am pregant again after a termination for downs

[busierbee]

I traumatically and sadly had a pregnancy with a downs baby last year. I am 42. I am pregnant again - ten weeks - and consumed with fear and anxiety. Although there is no genetic basis for downs, the risk of having another downs pregnancy is higher than for a woman who has not. Am having a cvs in two weeks. Has anyone been or is anyone in this situation? need a friend

Thank you for rambles - grey for me is fear and despair and confusion and disconnectedness. Is strange how colour denotes such different response. A lack of feeling the colour and joy. Golly am glad it was you.. when i see a new name I panic that it is someone scary.
Goodnight justaboutspringtime
BBxx

Hello dearest justabout
Of course you are tired out with your two wee boys - and you MUST HAVE WINE.
Am glad to know you still there and there also for new girl Marj - Gosh i hope she is still reading all these messages of love. I feel I must be shifting as a week ago I would have melted to read such toxic messages and now have the strength to fight for Marj's right to speak and be heard and be comforted.
I hope you rest this evening and that this week brings positive news about your father.
Night night
BBxx

But how lovely that he wants to do that with you. He has a fighting spirit even if he is very poorly.
GO and get it now - I have moved from red to white in a very foolish way.
But do you know what .. I just do not care.
Take him one to the bath!
Night xx

Justabout (I like the new name, very hopeful..)
Read about your dad. Wanted to send you love, and I hope he's ok soon...but also like you say, hope he doesn't suffer. I am on the white tonight, have you got glass in hand yet? Off to zone out in front of the TV, trying not to think of the week ahead.
Night Busierbee, night all.
Lins xx

Dear Busierbee,

Just popped over to your thread.

Think you've made the right decision about Majorca. DH, DD and my Dad all went on holiday last week to Cornwall. I'd had it booked for months and months, we go there every Easter. I thought I was strong enough for it but it was a bit mistake, I felt numb, just plodding on most of the time. The couple of times I did smile or laugh I felt so much guilt. I should have cancelled it and not gone but didn't want to let my DD down.

I've read your thread from the beginning but can't remember when you had your termination; what date was it? I think you're so brave and supportive coming onto others threads and offering such good advice and support. Did you say you had a previous downs pregnancy? When was that? Have you seen your consultant? I have so many questions I want to ask mine when I see her. Sorry if my questions are difficult.

Do you think you and DH will try again? My DH is keen but at the moment I just couldn't go through all this again, the pain is too much.

Much love and hugs. Marj1xxx

Gosh this thread is now workng again I think - and I really need it to. Tried going out in the world again - since am not taking my teen to Majorca I promised to take her to Oxford ST shopping . But boy am I so not ready for it yet. I felt the same as I did in Norfolk - all stimuli too much and felt wanted to shut my eyes like I did at the hospital on that bad day. Too much noise, too much normal, too much of the world. My head may explode and realise that I still need the soft warmness that Tree so delicately describes.I too received my ARC newsletter today Pelvicflawed and am never quite sure whether am ready for all that pain and excrutiating sorrow yet.
I want to feel Happiness as you say SAMR - yet if feels so far away from being effortless. I hope SAMR that you are looinging after yourself - it is a big thing to suffer amiscarriage and you too need softness and warmth. Although can also understand the need to carry on carrying on thing. I explained to our new lovely friend Marj today that I feel simultaneously 8 months pregnant and 15 weeks pregnant and not pregnant and sadness and wanting to be pregnant all at once. It is why really one should have a break before conceiving again - yet I am old and possibly would have another downs pregnancy and not sure can cope with that. Yet at same time do not want DDP and I to lose out on raising a child together. I have the Why MEs badly today.
But really my deepest thoughts today have been with dear Lins and wanting tomorrow to be a loving moment for her and her family. So this post not working at all well - taken me double the time so may have to start a new thread - which is very upsetting for some reasonBB x

Hey Busier, let's see if this works...

Ok, that seemed to get posted.
Sounds like you are having a very tough day. Remember, one minute...one hour...don't rush. It's 'one step forward, one back, two forward.' Trying to do too much real stuff is hard I think because all your 'head space' is taken up with thinking about what has happened and trying to get by - there isn't the room for real life to be thought of yet. I know I get a bit worried when I have too much to do and need the time just to think and be.
Don't read the ARC newsletter tonight if you're not ready. I got mine today, but glanced at it. Not the time right now.
Because your two pregnancies cross over in their time lines (being 8 mths and 15 weeks at the same time), that is a lot to deal with. The minute you/I see a line on the preg test, that is it, a real person is made and our dreams for their futures begun. So you have two dreams running alongside each other - no wonder you world is crashing down, you have due dates and all sorts looming. So be the kindest to yourself, be your own best friend and tell your self to keep life simple, (and gentle).

Love Lins xxx

Justabout, it's "higher nuchal translucency reading, feeling panicked" ...started back when my angel was in my body, not just my heart. xxx

Okay ladies - your messages are coming in. It is just that when I write it takes 4 seconds for each letter to come up. So can not see what I am writing at all as I go along.Ruins my creative flow somewhat. I am pleased there may be another box for antenatal choices - that makes me feel that we have achieved some small thing for future mums. Do you think so Lins?
Have just been in tears about whether am in fact losing the plot if get so upset about my mumsnet thread. He assures me not - but then is probably being nice - and is also watching the football.Maybe the point is that would be seriously losing the plot if did not have mumsnet.

Hey there busierbee - I just wanted to send you my best wishes.

Justabout, hope the owls don't hoot too loud for your big boy and his daddy, out in their tent.

Busierbee, don't panic about your thread, you can always go to another, and we are all still here! Your safety net is here. Hope it sorts itself out soon. Gremlins in the machine...?

Okay - I had no idea that all this posting was going on about where the thread should be.And I see some people are deeply upset by the termination issue being here in pregnancy.
I have tried to read the debate and I have every respect for people's reactions and choices in their own life.
I hope i have not offended, or personally insulted anyone with my posts and if I have I truly apologise from the bottom of my heart.
It is only my life I have been talking about - my family, my feelings. My choices.
No-one elses.Just my small life and what I wanted was support for myself - selfishly, indulgently perhaps - at this hard time. I am not advocating my path of action, condemning anyone who chooses otherwise or asking for a debate at this time. And i know I have made it hard myself.
So will move my thread to the ante natal choices site - although should i be there? As it is postnatal, am no longer pregnant and yes do not want to upset pregnant women either - if that is an issue too.
But do feel that I have a need of the support still and so do lots of other women.
Can not deny that it has been vital for me.Justabout - you must be exhausted from the last few weeks of debating all this.
if you do not mind me asking where should my thread be? Can not get my head around it.
BB xx

I have just tried to read that huge debate about termination...I can't read it all tonight, not the night before Daisy's service. I can't believe how angry some people sound, although I do believe it. I had no idea this debate was going on.
With my thread, I started it when the 12 weeks tests showed problems - way before we 'd found out there was any decision to be made. At the time I just wanted advice from others about how things had turned out for them - pure and simple. Obviously, as things progressed and we found out how poorly our baby was, the thread turned in to more of a support thing for me, and such kind ladies posted words of sympathy.
I feel so awful about the hornets nest my thread, this one and others has kicked up. Because other mums have written in to say thanks for being brave and talking about your experience and your pain, and they wish they had support when they were going through similar. And it is that 'knowing you are not alone' that helps you through it.
I am all emotional about this and will need to stop writing now.
Lins

Just wondering where this other thread is, with the debate re termination - and the ante natal choices option - am I missing something...

PS Have just read Marj's thread - so now know re the new place we can go from tomorrow....
Sleep tight all. xx

Hello Justabout
Just do not feel is safe to post anymore - no wonder my thread was so slow - think it was being scrutinised and slowed things right down.
I can see you have been in a heavy spot - and am sorry for that. I wish that Lins and i had not seen those messages - people have a right naturally to post whatever they feel.
But for reasons that you know it does not help right now. I feel guarded and scrutinised and judged and not secure anymore here.
I guess we did not need to know it - is all am saying. I do not want to be a social experiment. Often I would. Am strong yes, am rready to debate big issues in an open way. But not now.
So there you go.
I truly hope you are also gentle on yourself and that your lovely boy is well and happy. and I truly took comfort in your words but all feels a bit.. what is the word... And I am just trying to deal with my own personal journey - which is mine. I can not write now without feeling someone is passing judgement and getting angry. Fair enough - is an open forum and I did not realise that in my raw state.
Night and be easy on yourself
hugs and hugs
BB