Don't shoot me but... what exactly is so hard about having a baby?

[Naivenewbie]

Ok, I know that sounds like I'm be deliberately provocative. I'm not really. But I'm expecting my first baby in 10 weeks (eek!) and am just wondering what specifically it is that turns your world upside down? Don't they just eat and sleep at the beginning? Seriously, don't think I'm taking the piss. I am just genuinely wondering why my house has to turn into a pig-sty, why I apparently won't be able to get out of my pyjamas before bedtime, cook a meal, wash my clothes etc. People keep implying these things to me and, whilst I am open to them (rather like my PJs actually), Im just wondering why it's the case...

I said to my friend recently about her new-born, can't you try to sleep when he does? And she said it's not that easy, you find so many things to do. And I'm wondering - WHAT?

I remember when DD1 was newborn, I would just pop her in the baby sling, put a nappy, spare vest and a pack of wipes in my handbag, and we'd be all set. I was on my own with her, so I'd pop her in the car seat and have her wherever I was, ie having a bath/washing up etc. She was mostly happy to sleep or goggle around the room.
(remembering peaceful evenings alone on the sofa, sleeping baby, just me and a blanket and whatever TV show I wanted to watch!)
It's mostly the feeding routine that takes up so much time. Establishing BFing can be a complete bastard. I had horrible cracked nipples and mastitis and expressed most feeds for DD2 for a long time. It can take a huge chunk out of your day.

Looking back I think the adjustment to your first child is quite difficult.

It is very hard to go from doing what you want when you want - to never ever ever being able to "pop" anywhere EVER again!! EVER!

You know those times when you have a letter that MUST go in the post box today that is 2 miles down the road. You don't have time to walk there as a feed is due in 20 minutes. In the olden days you may have jumped in the car and posted it and been home in 2 minutes. Now you have to load up baby into coat, into car seat, get them out again as they do a leaky poo just as you are putting their coat on, dress them, put them back into the car seat and then go. Then you get there and realise you've forgotten the bloody letter and have to go back and get it!

I know that sounds like an exaggeration but it's not.

I also don't think that we really truly understand sleep deprivation until we have a baby. You may have experienced a heavy weekend or 2 in the past with a lot of partying a few nights in a row and tiredness and a hangover and think that means you know what it is to be tired. But until you've gone for 4 weeks with no more than 3-5 hours of sleep at a time then you just don't get how ratty that makes you - and how incapable of making the slightest rational decision!

Then a lot of other things can seems overwhelming - even though they wouldn't normally be.

But you know what - "this too shall pass!!". It doesn't last forever and is obviously not so horrendous as we would never go on to have more children. It's a phase and I always started to see daylight at around 6 weeks. And I'm having my 3rd in 10 weeks so am gearing up for it all over again - I'll keep you company!!

I wondered about the same thing when ds1 was on the way. I soon found out ! Nothing turns your world upside as much as a 1st baby and our ds1 was a great sleeper. Its overwhelming but the elation at the birth is something I've never come close to again even with 2nd and 3rd babies.

Now on a Friday ds1 is at school ds2 goes to cm and I have the day to spend with my 12 wk old baby. Honestly with one baby it feels like I have a day off and I wonder now sometimes why having the 1st baby all day was such a big deal - somehow it just was.
It did have a huge impact on my relationship with dh so do not underestimate that factor although it brings about positive changes there too when you get used to the chaos!
My biggest mistake was allowing our inlaws to stay for 2 weeks in our wee tiny flat when ds1 was born - that was awful, I used to lie in bed at night planning to flee with the baby. Somehow it all sorts out. Enjoy! you never get the early baby days back!

oh I'll have to read it again, missed that!

I had a hideous pregnancy.
I had a laporotomy due to a misdiagnosis.
I had hyperemesis and threw up every day for what felt like forever.
I was warned I could miscarriage due to my huuuge fibroids and this was always on my mind.
I had to go back to work (teach) and was nackered and sick but sometimes sooooo happy I wasn't in hospital or prone on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle which was most of the winter. Mumpy and sometimes evil teenagers that I taught could make some days hell!Many didn't make allownances for the fact I was pregnant and still played up big style - grrr
The last six weeks ( holiday for me coincidentlally) hardly anyone visited and I felt so alone until DH came home.Family were far away. Some days I couldn't shower or bath without help. The last week I had d&v and was overdue. I hated being pregnant. The pregnancy cosmos did not give me a break.

birth was fine plenty of medical intervention but I was so happy.
ds1 is 12 weeks and gorgeous and healthy. establishing BF was (sorry) a breeze. DS feeds on demand but can often go four hours without feeding. The stitches from the tear healed quickly and the lochia went after 4 weeks.I have lost a tonne of weight from a borderline 18 in TTC to a size 12 now. I was up and about from the beginning. DS sleeps through generally 11 till 5.30 and is napping now as I type. I don't have to go to work. I am on my own with DS all day but I am out and about all the time.
Life is sweet. I look and feel better than I ever have done. My MIL commented I have taken to it (motherhood)like a duck to water. I want more babies soon. I don't care that it is the hormones.The motherhood cosmos gave me a break.

My house is a tip though that hasn't changed from TTC. so no some things dont change.

Ha!!!

Dear OP, just to make you feel better: in some ways I thought it was easier than expected with a newborn! I was so prepared for sheer hell (and with an awful CS I had a pretty rough time) that when I fell completely in love with this amazing new being I was unprepared for the euphoria! So what I am saying is, yes basically it's horrendous I had an awful time BF and the lack of sleep nearly killed me but these weird amazing hormones carried me through and looking back it's just fantastic what you can survive. In a crazy way, it's quite fun! Or maybe not...

I am laughing out loud!!!!! I had a baby two weeks ago (my third). Say no more.

Disagree with a lot of the posts... I had similar attitude to you, happy to live in my pjs but couldn't understand why you had to? After 2 kids, I still don't. Of course, a new born take a lot of time and there are thigs you won't have time for in the same way as before and sometimes youre really tired. BUT I never didn't have time to have a shower or go out and just do general things and enjoy my baby on the sofa too. SO I think it's quite different and a lot depends on your attitude. Good luck!

Erm, does anyone's dh do ANYTHING?

mrsbean, yes mine did! First four weeks DH had off work and basically carried me through as took so long to recover from the birth. Now he does almost all the cooking, generally covers nights if DS is unsettled and supports me in a fantastic way! I'm very lucky!

I'm lucky too. My DH is brilliant and helps hugely in the evening. He's just had two weeks off paternity leave so I'm not looking forward to next week - 2 week old and two other DCs without his help... but I'm sure I'll cope. No chance of living in my jammies unless I can get away with doing the school run in my jammies

I think it depends on the baby how hard it is. My DS1 was a nightmare and I remember eating lunch standing up while carrying him about or going shopping and having sandwiches from Boots just so I could eat lunch in peace! But that was just him.

I agree with bearthoughts - if I had been at normal capacity I don't think the baby would have been too difficult. Birth takes a lot out of you, the mad hormones made me slightly insane.

That said, I don't think you need to give up on life like some seem to. It is hard with a baby, but don't forget who you are.

I'm going to get flamed for saying this, but I'm tired, so go for it.
I'm wondering if the amount of exhaustion and time you have depends on if you're breastfeeding or not. SIMPLY because breastfeeding can take hours and hours. IME, A friend (well, another mum I knew in my area who met with me for coffee) who ff, her baby just took the bottle and was done with it and she wasn't left feeling exhausted after the feed. I was of that as bf does take a lot out of you physically, but also very happy that I was bf, so not enough to switch iyswim.
She was always dressed and showered and make up and everything. I felt DS was attached to me almost constantly sometimes and I just didn't have time or energy to get myself put together most of the time. . I did do my best though. And still did housework, too.
Well, I also didn't have any family around, they are all overseas... so maybe that had more to do with it... who knows.

again, not to make bf sound bad. It's the BEST EXPERIENCE EVER. I am SO happy that I did it for a little over a year. it was totally worth him being attached to me constantly and being tired...etc. nothing more worth it in the world
Being a mum is the best best best feeling in the whole world. THAT is what you will be most astonished by, OP. You have no idea just no idea how much you can love something until you see your baby. There is just no other love with anyone that could compare. Ever. I get so excited when I find out someone is about to have a DC1 because that love is something that I want to share with the world. I want everyone to experience it!

I have to children and i started trying for baby number two when baby number one was 10 weeks old.
Baby number one was sleeping through from 12am to 9am immediately and sleeping through the night from 7pm to 9am from 9 weeks. During the day my dd would want a feed every 2 hours but that was a small price to pay for her sleeping through. It was me who slowed us down the most i damaged my pelvic floor during delivery so struggled to stand for long periods for weeks.
Baby number 2 is 15 months younger and he was sleeping through from 10pm to 5:30am (when bf gets up for work so he could do the feed) within 2 weeks and sleeping through by 8 weeks.
Yes my life has changed and there was days where i just didn't get dressed but it really wasn't as bad as i imagined. I do think i have been very lucky with my two though and my bf did so much to help with the cooking and cleaning.

mrsbean my other half (not married) has done nearly everything around the house for the last 10 weeks since birth of DD. He has cleaned, cooked, hoovered, put clothes away (I do the washing) fed and walked the dog, even changed the occaisonal nappy . He has basically given me the time to be a full time BF mum, which I love. I am a very lucky lady indeed, just now need to get him to marry me

I never sat about in my pj's, my house never looked a tip, i always got showered and dressed, no i did not have a nanny or family about as they all live abroad. I did these things while my baby slept and find it odd myself why people go into some kind of meltdown. Yes of course i was exhasuted beyond belief and hormonal but i just got on with it. You'll be fine don't worry. You won't go into some kind of slobby melt down because you had a baby. My son is almost one and I am now back part time as a company director managing to dress myself and not have food in my hair. It is possible contrary to what many people may lead you to believe. All the best it'll be grand you'll

the first is a doddle.
it's having the second where things get crazy/.

enjoy it, it's so peaceful first time round.

Don't shoot me! But I had my first baby 6 months ago (by emergency caesarean) and have to honestly say that I was waiting for the part people were referring to when they say "just you wait..." and it never really came!

Yes the first few weeks were very tiring, but I have been a junior doctor and it was not more tiring than that (and I'm 46 now!)

Yes, breastfeeding was rather difficult (and a little painful) to get going and needed some committment, thought and dedication, but so do a lot of things in life. And this was so much more rewarding than many other things that I have put equal effort into. I'm still breastfeeding him (and pumping when I am at work) and loving it.

Yes, the first few weeks you don't feel like getting dressed or doing much, but so what, you are on leave from work and your fulltime job is to look after the baby. Everything else can truly wait and people will understand. (I had not had any time away from fulltime work since I was 24, and this change of focus for a few months was great for me).

Going back to work when the baby was 3 months old was possibly the hardest part, but DH, who is his main daytime carer now, made it pretty easy, as he is fantastic with the baby.

I realise of course that many people will have had a much harder time for one reason or another, and I would never minimise that. I am sure it can be terribly hard. But for me, it is quite simply the most wonderful and lovely thing I have ever done, and I feel scarily happy every day.

It doesn't HAVE to be that hard!

PS I do of course realise that it is very different with a second child!

I am on baby number 2 - he's 11 weeks and my first little boy is 19 mths! To be honest I cannot understand why I panicked so much first time around!! A newborn is tiring due to feeding, sleep deprivation and the mental anxiety but my gosh having a toddler too is just so different! My 11 week old has started to sleep through the nIght and my 19 mth old son is still a terrible sleeper! So enjoy time with your first born because if you decide to have another while he/she is still v. young then you WILL be tired!
Just one thing. . . I have never lounged about in my jammies. I have always got dressed first thing while the boys are in the cot. I think some women use it as an excuse to slob around!! I have my pride and want to be able to open the door to the postman looking presentable!!!
Lots of luck with your birth and remember to enjoy it!

Babies are a easy peasy.

Toddlers are hard work.

Joking of course, they both have their moments.

Don't waste your time ironing babygro's.

Do you know what I think the best and the worst part is? Just how much you love them and how dangerous that is. It is like part of your heart is no longer inside you and there is nothing really you can do to keep them safe.

Yes Morloth, you realise you will never be able to totally relax ever again, or I feel like that anyway. But also have never felt a love so deep.