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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

am pregant again after a termination for downs

341 replies

busierbee · 14/03/2009 20:51

I traumatically and sadly had a pregnancy with a downs baby last year. I am 42. I am pregnant again - ten weeks - and consumed with fear and anxiety. Although there is no genetic basis for downs, the risk of having another downs pregnancy is higher than for a woman who has not. Am having a cvs in two weeks. Has anyone been or is anyone in this situation? need a friend

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Original poster
busierbee · 15/03/2009 15:56

Thank you drlove8. Have a therapist already and will try and enjoy pregnancy once results are back. And of course will let you know. Either way. Enjoy sunny sunday

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sarah293 · 15/03/2009 17:24

This reply has been deleted

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drlove8 · 15/03/2009 23:36

well riven ,tbh only 5 are y birth children, 3 came with the DH ! ....still "mine" though, love em just the same as the rest!

MamaTups · 16/03/2009 05:58

hi busierbee, i am in exactly the same situation as you and am 7 weeks pregnant after terminating one year ago. i feel its ok to be afraid and feel anxiety about what is going to happen (feeling is good). Just wanted to let you know you are not alone, i too, am terrified. take of you!

Original poster
busierbee · 16/03/2009 08:26

Hello Mamatups
thank you for reaching out. golly is tough no? So hard to feel in state of constant anxiety and impossible to feel joy. Of course feeling is good and necessary; but have huge concerns that cannot put body and mind through it all again. Guess people cope. With all sorts of things and much worse so will have to. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good good luck to you too. Are you having a cvs this time?

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MamaTups · 16/03/2009 09:06

I am having cvs as soon as i hit 11 weeks, until then i am kind of in denial about being pregnant. I dont want to think about it, i am really afraid to bond with the baby like i did before in case i have to make the same decision again. DH and i are going to wait until results from cvs before we can feel our joy, then tell every one and celebrate the good news. i like you do not know how i will cope if the news is bad. I hope you have a good week, as each one passes you are nearer results time!

Original poster
busierbee · 16/03/2009 09:32

HI mamatups
yes my cvs is booked for next wednesday and must say have not felt this .... angry and isolated and insane since the pg began. There is a little confusion re my dates so cvs may even be delayed which will feel hellish. One slow slow day at a time. Feeling sick and tired so hard when it is not diluted with some joy.

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poppy34 · 16/03/2009 18:33

mamatups and busierbee - really thinking of you as frankly its shit (emotionally speaking) being pregnant after a termination - busierbee - it is horrible to feel like that but that is how I felt -just do whatever you can to take get by.

on a practical level re sickness have you tried eating little and often and loads of water. and it is hard getting by as you say you don't really want to think about why you feel like that as you're in denial re pregnancy (yep mamatups it certainly seems easier if you don't tell anyone/think about it maybe its not happening ).

do let us know how things go as thinking of you x

HumphreyCobbler · 17/03/2009 11:35

thinking of you busierbee

hope you and your dh are doing ok

Original poster
busierbee · 17/03/2009 18:29

Dear Humphrey and Poppy34
thank you for your sweet messages. DP is away all week - am very very tired and sleepless not helped by mice running around above my head in the rafters! Running lives of my three children, working and above all fretting is hard. The sunshine helps. I feel like my little baby is on death row and I am the person whose job it is to decide. Can not allow myself to feel all will be okay but know in my heart that is a distinct possiblity that it may be. that sound very dramatic but is how i feel.
test is a week tomorrow. So on i plod, trying to think of something distracting. How watched The Duchess. Finished a book. Going on mumsnet somewhat obsessionally.
thank you ladies
Hoping you two are well too

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Original poster
busierbee · 17/03/2009 18:32

Also hello to nanbred and hoping you are getting through the days x

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Haribosmummy · 17/03/2009 18:33

Busierbee...

Haven't been in your situation, but I have my 20 week anomoly scan in just over a week, and feel my stress levels getting higher, until I know everything is OK.

I think what you are feeling is completely natural. I just really hope you get the results back OK and everything is OK.

And that you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

HM

Original poster
busierbee · 17/03/2009 18:35

And mamatups - are you okay out there in the world? Can normal life be got through on a daily basis? I did allow myself and still do the odd sneak at a pregnancy book or brochure - just to test myself to see how i felt. Good luck to you. x

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MamaTups · 18/03/2009 04:08

hi busierbee, roll on next wednesday eh?? i don't think we can function properly until we get good results from our cvs tests. I know i can't. all i have wanted to do since the termination is get pregnant again, and now i am i cant help but feel i have gone and done something stupid again! I think that a healthy baby is going to help heal me (or maybe it's the time that has passed), what about you? do you feel this? I did speak to someone who helped me with grieving and the anger has passed, you?? I want to say its going to be fine, but we both know we can't say that, i will say am thinking about you and i hope by knowing someone else feels like you do it helps... On a pratical level, i don't live in the UK but had to travel there for the termination last year (terminations are illegal where i live), was wondering if might be better to travel for CVS test, just in case, do you know where i can get a list of clinics/hospitals who offer the test?? thanks, xx

Original poster
busierbee · 18/03/2009 21:20

HI mamatups
golly what a trauma that you had to leave the country on top of everything else. do you have a good hosp there that does cvs? If not Professor Nicolaides at the Fetal Medical Centre in Harley Street is the world expert and I went there last time. He works on Wednesdays and you could have the nuchal in the morning and the cvs same day. The results are back on the friday. Am feeling much worse today as I know this time next week will have had the cvs - what if is miscarry? What will i do if the same situation as last time? Dare not even allow myself to think will be okay - especially given my age. Will keep in touch with you. Lets hope we are the lucky ones

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pelvicflawed · 19/03/2009 06:46

Busierbee and MamaTups just wanted to say hello and offer you my good wishes. I had a termination for the same reason last year and am trying to get pregnant again and I know that if we are lucky enough to get there then these are some of the fears we will have to face up to. Its comforting to hear somone talk openly about their experience as it feels like it is something that just isn't talked about.

Good luck to you both, hoping everything works out just fine.

Original poster
busierbee · 19/03/2009 16:35

pelvicflawed
Hello - glad it is some comfort to read other similar situations. Not easy is it? Re trying to get pregnant - have you tried the sex every other night for the week building up to ovulation?! I always thought the best time was day before ov, but in fact the sperm creatures can live up to seven days. So we worked on the principle of 'peppering the area'. the romance of it all. Maybe everyone knows this already and I am naive. Is possible. Anyway I wish you the best of luck with trying. I was insanely desperate to get pregnant after my termination. I just do not know what will do if it is bad news again. Keep us posted.

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pelvicflawed · 19/03/2009 19:42

Thanks for your message - yes I can really identify with the 'insane' need. We've been trying since October I've said to myself that if nothing happens this month (6 mths of trying) I'm going to the docs to get checked out - that helps keeping positive and feeling like I'm doing something about it all.

nanbred · 19/03/2009 20:02

Hi busierbee

Thanks for starting the thread, so comforting to hear from other mum's to be in the same position. Didn't realise so many of us, people just don't talk about it much.

Hope all going ok for you? I'm doing ok, having scan tomorrow, but it wont tell us much as it is so early. Just if the embryo is in the uterus. DP away all next wk so wanted some reassurance, have been having lots of crampy pains, continual really and a couple of really sharp ones at the side. Hoping we have good news and the pain is just ligaments stretching. Time will tell I suppose.

Original poster
busierbee · 19/03/2009 20:28

dear nan
think there are all sorts of twitches and pains and discomforts in early pregnancy and my feeling is that if you are all flushed with excitment and joy then you hardly notice them. If however like us you have had previous disappointments and traumas then you can scarcely allow yourself to believe the pregnancy and so every twinge makes you disbelieve it. Is impossible situation. I wish i could be in denial but can not. I am sure all is in fact well and the embryo baby is doing its thing. A scan is reassuring - i had an early one too. good luck to you and keep in touch - especially if your dearest one is away. I started this thread as mine i s away and i felt so ungrounded without him.
It is a miracle for us to be pregnant at all i guess as so many people struggle for so long. Well done to you and hang on in there

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Original poster
busierbee · 20/03/2009 20:34

Hello nan
How are you doing today? Any news - thinking of you. Busier

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nanbred · 20/03/2009 22:21

Hi Busier

Went for scan, too early to see sac or pole, so no wiser, go again in 2 weeks. Measured HCG today and will do again Sunday, so will see if that is positive.

Feeling slightly more settled since cramping stopped, but just hope this doesn't herald bad news.

How about you, hoping all muddling along nicely?

Original poster
busierbee · 21/03/2009 14:30

Oh golly not muddling nicely at all! Am in total freak out as CVS is on wednesday and can not stop fretting and whatiffing. What if it is the same as last time? how will i cope? What if i miscarry after cvs and baby is healthy? What if baby is healthy and i feel overwhelming grief for last baby etc. On it goes. Time ticks along. I hope you get to see the little sac and heartbeat soon - i saw both at 7 weeks - in fact measurements indicated 6 weeks and 1 day so maybe you too early. Glad pains subsiding too.
B x

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MamaTups · 21/03/2009 17:04

hi all, this is such a difficult time for you busierbee, i can totally understand how you are beside yourself with worry, but you are going to get through this next week, and by next weekend you will have some answers!i cannot tell you how much i hope that the news is great for you. If you are as hormonal as i am (and thats alot), i hope you find time to cry it all out before hand. Happy mothers day to you. x

Original poster
busierbee · 22/03/2009 09:57

Thank you Mama - not terribly weepy at moment - sort of terrified and frozen and lonely. But yes is Mother's Day - and must not forget that am lucky to be one. Sun shining - and life to be got on with in spite of torture. Happy Pregancy Day to you
Busier

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