Husband doesn't want surprises 3rd baby

[Mumoftwoboys12345]

Hello I need some help I am a mum of 2 boys 5 and 6 recently me and my husband found out I’m pregnant with a supprise baby no 3 my husbands first reaction was screaming f* and walked away from me then when he came back he asked me to get an abortion I have always wanted another baby and we agreed that next year we would try he is telling me it’s the wrong time we can try next year and he can’t deal with it right me we have talked a lot I have said I don’t want an abortion but if he’s really so against it I would think about it but I would never forgive him. The next day he’s sending me clinics and made an telephone appointment for me already I never actually said yes I said I would think about it I feel like he’s made the decision for us I thought I was okay with it untill today I just don’t think I can do it, he has also been really struggling with the news he hasn’t eaten really and his blood pressure is very high I don’t want to stress him out and make him I’ll but at the same time I do want this baby I’m so stuck on what to do any advice please 🙏

He sounds like a pen!s. Id want to abort him.

He doesn’t want another baby, you do. He can’t force you to terminate, you can’t force him to be delighted with another child. Whatever happens, this could be the end of your marriage I’m afraid.

If you abort this baby that you want for him, you will never get over the resentment and your relationship will probably end. If you don't abort this baby and have a third child, your husband may leave you, but will still have to pay child support for three. Either way you should prepare for being a single parent, the question is will it be for 2 or 3.

No one can advise you really, it depends on so many factors. Your income, how much support you have apart from your husband. To abort or not is ultimately your decision, he cannot force you to have it. If it was me, I would chose to have the child if I wanted it, and felt able to raise three on my own.

The husband doesn't seem up to much, he's made it all about him and how he feels. He is not supportive of you at all.

This will probably end your marriage Op

How far along are you? Do you have time to let the news sink in and then discuss in a few weeks.

One year isn’t a big deal, so my guess would be never intended to want to try next year he was just saying that to appease you. He clearly doesn’t want another child and he is entitled to feel that way. Just as you are entitled to want a third.

he is not entitled to bully you into an abortion.

why is he so dead set against a third?

can you afford a third? Do you have a big enough house? Are any of the current DC higher in terms of needs?

don’t get an abortion if that isn’t what you want, but you do need to consider the possibility of your husband leaving you and what that would look like.

He sounds delightful, I would abort him not the baby. What a pathetic immature man

I’m about 6 weeks

OP you can message me.

this happened to me. Unexpected third baby I wanted it, husband did and then didn’t. Made me abortion appts etc, sent me phone numbers. I went to an appt, 3 in fact. I sobbed through the last one. I had a surgery date booked for termination that I didn’t want. I cancelled it 24 hours before and husband finally agreed he couldn’t put me through that if it’s not what I wanted. I told him it would ruin my mental health forever to terminate a much wanted baby. I couldn’t sign the abortion forms.

anyway we kept the baby, he adores her. We had some termination counselling that helped him see my point of view.

he now says all the time that he’s so glad we kept her and we couldn’t be without her

I think that’s quite a bold statement to say. You would be surprised at how people can calm down and think more with my empathy after some reflection

@Mumoftwoboys12345
If I were you I would be quietly coming to terms with the fact that my marriage was most likely over.
I wouldn’t necessarily be initiating it just yet, I’d carry on with the pregnancy and give husband a chance to snap out of the panic he is evidently in at the moment, and a chance to turn things round, but I’d know that if he hadn’t got on board by the time baby arrived, then separation would be necessary.

I wouldn’t be aborting a baby I wanted to keep.

“if he’s really so against it I would think about it but I would never forgive him”

And that would be the end of your marriage. I know someone who was in precisely your position: she didn’t want a termination but the father did, so she got one and it led to all manner of mental health issues for her, and eventually they split up over it. You are caught between a rock and a hard place, OP, but if you want another DC, I would have this one. Point out to DH that he is up for another baby, and it’s just coming a little sooner than expected; that he has a few months to get his head round the idea, and that your family will then be complete. It’s not OK for him to bully you into a termination against your will.

I suspect as previous posters have said this may well end the marriage, there’s no compromise on whether to bring a baby into the world or not. You can’t abort the pregnancy to please him because you will resent it forever and you may grieve that baby forever. But you can’t make him
be happy about it or stay with you to bring up the baby. I’m sorry you’re in this situation it’s really difficult.

This is your last chance to have another baby with this man, nobody reacts this strongly and then tries again next year.
I’d just let him leave and raise 3 alone even if it meant starting from scratch but I am fiercely in the camp you should only terminate if that’s what you want. (Very pro choice just only if it’s the woman’s choice)

Im sorry you’re in this situation. These posts divide the posters very much, many will say they’d terminate and enjoy the two dc they have, many would say keep baby and leave husband, ultimately, only you can decide what to do here. But please don’t terminate a pregnancy you want.

his reasons being

the kids need there own rooms we own a large 3 bed house

are youngest is starting school this year
i would be able to work more, I wouldn’t as already work when they are at school

he hasn’t prepared for this ie saved, we never saved for the other 2

he also asked me if there was any way I would abort ie bigger house new car
the more I lift the the more I can’t believe it basically trying to bribe me

yesterday he came home with ice cream and flowers and said its not a consolation but here you go

He’s being practical whilst you’re being emotional.

I wouldn’t have a child so completely unwanted by its dad, when it had siblings who are loved. This child will not be treated well. I also wouldn’t have another child on a situation where my marriage as probably ending no matter what. But that would be my decision, for me. Not you.

But, you alway wanted another baby and have no got a “surprise” pregnancy, so you’re not going to abort. That’s your decision - no one here can give you any advice on that because that has to be your choice, it doesn’t matter what anyone else would do in your situation.

Just be prepared for this to end your marriage, and for his child to be treated differently to its siblings by their dad.

So if he didn’t want another baby was he taking responsibility for contraception?

I'd keep the baby and lose the husband.

Your marriage won't recover from aborting a baby you want at your husband's insistence, so he's gone either way.

So he was happy to try for third DC next year, but is having this huge negative reaction about it happening a bit earlier than planned? Sounds suspicious to me. Is there anything amiss? Job security issues? Secret debt?

If the marriage will be over for him if you go ahead, and will be over for you if you don’t, you should keep the baby.

Good luck 💐

Its easy for him to be practical, he doesn't have a baby that he wants growing inside him. There is nothing in ops posts to suggest that they can't afford another child, he just doesn't want it.

You both had sex and were aware if the possibility of pregnancy.

and he had said he was happy to have a baby next year. None of his supposed practical or reasonable ideas about “what needs to happen” in re housing or finances will change by then. I think his massive overreaction is horribly unfair to the OP and certainly not to be lauded as ressonable and unemotional. Its extremely emotional just in a cold and cruel way.

Ridiculous to jump to nnngh the marriage is over!
Tell him you won't abort.

Ask him what he's so afraid of.

Yep I'd keep the baby and lose the husband, as others have said.

But it sounds like none of these would be any different in a years time so I’d be inclined to agree with other posters that he’s never going to be up for trying for a third.

We just had a surprise third and she’s adored by everyone ❤️ my husband took a day to
come round when we found out (a lot of muttering about new cars 🤣) but now he says that he loves having three children!