Is it acceptable to ask baby shower guests to pay for meals?

[Chocrabbit]

hi! I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue. I would cover the room charge which is £150 and potentially one drink per person (14 guests) but the buffet option is 40pp which is too much on top! Could I just ask people to order from the normal menu and pay for what they eat? I’ve only been to baby showers previously that are at someone’s house, so all food has been included

I went to a baby shower in a hotel. It involved afternoon tea and we all bought our own. Tbh I think quite a few people didn't come as a result.

Just have it at home. You cannot afford the venue.

I disagree that you can’t ask this.

I have been to baby showers at homes or rented venues where food is provided but I’ve also been to meals at restaurants where we’ve paid for ourselves. Both are fine and not everyone has space to host more than a few family/friends. Our rooms are small and I really struggle to fit people in for an event.

I think one of the issues is that it is now seen as a way to get gifts when traditionally a baby shower was a way to support a mum to be with advice and perhaps a small gift. I went to a lovely shower a couple of years ago where everyone sat around and talked about their birthing experience, what their first night home was like with new baby, gave advice to the new mum and provided a few small gifts. It felt like a really lovely gathering and not a gift grab.

I don't mind a shower, would even go to one for someone on their 3rd baby but I would not go to one where I had to pay for food + bring a gift because it just gives off the wrong message.

And what if she doesn’t have someone to do that for her?

It’s a bullshit, made up rule.

If you insist on having one, 14 people could easily be hosted at home or family members home with the £150 venue hire fee being more than enough to cover food, drink and games. There’s a lot to be said for being humble, low key and unentitled (not saying you are OP). General grump.

Really weary of hen night ‘weekends’ often abroad and over the top I’m having a baby events though so as I say, I’m probably being overly grumpy.

I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue

FFS are you serious…

YOU cannot arrange your own baby shower!!!

In any event, baby showers, or any kind of showers - other the ones you take in your bathroom - are tacky.

When and how did this even become a thing?

I don’t have any family or even myself to host a baby shower at home. I found a cheap tea room it’s £20pp for a full afternoon tea and I have 25 coming. I have also paid for lunches etc for a baby shower - not really in a high net worth group so it’s never been unusual for my friends and family.

Gifts when people have asked I’ve just said cheap things like muslin, any clothes they like, nothing expensive!

I think in this instance where someone is hosting their own baby shower I would follow some social norms so it doesn't seem tacky/like a gift grab.

1. Do not include a gift registry on the invite.
2. No games.
3. Host at home.
4. I would let everyone know it was a "last hurrah" before baby comes and wouldn't classify it as a baby shower.

I think it is fine every baby shower I have been to was a pay for your own meal. No one in my generation would expect any different

£40 pp is ridiculous for a buffet, they are having a laugh! What are they serving caviar??? Hold is at a cheaper venue. And a room charge on top.

I think baby showers are sillly.

So grabby

Bloody baby showers.. you're getting the most wonderful gift in the world, why want MORE?

£40pp for buffet is ridiculous! There is no way I would pay that for a buffet.

Either do it somewhere cheaper and do a buffet yourself, or do it at a time thats not over a meal time and just put some crisps and nuts out.

I think it's really rude to invite people to an event but expect them to pay to eat there

Why do you need meal type food? Just do cakes/crisps in bowls/sweets. Can buy from aldis if on budget

OK, so OP says she is organising her own shower and you told her that usually a close friend or family member does it. If she doesn’t have that person how do you think that comment makes her feel? 🤔

How sad, baby showers at fancy places, no doubt to show off on socials. But nobody can actually afford it because they have to force their guests to pay… and then it’s a vicious cycle where everyone just pays the same amount for everyone’s event at the same type of venue, with the same balloon arch and it’s all a bit… pointless 🤣

I loathe baby showers and if I was expected to attend, pay for food and bring a gift - I just wouldn’t come

£40pp for a buffet? That's too much, never mind expecting ppl to pay.

I've never been to a baby shower (my children are teenagers and they weren't a thing when they were born) but I totally assumed guests would pay for themselves if it was at a cafe/restaurant. I wouldn't expect a new mother-to-be to cover all that!

I think people are being really harsh. Congratulations on your baby OP, and good luck with everything 💐

I don’t even think it’s acceptable to host your own baby shower. . .

They absolutely were a thing. The first baby shower I went to was about 25 years ago.

Please tell us what you get for £560 for 14 people for a buffet!,

especially when you are paying for room hire and a bar

thats a lot of sausage rolls

Hell to the no.

I'm sure I love my friend enough to buy a present and show up for the shower, but i'm not paying £40 for buffet food too, that's beyond ridiculous.
Is this a reverse??