Is it acceptable to ask baby shower guests to pay for meals?

[Chocrabbit]

hi! I am looking to host my baby shower at a local venue. I would cover the room charge which is £150 and potentially one drink per person (14 guests) but the buffet option is 40pp which is too much on top! Could I just ask people to order from the normal menu and pay for what they eat? I’ve only been to baby showers previously that are at someone’s house, so all food has been included

No you can’t do this especially as you are arranging it yourself. I would give you a pass if you were arranging it for a friend.

It’s very poor manners - if you can’t afford to host the event, then you need to have a different event.

Did you arrange it yourself though or did a friend/your mum arrange it for you?

Not everyone has a baby shower. If you can’t afford one just don’t worry about having one

This. We have a large extended family with a few births in the last decade.
Thankfully no baby showers, this US tradition has not yet taken root in our neck of the woods.

Pay £40pp and bring a gift 🤯

The ones I’ve attended we paid for food and brought a gift. For pregnant people going on maternity in our work group we’ve done afternoon tea at a local cafe that has a room they let us hire for free. I don’t ever remember the food being more than £20 per head and that includes us paying for the mum to be between us and decorations and flowers for the room and tables. Then we bring a gift. I’ve never begrudged a penny of it. They are a lovely group of people who I’ve known for many years.

If you organised the baby shower with your work colleagues then you and that organising group paying isn't weird, but if the pregnant woman herself chooses a venue out of her price range and invites her own guests so as to harvest presents and have them pay for the party it is!

It's no different from throwing yourself a birthday party, accepting presents and then asking your guests to pay for it.

Do not ask your guests to pay for food. As others have said if you cant afford such an event dont do it! Small gathering with close friends and family with some nice drinks and snacks would surely suffice.

I had actually forgotten about this but I once did go to a baby shower in a restaurant and paid for my own meal. I didn’t give it a second thought because common sense told me that the host was not going to pay for 15 people.

We all bought gifts and played the usual games. Bought our own drinks also.

Because it was in a nice restaurant this was one of the nicer baby showers I have been to.

I would reject this outright as I can't afford to spend minimum £50+ every time an acquaintance has a baby, let alone close friends and family. How did everything become so commercialised? We've had 2 women in my work organization go off on maternity this year, I haven't met either of them as we do opposite shifts but I've been asked expected to contribute £40 to each for a maternity lunch and gift. I've had to use the MN 'no is a complete sentence' on both occasions. Someone in another department is retiring soon and someone else semi retiring so that will be more money. I'm probably the talk of the place but don't want to spend £500 annually on lunches/presents for people I don't even consider to be friends.

No, not acceptable at all. Change the venue or provide a cheaper afternoon tea or a buffet.

Everyone wants to have such elaborate and expensive events these days. What’s so bad about something simple like a picnic outside or something at home / garden? Wholesome.

I've never been to a baby shower (my children are teenagers and they weren't a thing when they were born)
The first post about a baby shower on MN was way back in 2002! So they were a 'thing' 24 years ago.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/other_subjects/4371-baby-shower-games

Have it at an alcohol free venue like a park or someone's home.
Spend the money on refreshing iced tea, water, cordial, and on trays of sandwiches and fruit and cheese from a catering company.

It is fine to ask guests to bring a plate of cake if they offer to bring something.
Remember to state No Gifts Please if you have all that you need.

I personally wouldn’t dream of doing that tbh.

What have you actually got planned for the shower? Presents and games etc?

This is one of the naffest things I’ve seen on here.

No, you can't ask people to come and shower you with gifts and pay for the privilege of eating with you.

I’ve been to a baby shower where I’ve paid for my own food, I didn’t mind. It was an afternoon tea so £32. Plus had to buy our own drinks on the day.

I would say as long as it’s clear on the invite that they have to pay for their own meal and the cost, then they can choose whether that’s ok and attend accordingly.

I assumed she wasn’t aware of the protocol.

Babyshowers are so grim!

Bring me stuff!!! grabby grabby grab grab!!!! stuff stuff stuff!!!

Why don't you scrap the naff baby shower and spend £150 on some stuff you like.

I have paid for a meal at a baby shower and was happy to do so. But normally they’re held at the persons house and we just have tea and cake, play games and watch the presents get opened.

Another thread with no sign of OP after the first post. I think they should be nuked after a certain number of hours

Maybe I'm getting old now in my 40s but I was just saying this to a friend recently. People have "birthday week" instead of a one day event, hen parties are nearly always abroad and even baby showers, where really you should just be giving a present for the baby often the expectation is expensive gifts and even gifts for the mother too. It's ridiculous really that you'd be invited to celebrate something that's got nothing go do with you but you are expected to pay for your own food.

I agree. Expectations are too high, and the pressure on friends!

Think what fabulous bits you could get from m&s for £150. A few sandwich platters, bowls of crisps, sausage rolls etc. Do your own fruit platter and buy some Prosecco and you’re done. I’d ask a friend to help you host on the day, making sure that everyone gets a cup of tea or glass of fizz, and has a place to sit down in your living room/ your friend’s house. It can be as cramped as you like, don’t worry about that. It will be more personal, more comfortable and will mean you don’t have to ask for financial contributions. A big hired room for 15 people will feel uncomfortable and unnecessary.