant I felt nothing!!

However, I had a pg related infection last week, had to see a doctor asap and I was rather relieved on opening the door to find a female GP. Would have been blushing for my very formal and contained male Dutch GP if he had to do an internal.

StarlightMcKenzie · 09/01/2010 19:31

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StarlightMcKenzie · 09/01/2010 19:39

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wasabipeanut · 09/01/2010 19:44

I really wouldn't mind - IME male medics are sometimes more, erm, respectful and gentle with ladybits than women are. I came to this conclusion after having smears taken by male and female GP's and nurses.

As others have pointed out, when my DS was born there were so many people around that frankly, gender was pretty irrelevant. I felt like throwing open the door and asking if anyone else fancied a shufty. Or at least I would have done if I'd been able tp move my legs.

StarlightMcKenzie · 09/01/2010 19:45

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