Hello Busier,
Not sure how you are feeling today? but just wanting to be supportive at this time. I have not been through the same level of shock and trauma as you have recently. However, blood tests show that my pregnancy is failing, and not viable, so I am grieving also.
I am worried that this may be a recurrent theme given my age, and wonder about the ability I would have to keep going through such painful loss. However, my instinct is to keep trying, but this is very different from how you must feel in a position where you have to make a choice at this stage.
When I had my termination in Nov 2007 I was told there was an increased risk of 1% for Down's in the future. This felt very small in comparison to the already very much higher risk attributed to my and dp's age. What this meant to me was that it was such a negligible increased risk. I guess I am trying to convey hope for the future, even though you have been so shocked to have two Down's pregnancies.
I hope this thread does not turn into a moralising debate about termination for Down's. To you, your baby is your precious baby and I know how horrific it is to have to make a choice, but whatever choice anyone makes in your situation is to be respected unquestioningly. My advice, though, would be to try to persist in asking for and reading plenty of good, detailed information about Down's and about any other complications your baby has, before the choice is finally made, and to try to take your time to adjust to the news.
I know the shock can cause you to make a decision in an attempt to minimise damage, but if you can bear the pain to give yourself time to walk through the shock and out the other side before deciding what to do, it could lead you to feel more comfortable about the decision, whatever that is in the end. I made a decision quite quickly with my partner, because we were horrified that our baby may die later in the pg due to heart and circulation difficulties in addition to Down's. I am still often wondering 'what if...?' questions, and I am concerned that we reacted so strongly so quickly. As is often the case though, the decision making somehow eases the pain of being uncertain, which is horrific and unbearable, but knowledge helps you get a grip on things in a more healthy way, so leave no stone unturned is my advice.
I am not sure if you already feel you have done this, and would be frustrated by my post (truly sorry if so) but I hope you feel this advice is useful, and that it may help others in the same situation.
Whatever and whenever the decision, I know it will be the right one for you and your baby. Take care of yourself....Nan x.