am pregant again after a termination for downs

[busierbee]

I traumatically and sadly had a pregnancy with a downs baby last year. I am 42. I am pregnant again - ten weeks - and consumed with fear and anxiety. Although there is no genetic basis for downs, the risk of having another downs pregnancy is higher than for a woman who has not. Am having a cvs in two weeks. Has anyone been or is anyone in this situation? need a friend

Hi busierbee, am thinking about you, tomorrow is your big day eh?? Please let me know how you get on and i hope you have a hand to hold tomorrow. xx

Hello Mamatups
Not good news am afraid. Am in shock. Scan intially looked fine - could see nasal bone, nuchal measure fine. Then big Doctor comes in- much examining and silence. Suddenly world caves in - problems with blood flow around liver, no nasal bone, hormone level all wrong, Hcg way too high., doc made v clear there is something wrong. Am full of rage and pain and disbelief and pity for my DP and all of it. Had cvs - excrutiatingly painful. I want answers and i want them now - why is this happening twice. Apparently there is rare 1percent genetic componet to Downs - do we have this or does lightning strike twice?
Am sorry to be sharing such bad news - I totally feel frozen.

God, I'm so sorry. What a horrible, horrible shock you have had today. Life is just not fair sometimes.

I hope you are able to get some answers asap.

oh I am so sorry

how unfair that this should happen to you

I have been thinking of you today

busierbee,

please no apologies to share this, i am speechless, i am so very sorry. Demand answers, call everyday until results come in. Lightening can strike twice, we know that. i cant imagine how you feel, im sure adrenaline is flowing but keep us informed, we are all here to go through this together. Hug your partner hug your kids,xx

busierbee I'm so sorry - my thoughts are with you - lets hope you get some answers soon - take care of your self.

Hello pelvicflawed and mama
Yes all shocking and destroying - am in disbelief really. Results come today or tomorrow - more likely tomo. Since we have been here before we kind of know that they know - the doctors. Their faces tell you. Baby looks so healthy in there kicking about. Just want to ignore it all and carry on carrying on. If it is not downs then it is something else. Does not make any sense to me - I guess we are the unlucky ones. My partner was, is, shattered by it. His only chance of being a daddy. He is not a man to show his emotions readily and I know how deep he feels it. I think I am still numb and too angry to be tearful much. It comes and goes. Want to cling on to hope - think is a basic human reflex - but know in my heart that baby has abnormalities. They said so. Will let you know and thank you. It means alot you reaching out

Oh busierbee

There are no words

Have been thinking of you and your dh XXX

Thank you Humph - feel like am in a dream - someone else's life not mine. I really thought in my heart I would have a little baby to love with my DP. For him to love. Seems not that easy. I guess the only way of coping with being pregnant after a loss is somewhere in your heart to think baby is coming. And now is not.
Already my imagination is planning to be pregnant again - which is what I did last time - to fill the whole. But not necessarily the right thing to do given my history and age.
Bye
BB

I am so sorry - have been reading your thread as friends going through same thing at the moment, I cant believe this is happenning to you, so sorry.

So the results phoned throught tonight. Am still frozen and in shock. We are not the lucky ones. Despite the nuchal being normal 1.7 - baby has downs. Number two baby in 5 months. What does this mean? I must say to anyone in really traumatic nuchal/cvs situation like us - do get proper experienced hospital to help. They knew. Am heartbroken - not sure how to get through next week ahead and all that it will provoke. so so sad. Sorry to post such sad news.
thank you so for all your thoughts and kindnesses - i will be there for anyone who needs help with similar
xxxx

busier I'm just so terribly sorry and shocked to hear your news. I can't believe this has happened to you again. I really don't know what to say other than I am thinking of you and your DP at this difficult time. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.
xx

Oh I am so sorry.

It is so hard

BB

Christ what an awful thing to happen. You must feel its almost impossible to believe. I had a termination for downs last year too and am in the early stages of pregnancy now so have been reading your thread, understanding the all consuming fear and complete obsession.

It is so utterly unfair this has happened to you again, its devastating, I am so sorry.

Take comfort in your family who love you. x

Thank you for this - yes am in disbelief. But do make sure you go to good hospital for nuchal or scan - anyone trained by prof Nicolaides knows what they are doing. Am frozen one minute, sobbing the next. Feel my heart could not be more broken really. And no hope this time. Last time was devastated but felt that we would try again - indeed is only thing that kept me sane. Now feel no hope and that is the most terrible thing.
Good good luck to you - I think this is very rare.

Sorry busierbee, been following your thread and just could not post. I had 2 CVS tests last year (was unlucky as the first test failed, apparently really rare - 1 in 1000!) but was lucky to have clear results and a healthy son after all that. Am pregnant now with second and so unsure about tests. Really sorry to hear your news. I hope you get some answers and that you will be able to try again.

busierbee - I posted way back in the thread. Have only just caught up and found the thread.

I worked close to a fetal medicine department until recently and so I just wanted to say I can imagine to some extent the shock and pure horror you must be feeling. What has happened to you is almost beyond belief and is surely beyond words.

Dear God. You have my sympathy, you and your dh and all your loved ones. Huddle together and keep going, keep breathing, keep warm, keep eating and talk if you can. The time will pass, it is inevitable. You will survive and we will always have an ear for you, and I for one will always read and respond if I see your name. As will many others. We are always here.

Bless you. x

hope you are ok busierbee, am thinking of you. x

Hi Busierbee, just read your thread and it's so heartbreaking to follow the story through. And heart warming to read all the supportive messages.
I just wanted to say hope your day is going 'ok' (well, passing in any manner that gets you through!). You are right about what you wrote to me recently, it's the glimmer of hope for the future that keeps us going. I watched a programme last night called 'The great sperm race' about how the little swimmers get to the egg, - it's a wonder anyone ever gets pregnant. And all I could think of was: I want to fast forward a few weeks so that we can start trying again for a baby. And it's only 2 weeks today since Daisy was born, I can't believe it. Big big sigh.
Catch up soon, your thread or mine!
Love Lins xx

Thank you all of you for your kind messages - mamatups- please do not think that because it has happened to me it will happen to you. Think we are very very unusual case really. Lins - today not so good - did you feel this badly before the actual birth of Daisy? I feel such disbelief in fact, I guess it is shock. So so sad and what is the worst of it , feel no hope that a baby will come. As twice in a row is not good and know that we can not go through this cruel process again. I agree about the GReat Sperm Race - it is astonshing that anyone ever gets pregnant at all. So i feel mostly paralysed, very pregnant, sometimes frozen, sometimes sobbing. Not sure how will get through it all but know that we will. Takes time as you say Treedelivery. Can not believe the cruelty of life sometimes. We know what we will do; same as before. The decision last time was torture, and this time no easier.
SO am heavy hearted and can not feel the sunshine at all. Thank you everyone - your messages mean so much to me. Keep writing as is only thing that offers comfort and if anyone needs to talk about it- if they too are in this hell - then please do reach out.xxxxxx

Oh Busier, here am I in a minor sulk because I have housework. Housework. I remember a woman who had come for a scan at 22 weeks, and there was no heartbeat. I saw her a week later. She said she found it hard to be bothered to even breathe. You too sound like you are truly exhausted. I can only repeat, just do the basics, be warm, be physically comfortable, only look at and touch soft comforting things, eat soft warm food when you can. Avoid anything bright, shiny, hard or loud. Even sunny days can be too much when we are raw.

This sounds all a little crazy I know, but when people recap trauma, or experience flashbacks, they regulary talk of loudness, jarring sensations and extremes of temperature and so on.

Yes, not your place to say.

Dearest treedelivery
You are a wise and gentle spirit thank you. Yes at some stages today each breath a struggle. AM trying to be gentle with self. Riven, I understand that you have followed my thread. If you have you will see that for me and all the women who have contributed here, no woman, no human would EVER consider this decision lightly. Have I considered keeping the baby? Have I took a breath in the last two weeks without thinking that? Have I wept a river of tears? Have i considered my partners' life, wishes, have I considered my three much older children's futures when my partner and i die? Yes. Yes. The thread started with a very painful confession to termination - lots of women have brought agonising experiences to share. I am delighted for anyone who has children that they love, whatever their needs. We need some respect and dignity and a supportive space to come to terms with our situations. I am sure you are a loving, kind soul who is trying to represent the other side of the situation to me. Thank you. But the whole range of possibilities and pain is very present in my mind and in the other mother's too I imagine. If it is upsetting to read this, maybe do not follow it any more. With absolute respect for your opinions and wishes
BB