Is it acceptable to ask baby shower guests to pay for meals?

[Chocrabbit]

hi! I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue. I would cover the room charge which is £150 and potentially one drink per person (14 guests) but the buffet option is 40pp which is too much on top! Could I just ask people to order from the normal menu and pay for what they eat? I’ve only been to baby showers previously that are at someone’s house, so all food has been included

Why not just have it at home? I think it’s fine to not provide food if it’s not over a mealtime. If it is over a mealtime that is a bit more difficult as some guests might expect food. I would just make very clear on any invite that food is not provided although guests are welcome to order food if they wish from the normal menu.

No you can’t.

Baby showers are a modern invention & everyone is expected to bring a gift. You can’t expect them to pay for food too. That would be like charging for food at a wake.

Not everyone has a baby shower. If you can’t afford one just don’t worry about having one.

You can’t expect them to pay for food. Have it at your house or a friends house. I never had a baby shower, too paranoid. Seems
odd to celebrate something that hasn’t happened yet.

I’d be well put out if I had to pay for food on top of a pressie. Just have it at home no need to be showy

Nope you can’t expect people to pay for food and drink at a function they didn’t organise and didn’t want. If you can’t afford it don’t do it.

Absolutely not! Guests will be obliged to bring a gift, you can't ask them to pay for their own food. You are the host, if you can't afford to host then have have it at home or not at all.
But then I don't agree with baby showers at the best of times.

No, if you can't afford to feed them then save the £150, have the shower at home and spend the money on food.

Another vote for having it somewhere you can self cater if you can’t afford the venue. I’d be annoyed to be asked to pay for a meal.

I would be surprised if anyone would come. Baby showers are grabby anyway but then to ask people to pay for their food on top is beyond! Good luck with that!

Nah I think you need to choose -

• call it a baby shower and you pay for refreshments for guests (whether tea and cake at home or a fancy restaurant meal is up to you)
• call it a 'last hurrah' not a baby shower, and ask all your friends if they'd like to join you for a meal out and everyone pays for themselves. No gifts.

In my (deliberate) experience of attending only couple, it was a case of all paying for our meals and the Mum to be. Xx

People will bring gifts so I wouldn't expect them to pay for their meals. Would you do this at a wedding? Just pay for the venue and flowers but ask people to pay for their food?

If you don't want to spend hundreds of pounds then why not just have it at home like all the people whose baby showers you've been to?

This. You don't need a big fancy house in order to entertain at home. Most people live in small houses these days and make use of the plastic garden chairs if they have too!

Yep agree with everyone else. Baby showers are a weird grabby thing anyway, don’t add to the CFery.

If you must have one, have it somewhere you can afford to host and be generous with the refreshments. Especially as you’re hosting an event just to get gifts, to ask people to pay is rude.

Oh my god of course you can’t. A baby shower isn’t even a thing that needs to happen

Well, you can ask... but if I received an invite on that basis, I'd say no.

I think the shift towards inviting people to something then expecting them to pay is awful. Live to your means, if you can afford to cater a baby shower at a nice venue do so, if you can't make some sandwiches and have them at home. I didn't have a baby shower I don't really see the point.
There was another thread recently about someone having ten bridesmaids but making them pay for their own dresses, shoes, hair and make up. I had one MOH and a flower girl, I paid for everything for them.

If you’re going to host then you need to host. If you can’t afford the shower then don’t have one

Don't do that.

Are you expecting guests to bring gifts too? That's usually the point of baby showers if people are honest. You can't require people to also pay for a meal.

You cannot

Agree with this. It needs to be gifts or a meal - not both.

I thought someone throws the shower FOR the mum-to-be? It sounds very grabby to say ‘please come to my party that I am organising for myself, bring me a gift and pay for your own food’ …

I have been to a few baby showers and find them awkward. A lot of people aren’t used to them - a recent American import and I know a lot of my older relatives don’t like giving presents before the baby is born.

now onto your specific question. This is a party thrown by a friend (never the mum to be and never her immediate family) to get gifts.

you are throwing your own, in effect are demanding presents - and asking people to pay for their food.

its an etiquette no no, Miss manners would be appalled😊

Total shakedown, presents and own food, don't do that. Wait for the birth to grab presents off people.

40pp for a buffet is a lot and awful to ask guests to a party for you that they then pay to attend.

Given all the others have been at home surely you could do the same within your budget?
Room hire, a drink each, decorations and a cake is running to about £350 - you could easily fully cater afternoon tea at home with decorations and plenty of Prosecco for under that.