Don't shoot me but... what exactly is so hard about having a baby?

[Naivenewbie]

Ok, I know that sounds like I'm be deliberately provocative. I'm not really. But I'm expecting my first baby in 10 weeks (eek!) and am just wondering what specifically it is that turns your world upside down? Don't they just eat and sleep at the beginning? Seriously, don't think I'm taking the piss. I am just genuinely wondering why my house has to turn into a pig-sty, why I apparently won't be able to get out of my pyjamas before bedtime, cook a meal, wash my clothes etc. People keep implying these things to me and, whilst I am open to them (rather like my PJs actually), Im just wondering why it's the case...

I said to my friend recently about her new-born, can't you try to sleep when he does? And she said it's not that easy, you find so many things to do. And I'm wondering - WHAT?

Hi there..
just wanted to share - had such a fab day yesterday!!!

Basically to let you know there will be days when you get things done and cherish the precious moments with your baby!

So there you go. Got up disastrously late (1-30 pm ) b/fed the little man (who's 7 weeks old), he drifted off to sleep. Had a quick shower, got dressed (I haven't got any pj's so no choice but to get dressed!), did my back exercises and sit-ups, the man woke up but was content. Changed/fed/danced him around, then stuck him in the sling and took him outside. Popped into the corner shop. Dug a whole in the garden and stuck in my poor sad-looking strawberry seedlings that i'd never got round to doing anything with while pg. Hope they'll survive the winter

Back home cooked dinner (daddy day care requested at that point) and ate it hot while b/feeding the man, saw DH off to work (he works friday nights ).

Had a quiet evening with my lo. Had a bath - put him in his moses basket next to the bath tub - he woke up but didn't kick off! A miracle, no less! I just kept singing to him and he was happy and eventually went back to sleep.

Now bedtime wasn't that great. He gets fussy after his bath and it takes 2-3 hours non-stop feeding, burping, pacing the floor, singing, changing, feeding, burping ad infinitum, to finally get him to sleep. Y'day was no exception but after he'd been so good to me all day I couldn't really ask for more. So i only lay my head on the pillow at 2 a.m. (having hung out the laundry and loaded the dishwasher) but that's already an achievement as most days i wouldn't be in bed till 3 a.m.

I managed all of that (except shower, bath and most of the cooking) while holding, cuddling, kissing my precious little bundle and staring at him like a soppy fool

So you can have it both ways! If you're lucky

In case you're wondering, today hasn't been much different (so far) apart from me not trying to be a superhero. Oh, and no need to cook dinner coz I made 2 y'day

however my lo isn't always that easy, he suffers a lot from wind and can get colicky (usually at 5-6 a.m. ). But all is not as unmanageable as some people here have said.

Enjoy the remainder of your childless life and i'm sure whan your lo arrives you'll enjoy him or her even more! And hope your labour goes well, too.

This poem by Wendy Cope sums up the good days for me

The Orange

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave?
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It?s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I?m glad I exist.

I found it easy with my first (please don't shoot me ), harder with 2nd and 3nd.

With the first one you can be the laid back mother, just put the baby in the sling and go out when and where you like. I remember lovely walks in sunny parks, or in rain, going to the beach, smelling the fresh air and singing and feeling blessed that i am outdoors and not stuck in an office. I am not being smug, i 'm just giving another view . If you go with the flow - and you avoid baby guru friends- you can enjoy it.

However i found it hard with second and third because you cannot go with the flow when you have to drop the older siblings to school/playgroup/birthday party etc

Love that poem, Boreighty - thanks for posting it. And you're right - it sums up a lot of the simple loveliness of it.

I've got a five week old (my first) and I'm not finding it hard. Sorry, but I do think that if you just chill out and take things as they come then a newborn isn't hard to deal with.

There's not a day when I haven't got up and dressed, my house isn't a pig sty and I am finding plenty of time to spend enjoying him.

notjust, you may just be lucky, you know. Some newborns are pretty easy, some less so, and every parent has a different physical and emotional reaction to having a newborn. It's not so simple as you make out. dd was a dream until she Gave Up Sleeping at 6mo...

Habbibu I appreciate I may be but I think it's important to show other sides of the story. It's the same as when you're pregnant - everyone rushes to tell you how horrific giving birth is, how uncomfortable you'll be at full term etc. and for me, that as well was completely untrue.

So, whilst I may just be lucky, I am what I am and I do have an easy to look after baby who hasn't dirupted my life at all - just enhanced it.

I haven't read more than 15 pages of this so far but just wanted to thank naivenewbie for the thread. I'm a first time mum, DS is almost 8 weeks old and it has been a helluva shock to the system. I've been struggling, especially with the sleep deprivation, breastfeeding(God, I wish I'd gone to a bf support group and asked questions beforehand!) and a gorgeous DS that won't sleep in a cot/moses basket etc and needs to be on me all the time. I love him to pieces but the sense of responsibility is huge. This thread has made me laugh and cry-its been so lovely to hear that other people have been through it and come out the other end still smiing! DH has read some of the thread as well and is so relieved we're not alone in our experience.

Of course, notjust, but the scare stories were a bit of a reaction to NN's op - you'll see there was another thread started to tell nn just how brilliant having a newborn is.

A lot of it is just the huge sense of responsibility that hits you after you give birth. And it suddenly dawns on you that you have absolutely no idea when you will next get a full night's sleep (and OMG you need one after going through labour and childbirth).

Also whilst there are (normally) two parents to one baby, so much of the responsibility does rest on the mother's shoulders. Even if not bfeeding, I think the dad would generally refer to the mum on timings of feeds, routines etc. My DH is very hands-on but I still have to remind him to change DS's nappy (he's quite happy to do it, he just doesn't always think about it!) I remember being quite shocked at it not being anywhere near a 50/50 split of work, even ignoring the breastfeeding.

It is seriously hard work - for me, much more so than being at work and I have quite a demanding job. At least I got weekends off (mainly)!

Having said that, I wouldn't change it for the world. DS is now 4 mths old and although definitely not an "easy" baby (anything but sometimes), he's absolutely adorable and a real cutey. Am so excited about watching him grow up. Good luck. xxx

Actually, notjust - should say that I agree - bombarding new and expectant parents with unsolicited scare stories is a PITA, absolutely. NN, on the other hand, literally did ask for it in her OP, poor soul...

If it was so bad I wouldn't have had four of the buggers.

In answer to op I found this on the internet (but really,whatever the tribulations you will love your child enormously)

YOU WANT TO BE A PARENT?

Preparation for parenthood isn't just a matter of reading books.Here are some simple tasks for expectant parents to prepare themselves.

Women. Put on a dressing gown and stick a pillowcase filled with small beans down front.After 9 months remove 10% beans.
Drink a gallonof water .Don't pee for 24 hours or try to pee every 30 mins regardless of the amount.This is the bloatedness of pregnancy.

Men.Go to supermarket and arrange to have salary paid to theri head office.
Go home,oick up newspaper.Read it for the last time.

Before you have children find some parent friends.Berate about-
a)Methods of discipline
b)Low tolerance levels
c)Allowing children to run wild.

Suggest ways they may improve

a)Sleep habits
b)Toilet training
c)Sleep issues
d)feeding
e)Overall behaviour.

Enjoy the last time in your life you will have the answers.

3)To discover how nights will feel.

a)Walk around living room from 5-10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approx 7 lb.with radio turned to static playing very loud.
b)At 10pm put bag down and set alarm for midnight.
c)Wake at midnight and walk round with bag until 1am
d)Set alarm for 3am.
e)Unable to sleep?get up and make drink at 2am.
f)goto bed at 2.45.
g)When alarm goes off at 3am,get up and sing siongs in dark until 4 am.
h)set alarm until 5am.
i)get up amnd make breakfast.

Do this for several months and remain cheerful.

4)Can you stand the mess children make?

a)Smear chocolate on the sofa,jam on the curtains and cereal on the floor.
b)Hide piece of raw chicken behind dvd player and leave all summer
c)Cover walls with crayon.

How does that look?

5)Dressing a small child is not as easy as it seems.

a)Buy octopus and small mesh bag.
b)Attempt to put octopus in bag so no arms hang out.

Time allowed:all morning.

6)Forget the snazzy car.You need a family friendly vehicle.Once purchased,do the following.

a)Buy a family pack of biscuits.Crush up and apply liberally to the back seats and floor.
b)Ram 50p into CD player thus rendering useless.

7)Out and about.

a)Wait outside bathroom door for 30mins for pre excursion toileting
b)Go out front door.
c)Come in again.
d)Go out
e)walk down front path
f)Walk VERY SLOWLY down road
g)Stop,inspect surroundingss minutely,then walk.
h)Answer at least 5 questions regarding every passing dog turd,cig butt,dead insect along the way.
i)Retrace steps.

You are now ready to go for a walk with a toddler.

8)Televisual entertainment

Learn the name of every character and song from the following programmes:
In the night garden,teletubbies,balamory and waybuloo.Watch nothing else on TV for 4 years

9)Communication.

Make a recording of a small child saying "Mummy" repeatedly.No more than a 4 second delay between each mummy.,and occasional crescendo to level of supersonic jet.Play everywhwere for next 4 years.

Start talking to another adult.Have someone constantly tugging at your sleeve/shirt/elbow and platy the tape again.

10)Returning to work.

Put on your finest work attire.Pick a day when you have an important meeting.
Take a cup of cream and add lemon juice.
Dump on work shirt
Attempt to wipe with towel (DO NOT change,you haven't got time)

CONGRATULATIONS!YOU ARE NOW READY TO BECOME A PARENT!

I found having a baby in the middle of winter hard. Long nights, cold, dark most of the time, takes ages to get you both wrapped up to go out. Getting out in the fresh air every day helped (once I could walk again!)

Mavis -what a brilliant brilliant post... i have been laughing out loud - thank you

This thread should be printed out and put up in family planning clinics!!

Mavis love it -

HAA HA HAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAA

HA HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA

sorry op but I cant wait for you to come back and talk to us when your baby is born

I wish you all the luck in the world
Having babies is tremendous
I'm absolutely blind sided that I wont be having more with my dh

but I cant help but laugh

enjoy these last few weeks when your life is your own

goodluck

Mavis PMSL. That really sums it up perfectly. Will print that out and stick to fridge and give with present to all those friends who are expecting .

Mavis, I love that - have seen it before but it is so appropriate for answering the OP.

The posts I find slightly annoying on here are the ones who extrapolate their experience to everyone else - "It is hard/easy, you'll be knackered/fine". You can't know what it will be like for anyone else, and it is deeply unfair (and smug) to imply that if YOU have managed it, everyone else ought to be able to as well, when clearly some people can't (for whatever reason). It's all in the way the post is worded - if you stick to just explaining your experience, the (sometimes) unspoken implications wouldn't be there.

That's true. And every baby is different too as well as every mother. I'm definitely in the anxious end of the scale, my first baby was too (and still is at age 6), second baby Mr Chilled Pants, third, two early to tell but I'm still anxious about him! I thought you were supposed to be more chilled the more you have. I'm waiting for those chilled vibes to hit me!

Anyway, as someone here has said, if it were that bad the world would be populated with only children.

My DH seems to think it's going to be a breeze, just like the OP he says "how hard can it be, they sleep all the time don't they . ?"

I am prepared for Armageddon - and I think I might print this thread out for his "illumination" !

fibilou I suggest you do that. I wish I had this thread to show him when I had mine. Another thing they do not tell you is how much you and your dh/dp will fight and live in two different worlds for a while (while being so close at the same time).

pippi- I had such frustration that my dh would never truly understand the exhaustion since he could never actually give birth or breastfeed. He kept saying how tired he was and I'd just look at him like he was crazy because I was bfing this baby most of hte day and night!

Ahh... i remember that feeling.... how hard can it be?

I have a 6 week old daughter and this is how the last 24 hrs have gone for me.........

Feed
Wind
Change
Feed
Wind
Change
Feed
Wind
Change
Feed
Wind
Change
Feed
Wind
Change
Feed
Wind
Change
Feed
Wind
Change

Notice that not once in that sequence of events have the words 'do the washing', 'shower' 'eat' occured! Thats because when you have a young baby the chances of those events happening ( well unless you can snatch 5 mins to shower and have a cup of tea which im about to right now) are few and far between!

Stop debating how easy it will be or you will be smacked in the face with a harsh dose of reality when your baby arrives, possibly after a bad labour (mine was 96 hr labour and emergency c-section) and at 3am when you are shattered, hungry bedraggled, and have huge wet patches strategically placed on your top, crying in frustration it is horrible - i did this with my first daughter and i ended up with bad PND.

This time i have paced myself, i still had a c-section, and this time a poorly pre-term baby but i took it easy and i have an untidy house, a huge pile of washing and am in my pyjamas as we speak rocking my baby, and i feel FANTASTIC

Moral of the tale? Enjoy your baby, take each day as it comes, and when your beautiful baby arrives just concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby. good luck