Pregnant at 40, partner is 53, termination booked but devastated

[Peakcentral]

I’m 40, my partner is 53 and we’ve been together for 10 months. I’m currently 5+2 weeks pregnant and have a termination booked.

He has a 13-year-old child and isn’t keen to continue with this pregnancy, although he’s open to discussing trying again in the future when we’ve had more time together. Realistically though, I don’t think we’ll ever get to a point where we decide to have a child together.

Logically, a termination feels like the sensible decision given our ages and relatively new relationship, but emotionally I’m devastated.

I’ve never particularly wanted children and always thought I’d be happy without them. I’ve also never been pregnant before and wasn’t sure I could conceive. Yet since finding out, I’ve felt an overwhelming protectiveness towards this pregnancy that I never expected.

At 40, I’m painfully aware this could be my only chance to have a baby. The thought of ending this pregnancy and potentially never conceiving again is heartbreaking.

I feel completely torn between my head and my heart and terrified of making a decision I’ll regret forever.

Has anyone experienced something similar, particularly an unexpected first pregnancy later in life? I’d really appreciate honest experiences from both sides, as I’m struggling enormously with what to do.

You will need a lot more than ‘love’ to raise a child alone without a supportive partner and potentially struggling with menopause. It’s very hard!

That's a very difficult situation to be in.
Having a baby is a life changer and OP has never been sure if she wanted children.
OP may regret either way.
I don't have any answers OP other than prepare for a cocktail of emotions either way.
Take care OP

There seems to be a strong anti abortion camping going on…

Imagine 10 years have passed and you are not with him and have no child, either. It's hypothetical but possible. How might you feel? Your gut will tell you what is best for YOU.

Disagree.
Some people do regret having children.

I’m pro-choice and have had a termination myself for a different reason. With your reason in mind, I wouldn’t go ahead with it. Your heart is telling you you want this baby. This could be the only chance so take it.

Not at all. It’s support. If she didn’t want the baby, women here would support that but she I saying she does.

All I see is support for her decision and asking her not to be bullied by a man.

I was with my ex several years and I was pretty ambivalent about having a child, until I got pregnant. My relationship was not the most stable but I knew as soon as I saw the positive test that I was going to keep DD. I had a consultation booked for a termination because that was me being sensible but I was 35 and didn’t envisage me being pregnant again and my gut was telling me to go for it. I knew if I was to become a single parent that I would manage,

It ended badly with Ex and he was an absent father for the most part. DD is now 19 and I couldn’t be prouder or more in awe of the remarkable young woman she has become.

If you want a baby then keep it

There are many other options - e.g. the op could be happily married to a new partner, happily child free!

Autism and other conditions are linked to both age and genetics.

since finding out, I’ve felt an overwhelming protectiveness towards this pregnancy that I never expected.
At 40, I’m painfully aware this could be my only chance to have a baby. The thought of ending this pregnancy and potentially never conceiving again is heartbreaking.

Based on this you will most likely regret having an abortion for the rest of your life. I'm 100% pro choice but you clearly don't want it and won't feel a relief after it happens.

If he doesn't want children he should've used protection. You don't owe him a termination. Your body your choice and if you have even the slightest doubts, it's absolutely fine if you keep the baby

No one can fall pregnant by themselves. As others have said - do what YOU want to do, not what you think your partner or anyone else wants you to do.

No I wouldn't. Wouldn't want to be parenting a baby/toddler and doing the damn school run for a decade in my 40s and definitely not parenting teenagers in my 50s. Plus the risk of defects is high with older parents and the child would likely lose their father young.

The question isn't could she cope as a single parent, but does she want to. Feeling all soppy about a pregnancy is one thing but when she takes a sensible step back is it what she wants?
An older mum and much older dad, increases the risk of... well op, your know this stuff. Really take time to consider what is best for you and good luck.

If you want the baby and are in a position to have a baby, then have the baby. Nothing else really matters.

Please have the baby. The baby is a gift, every time I've been pregnant, those early weeks of hormones are crazy. There is love but there is so much fear. When that baby is here, you will wonder how you could've even considered abortion.

I will say firstly that I am very pro choice, it's up to nobody else to guilt you into keeping a pregnancy or terminating a pregnancy.

But this is what I am hearing...It sounds like you are fully aware that this could be your one chance and that actually aside from the situation not being the most ideal, you are actually happy about it. I think with this decision, you have to consider could I be a good parent (have I got the resources both financially and emotionally) and do I want to be a parent and that is all there is to it.

40 isn't an unusual age to have a baby these days. If you want the baby you must keep it. The decision is yours and nobody else's

If you have the baby, you won’t regret it. If you have a termination, you could potentially regret it for the rest of your life.

Have the baby.
You will manage on your own if the relationship ends.
It's good that money isn't too much of an issue.

This is a very difficult situation @Peakcentral hugs to you. However, what I will say if you feel that protective nature towards your baby even this early that outweighs anything else because if you choose to terminate you have to deal with that and the chances of him wanting to try again in the future is slim to none as another previous poster said it could rock the relationship either way. There's no guarantees in this life but if you want this baby and are financially stable then go for it. Some counselling may help. Good luck with whatever you decide. 💐

This will be your only chance of a child.

Just be prepared to be a single parent and if he really does not want to be a parent he may end up evading child maintenance.

Go with your heart. I know he may not have really wanted another child, but then again, if that was the case, he should have taken precautions and not got you pregnant. I don’t understand why people don’t figure that getting pregnant is a possible consequence of having unprotected sex.
Having a baby at your ages is always daunting. I had my fourth [planned] child at 42 and when he started school he noticed and mentioned that we were both quite a bit older than the parents of his classmates and it upset him!
It’s a tough one, but if you really want this baby and are able to take proper care of it, then consider going ahead…
As for the father, he might come round and then again he might not and you need to be prepared to possibly have to go it alone. In any case, think long and hard before you make a decision.