Don't shoot me but... what exactly is so hard about having a baby?

[Naivenewbie]

Ok, I know that sounds like I'm be deliberately provocative. I'm not really. But I'm expecting my first baby in 10 weeks (eek!) and am just wondering what specifically it is that turns your world upside down? Don't they just eat and sleep at the beginning? Seriously, don't think I'm taking the piss. I am just genuinely wondering why my house has to turn into a pig-sty, why I apparently won't be able to get out of my pyjamas before bedtime, cook a meal, wash my clothes etc. People keep implying these things to me and, whilst I am open to them (rather like my PJs actually), Im just wondering why it's the case...

I said to my friend recently about her new-born, can't you try to sleep when he does? And she said it's not that easy, you find so many things to do. And I'm wondering - WHAT?

I thought I was pretty used to babies (having been a gap-year nanny/babysitter etc) but the demands of my own baby nearly sent me reeling. After the incredible high of her birth (nothing has beaten it since!) I just couldn't get over how SORE I was and all that went with it. My own prejudices smacked me in the face ( I thought only silly women couldn't breastfeed - blood, cracks and gore later I realised not so - I did fight to achieve it but went through agony first). Then healing from second degree tears which then became infected - the subsequent hospital and various examination of bits made an already private person feel on a conveyor belt. The sheer responsibility sometimes frightened me - when I did sleep I would sometimes wake up with a mad jolt to check if she was still alive. The stress on my relationship was another shocker, especially as dh had had children 15 years before and thought letting them sleep on their front/formula laced with baby rice/bad 80s outfits were a good idea (don't worry - none of these happened) BUT BUT BUT the first smile and every other milestone outweigh the negatives and who knows - your baby might slip out/sleep through/latch on brilliantly because you never know... Good luck! xxx

nickytwotimes pmsl....my MIL always offered pearls of wisdom about sleeping when baby sleeps...with her arse firmly plonked on my sofa while baby was asleep. She would then sit there for two hours and on going she would say "oh I should have done some cleaning for you while I was here". She never did any cleaning for me and even invited herself round most Wednesdays for dinner, again she sat with her arse on the sofa while me and other half juggled baby and cooking........

Oh, it's a total doddle for the first four weeks or so. Then you realise your life is no longer your own and everything is changed for ever and you are so tired you can't walk straight. Then you feel absolutely terrible for a few weeks/months until you realise things are actually really good.
Or is that just me? I was also one of those who was dressed and showered and with make-up at 7 in the morning and putting impossible pressure on myself until I really sunk into postnatal depression and couldn't do a thing. Hindsight is a nice thing...
With dc2 -due in 10 weeks, too- I will be much more realistic and actually enjoy the early chaos. Yes, and I will SLEEP when the baby does (toddler permitting) and not clean the house!!!!

Good luck, you'll be fine. Just go with the flow and don't be so hard on yourself.

Oh, and I walked around for months saying that I could not understand how anyone would voluntarily have another child after the first one....

Can only just believe this OP. And only because people ask me all the time if I save a fortune on childcare by working from home... Erm, working is the key word here.

All I can say is - you'll see. It's impossible to prepare for, and to explain. But you will see m'love.

Sorry too late now.

But soon enough your little one will be 3 and you have to enrol her into BIG schooland you wish wish wish she was still a little baby who needed you all the time and you can feed and hold and smell...

Think its time for DD3 - but what if its not a DD?

The fact that your whole world is suddenly this little baby, and that she/he completely relies on you. You are now solely responsible for another human being! It's exhausting just thinking about it!

Mine is now coming up to 12 weeks, and I would sooo love to have been able to sleep whilst he slept! After cramming in a shower, loo stop, food (something cold as I did not have time to cook and eat, so it had to be one or the other, and eating won ), getting dressed (rarely immediately after the shower), etc I had little hope of grabbing any sort of nap. And the only chance of getting him to sleep for longer in the first few weeks was to take him for a walk....still no chance to sleep! I have managed 2 day-time naps, both of which was when my DH took him for a walk, and I managed to get a shower, get dressed and snatch a 20 min snooze!

Now things are a lot easier, and he does sleep more consistently....but now I have the housework and garden to catch up on

I had had little idea as to what sort of impact DS would have on my life....and love every minute of it

before i had DS i also couldn't understand why people said it would be so hard. And now Ds is 10months and i really do need eyes in the back of my head constantly I can't specifically remember why a tiny, immobile baby is such hard work. But it bloody is. You'll see!!!

Sooo tired! Impossible to get quality sleep.
Impossible to get a quiet, relaxing bath or shower.
Your life and established routines turn upside down.
Maybe you'll get time to get dressed? Maybe not.
Tips from me - keep visitors to a minimum. keep their visits short. My Uncle learned this the hard way when he 'popped in' just as the midwife was helping me to latch on. He got an eyeful but I was past careing at that point.
Forget about housework and get someone else to do the shopping. get used to eating cold food with one hand.
After a few weeks/months try to get to know other mummies. I didn't and now I'm back to work and feel left out of the mummy-loop.
But most of all, enjoy time with your precious little one.
Good luck!
x

The other thing that people don't tell you is that making milk is hard work. It uses up 500 calories a day, which is about a quarter of the energy you'd've burnt up in a normal day just being you - but you're giving it to someone else.

Once I'd got my head round that a big proportion of the knackeredness made sense :-)

A lovely thread - i might print it out for my friend who is trying to conceive .

Just wanted to add that is really isn't as simple as 'if the parents are chilled the baby will be'. Babies are born with their own personalities already set in stone and you have to adapt your parenting style to that particular baby. They are all very different. I know as my frist borns (and onlies!) are twins, and were extremely different as babies.

I am also so so glad that I ignored my mother when she said 'I'd build a rod for my own back' by letting my gorgeous newborn dd's sleep on my chest after a feed. That time passes so very quickly and i'm glad I did what I felt was right for us and not what other people told me.

2 things that helped me be a much more relaxed mum the second time round:

1. Understand that no phase lasts forever, it just seems like it will. So if you are feeding round the clock, not sleeping at night, wandering around with colicky baby permanently attached to your hip, DON'T worry that you will never be able to do anything ever again. You WILL! It doesn't last forever!
2. Don't worry about the next phase too much....ie. how will I manage when: baby goes into own cot/I have to wean baby/when baby starts crawling etc etc. Cos you WILL manage.

With my DC1 I should have spent a bit less time worrying and a bit more time ENJOYING!

Your house doen't have to be a mess and you don't have to be in your pyjamas all day - but if you are who cares? Just don't stress and do what feels right for you. Some babies are easy some are hard - just take it as it comes and don't have too many preconceived ideas of what it will be like.

Ah day 5. I had to go home on day 5 leaving dd behind in hospital (she was 10 weeks prem). I'd had a c-section under G.A so I guess that didn't help. I lay in the bath sobbing so hard my chest hurt and that continued til day 7. She is now 19 weeks old and sleeping peacefully in her carry cot. She is so worth everything I went through

I find it really irritating when people say 'you'll see'. Of course, a new mum 'will see' but that was hardly the point of the post?

I wondered how hard it could be when I was pregnant, as I had a really comfortable pregnancy.
I have found the first few weeks hard, though, because of lack of sleep, and feeling quite low, even though baby is gorgeous. I didn't expect to feel so shocked by the birth itself.
Still, after 10 weeks, and with support from family flying out to see me - I live in France-I am starting to feel more like my old self.
I am sure these things vary enormously from person to person, and there's nothing worse than the doomsayers telling you that your life will never be the same again!
I think the most important thing is to let other peole help you- not so much with the baby, but with cooking and practical things, chats and treats. Beware the mother in law who wants to cuddle baby all the time, while you make lunch and iron shirts. Grrr!
Best of luck!

Found the first one quite easy...ok, labour a bit rubbish but it was summer, I loved being off work and my husband was around for a couple of weeks.

However, as autumn descended, I found it much more challenging.

Baby asleep less, couldn't while away hours nursing in parks and still got interupted sleep.

However, it's the second one that really changes things...first one a doddle really!

Coming to this thread very late but just wanted to say that (so far) it really isn't very hard...

My DS is 7weeks old and my house is tidy and clean, my washing basket empty plus both baby and I are clean and sweet smelling - I even have make up on

I also have 3 big dogs to feed/water and 4 horses to see to - two which are stabled at night and have to be mucked out etc every morning.. I ride at least 1 of them every day but mostly 2. I have no Nanny or Housekeeper btw.

It's just a matter of have to/want to.. I get most stuff done before lunchtime as afternoon is for snuggling with gorgeous baby infront of the telly!

funny thread

Wonder why the OP never came back

Framey - she did come back - very nice post yesterday (?) I think.

But yes, quite brave of her to return!

Stannie - if you have no help, how do you manage to ride the horses?

Just curious! I presume there's no such thing as a horse drawn pushchair - or is there? Please tell me!

Before I had my DD I read a couple of books that talked about how hard some aspects of having a newborn would be - lack of sleep, no time to yourself, recovering from labour etc. Fair enough, it was intended to give a realistic idea of what life with a baby can be like. But it made me feel quite down and worried about what it would be like and how I'd cope. Of course I did experience all those things, and found it tough at times, but what the books didn't tell me (and what it's hard to describe) is how excited I'd be about my baby and how far the wonder of having her would outweigh all the difficulties.

That's what I remember most, looking back now that DD is 18 months.

Stannie you can move into mine. My DS is 19 months and house is still a mess. Doesn't help I work part time and think i need a cleaner. But then I have always been more into cooking than cleaning and seem to remember cooking proper meals when DS was much younger. We did live on takeaways / food cooked by friends / family for the first few weeks though.

This sounds just like I did 18 months ago! You might be right: everyone is different and all babies are different and it might be easy (or it might be difficult and you will still have it all "under control") but the main thing is to keep an open mind...don't be too scared (womankind has obviously coped for millenia - kind of!) but don't be dismissive of the "fuss" either - you can't know what you and your baby will be like until you have him/her; and neither can anyone else! I was like some mad woman: working and studying as well as b'feeding all the live-long day (For the first three months I literally had 15 minutes in each 3 hour period when she wasn't nursing / being held up (she had reflux) or sleeping on me; and in that 15 mins she was usually screaming) I soldiered on keeping everything "perfect" and friends thought I was amazing.
MADNESS! I now look 105, feel 107, have no idea where the time has gone, wonder what the hell I was trying to prove and to whom... And the thing is, you don't get more time to yourself as they get older, you just spend your time with them differently + the older they get, the more sleep-deprived you have been for a longer period. Oh god! I need a rest!