Is it acceptable to ask baby shower guests to pay for meals?

[Chocrabbit]

hi! I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue. I would cover the room charge which is £150 and potentially one drink per person (14 guests) but the buffet option is 40pp which is too much on top! Could I just ask people to order from the normal menu and pay for what they eat? I’ve only been to baby showers previously that are at someone’s house, so all food has been included

I think people are missing a point. The OP said the buffet is £40 pp but her idea is for people to order what they want off the main menu. She’s not asking people to pay £40. People can order a bowl of chips or a sandwich.

If it was a very minor charge e.g no more than 10 quid and you were also covering a lot of the cost, it might be considered ok. But the venue you are looking at is way too expensive.

I'm assuming you don't have space at home? You either need to look at a much cheaper option or reduce your guest list.

I didn’t have a baby shower as not my thing. I’ve been to two. One had a buffet catered by her mam and the other we paid for our own afternoon tea. Both were nice days. I didnt really give much thought to paying. I didnt mind.

OK then not a thing in my social circle then! (Big city but not London.) I was aware of them from American films.

Have it at home and use the £150 you would have paid for room
hire to feed your guests.

What is the £150 including? It all seems quite pricey. I’m not a big fan of baby showers.

I must be in the very small minority here but every baby shower I’ve been to (7 in the last 3 years), I’ve paid to attend and brought a gift. They’re very well attended, around 30-40people usually, and I’ve never heard of anyone declining due to cost.

£40 for a buffet does sound steep so maybe shop around?

I agree host properly, I.e pay for food or don't do it.

Yes I’ve been to 2 baby showers like this. Wasn’t a problem, plenty of people attending and happy to be there for the mum to be.

Yes this is my experience too. Maybe the difference in my case was that these were organised for the mum to be rather than by her. So we all paid a bit extra for the afternoon tea so the mum to be didn’t have to pay. She just turns up. We have a large team at work that all get on well and so these are a bit of a ritual now. Someone makes a sash type belt with flowers on and we decorate the tables with flowers.

No, It’s not.

have afternoon tea at home with bottles of fizz for guests if you must for your £150

I think it depends on your friends. In my circle of friends it’s quite common to do this for a birthday. I’m not sure why a baby shower is all that different. I think the most important thing is to be clear when you send the invite.

YABU

It is sad but it is more a reality that no one has nice places to host. It would still be a friend organising but if they only have a small place it isn’t practical to have lots of guests

So is having a baby shower, to be fair.

Did you pay for your food instead of bringing a gift?

Baby showers were invented in order for friends and neighbours to "shower" the heavily pregnant woman with equipment and clothes for her first baby on the basis she probably couldn't afford everything herself, replacing that with pay-as-you-go afternoon tea is an interesting development (I'm not sure what hen parties were invented for... last comedy club visit because married women aren't allowed?).

Village/ community hall type place, self catered - wouldn't be more than the £150 she's already willing to pay just for a private room at a restaurant where her guests are then expected to pay for food.

If I was going for a meal out for a baby shower id assume I was paying for my meal. If I was going to a party I would assume host was paying. It’s a bit rubbish you have to pay room hire and food. Can’t you look for somewhere else? You could do a church hall style party and order trays of sandwiches, buy snacks ? Or do more of a sit down meal style and everyone just orders what they want.

That is ridiculous to expect people to pay for food at YOUR baby shower. Why not have it at home?

I just went to a baby shower it was afternoon tea we all paid for ourselves and split the cost of the mums. It was lovely and as much as we were celebrating the baby it was also just a bunch of old friends meeting up!

You don’t organise your own baby shower.

Most people absolutely hate them so will be looking for an excuse to not attend. Expecting them to pay for a meal is perfect.

Why do you need a separate room? Just put the £150 plus drinks towards a table with the normal menu.

No it isnt ok. It isnt ever ok to host a party and expect people to pay for their own refreshments.

Nope

You can’t charge people.
if you can’t afford a baby shower then don’t have one.