Husband doesn't want surprises 3rd baby

[Mumoftwoboys12345]

Hello I need some help I am a mum of 2 boys 5 and 6 recently me and my husband found out I’m pregnant with a supprise baby no 3 my husbands first reaction was screaming f* and walked away from me then when he came back he asked me to get an abortion I have always wanted another baby and we agreed that next year we would try he is telling me it’s the wrong time we can try next year and he can’t deal with it right me we have talked a lot I have said I don’t want an abortion but if he’s really so against it I would think about it but I would never forgive him. The next day he’s sending me clinics and made an telephone appointment for me already I never actually said yes I said I would think about it I feel like he’s made the decision for us I thought I was okay with it untill today I just don’t think I can do it, he has also been really struggling with the news he hasn’t eaten really and his blood pressure is very high I don’t want to stress him out and make him I’ll but at the same time I do want this baby I’m so stuck on what to do any advice please 🙏

This was me 2 years ago!!

I would urge you to go with your gut! He is just as responsible for the pregnancy and if you are longing for a third now you may live to regret it.

I opted to listen to my husbands request to abort (despite constant arguments about I think in the end I just could not take any more arguments on it)

I can honestly say not a day has gone by in 2 years when I haven’t cried about the decision and beat myself up for not standing my ground. I now long for a third especially as the age gap between other 2 children is getting bigger / kids getting easier and I am now approaching 40 - we absolutely would have managed fine. I do resent my husband and he seems to have forgotten about it all or at least detached himself from the whole situation which makes me even angrier about it and has taken a massive toll on my own mental health and I can’t talk about it to him.

I would think really carefully about what you would want before rushing into things as I did - I honestly think they just need a bit of time to let the new information sink in and then they will be fine, though appreciate that hasn’t been everyone’s experience!

I hope you figure it all out! Xx

Your husband is an idiot. He definitely doesn't want another's baby but had unprotected sex with you, then is surprised when you get pregnant and wants you to have an abortion.
Urgh.

You will never forgive him, esp as you already wanted a 3rd child.
i can't see why he would agree to ' next year ' when there is already an age gap between your youngest and any baby, whereas your existing children are close in age. Future faking I suppose.
Why didn't he take more care with contraception ? he knows how babies are conceived - doesn't he.

As your boys are so close in age they can easily share the 2nd biggest room and your new baby will have his/her own room in time.

His reaction is less than supportive
I’d have an abortion and then divorce him
you’ll already have 2 kids with this creature to share custody with don’t make
your life even harder and have a 3rd!

we agreed that next year we would try
so you also know that was a lie.

do not have an abortion you do not want to have

YOU had the abortion that YOU wanted. Your husband rightfully didnt get the deciding vote.
OP does NOT want to have an abortion. Why on earth do you think her husband should be listened to and obeyed when you completely ignored your own?

What contraception were you using OP?

It really doesn’t matter what his reasons are and whether you agree with them or not. This isn’t a decision based on logic or who is “right”.

He doesn’t want a third child. You do. One of you is going to be unhappy.

Personally I don’t think I could continue with a pregnancy knowing it wasn’t wanted by both parents. But many people will say they couldn’t have a termination knowing they wanted the child. Only you know which you will find worse.

And what contraception was your husband, the one who doesnt want a child, using?

Yes, apologies I meant “you” plural. As in, OP and husband.

So, he was likely lying about every wanting a 3rd child. Because his reasons don't have any bearing on any a pregnancy this year, vs next.

It's pretty clear you're keeping it, so get your thinking head on, and have some conversations with yourself. Which can you cope better with, trying to force a 3rd child into this marriage, knowing your husband will resent you and likely the child, and raise the child for as long as you can under the same roof until one of you breaks. Or, leaving now, and the boys having a split home, and a sibling that unlike them will never remember their parents together, and likely to have a very different dynamic with the father.

Neithers great for any of the children to be honest, but it's very likely one of those will be the end result. Being pragmatic, which is best for you

The final option is not to have the child, and keep your existing family together for as long as you can keep the resentment towards your husband under control.

Ultimately, it was up to both parties to prevent pregnancy if one or neither had agreed to a third baby.
My husband had a vasectomy after our daughter (his only bio child) as we both agreed we were not in a position to have another child (for financial reasons mostly).

You say he found out - did you plan to tell him or keep it a secret until later as you knew he wouldn't be happy?
I would decide what is best for you but there is a good chance either way the relationship won't last this is an impossible situation to compromise on

Plot twist: DH is testerical at the thought of his girlfriend finding out that his 'sexless marriage' isn't so sexless, after all.

Has he ever behaved this dreadfully before? Could he have gone crazy for a day and will soon realise what a pig he’s been to you?

Like it's your fault your pregnant, what a twatish attitude!

Keep the baby lose the man...

Bit of a reach…

not wanting a third child does not equate to shagging someone at work

@Sam1000

♥️

It's difficult and any decision made will test the strength of your marriage. You have to decide if you want to keep the baby if you could cope with 3 DC if your DH divorced you. Only you know the answer to that. He has acted like an idiot. He asked you to abort and instead of giving you time to let the news of pregnancy sink in and think through your options in your head he sent you material about abortion clinics. That in my mind is trying to bully you into an abortion. It's your body and your choice. I know I could never had an abortion unless was told baby ould be severely disabled and might live a miserable life. Even then I'd struggle with abortion. I think each woman has to make the choice they can best live with. If you decide to keep baby and DH leaves he will still have to pay you child support for all 3 DC. If he doesn't want any more DC he should get a vasectomy.

Regardless of the outcome of the pregnancy, I wouldn't be able to stay with a man who reacted that way. I'm guessing he knows how babies are made.
The promise of trying at some future point could be future faking on his part

My now ex husband wasn't happy when I fell pregnant with our second child. I would never have agreed to an abortion and was prepared to go it alone if necessary. Anyway after the birth of our second child,he took himself off and got the snip. Maybe your husband should have done that or used condoms

Don’t ever be talked into abortion if you want the baby. Sooner end the marriage

With such an immediate reaction for a baby that he agreed to 'next year', are you sure he didn't have imminent plans that didn't include you? Just my immediate thought. Would you be able/willing to raise three children alone possibly?

I can’t see what difference a year would make to your situation.

Exactly this!

He could have ensured this didn't happen if he definitively did not want a third child - contraception isn't just for teens and twenty-somethings. And you're in a better financial position than many.