Is it acceptable to ask baby shower guests to pay for meals?

[Chocrabbit]

hi! I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue. I would cover the room charge which is £150 and potentially one drink per person (14 guests) but the buffet option is 40pp which is too much on top! Could I just ask people to order from the normal menu and pay for what they eat? I’ve only been to baby showers previously that are at someone’s house, so all food has been included

No...it's not acceptable.

Baby showers are tasteless and grabby. They are basically making sure that everyone you think should buy a gift for your baby does. If you have one, you certainly need to pay for food and drinks fully!

Please don't,
It's ridiculous to expect people to pay for a meal and buy a gift

Oh come on she was hoping we’d all say yes let them pay.

No, you can't. You're inviting people to an event you choose to host, and which you presumably expect people to arrive with gifts for, so you must actually host your guests. Which pretty much ALWAYS includes getting your guests drinks and something to eat. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but it's a REALLY bad look on you to be so cheap-skateish that all your guests will have is 1 measly drink. Which you say you might not even be able to provide them with.

If you can't afford the venue and food and drinks, I would just host the event at home and use the venue money to buy drinks and food for my guests.

No. Have it somewhere you can afford, you don’t need a £150 beanie. Just have it at an area of a pub and pay for pub nibbles for the table or an afternoon tea buffet.

Why are you having a baby shower? Because you want people to give you stuff? Save your money and buy your own stuff.

If it’s because you want it get your friends together to talk babies, then do that in your own home

This. Every baby shower I’ve been to (including the one that was thrown for me) was an afternoon tea pay for yourself kind of affair.
Mumsnet hates baby showers though, so I’m sure people are just thinking “why would I pay to attend a party I’ll hate?” When really they’re just a bit of fun in anticipation of a new little one.

Nope

Too expensive I’d be making excuses not to go, this economy isn’t great and people don’t have much spare money

No.

For most parties i say it’s fine to tell people in advance that they would need to pay for their food

but for a baby shower / where gifts are showered on the host - no that seems very off -

Plus, you don’t organise your own baby shower; usually a sister or close friend does.

No. This is not ok. If you invite you provide the food and drink, ESPECIALLY to a baby shower, which is essentially an invitation to buy someone a present.

No way!!

if you cannot afford to host at a venue then do it at someone’s house or hire a hall and self cater. You should provide some kind of food and drinks. Doesn’t have to be super boozy.

You’re expecting them to come and celebrate your pregnancy and they will feel obliged to bring a gift. Don’t make them have to pay for their food!

100% no. It's a baby shower that you've chosen to throw. People are already forking out for baby gifts, you do not ask them to pay for their own meals. Do it at your home, I've never been to a shower NOT in someone's house.

No. Hope that helps.

I don’t agree with OP making guests pay but this is a rude comment. Not everyone has a close person who would organise their baby shower. I organised my own for various reasons, don’t try and make OP feel shit about it.

This is bonkers to me. Must run in very different circles…. For me you do what you can afford, you don’t choose something expensive and offload the cost on to your guests.

God even Americans would think that was tacky.

It is poor manners to expect people to pay for food or drinks at a baby shower. I have been to few in America as well and this was not the done thing there either. Traditionally hosted by a friend or relative in their home with simple foods and drinks, games, advice giving and present opening.

Huge ick with this but could be my age. Why do we need a baby shower at all? American 🇺🇸 thing and folk have their own busy lives. CBA with whole concept to be honest. You’re having a baby, good for you but what the community give or don’t shouldn’t imho be so commercial and contrived.

I like a baby shower, however the first rule is that you never ever host your own. A baby shower is something that your family or friends organise on your behalf. It's bad taste to organise your own. Also you only have a baby shower for your first baby, it's not the done thing to have them for 2nd or 3rd children.
So I think you need to get in touch with your close friends or family and see if any of them would consider hosting for you. As to whether you can get people to pay, well that's a question that your hosts can deal with and see if your guests would be willing to. Personally it's nicer to have it in someone's home.if they're willing.

I wouldn’t ask the guests to pay for their own food. Why not just put on a small buffet if your only inviting 14 people.

I didn’t.